rate_review Reviews

I have to agree with darkmiko90. There is just too much yaoi... we need some striaght goodness in here!

Please update ASAP!! There's so much fricking yaoi and they're aren't that many stories with Kira and Momo as the main characters out there (if any..). She's my fave character and this story has incredible potential, I mean it's already off to a great start. I would &heart you soo much...


!
Yeah, I'm desperate.

Cool idea, I hope you update soon

I agree with your second reviewer and in addition I kinda dislike the jumping PoV too
It’s really confusing at first and I needed to reread it before I understood what was happening.

I also think that perhaps there should be more reasoning behind needing his other book, simply because it’s pretty is really not that useful… it’s like tossing a chair into a fire instead of tossing a log into a fire.

I also think you could have expanded on the dead ash journals; the image is confusing at first. I’m fairly certain that you are referring to filled journals with worthless words on them, but I remember being confused as to whether they were burned or not, and if not why not just burn them?

Perhaps realizing you never really lived would cause this happy moment at the distant prospect of finding a lover but eh…. maybe only in fantasy.

Its also odd that he decided to write out his fantasy after such a revelation immediately… it’s as though he does not actually possess this new self-confidence but a mere mockery of it. Yeah I’ve changed from writing down junk so by that I’ma write down more fantasy? Bah… *smacks Kira* still you refuse to live… the only way a technique like that works is if its all already happened and he is gonna write the whole thing down afterwards. Not like this… at least to me.

But… it is well written.

Well, what can once such as me say? Perfect? Magnificent? Exellent? No, not even such words are enough to explain the greatness of this fiction. And it\'s still only on the first chapter. Thank you very much for replying to my challenge, I truely appreciate it. I can barely wait for the next chapter and I\'m certain that it\'ll be just as, though probably even better than the first.

~ DBTC

Good premise and good characterisation, although the moment of inspiration seemed a little too swift. Perhaps a little more build up to that moment (aside from the flashbacks) would have been in order.