rate_review Reviews

silver wolf is such a bitch dont let him/her get you down. Update soon its a good story!

UPDATE SOON!

Please update, I luv it! Make more, make more!
*drools over VERY naughty mental images*

Awesome story! You should really continue it!!! You have a lot of writing talent and the way you write how each student talks while in an AU isn't overly OOC, which is quite hard (in my opinion) to accomplish! =3 Update soon! <33

Don't let what I'm about to say put you down too much. In my opinion, this story is quite horribly written. It lacks the ability to grab my attention. Just in the first paragraph, you'll find spelling errors, grammatical errors, and the fact that one of the sentences are written incorrectly, or incompletely. There are too many details in this fic that are not the least bit important. The storyline is also quite boring, kind of childish and cliche.

Sentence from paragraph one:
"As he forced himself to stand and wonder across his semi-clean two room apartment to the small bathroom."

More correctly written:
"As he forced himself to stand and wander (not wOnder, wAnder) across his semi-clean, (comma here) two room apartment to the small bathroom, (comma here, then finish the sentence with something. i.e.) he thought about how the first day of school was going to be like."

or

Get rid of 'As' in the beginning and keep the rest of the sentence the same. The way you wrote it, the sentence was left hanging.


Like I said, don't let this review put you down much. Try harder, correct your mistakes. Develop a better way to write the story without putting in too much detail. Writing is an art afterall. You can't just throw in everything and expect it to work out.

VERY VERY interesting story. You have a few gramatical problems, but who am I to be talking about grammar? Alos, I noticed that there were a few names that were mixed up in your story. I believe you've kept MOST of the names to family name then first name (Kurosaki Ichigo, Kira Izuru ect.) But there is one that you messed up on. Ishida's first name is Uryuu, but you put it in the place of his family name. Ishida's his family name and Uryuu is his first name. You might have gotten this confused since everyone in the show always calls him Ishida and not Uryuu, and that's just because he's an old stuffed shirt and won't let his friends call him by hyis first name. (Personally I like his first name, oh well.)

keep it comin i like it =)

Loved the first chapter. It was sooooo funny! Though I was surprised you put Shuuhei has a 64 on his cheek instead of a 69 like he originally has.

Well, however amusing this was, I can see alot of mistakes. But, then again, I'm really picky about writing styles.
I think you got the teachers reach on tack with their persoanlity - especially Urahara and Zaraki. Two of my favourite characters, and pulled off well - good job ^^
Although Renji was a bit off, and Shuuhei is alot more stoic - and has a 69 on his cheek, not 64. It's the district that he's from, by the by.
I think Renji would be alot more brash rather than just kissing Ichigo right out. He would go the subtle to not so subtle groping and comments.
Otherwise, quite good. Keep ploughin' on - I'll be readin' and reviewin'.

I laughed my ass off.
It was good.
But hopefully IchiIchi gets more comfortable with boy on boy, because then it won't be that enjoyable.
Next chapter, please.
I wanna know what happens. :]