rate_review Reviews

Love it
That all
I have
To say
On This
Matter update soon
:):):):):):):):) !!!!!!

This is a great first lemon, a good piece of fiction.

I did notice a few words (not many) that were spelled wrong. Not really spelled wrong but in the wrong tense but it is alright. You did great for a first lemon.

Hats off and hugglebears to you.


SFP

i really enjoyed your story and hope you write more. It rocks!!! loves and laterz.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a flame, your fic is fine, but it is completely devoid of commas. Especially in dialogue, small pauses are needed in sentences. I read it anyway, but this problem almost fully ruined the effect it could have had.

I realy liked this short story, and wish there was more to it. Say a few chapters leading up to it. Then a few after, but hay if I wanted it that way I should learn to right my own.

Hey, I have to admit your story does need some work, but overall I have to give it a good review.

For your first effort this was well done but one of the major problems with songfics is that if the reader doesn't know the song then the words are nothing but that: words. Without a tune or any emotion behind it, it's hard for the reader to sympathize with the emotions you felt that inspired you to write the story. That's not saying that you did anything wrong on your part, but for your first fic that was a pretty hard challenge to overcome. I mean none of this as a flame and I'm only trying to give you some constructive critiscm.

You did well on some of the grammar, mainly using a new line for every new sentence said by a different character, but the emotions of the characters themselves were hard to understand mostly because there was nothing following what they said to give any indication of that. Albeit most people are able to fill in the blanks with their imaginations, but you were a tad lacking in that area even for that. By putting something like 'he said confusedly' or 'she responded lovingly', it can make a world of difference for the reader. Other than that the only complaint I can have is that you need to work a bit on your paragraphs, because while the love scene was nice, for one paragraph it was a bit long.

I'm merely saying these things to help make your next work better so please don't think I'm trying to cut you down. It's not nice of people to leave flames, especially so when you check out their name and they don't have any stories written. They don't know how hard it is to put a work up on the internet, and I think that if they think they can do so much better, than they should try instead of leaving flames. I hope you keep working on your writing and come back with an even better story. This one needs some work, but I encourage you to keep going if this is what you enjoy doing!

I hope to see even better works from you in the future! E-mail me if you want more help or a beta, if not, well then I hope you found my review useful.

SO SORRY THERE IS NO INCEST IN THE STORY IT WAS A TYPO SORRY!

I think you might want to fix your summary.
There's no incest or mention of it in your fic.