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April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I'd prefer more non-con if it's only between Grimm and Ichi. Because I'm sadistic. And... as for the story, I don't have any ideas, but it'll be cool if you make your own plot than follow the original one.
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April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
OMG i'm so loving this story!!! XD i so want ichigo and grimmjow to get it on again, coz i know it's going to be hotter than the first time,
what with all the build up!! CAN"T waite for the next chapter!!!
what with all the build up!! CAN"T waite for the next chapter!!!
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April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I have been following this story for quite a while, and I'm really taken with it. It's very good. And not as OOC as some people think.
I'm glad you're not taking Mpreg suggestions. I find it can sort of muddle the plot, because you have to explain "how" they get pregnant, and one Mpreg seems to initiate 5 or six more Mpregs in the story. Too many in my opinion. I also like that you don't have everyone in a yaoi or yuri relationship, because that takes away from the reality of the plot.
You're working on a slow, built up connection between Grimmjow and Ichigo, and it really makes the story more, I don't know, captivating? They're brought together because of their likeness, because of what they share, and that shared quality becomes more eerie and frightening every day.
Keep on going with this, it seems as though you could continue this story on for quite some time (yaoi fangirls scream in victory), so consider different ways to slowly add tension or enforce connections, like you're doing now. You've got all the time in the world.
Thanks for making quality Grimmjow/Ichigo!
I'm glad you're not taking Mpreg suggestions. I find it can sort of muddle the plot, because you have to explain "how" they get pregnant, and one Mpreg seems to initiate 5 or six more Mpregs in the story. Too many in my opinion. I also like that you don't have everyone in a yaoi or yuri relationship, because that takes away from the reality of the plot.
You're working on a slow, built up connection between Grimmjow and Ichigo, and it really makes the story more, I don't know, captivating? They're brought together because of their likeness, because of what they share, and that shared quality becomes more eerie and frightening every day.
Keep on going with this, it seems as though you could continue this story on for quite some time (yaoi fangirls scream in victory), so consider different ways to slowly add tension or enforce connections, like you're doing now. You've got all the time in the world.
Thanks for making quality Grimmjow/Ichigo!
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April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
each chapter just keeps on getting better! update when you can!
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April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Haythere! I loooooove this story so far... :D :D I have it bookmarked because I don't have an account, but I always come and check on it to see if you've updated, and I always jump for joy when you have! <333 I love your portrayals of all of the characters, especially Grimmjow- and, Shinji, what a surprise to see you here! xDD I loved his entrance. He's one of my favorites. He's so adorably disturbing. But yeah. Loving the story. The relationship you've woven between Grimmjow and Ichigo is fantastic, and I hope you continue to weave it just as beautifully. :D
ONE critique I want to make, however, is about your, erm, pronoun usage. It's the curse of yaoi stories! those pronouns. He, he, him, his, him, he... guh, talk about a mess. But most of the time yaoi writers can avoid it by using proper nouns! and epithets. I think you might want to look into using them a little more; you use pronouns a lot without specifying their antecedents, jumping between paragraphs and lines of dialogue and whatnot, and sometimes it can get a little confusing to read. "He said," "he smiled," "he...he..." etc. And we never know which 'he' you're talking about, either Ichigo or Grimmjow or, occasionally, Ishida or Renji or whoever, even in context. Sometimes it's obvious who says what, but sometimes it's not so obvious, and usually the actions are never that obvious. SO, use their names more, or, like I said, use epithets ("the shinigami," "the arrancar," "the redhead," "the blue-haired...whatever...".. I don't know, that last one might get awkward, but I'm sure you get the idea xD;;). ...Does this make any sense? I hope I'm communicating well enough... sometimes it's hard over the internet... .__.;
ANYWAY, I just thought I'd drop my two cents on this matter. Because I do really really really love this story, and I only offer constructive criticism because I love it so much. You don't have to take my advice, of course. You are the goddess of your writing! I am but your humble acolyte. n__n And will continue to read regardless, hanging on your every word.
So, update soon please!
ONE critique I want to make, however, is about your, erm, pronoun usage. It's the curse of yaoi stories! those pronouns. He, he, him, his, him, he... guh, talk about a mess. But most of the time yaoi writers can avoid it by using proper nouns! and epithets. I think you might want to look into using them a little more; you use pronouns a lot without specifying their antecedents, jumping between paragraphs and lines of dialogue and whatnot, and sometimes it can get a little confusing to read. "He said," "he smiled," "he...he..." etc. And we never know which 'he' you're talking about, either Ichigo or Grimmjow or, occasionally, Ishida or Renji or whoever, even in context. Sometimes it's obvious who says what, but sometimes it's not so obvious, and usually the actions are never that obvious. SO, use their names more, or, like I said, use epithets ("the shinigami," "the arrancar," "the redhead," "the blue-haired...whatever...".. I don't know, that last one might get awkward, but I'm sure you get the idea xD;;). ...Does this make any sense? I hope I'm communicating well enough... sometimes it's hard over the internet... .__.;
ANYWAY, I just thought I'd drop my two cents on this matter. Because I do really really really love this story, and I only offer constructive criticism because I love it so much. You don't have to take my advice, of course. You are the goddess of your writing! I am but your humble acolyte. n__n And will continue to read regardless, hanging on your every word.
So, update soon please!
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April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
(arggh about 3/4 of my review got cut off... here's the rest!)
I love your portrayals of all of the characters, especially Grimmjow- and, Shinji, what a surprise to see you here! xDD I loved his entrance. He's one of my favorites. He's so adorably disturbing. But yeah. Loving the story. The relationship you've woven between Grimmjow and Ichigo is fantastic, and I hope you continue to weave it just as beautifully. :D
ONE critique I want to make, however, is about your, erm, pronoun usage. It's the curse of yaoi stories! those pronouns. He, he, him, his, him, he... guh, talk about a mess. But most of the time yaoi writers can avoid it by using proper nouns! and epithets. I think you might want to look into using them a little more; you use pronouns a lot without specifying their antecedents, jumping between paragraphs and lines of dialogue and whatnot, and sometimes it can get a little confusing to read. "He said," "he smiled," "he...he..." etc. And we never know which 'he' you're talking about, either Ichigo or Grimmjow or, occasionally, Ishida or Renji or whoever, even in context. Sometimes it's obvious who says what, but sometimes it's not so obvious, and usually the actions are never that obvious. SO, use their names more, or, like I said, use epithets ("the shinigami," "the arrancar," "the redhead," "the blue-haired...whatever...".. I don't know, that last one might get awkward, but I'm sure you get the idea xD;;). ...Does this make any sense? I hope I'm communicating well enough... sometimes it's hard over the internet...
ANYWAY, I just thought I'd drop my two cents on this matter. Because I do really really really love this story, and I only offer constructive criticism because I love it so much. You don't have to take my advice, of course. You are the goddess of your writing! I am but your humble acolyte. :) And will continue to read regardless, hanging on your every word.
So, update soon please!
I love your portrayals of all of the characters, especially Grimmjow- and, Shinji, what a surprise to see you here! xDD I loved his entrance. He's one of my favorites. He's so adorably disturbing. But yeah. Loving the story. The relationship you've woven between Grimmjow and Ichigo is fantastic, and I hope you continue to weave it just as beautifully. :D
ONE critique I want to make, however, is about your, erm, pronoun usage. It's the curse of yaoi stories! those pronouns. He, he, him, his, him, he... guh, talk about a mess. But most of the time yaoi writers can avoid it by using proper nouns! and epithets. I think you might want to look into using them a little more; you use pronouns a lot without specifying their antecedents, jumping between paragraphs and lines of dialogue and whatnot, and sometimes it can get a little confusing to read. "He said," "he smiled," "he...he..." etc. And we never know which 'he' you're talking about, either Ichigo or Grimmjow or, occasionally, Ishida or Renji or whoever, even in context. Sometimes it's obvious who says what, but sometimes it's not so obvious, and usually the actions are never that obvious. SO, use their names more, or, like I said, use epithets ("the shinigami," "the arrancar," "the redhead," "the blue-haired...whatever...".. I don't know, that last one might get awkward, but I'm sure you get the idea xD;;). ...Does this make any sense? I hope I'm communicating well enough... sometimes it's hard over the internet...
ANYWAY, I just thought I'd drop my two cents on this matter. Because I do really really really love this story, and I only offer constructive criticism because I love it so much. You don't have to take my advice, of course. You are the goddess of your writing! I am but your humble acolyte. :) And will continue to read regardless, hanging on your every word.
So, update soon please!
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April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hi Hi, I really like how the story is going so far... GrimIchi is by far the best in my books :P!!! Okay so ummm you asked about mpreg and I wouldn't because I think that having a guy pregnent would be overload in the story... Also I think that Grim, Ichi + Renji should somehow get into a... complicated situation like at a hot spring or something cuz that's always fun ;P... Ummm Inuoe is a Charecter that I really don't like cuz of her "woe is me" personallity so as little as Inuoe as possible would make the story go smoothly!!!
But OMG THIS STORY IS SO GOOD!!! I check my Facorites everyday to see if you've updated cuz that's how in love I am with the story, I seem to be a sucker for the rival quarel type love but its just so0o0o0... hawt!!! Lol... So ya your story is going along so smoothly and the pace that your writing is definetly amazing...
Thnx So Much 4 writing this story :P!!!
!!!Tai~Chi!!!
But OMG THIS STORY IS SO GOOD!!! I check my Facorites everyday to see if you've updated cuz that's how in love I am with the story, I seem to be a sucker for the rival quarel type love but its just so0o0o0... hawt!!! Lol... So ya your story is going along so smoothly and the pace that your writing is definetly amazing...
Thnx So Much 4 writing this story :P!!!
!!!Tai~Chi!!!
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April 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I'm glad you got over your writers block! Love the story, and keep updating when you can!
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April 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Just wanted to say I"m loving your story.
I really like how you haven't made it that Ichigo instantly gets over his rape from Grimmjaw and is suddenly fine with him. I also really enjoy that you are keeping Grimmjaw in character in that he still wants to bloody ichigo up but is torn about the backlash he would get from him. I don't think I"m conveying my thoughts properly but keep up the great writing. I'm looking forward to each chapter and was excited to see two new chapters from when I last looked for your story.
I really like how you haven't made it that Ichigo instantly gets over his rape from Grimmjaw and is suddenly fine with him. I also really enjoy that you are keeping Grimmjaw in character in that he still wants to bloody ichigo up but is torn about the backlash he would get from him. I don't think I"m conveying my thoughts properly but keep up the great writing. I'm looking forward to each chapter and was excited to see two new chapters from when I last looked for your story.
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April 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Loved this chapter! That was the hottest smut you can get without the two of them actually having sex together. Please don't have Grimmjow satisfying his craving with someone else, thought, I hate that kind of stuff. The two of them are so hot together!