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May 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 3
I MUST HAVE MORE. I hope you're not abandoning this, because I have to know what happens after that fabulous kiss. ♥
I MUST HAVE MORE. I hope you're not abandoning this, because I have to know what happens after that fabulous kiss. ♥
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April 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Kyaa! This is my favorite pairing! I'm really glad you're writing it so well. I think Byakuya has something up his sleeve! I hope he doesn't hurt Ichigo.
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April 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
First, so you don't think I'm a snob; I'm going to tell you my credentials. I have extensive news media writing experience. I was the youngest Editor to be on my college's newspaper, not to mention the first time a Freshman had ever been in charge of a full section of the paper. I have done a few things with creative writing and taught a couple of 'classes/workshops' on writing and I help to home school my little sister.
Second, so you don't think I'm just a crazy ass fan who spouts positive crap to everyone she speaks with; I have to be the hardest person to get to give compliments. (I'm a pessimist and a perfectionist I guess... or maybe just a bitch XD )
I read your story... both chapters. It not only kept my interest, but the writing was on a level that I rarely see on the internet. You have a HUGE amount of potential. I know, I know, that sounds like I'm saying "You suck but you can get better" but thats not right. Its more like, "You are not a professional, But i see you have the raw talent and the heart for doing so." Your writing is like a rough diamond. If you learn to polish it and cut it in just the right ways, you will shine brighter than the sun in the future.
It will take a lot of hard work.
It will take a lot of dedication and focus.
You WILL hear people say you suck.... or you're sick, or whatever.
You SHOULD NOT listen to them.
Take it from a pro.... Earnest Hemingway. Personally I hate his writing with such a burning passion that it could melt down Zangetsu... BUT HES FAMOUS. Hes one of the msot celebrated authors in the world. One person's opinion doesn't mean that 15,000 other people are going to agree with them.
You can't please everyone.
Sometimes you can't even please yourself.
Specifically, I like how in character you are in this fic. I question byakuya skulking in the shadows personally, but that's nothing to worry about. I do see that you need to get to know Bya's emotions and motivations a bit more in the story. Why is he so attracted to ichigo... and why does he feel the need to put him in his place? have a running monologue where Bya figures that out for himself. EVEN IF you never put it in the story.
One way I do things like this.. is I write a Diary from the character's perspective. "Dear Diary, I can't get that Kurosaki kid off my mind! It is beginning to frustrate me, even more than his orange hair. He claims it is his true color but I wonder sometimes. Just like i wonder why I cannot seem to make up my mind... do i find him childish and disturbing? In need of being put in his proper place by force? Or is he something to protect and treasure... How do I decide... And how fair would it be, Diary, for me to drag someone like him into my family's dramas.... perhaps for his sake I should stay away from him..." two days later: "Dear Diary, I accidentally walked in on Ichigo in the hot spring. He appeared to be nursing some fresh wounds, probably acquired by another sparring match with Zaraki-taichou. I could not take my eyes off his back. I surprised myself... I kept imagining how that tanned flesh would look after a few strokes with my favorite whip..... how once he was well thrashed..... no.. well punished, I would lick each welt..."
obviously, this might not work for your story.. but I'm personally interested in WHY Byakuya wants to put ichigo in his place.... And how he plans on doing it....
I know i have rambled a lot but the bottom line is that i love this story. It has a huge chance to be great. As do you. I await your next chapter with an enthusiasm i never feel.
Keep up the good work...
--Jonokai
Second, so you don't think I'm just a crazy ass fan who spouts positive crap to everyone she speaks with; I have to be the hardest person to get to give compliments. (I'm a pessimist and a perfectionist I guess... or maybe just a bitch XD )
I read your story... both chapters. It not only kept my interest, but the writing was on a level that I rarely see on the internet. You have a HUGE amount of potential. I know, I know, that sounds like I'm saying "You suck but you can get better" but thats not right. Its more like, "You are not a professional, But i see you have the raw talent and the heart for doing so." Your writing is like a rough diamond. If you learn to polish it and cut it in just the right ways, you will shine brighter than the sun in the future.
It will take a lot of hard work.
It will take a lot of dedication and focus.
You WILL hear people say you suck.... or you're sick, or whatever.
You SHOULD NOT listen to them.
Take it from a pro.... Earnest Hemingway. Personally I hate his writing with such a burning passion that it could melt down Zangetsu... BUT HES FAMOUS. Hes one of the msot celebrated authors in the world. One person's opinion doesn't mean that 15,000 other people are going to agree with them.
You can't please everyone.
Sometimes you can't even please yourself.
Specifically, I like how in character you are in this fic. I question byakuya skulking in the shadows personally, but that's nothing to worry about. I do see that you need to get to know Bya's emotions and motivations a bit more in the story. Why is he so attracted to ichigo... and why does he feel the need to put him in his place? have a running monologue where Bya figures that out for himself. EVEN IF you never put it in the story.
One way I do things like this.. is I write a Diary from the character's perspective. "Dear Diary, I can't get that Kurosaki kid off my mind! It is beginning to frustrate me, even more than his orange hair. He claims it is his true color but I wonder sometimes. Just like i wonder why I cannot seem to make up my mind... do i find him childish and disturbing? In need of being put in his proper place by force? Or is he something to protect and treasure... How do I decide... And how fair would it be, Diary, for me to drag someone like him into my family's dramas.... perhaps for his sake I should stay away from him..." two days later: "Dear Diary, I accidentally walked in on Ichigo in the hot spring. He appeared to be nursing some fresh wounds, probably acquired by another sparring match with Zaraki-taichou. I could not take my eyes off his back. I surprised myself... I kept imagining how that tanned flesh would look after a few strokes with my favorite whip..... how once he was well thrashed..... no.. well punished, I would lick each welt..."
obviously, this might not work for your story.. but I'm personally interested in WHY Byakuya wants to put ichigo in his place.... And how he plans on doing it....
I know i have rambled a lot but the bottom line is that i love this story. It has a huge chance to be great. As do you. I await your next chapter with an enthusiasm i never feel.
Keep up the good work...
--Jonokai
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April 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Just in case you wanted to chat wth me, my messenger ID is jade_swiftblade on Yahoo
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April 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I usually read naruto fics, but I also love Bleach too, so I decided to read a few....I can say that this one has caught my attention...:o) Can't wait to read more!!!
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March 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Wonderful! I really like the conversation at the start with Renji. I think that was really funny. Can't wait for more, your doing great, i think ur characters are IC. (no male pregnancy lol please)
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March 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
It's nice to see somebody trying to keep these two in character.
Fabulous job so far.
Can't wait for the next update.
Fabulous job so far.
Can't wait for the next update.
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March 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
please update this soon. please this is good. please do a ichigo is pregnant.
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March 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
please update this story soon. it is good so far. please let ichigo be the submissive, because i just don't see ichigo the bottom at all. please make this an mpreg story with ichigo having the ability to become pregnant.
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March 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Suspense! I really want to see how this encounter ends up! Nice chapter, and I like that you put the japanese terms in there. It helps me to learn the language.