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June 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I enjoyed the chapter. It was cool. I am going to vote for d
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June 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
loooove the first chapter, but before i go on, just thought you might want to know of a few mistakes:
“publicly excepted fact that these” should be publicly accepted fact that these
“his favorite punch bag that he hit” should be his favorite punching bag that he hit
“ceiling pondering the Shinigami” should be ceiling pondering about the Shinigami
“smaller portions with more flexibility” should be smaller portions and with more flexibility
“He smiled at the thought, he loved that girl like a sister- and like family while he loved her, sometimes he just didn’t like her.” Should be He smiled at the thought. He loved that girl like a sister and (like family) while he loved her, sometimes he just didn’t like her.
“around it blocking it from sight, appearing as just a part” should be around it, blocking it from sight and giving it the appearance of just another part
“publicly excepted fact that these” should be publicly accepted fact that these
“his favorite punch bag that he hit” should be his favorite punching bag that he hit
“ceiling pondering the Shinigami” should be ceiling pondering about the Shinigami
“smaller portions with more flexibility” should be smaller portions and with more flexibility
“He smiled at the thought, he loved that girl like a sister- and like family while he loved her, sometimes he just didn’t like her.” Should be He smiled at the thought. He loved that girl like a sister and (like family) while he loved her, sometimes he just didn’t like her.
“around it blocking it from sight, appearing as just a part” should be around it, blocking it from sight and giving it the appearance of just another part
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June 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
my OCD is kicking up with a few mistakes for chapter 2!
“It’s fielded from view” should be It’s shielded from view
“enough in this area” I’m not sure of this one. Did you mean enough in this era?
“It’s fielded from view” should be It’s shielded from view
“enough in this area” I’m not sure of this one. Did you mean enough in this era?
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June 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
chapter 3 mistake time!
“the chopper type, but this bike was still massive, but the bike wasn’t low to the ground or the handles insanely high.” Should be the chopper type. This bike was still massive, but it wasn’t low to the ground or had insanely high handles
“He twisted it threw the air” should be He twisted it through the air
“sandwiches, most of it left over roast” should be sandwiches, most of it consisted of left over roast
“the chopper type, but this bike was still massive, but the bike wasn’t low to the ground or the handles insanely high.” Should be the chopper type. This bike was still massive, but it wasn’t low to the ground or had insanely high handles
“He twisted it threw the air” should be He twisted it through the air
“sandwiches, most of it left over roast” should be sandwiches, most of it consisted of left over roast
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June 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
chapter 4 mistakes. There is a lot of:
¡§ instead of “
¡¨ instead of ”
didn¡¦t instead of didn’t
couldn¡¦t instead of couldn’t
as far as spelling goes, there is:
“Hope on Strawberry” instead of Hop on Strawberry
“If he lived here, than maybe” instead of If he lived here, then maybe
“powerful enough than another Shinigami” instead of powerful enough then another Shinigami
“Kenpachi was able to hold backless, very good.” Instead of Kenpachi was able to hold back less, very good.
“shower whish Ichigo was grateful” instead of shower which Ichigo was grateful
“Right now Ichigo was Yachiru was clinging onto Ichigo like she was a small” should be Right now Yachiru was clinging onto Ichigo like she was a small
and i have to say that i love how Kenpachi doesnt even find Yachiru cute, but he finds Ichigo cute! yay!
¡§ instead of “
¡¨ instead of ”
didn¡¦t instead of didn’t
couldn¡¦t instead of couldn’t
as far as spelling goes, there is:
“Hope on Strawberry” instead of Hop on Strawberry
“If he lived here, than maybe” instead of If he lived here, then maybe
“powerful enough than another Shinigami” instead of powerful enough then another Shinigami
“Kenpachi was able to hold backless, very good.” Instead of Kenpachi was able to hold back less, very good.
“shower whish Ichigo was grateful” instead of shower which Ichigo was grateful
“Right now Ichigo was Yachiru was clinging onto Ichigo like she was a small” should be Right now Yachiru was clinging onto Ichigo like she was a small
and i have to say that i love how Kenpachi doesnt even find Yachiru cute, but he finds Ichigo cute! yay!
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June 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Pikachu I chose you! ...i mean, I chose B! it would be awesome if Hichigo was only after Ichigo because he was sexually frustrated… maybe because the person he likes is too much of a prude to do it with him and he’s trying to get his attention? *ahem* Byakuya *ahem*
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May 27, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Honestly, I wouldn't mind ShiroIchi and KenIchi, it's all up to you. AB, something between those two. Afterall, Shirosaki is a little different with his view of romance...
I was excited to see a new chapter! :) Please keep writing!
I was excited to see a new chapter! :) Please keep writing!
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May 27, 2008 at 12:00 AM
No more action for shirosaki, please.
Personally, I don't mind a bit of ichigo/hichigo....but damn it, I want KenIchi now.
So....I vote A. Because flirting is acceptable.
Love the story, by the way.
Personally, I don't mind a bit of ichigo/hichigo....but damn it, I want KenIchi now.
So....I vote A. Because flirting is acceptable.
Love the story, by the way.
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May 27, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Yaay! An update! :) And... a kiss? I'd have expected Ichigo to get angrier about Shiro's actions, but he sctually managed to tolerate him quite well and that's a bit strange... especially the kiss scene, I simply couldn't believe Ichigo didn't kick him in the nuts. :D I also expected some sort of angry response to Shiro's sex jokes.
Overall a funny chapter, though Ichigo could have been livelier. Perhaps I have a distorted image of him in my head,'cause I always expect him to hit things when he's pissed (or at least verbally abuse them somehow :P).
But nevermind my ranting, I'm really excited about the update! *hugs*
>:) The threesome sounds... niiiiice! :P Strawberry sandwich, ah... *nosebleed*
I'm more interested in the development, but simply can't resist smut when it's offered to me. So, D, hell yeah! :P
Overall a funny chapter, though Ichigo could have been livelier. Perhaps I have a distorted image of him in my head,'cause I always expect him to hit things when he's pissed (or at least verbally abuse them somehow :P).
But nevermind my ranting, I'm really excited about the update! *hugs*
>:) The threesome sounds... niiiiice! :P Strawberry sandwich, ah... *nosebleed*
I'm more interested in the development, but simply can't resist smut when it's offered to me. So, D, hell yeah! :P
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May 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Yay new chapter and don't worry about how long it takes to update, life is supposed to get in the way.
I still vote for just the flirting, at least I think that's what I voted for last time. I love Yachiru, she's just so adorable.
I look forward to the next update.
I still vote for just the flirting, at least I think that's what I voted for last time. I love Yachiru, she's just so adorable.
I look forward to the next update.