schedule
July 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I like it so far. It is an interesting idea and I will be glad to see where it goes.
ja ne
ja ne
schedule
June 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This has a lot of potential: she's very interested in reading it.
However, there are a few things that do need to be tinkered with, in order to both smooth out the fiction itself as well as its content.
First of all, you ned to go over the entire thing and restructure some of the sentences: some of them are half formed and are missing words ect. Nothing serious, but it kind of breaks up the flow of reading and takes away some of the enjoyment.
Your portrayal of Byakuya is rather spot on: Kudoes on that, because he can be rather difficult to write accurately. However, Urahara seems a little...different.
He isn't as much his playful, sly self. He isn't as OOC as she's seen, but he could do with a little tweaking.
Other than that, your writing style is very mature, very smooth and it flows very well.
Over all, she really did enjoy this, and really hopes that you do update soon.
However, there are a few things that do need to be tinkered with, in order to both smooth out the fiction itself as well as its content.
First of all, you ned to go over the entire thing and restructure some of the sentences: some of them are half formed and are missing words ect. Nothing serious, but it kind of breaks up the flow of reading and takes away some of the enjoyment.
Your portrayal of Byakuya is rather spot on: Kudoes on that, because he can be rather difficult to write accurately. However, Urahara seems a little...different.
He isn't as much his playful, sly self. He isn't as OOC as she's seen, but he could do with a little tweaking.
Other than that, your writing style is very mature, very smooth and it flows very well.
Over all, she really did enjoy this, and really hopes that you do update soon.