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November 14, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Please tell me you intend to misdirect our thoughts some more, lol. XD
Maybe with some of what was alluded to? A good sex scene is rarely amiss, hm?
*puppy eyes*
Maybe with some of what was alluded to? A good sex scene is rarely amiss, hm?
*puppy eyes*
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September 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
First thing is first, this is a very cute story. Your characterisations of Rukia and Orihime were particularly adorable, and she did giggle in parts.
However, she does have a qualm or two.
Firstly, is there going to be a second chapter? Or is that it?
From what she can discern, this is supposed to be a oneshot: If that's it, you never actually described what did go on, which means that the reader feels a little left out of the joke. It doesn't seem to really go anywhere, and because of that, it ends up being less amusing, and more puzzling.
You aren't a bad writer, and as she has already said, she very much enjoyed the beginning of the fiction. It was fun to read, and well written, especially in terms of grammar and spelling, but it kind of ends in an odd manner.
Try adding a 'punchline', or a climax to the story to make it seem a little more finished.
However, if it was supposed to be a two shot, please disregard the critique.
However, she does have a qualm or two.
Firstly, is there going to be a second chapter? Or is that it?
From what she can discern, this is supposed to be a oneshot: If that's it, you never actually described what did go on, which means that the reader feels a little left out of the joke. It doesn't seem to really go anywhere, and because of that, it ends up being less amusing, and more puzzling.
You aren't a bad writer, and as she has already said, she very much enjoyed the beginning of the fiction. It was fun to read, and well written, especially in terms of grammar and spelling, but it kind of ends in an odd manner.
Try adding a 'punchline', or a climax to the story to make it seem a little more finished.
However, if it was supposed to be a two shot, please disregard the critique.
schedule
September 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
A Friendly Reminder
Just thought I'd leave you a note to let you know your disclaimer is lacking. According to the Terms of Service you need to include that you are in fact making no money from writing this story, and that you do not own the people involved. Also it helps if you specify the fandom you are writing about.
Even though this story is about fictional characters, it needs to be known that they are not yours and you’re not making any money. You know a ’cover your butt’ thing.
Also if you have included one of these things it’s not enough. You have to have a full disclaimer. This is not only to protect us but to protect you!
Feel free to remove this once the problem is corrected. Thanks ^_^
Just thought I'd leave you a note to let you know your disclaimer is lacking. According to the Terms of Service you need to include that you are in fact making no money from writing this story, and that you do not own the people involved. Also it helps if you specify the fandom you are writing about.
Even though this story is about fictional characters, it needs to be known that they are not yours and you’re not making any money. You know a ’cover your butt’ thing.
Also if you have included one of these things it’s not enough. You have to have a full disclaimer. This is not only to protect us but to protect you!
Feel free to remove this once the problem is corrected. Thanks ^_^