schedule
February 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
First off, let me congratulate you on writing some well thought out stories, with interesting plotlines and wonderful characterization. You not only take well loved characters and keep them in character, but you also put them in situations where they have to grow. You also take flat secondary characters and give them a depth that wasn’t theirs, something which is hard to do.
Secondly, I read your “What the Eyes Can’t See” and “A New Window” in two days straight. I first wanted to read the series because I found your “The Dreaded Word” first, and it is ridiculously hard to find hetero stories of Soi-Fong. So because I wanted to read her story, I back tracked to read the other stories in the universe you’ve created.
I must admit I’m not a fan of the Tatsuki x Ichigo pairing. But I always give stories a chance to surprise me. And that is exactly what your story did. You gave a creative and, more importantly, plausible basis for their relationship. It wasn’t one of those stories where they instantly fall in love and all is right in the world. You made them struggle, first in getting together and then in staying together. You convinced me to give the pairing a chance. Plus you sprinkled in crack pairings, which are sometimes more fun to read about than the traditional pairings. I think my favorite from your first series was Grimmjow and Chizuru. God, the chapter where he shows up in Ichigo’s classroom and she blushes from the fact that everyone finds out about them made me laugh, it was so unexpected. And the classes reaction! One of my favorite moments out of the whole story.
Another part that stuck in my mind was how Tatsuki conquered her Hollow. Dear lord, that sequence was wonderful. Not only was it a beautifully written sex scene, it was an amazing transition between both couples. Going from one couple to the other without getting lost or annoyed at the switching views, yet it had a tone, an emphasis of them being the same person, so it was an act of just two people, as cliché as it sounds, becoming one. Not quite a foursome, but sometimes hinting at just that. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself properly, but that scene is one of the most memorable ones to me from your first story. I can’t even imagine how much effort you had to have put into that scene.
Then the interaction between the real world and Soul Society was hilarious. The Women’s Association caused some of the funniest moments in the whole story. The fact that they kidnapped Tatsuki all so they could get her to dish out the gossip cracked me up. Then the interaction between Byakuya and Ichigo, you took their original disdain to grudging acceptance from the series and made them actually respect and like one another. And their fight scene! Some people have problems with action scenes but you managed to write one without it being trite. Instead you managed to make the whole fight come alive in my head as if I was watching a movie. Then the fact that he gave Ichigo his scarf was a total surprise. And then you included the Vizards! They were like the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. And the interaction between Shinji and Hiyori! Those just made me melt and have series moments of fan-girling. You would not believe how hard it is to find any fanfiction about them. I’ve only found a handful of stories about them.
Another aspect that I enjoyed was the side couples. You had a mix of the traditional pairings that everyone writes about and the crack pairings. While I have no actual preference for couples, mostly because I see Bleach as one of the few series where romantic relationships are not given so much emphasis (heck there are only a handful of recognized pairings, of which almost all are one sided), I tend to have some preferences. That is not to say that I won’t read other pairings, I will as long as they are written well. Some of the pairings I didn’t care for, not because you wrote them wrong, just because I have certain difficulties with them. Hitsuguaya is one of them, mostly because I have difficulty seeing him as a grown character. I adore him, but I always think of him as still a child. I know you made him grow before putting him with Rangiku but I couldn’t quite stomach them. But I adored the fact that you had Nemu with Hanatarou. There interaction was so poignant and heartwarming.
The story is well rounded and fast paced. There is no part which slows down or bored me. You had a roller coaster of emotions displayed by the characters. You had serious moments, hurtful moments and comedic moments. While there are moments which stand out more than others, the graveyard scene where he says goodbye to his mother, the wedding, the conquering of Tatsuki’s Hollow, the tango and many others more, I can honestly say that I enjoyed the whole story completely.
I will admit that even though I enjoyed the first story (how could I not!); I liked the second story much more. You left the first story open with the introduction of the next generation, and you picked it up in the second story. I was skeptical with the second story, not because of the pairings since you won me over on them already, but because original characters are so difficult to sometimes introduce into established worlds. There is so much danger of them becoming Mary Sues and Gary Sues that it can be completely off putting at times. Indeed, you walked on the edge of that danger zone, especially with Kaien. Heck sometimes even Ichigo fell into that category (especially in your first story, yet you had precedence since in the manga that is exactly how Ichigo is portrayed. Too much of the Dragon Ball Syndrome, yet we still keeping coming back for more to see what they do with the story!). And yet even with all that you managed to create interesting original characters that weren’t perfect.
The originality which you put into the Kurosaki children in particular was one of the best aspects of that story. The trouble they faced with their powers was amazing, intricate and somewhat mind boggling. You could tell the thought that went into creating these characters was immense. The fact that you made each child carry one aspect of their parents more than the others was incredible. And to solve the inherent problems they each faced wrung so much emotion from me as a reader. I felt sorrow when you introduced the possibility that they could all die because they were incomplete. Surprised and disturbed when the twins found out they were really triplets and what sacrifice their sister did to insure their survival. Sadness for Kaien when he absorbed Nejibana. And Hatred for Mayuri, who has always been an arrogant, egotistical jackass (which hey you nailed his characterization so kudos to you), but jeez he had no tact what so ever when he just told them that they were going to die. And also his attack on Nemu when she was pregnant was completely immoral (which again is him in character). I was jumped for joy when he was decapitated.
Another thing that I have to compliment you on is the originality of the shikai and bankai of the new characters and their zanpakutous. From the scary ability of Kaiens using whichever zanpakutou has cut him before, Masaki’s ability to fight in syncronicity with Ikasam’s, and Tsukiyoni’s ability to fight while playing skip it (at least that was my first thought when she started fighting!) Plus, on the most ingenious way that you combined Orihime’s power with Uryuu’s power in their kids. I adore Souken, especially his most interesting use for the ability to Reject. And I have a sweet spot for Sora, including the fact that his powers are so different from the rest of his clan. He just seems like such a unique blend of Orihime and Uryuu.
And the couples! You included Kenpachi and Kuukaku. I completely see them as canon and not crack although I imagine many people would see them as a crack pairing. But you have them giving birth to a little boy. I can’t wait to see how he will turn out. I’m not sure who wins the crack award in the second story, Byakuya with Masaki and Ikasam or Mizuru with Miss Ochi. They both were such a shock and a hoot. Although Karin and Ulquiorra pull up right under them. Stangely enough while I see them as crack, they don’t surprise me as much as the other two couples. If I had to pick it would probably be Byakuya with Masaki and Ikasam (whose introduction brought surprise and wonderment to the story). I mean somehow I would never have pictured Byakuya in a threesome. Wait no I just remember the crack pairing goes to Nel and Kon. Oh God, I was so surprised with that pairing. I think for a while my brain just broke and I had to re-read to make sure I had seen that pairing.
In fact all the couples were a masterful continuation on those from the first story and the inclusion of the new generation. In fact my only disappointment would have to stem from the fact that Hiyori and Shinji are only mentioned and not actually show up. I would love to see their daily life and their kid!
I honestly feel that you can see the difference between the two stories. “What the Eyes Can’t See” is a well crafted story but “A New Window” is so much better. The story is better crafted; the fighting sequences longer, more fluid and more visually appealing. At least for me they are. They all play like a movie in my head. The characters are all more developed, maybe because they were original characters you had more room to play and expand into without making the characters unbelievable.
I’ll admit, because of the level of entertainment and improvement from the first story to the second story, I had high expectation for “The Dreaded Word”. Especially since it was the story that I originally wanted to read first. I can happily say that my expectations were well founded. You picked up directly where the second story left off and went right into the new story.
I know Soi-Fong is a flat character in the manga. They gave her a background and left her as that. Thus why I was so happy that you’ve actually made her grow and change. I was surprised with Gwydion. At first I thought he might have been too similar to Soi-Fong, but as the story progressed I realized it helped that, while they are not exact duplicates, they do have a similar basis which would help them understand each other.
It is interesting to see how you perceive Soi-Fong’s thought process. There have been times that I have been surprised with how she has acted. I particularly liked how she reacted to growing up. She faced all the confusion, misunderstanding and self-doubt, facing her inner turmoil in such a way that shows she was ready to start something with Gwydion. Plus it is rather sweet how she acts, blushing and being awkward around him. Though obviously it is the only way she can act since it is the proper characterization for someone who has never dated or even fallen for someone with actual reciprocation.
I’ll admit sometimes I’ve wanted to slap both Soi-Fong and Gwydion over the head for their behavior. Gwydion sometimes gets a little to angsty for me, but again I expect him to outgrow that so I tolerate it. Mostly it’s his self-esteem that makes me grit my teeth with him. Although I do enjoy when Izanami metaphorically smacks him. It is exactly what I want to do to him. With Soi-Fong the only time I’ve wanted to smack her was when she ran away. I think it was reasonable since all I wanted to do was yell at her to accept the date, which let me tell you, it looks weird when you’re yelling at your laptop! Of course I cheered when she goes back and accepts.
The antagonists are still shadowy figures who I keep trying to puzzle out. I have some vague assumptions about them, but gain you haven’t given us to many clues (which of course makes us come back to keep reading so kudos to you!). I don’t like Ai, but it is only because she stinks of being a home wrecker, which I imagine was the point of her character.
Also the Shinigami’s Women Association strikes again. The fact that they followed them on their date was probably the funniest point in the story so far. God they are hilarious!
All that being said, I’m saddened that you feel people aren’t enjoying your story or even reading it anymore. I sincerely hope that you don’t abandon the story and that you know I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your exploration into the Bleach universe. Also I would like to thank you for writing these stories and to know that I’ll certainly keep reading your story until it is finished.
I hope that this long review isn’t a bother but I felt that I had to express my appreciation for your work. That being said I don’t believe the rest of my reviews will be this long. Especially since I’ve been spoiled in that the other stories were complete when I went to read them. With “The Dreaded Word” I’ll have to wait for the updates. Oh well. I await the next chapter with glee and anticipation.
Secondly, I read your “What the Eyes Can’t See” and “A New Window” in two days straight. I first wanted to read the series because I found your “The Dreaded Word” first, and it is ridiculously hard to find hetero stories of Soi-Fong. So because I wanted to read her story, I back tracked to read the other stories in the universe you’ve created.
I must admit I’m not a fan of the Tatsuki x Ichigo pairing. But I always give stories a chance to surprise me. And that is exactly what your story did. You gave a creative and, more importantly, plausible basis for their relationship. It wasn’t one of those stories where they instantly fall in love and all is right in the world. You made them struggle, first in getting together and then in staying together. You convinced me to give the pairing a chance. Plus you sprinkled in crack pairings, which are sometimes more fun to read about than the traditional pairings. I think my favorite from your first series was Grimmjow and Chizuru. God, the chapter where he shows up in Ichigo’s classroom and she blushes from the fact that everyone finds out about them made me laugh, it was so unexpected. And the classes reaction! One of my favorite moments out of the whole story.
Another part that stuck in my mind was how Tatsuki conquered her Hollow. Dear lord, that sequence was wonderful. Not only was it a beautifully written sex scene, it was an amazing transition between both couples. Going from one couple to the other without getting lost or annoyed at the switching views, yet it had a tone, an emphasis of them being the same person, so it was an act of just two people, as cliché as it sounds, becoming one. Not quite a foursome, but sometimes hinting at just that. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself properly, but that scene is one of the most memorable ones to me from your first story. I can’t even imagine how much effort you had to have put into that scene.
Then the interaction between the real world and Soul Society was hilarious. The Women’s Association caused some of the funniest moments in the whole story. The fact that they kidnapped Tatsuki all so they could get her to dish out the gossip cracked me up. Then the interaction between Byakuya and Ichigo, you took their original disdain to grudging acceptance from the series and made them actually respect and like one another. And their fight scene! Some people have problems with action scenes but you managed to write one without it being trite. Instead you managed to make the whole fight come alive in my head as if I was watching a movie. Then the fact that he gave Ichigo his scarf was a total surprise. And then you included the Vizards! They were like the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. And the interaction between Shinji and Hiyori! Those just made me melt and have series moments of fan-girling. You would not believe how hard it is to find any fanfiction about them. I’ve only found a handful of stories about them.
Another aspect that I enjoyed was the side couples. You had a mix of the traditional pairings that everyone writes about and the crack pairings. While I have no actual preference for couples, mostly because I see Bleach as one of the few series where romantic relationships are not given so much emphasis (heck there are only a handful of recognized pairings, of which almost all are one sided), I tend to have some preferences. That is not to say that I won’t read other pairings, I will as long as they are written well. Some of the pairings I didn’t care for, not because you wrote them wrong, just because I have certain difficulties with them. Hitsuguaya is one of them, mostly because I have difficulty seeing him as a grown character. I adore him, but I always think of him as still a child. I know you made him grow before putting him with Rangiku but I couldn’t quite stomach them. But I adored the fact that you had Nemu with Hanatarou. There interaction was so poignant and heartwarming.
The story is well rounded and fast paced. There is no part which slows down or bored me. You had a roller coaster of emotions displayed by the characters. You had serious moments, hurtful moments and comedic moments. While there are moments which stand out more than others, the graveyard scene where he says goodbye to his mother, the wedding, the conquering of Tatsuki’s Hollow, the tango and many others more, I can honestly say that I enjoyed the whole story completely.
I will admit that even though I enjoyed the first story (how could I not!); I liked the second story much more. You left the first story open with the introduction of the next generation, and you picked it up in the second story. I was skeptical with the second story, not because of the pairings since you won me over on them already, but because original characters are so difficult to sometimes introduce into established worlds. There is so much danger of them becoming Mary Sues and Gary Sues that it can be completely off putting at times. Indeed, you walked on the edge of that danger zone, especially with Kaien. Heck sometimes even Ichigo fell into that category (especially in your first story, yet you had precedence since in the manga that is exactly how Ichigo is portrayed. Too much of the Dragon Ball Syndrome, yet we still keeping coming back for more to see what they do with the story!). And yet even with all that you managed to create interesting original characters that weren’t perfect.
The originality which you put into the Kurosaki children in particular was one of the best aspects of that story. The trouble they faced with their powers was amazing, intricate and somewhat mind boggling. You could tell the thought that went into creating these characters was immense. The fact that you made each child carry one aspect of their parents more than the others was incredible. And to solve the inherent problems they each faced wrung so much emotion from me as a reader. I felt sorrow when you introduced the possibility that they could all die because they were incomplete. Surprised and disturbed when the twins found out they were really triplets and what sacrifice their sister did to insure their survival. Sadness for Kaien when he absorbed Nejibana. And Hatred for Mayuri, who has always been an arrogant, egotistical jackass (which hey you nailed his characterization so kudos to you), but jeez he had no tact what so ever when he just told them that they were going to die. And also his attack on Nemu when she was pregnant was completely immoral (which again is him in character). I was jumped for joy when he was decapitated.
Another thing that I have to compliment you on is the originality of the shikai and bankai of the new characters and their zanpakutous. From the scary ability of Kaiens using whichever zanpakutou has cut him before, Masaki’s ability to fight in syncronicity with Ikasam’s, and Tsukiyoni’s ability to fight while playing skip it (at least that was my first thought when she started fighting!) Plus, on the most ingenious way that you combined Orihime’s power with Uryuu’s power in their kids. I adore Souken, especially his most interesting use for the ability to Reject. And I have a sweet spot for Sora, including the fact that his powers are so different from the rest of his clan. He just seems like such a unique blend of Orihime and Uryuu.
And the couples! You included Kenpachi and Kuukaku. I completely see them as canon and not crack although I imagine many people would see them as a crack pairing. But you have them giving birth to a little boy. I can’t wait to see how he will turn out. I’m not sure who wins the crack award in the second story, Byakuya with Masaki and Ikasam or Mizuru with Miss Ochi. They both were such a shock and a hoot. Although Karin and Ulquiorra pull up right under them. Stangely enough while I see them as crack, they don’t surprise me as much as the other two couples. If I had to pick it would probably be Byakuya with Masaki and Ikasam (whose introduction brought surprise and wonderment to the story). I mean somehow I would never have pictured Byakuya in a threesome. Wait no I just remember the crack pairing goes to Nel and Kon. Oh God, I was so surprised with that pairing. I think for a while my brain just broke and I had to re-read to make sure I had seen that pairing.
In fact all the couples were a masterful continuation on those from the first story and the inclusion of the new generation. In fact my only disappointment would have to stem from the fact that Hiyori and Shinji are only mentioned and not actually show up. I would love to see their daily life and their kid!
I honestly feel that you can see the difference between the two stories. “What the Eyes Can’t See” is a well crafted story but “A New Window” is so much better. The story is better crafted; the fighting sequences longer, more fluid and more visually appealing. At least for me they are. They all play like a movie in my head. The characters are all more developed, maybe because they were original characters you had more room to play and expand into without making the characters unbelievable.
I’ll admit, because of the level of entertainment and improvement from the first story to the second story, I had high expectation for “The Dreaded Word”. Especially since it was the story that I originally wanted to read first. I can happily say that my expectations were well founded. You picked up directly where the second story left off and went right into the new story.
I know Soi-Fong is a flat character in the manga. They gave her a background and left her as that. Thus why I was so happy that you’ve actually made her grow and change. I was surprised with Gwydion. At first I thought he might have been too similar to Soi-Fong, but as the story progressed I realized it helped that, while they are not exact duplicates, they do have a similar basis which would help them understand each other.
It is interesting to see how you perceive Soi-Fong’s thought process. There have been times that I have been surprised with how she has acted. I particularly liked how she reacted to growing up. She faced all the confusion, misunderstanding and self-doubt, facing her inner turmoil in such a way that shows she was ready to start something with Gwydion. Plus it is rather sweet how she acts, blushing and being awkward around him. Though obviously it is the only way she can act since it is the proper characterization for someone who has never dated or even fallen for someone with actual reciprocation.
I’ll admit sometimes I’ve wanted to slap both Soi-Fong and Gwydion over the head for their behavior. Gwydion sometimes gets a little to angsty for me, but again I expect him to outgrow that so I tolerate it. Mostly it’s his self-esteem that makes me grit my teeth with him. Although I do enjoy when Izanami metaphorically smacks him. It is exactly what I want to do to him. With Soi-Fong the only time I’ve wanted to smack her was when she ran away. I think it was reasonable since all I wanted to do was yell at her to accept the date, which let me tell you, it looks weird when you’re yelling at your laptop! Of course I cheered when she goes back and accepts.
The antagonists are still shadowy figures who I keep trying to puzzle out. I have some vague assumptions about them, but gain you haven’t given us to many clues (which of course makes us come back to keep reading so kudos to you!). I don’t like Ai, but it is only because she stinks of being a home wrecker, which I imagine was the point of her character.
Also the Shinigami’s Women Association strikes again. The fact that they followed them on their date was probably the funniest point in the story so far. God they are hilarious!
All that being said, I’m saddened that you feel people aren’t enjoying your story or even reading it anymore. I sincerely hope that you don’t abandon the story and that you know I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your exploration into the Bleach universe. Also I would like to thank you for writing these stories and to know that I’ll certainly keep reading your story until it is finished.
I hope that this long review isn’t a bother but I felt that I had to express my appreciation for your work. That being said I don’t believe the rest of my reviews will be this long. Especially since I’ve been spoiled in that the other stories were complete when I went to read them. With “The Dreaded Word” I’ll have to wait for the updates. Oh well. I await the next chapter with glee and anticipation.
schedule
February 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Right, well i had to sign up to review this story and i've been following it for a while but because i hadn't registered i couldn't review. If it's possible to turn that off then i think that you might get more reviews. Anyway, i love this story i really do so i had to review because you sounded like you might just stop writing it but don't! Your characters are very real and vivid and the story line is really interesting as well. Now that i've signed up you can expect a review from me for every chapter that you post. So update soon.
schedule
February 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
*sigh*
I loves it when they get make-overs. It might be inexcusably girly of me, but it just makes me squeeeeeeee ^^
But besides that, I like it. The whole time I was reading your story, I was all tensed up, like, "ZOMG IZZI GONNA GET ATTAKKID! OH NOES!" But with that last chapter, it was like I could breathe a sigh of relief. I'm also kinda grateful for the time-skip. It'll give the characters the time-frame to take their relationship to the next level without seeming rushed or hurried. Knowing how inexperienced and *cough* uptight *cough* Soi is, we know she'd take a while before loosening up to get to that next level, and let's face it, we all wanna see them take it to the next level *giggle*
Please carry on! You've made a Soi fan out of me. *waves Soi flag*
P.S. This is like the squillionth time I try to post this up, except aff finds it so tasty it keeps eating half of it... So forgive my pseudo-psycho persistence in reviewing.
I loves it when they get make-overs. It might be inexcusably girly of me, but it just makes me squeeeeeeee ^^
But besides that, I like it. The whole time I was reading your story, I was all tensed up, like, "ZOMG IZZI GONNA GET ATTAKKID! OH NOES!" But with that last chapter, it was like I could breathe a sigh of relief. I'm also kinda grateful for the time-skip. It'll give the characters the time-frame to take their relationship to the next level without seeming rushed or hurried. Knowing how inexperienced and *cough* uptight *cough* Soi is, we know she'd take a while before loosening up to get to that next level, and let's face it, we all wanna see them take it to the next level *giggle*
Please carry on! You've made a Soi fan out of me. *waves Soi flag*
P.S. This is like the squillionth time I try to post this up, except aff finds it so tasty it keeps eating half of it... So forgive my pseudo-psycho persistence in reviewing.
schedule
January 31, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I really like Gwydion's relationship with Izanami. It's very sweet.
Love all of the appearances by the SWA, too. I hope there will be more cameos in the future!
Love all of the appearances by the SWA, too. I hope there will be more cameos in the future!
schedule
January 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Awesome chapter. No fighting, not much "action" but it progressed the story along and gave us even more insight into Gwen's Zanpaktou. It has set us up for the awesomeness to come!
I also like how Soi seems to be slowly becoming more confident in front of others, even to the point of teasing them about it. It shows her character is coming along well. As for Gwen finally letting go of his past, it was something he had to do. No there is nothing holding him back from taking his future by the horns and running with it, well, aside from the crazy evil people and the seemingly infatuated with him Ai.
I eagerly look forward to the next chapter, as it looks like we'll be getting to the point where 'evil dude' makes his move on Gwen, though I imagine Soi (and Tatsuki in the #2 position) will have some things to say about that. I hope Ichigo makes an appearance as well, only to kick some ass and smother Tatsuki in kisses :p
Also, Asuka appearance!!! It's nice to see her again, I loved her character.
I also like how Soi seems to be slowly becoming more confident in front of others, even to the point of teasing them about it. It shows her character is coming along well. As for Gwen finally letting go of his past, it was something he had to do. No there is nothing holding him back from taking his future by the horns and running with it, well, aside from the crazy evil people and the seemingly infatuated with him Ai.
I eagerly look forward to the next chapter, as it looks like we'll be getting to the point where 'evil dude' makes his move on Gwen, though I imagine Soi (and Tatsuki in the #2 position) will have some things to say about that. I hope Ichigo makes an appearance as well, only to kick some ass and smother Tatsuki in kisses :p
Also, Asuka appearance!!! It's nice to see her again, I loved her character.
schedule
January 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This sensation, it is called joy. I comes from allowing your characters to be *happy*. Learn it, love it, seek it.
I appreciate that all of Gwydion's several powers have been hinted at over the course of the story. The "knowing" command seems a bit off to me, but all the same, I do like the pen's creativity and very real attempts to limit its power. (If I could sketch anything into existence, I would definitely go for a killer robot, not a single throwing weapon, but hey, to each his own.) Besides, the true effectiveness of any narrative device must be assessed by its execution.
"Here and now, I shake off the last lingering shackles of the chains of the Gothic Road that have bound me for so long! I shall walk the Way of Joy, forsaking all angst forever, until the very hour of my death. God help me. Kyrie Eleison!" And Gwydion, we're all with you. Or I am anyway.
While I enjoyed the gist of Gwydion's conversation with Izanami and its ultimate effects, I did find it a little too wordy and obtuse. I was comforted to see that Gwydion shared the sentiment. I don't mind lengthy conversations, and your word choice wasn't bad, but that particular talk seemed to be missing something. I can't quite put my finger on what. I'll amend this review if I do.
Yes! The Women's Association is on its third straight appearance and counting! Rock! All that they touch turns to comic gold, like some sort of odd Midas who got his wish when Dionysus was even drunker than usual.
Anyway, to conclude, I did like this chapter, despite my few complaints, and I look forward to reading on after the time skip. (A decision I support. All relationships take time to develop, and, unlike the characters in your other stories, Soi and Gwydion aren't childhood friends.) Happy trails, and may the joy-spring of your heart water us all!
I appreciate that all of Gwydion's several powers have been hinted at over the course of the story. The "knowing" command seems a bit off to me, but all the same, I do like the pen's creativity and very real attempts to limit its power. (If I could sketch anything into existence, I would definitely go for a killer robot, not a single throwing weapon, but hey, to each his own.) Besides, the true effectiveness of any narrative device must be assessed by its execution.
"Here and now, I shake off the last lingering shackles of the chains of the Gothic Road that have bound me for so long! I shall walk the Way of Joy, forsaking all angst forever, until the very hour of my death. God help me. Kyrie Eleison!" And Gwydion, we're all with you. Or I am anyway.
While I enjoyed the gist of Gwydion's conversation with Izanami and its ultimate effects, I did find it a little too wordy and obtuse. I was comforted to see that Gwydion shared the sentiment. I don't mind lengthy conversations, and your word choice wasn't bad, but that particular talk seemed to be missing something. I can't quite put my finger on what. I'll amend this review if I do.
Yes! The Women's Association is on its third straight appearance and counting! Rock! All that they touch turns to comic gold, like some sort of odd Midas who got his wish when Dionysus was even drunker than usual.
Anyway, to conclude, I did like this chapter, despite my few complaints, and I look forward to reading on after the time skip. (A decision I support. All relationships take time to develop, and, unlike the characters in your other stories, Soi and Gwydion aren't childhood friends.) Happy trails, and may the joy-spring of your heart water us all!
schedule
January 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hey-o! Thanks for the e-mail and the shout-out. I will probably need the e-mails, since school has started and I'm likely to forget to check.
Haha, I wondered if the SWA was going to join in on the fight. They were tailing them anyway, so they were bound to be in the area! That Ai girl really creeps me out, especially since her name means "love" - jeez that woman is twisted. It's nice that Gwydion saw Soi Fong's stumbling words for what they really were - concern for him. I hope that they manage to finish their date!
Haha, I wondered if the SWA was going to join in on the fight. They were tailing them anyway, so they were bound to be in the area! That Ai girl really creeps me out, especially since her name means "love" - jeez that woman is twisted. It's nice that Gwydion saw Soi Fong's stumbling words for what they really were - concern for him. I hope that they manage to finish their date!
schedule
January 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
hey, i got a question for you. i wanted to contact you via email but i don't know how. i wanted to discuss somthing. although it wasn't about this story, i didn't think that you were still checking your other ones. if you could please email me at butlerbrat0822@aol.com i would appreciate it. and by the way, out of any of the fan fictions i have read for any story, yours are definatly the best i've read by far. your style of writing is amazing. thanks for continuing to entertain us readers.
schedule
January 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Another awesome chapter.
I liked how you described Gwen's fighting style, expanded on his zanpaktou and did his reaction to Soi's new look.
Also, to me it seems like the baddies are very confident in their ability to get Gwen to join them. It's obvious he isn't going to do it willingly so I wonder what they have up their sleeves...
Until then!
I liked how you described Gwen's fighting style, expanded on his zanpaktou and did his reaction to Soi's new look.
Also, to me it seems like the baddies are very confident in their ability to get Gwen to join them. It's obvious he isn't going to do it willingly so I wonder what they have up their sleeves...
Until then!
schedule
January 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I agree completely, and thank you for your kindness and tolerance, especially in light of the great compliment you had just paid me at the time of that stupid rant. While I'd like to apologize elaborately, I think we'll both be better off if I take a leaf from the kindergarden book, say sorry, and simply promise never to do it again.
Sorry. Never again. Feel free to restore any changes made for my sake.
Now. Actual review.
I'm mildly happy. One thing I enjoyed was that every time I thought this chapter would take a turn I wouldn't like much, it instead charged fearlessly along the path of cohesive logic.
When the fight began and Soi had trouble penetrating the beast's defense, I immediately thought "Dang, it would be awesome if the Association joined in and just scrub rushed it." And they did! Admittedly, only Rukia did, and she did it in a rather anticlimactic way. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tad disappointed with the ease of the creature's defeat, but encasing its body alive in ice is a good and stylish way to ensure future revelations about these "foot soldiers" without too great a suspension of disbelief.
When Soi tripped that line about leaving, I groaned and prepared for a stubborn argument. Instead, Gwydion came to see it for what it was: affection and concern.
When Gwydion turned away from the Hollow's corpse to face Soi, I sighed. All hands brace for impact, I thought. Angst on the starboard bow!
Instead, we were gifted with a happier scene of romance and forgiveness.
I honestly cannot thing of a single thing that stood out to me as illogical, and I wish I could say the same as my *own* work.
I enjoyed seeing Gwydion in action again, and I'm glad that *someone* else has picked up on the fact that older zanpakuto have longer commands. The bone halberd was sufficiently creepy, though I admit to liking the pen better. Lastly, I am torn between calling his rage excessive and adequate given Ai's crazy stalkery. (Stalkery? Daggome, am I going to keep popping kennings like that?)
Gwydion's action scene was excellent, though I would have liked one or two more specific examples of areas where much of the fight is described in generalized terms. Seeing Gwydion gawk for a moment as Soi's... enhancement was pretty funny. Also, Izanami's little sigh pushed my sadly whimsical mind into fits of mad laughter, not least because it resonated with my own. Like many of your protagonists, he is very powerful, but he also has some weaknesses that keep him from becoming as broken-tier as, say, WTECS Ichigo. Zing!
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy both your earlier work and Ichigo's role in it, even the bits I've marked out as instances of overpowering. But, as with Hiko Seijuro in Rurouni Kenshin, he's got a baaaaad case of SNK Boss Syndrome. No one's got a prayer, and that's just not interesting for me. Gwydion is good, but he's far from invincible, and I can appreciate that, especially his combination of acrobatic fighting style and utter lack of self confidence.
Anyway, to summarize, it was a fine chapter, and even though Soi's fight and the Association's scrub rush (or at least, Rukia's Second Dance) could have been longer in my opinion, there was never a dull moment.
The "bad," huh? ...Nooooo. I see your mind! Not a brainwashing/betrayal-over-misunderstanding! Anything but that!
(*Pauses, then laughs aloud*) Just a bit of fun. Don't take everything I say too seriously. I may not like so angsty(American) a plot twist as Gwydion's betrayal, but I'll keep reading anyway. Painful severance I can take, but after so strong a statement of loyalty to both Society and Soi as Gwydion's reaction to the creature this chapter... Well, taking the surgeon's side, even in a fit of emotion, just wouldn't fit.
All this is only my opinion, you understand. No matter what it may seem, I do appreciate that this is your story, and, while I may have gone a different way, you have my full support. Transform and roll out.
Sorry. Never again. Feel free to restore any changes made for my sake.
Now. Actual review.
I'm mildly happy. One thing I enjoyed was that every time I thought this chapter would take a turn I wouldn't like much, it instead charged fearlessly along the path of cohesive logic.
When the fight began and Soi had trouble penetrating the beast's defense, I immediately thought "Dang, it would be awesome if the Association joined in and just scrub rushed it." And they did! Admittedly, only Rukia did, and she did it in a rather anticlimactic way. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tad disappointed with the ease of the creature's defeat, but encasing its body alive in ice is a good and stylish way to ensure future revelations about these "foot soldiers" without too great a suspension of disbelief.
When Soi tripped that line about leaving, I groaned and prepared for a stubborn argument. Instead, Gwydion came to see it for what it was: affection and concern.
When Gwydion turned away from the Hollow's corpse to face Soi, I sighed. All hands brace for impact, I thought. Angst on the starboard bow!
Instead, we were gifted with a happier scene of romance and forgiveness.
I honestly cannot thing of a single thing that stood out to me as illogical, and I wish I could say the same as my *own* work.
I enjoyed seeing Gwydion in action again, and I'm glad that *someone* else has picked up on the fact that older zanpakuto have longer commands. The bone halberd was sufficiently creepy, though I admit to liking the pen better. Lastly, I am torn between calling his rage excessive and adequate given Ai's crazy stalkery. (Stalkery? Daggome, am I going to keep popping kennings like that?)
Gwydion's action scene was excellent, though I would have liked one or two more specific examples of areas where much of the fight is described in generalized terms. Seeing Gwydion gawk for a moment as Soi's... enhancement was pretty funny. Also, Izanami's little sigh pushed my sadly whimsical mind into fits of mad laughter, not least because it resonated with my own. Like many of your protagonists, he is very powerful, but he also has some weaknesses that keep him from becoming as broken-tier as, say, WTECS Ichigo. Zing!
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy both your earlier work and Ichigo's role in it, even the bits I've marked out as instances of overpowering. But, as with Hiko Seijuro in Rurouni Kenshin, he's got a baaaaad case of SNK Boss Syndrome. No one's got a prayer, and that's just not interesting for me. Gwydion is good, but he's far from invincible, and I can appreciate that, especially his combination of acrobatic fighting style and utter lack of self confidence.
Anyway, to summarize, it was a fine chapter, and even though Soi's fight and the Association's scrub rush (or at least, Rukia's Second Dance) could have been longer in my opinion, there was never a dull moment.
The "bad," huh? ...Nooooo. I see your mind! Not a brainwashing/betrayal-over-misunderstanding! Anything but that!
(*Pauses, then laughs aloud*) Just a bit of fun. Don't take everything I say too seriously. I may not like so angsty(American) a plot twist as Gwydion's betrayal, but I'll keep reading anyway. Painful severance I can take, but after so strong a statement of loyalty to both Society and Soi as Gwydion's reaction to the creature this chapter... Well, taking the surgeon's side, even in a fit of emotion, just wouldn't fit.
All this is only my opinion, you understand. No matter what it may seem, I do appreciate that this is your story, and, while I may have gone a different way, you have my full support. Transform and roll out.