rate_review Reviews

Another word to watch out for that you had - "quite" should have been "quiet". Hell, even I miss that one sometimes, so don't worry. Also, be careful about overusing phrases. You used "she couldn't help but..." quite a few times just in this chapter alone. Keep a lookout for that too.

Ah man, this chapter had me feeling real sorry for Toshiro and Matsumoto. He finally broke, and she did as well, while also feeling jealousy towards Unohana. But in a situation like that, it's certainly not surprising. I thought you caught her emotions real well.

I'm starting to wonder if Aizen is going to know right away Rukia's baby is Ichigo's. To me, it kind of seems doubtful that he wouldn't be aware of someone leaving Hueco Mundo to the real world without his knowledge. I'm thinking he was counting on something like this happening from the start. Maybe? Just a wild guess on my part anyhow.

Again, you're making me like the Stark/Unohana pairing more and more. I don't know why, but I do like them.

Can't wait for the next chapter. I hope there will be something from Byakuya's POV, and I'm curious to see what you mean about the little twists involving the children. Either way, I know it will be good.

Wow, this story is fantastic... a little disturbing... but captivating none the less! I feel bad for Matsumoto :( I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for the next installment :)

Don't worry about the spelling mistakes, though you put "mater" again. It happens to everyone even with the supposed help of spellcheck. As long as the story is good, a few misspelled words isn't going to bother me.

I absolutely loved this chapter. I got more Stark POV, Ichigo and Rukia action, and Byakuya telling Rukia that she's going to marry Ichigo (loved that the best). As I read the beginning of the chapter, I had a feeling of where it was going. When it did happen, I was like "hell yeah". I love that pairing. And the interaction between Ichigo and Grimmjow was very believable for those two characters.

I wasn't too surprised the most motherly of them was the first one to get pregnant. I really liked reading Unohana's thoughts on the baby, and her earlier conversation with Stark. You're making me like this pairing more and more.

The last part of the chapter with Stark, Lilynette, and Hanataro was probably my favorite. His thoughts and agreeing to their demands and pleas was great. And I liked how he knew he is changing, yet it didn't bother him all that much. Great job.

Can't wait for the next chapter and read what you're going to do next with everyone.

Congrats to Rukia. And I am worried about Rangiku and Isane. Personally, I'm kinda hoping it's Aizen's child, because that might help Isane-chan get some better treatment.

Oh I loved this chapter! It was such a wise pairing and so true to character. Very nice! I love Stark, so I'm hoping for more of him, especially with how well you write him! I would read it all at once, but I don't have time, I'll be back for sure though!

At first, I was a little apprehensive about reading this fic. But after reading the first chapter... this is a damn good story. When Grimmjow snatched up Rukia and ran from the room with her, all I could think was "when will Ichigo pop up to save her?". However, you had a little twist I didn't see coming that had me sighing in relief. Good job. As for the other "pairings", I really like Stark/Unohana. There could be a little more from Stark's POV about this, and maybe while he's doing his "duty", but otherwise I'm enjoying this pairing. I'm sure wondering where you'll go with these two. I look forward to the rest of the chapters.

P.S. You had a couple misspelled words. Chapter 1 - It should have been "bored" not "board". Chapter 4 - "matter" instead of "mater". Nothing major, but just little things you need to look out for.

Usually I would refrain from putting a second review down for someone of your caliber, but with the developments I couldn't help it. Stark is by far my second favorite character in Bleach, and the fact that you may very well be turning him into a good guy makes me extremely happy. So that arc gets a full 100% from me whether he does become a unlikely hero, or not. All the other arcs are fine and well placed, and honestly I wouldn't mind you not even fleshing them out (although obviously the time put into this leads me to believe they will be). Finally I would like to say you have Grimmjow relatively IC (being that I have spent insane amounts of time watching and learning him it's hard for me to say that usually)

All in all amazing job, first story that I have actually bookmarked on this site ^_^ (If only it could give me the will to get back to mine! XD)

Again, another great chapter. Can't wait for more. But I would like to point out, not trying to be annoying here, that it's spelled 'Gotei'. But again, another great chapter! ^_^

I'm glad that Grimmjow is being relatively honorable as is Stark. I hope that Matsumoto is able to survive and might be given to another of the Arrancar if her 'master' does something that makes Aizen feel he is unworthy or unable to do what is being requested ... perhaps he can be found to be sterile and therefore Matsumoto can be reassigned (anything to get her away from that monster). Please let Halibel get pregnant so Byakuya doesn't have to continue taking the drugs ... and perhaps she will feel more maternal and him a bit paternal towards her baby if that is the case ... and they might get along well enough to protect the baby if nothing else binds them together. Poor Isane, if anything let her have to take Unohana's place with Stark or let her become pregnant from being with Aizen, though it would be better for her to at least be with Stark enough to raise doubts about who the father is. I wonder if Grimmjow is going to maintain a hands off policy now that Rukia has been with Ichigo, it would be nice but at least he can say she was able to be with Ichigo first ... he seems to be honorable enough to let things stay as they are though. Poor Toshiro, I was hoping he'd find someone who loved him enough to protect him from Aizen, perhaps Lilinette can be seen with a bit of a 'first crush' on him ... who knows Aizen might let her 'play' with Toshiro a little just to see him embarrassed ... put some of that medicine that has been given to Byakuya into him and let her play ... then him deal with the guilt of being watched during his first time and the trauma of being forced into it ... that does sound like Aizen ... it would be highly traumatic especially if he believes Hinamori sees him enjoying it with another woman (I know it would probably be Isane but he'd still be traumatized by it most likely and have serious guilt issues afterward). Who knows Lilinette might be a bit of a nympho after she gets her first taste of what sex is like and she might decide to try Hanataro also ... just out of curiosity ... who knows ... the kid might be timid but might have just the right stuff to really ring her bell ... he's gotta be great at something, why not let this be his secret talent?

just a few thoughts and I love the story so far but seriously feel bad for Matsumoto and want her away from the monster. I'd kinda like to see Grimmjow and maybe Stark become sorta good guys as well as little Lilinette and maybe even Halibel (with a bit of silent coaxing from Byakuya after she does get pregnant ... him just being supportive and gentle with her after she finds out will probably go miles in the right direction ... just being pregnant can make a girl feel vulnerable and in need of emotional support at times and if he's there for her ...)

No need to comment on the review. I'll just wait to see what happens next, but please consider each of the suggestions a bit.

Thank you,

mofaf1

You're doing a great job, but I still notice some errors. Then again, I have those problems too. Anyways, I can't wait for more!