schedule
December 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
It's too choppy. Try to transition into different scenes better that will help, and try to give more details about things and places the characters are. And you repeat a lot of words in your dialouges. You don't alwAys have to say he questioned, he said, he asked, etc. As long as you make it clear to the readers who is speaking. But your story not that terrible I rated it a 2.
schedule
December 12, 2009 at 12:00 AM
new comupter....1,500 dollars
hi-speed internet connection.....20 dollars
your awesome story.....priceless!
i so can't wait to read more!
hi-speed internet connection.....20 dollars
your awesome story.....priceless!
i so can't wait to read more!
schedule
December 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
being a die hard rabid yaoi fangirl...i have not read a boy/girl story in almost 5 years. but, your story has an awesome start and i can't wait to read more!!!!