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October 4, 2016 at 12:00 AM
Good day. I was wondering if you would still continue this story. Good luck!
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April 27, 2016 at 12:00 AM
Please write more! I really enjoy this fanfic. It's been a while since I have enjoyed a fanfic
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December 11, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I love this story soooo much. You have to write more!
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April 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Is this gonna be continued?
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February 17, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Holy sht...tatskie pregnate......... Never has that crossed my mind!!!!
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February 17, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!! Theres going to be more right, right!!!!! Im goibg to go insane if theres not more!!!
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May 14, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I want more with extra lemon or lime with tequila or ice tea even.Thank you for writing a great one.
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April 12, 2012 at 12:00 AM
first off id liek to say you have awesome stories. i found you fanfiction.net account and saw you had an account here. Reflection was an awesome story and this one has pretty much toped that one in my book. this story is awesome and i cant wait to se the next chapter :D
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March 22, 2012 at 12:00 AM
i saw this story at ff.net. but i read through this site- and i loved it. it was very emotional, i loved the way you portraied their feelings and emotions and thoughts.
i cant wait to see how this story continues.
i'm not very good at english so i cant say more about it. i can read it but not write it very well. so i'm sorry for the short review. but know that i really enjoy reading your story. it's awesome =)
i cant wait to see how this story continues.
i'm not very good at english so i cant say more about it. i can read it but not write it very well. so i'm sorry for the short review. but know that i really enjoy reading your story. it's awesome =)
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February 21, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Ah, I've finally caught up with the story.
1. Elements
This story has all the elements it needs. It's seinen-like, so mature themes are dominant. Also, the "heavy" atmosphere. But that bit of comedy is a good thing, too. As far as genres are concerned, it's great.
2. Plot
Seeing as it is mostly slice-of-life, I like the fact that there's no fighting with Hollows or things like that. The conflict with the Shinigami is a necessity. It brings the story to the climax (at least I think that's what will happen). What sometimes happens is the drama/angst being too intense in that part of the story, but I believe you won't overdo it (the story up till now showed that you know the proportions). I only fear that a certain cliche might be used. The impression might change depending on the execution of it, but usually I'm against it.
The only thing that is in my opinion unnecessary is the romance of Yuzu and Ishida. It doesn't bring much to the story. It provides a conflict that is relatively easily resolved, and that's it. Not to mention that it's kind of ooc. Ishida and Yuzu? I doubt he'd touch a sixteen years old girl. Plus, a sixteen years old girl going to school and working on a double-shift? And taking care of the house? This doesn't sound good to me.
Oh, and another thing - this is a sequel, right. But I haven't read the previous story and I don't feel lost in this one, so I think it can function as a stand-alone.
3. Characters
The strongest point of this story. I haven't read many "Bleach" fanfictions, but this is the first one that has characters behaving so in-character. You've captured their personalities perfectly, really. They're acting as the manga originals. That's what makes this story so good. There's Ichigo acting like a d..., but that's explained by the story. And even in being a d..., he's so Ichigo-like. I'm especially impressed at how you're writing about Tatsuki. We have some information in manga about what kind of person she is, but you nicely expanded on her.
4. Form
Many changes of point of view is nice. It helps in understanding the characters, their thoughts, feelings etc. From the strictly "technical" side, it's nice. The way you write makes the reading pretty easy. That is, the style isn't heavy, and there is no confusion in who says what and such things. The only thing I can complain about are repetitions. I know that sometimes it's hard to find words to replace other words, but there are ways to avoid repeating them. But it isn't anything bad, so there's no reason to worry.
That was me trying to be kind of objective.
Now to the subjective part.
*I love the pairings! At first, I didn't like Shirosaki x Inoue, but it grew on me. I said what I had to say about Yuzu x Ishida. The main pairing is lovely. I really like IchiTatsu. Imo, it's the best pairing with Ichigo (the other two don't seem that good to me).
*I hate you for making a such a good story that now reading an average story seems almost like a crime. And that waiting for the next chapters is a pain.
*I love the quality of this fic.
Kudos.
PS Lemon in two or three chapters, huh? So far, the only lemon we've got was IchiTatsu. And in the state she's in right now, I don't think she'd like to have sex. So maybe other couples? Now, we'll have the thing with Shinigami ended by then or we'll have the "last time before we/I/you probably die" (that's at least my guess). I don't relish the idea of the latter - cliche, and strongly overused to boot.
PS 2 How many chapters more do you plan to write for this story? Or is the outcome still not planned yet and you will end it when you think it's "then"?
PS 3 At the beginning, I wondered who the girl with Ishida was. I didn't expect Yuzu, not a bit. An unpleasant surprise. But in the end, it doesn't matter that much to me.
1. Elements
This story has all the elements it needs. It's seinen-like, so mature themes are dominant. Also, the "heavy" atmosphere. But that bit of comedy is a good thing, too. As far as genres are concerned, it's great.
2. Plot
Seeing as it is mostly slice-of-life, I like the fact that there's no fighting with Hollows or things like that. The conflict with the Shinigami is a necessity. It brings the story to the climax (at least I think that's what will happen). What sometimes happens is the drama/angst being too intense in that part of the story, but I believe you won't overdo it (the story up till now showed that you know the proportions). I only fear that a certain cliche might be used. The impression might change depending on the execution of it, but usually I'm against it.
The only thing that is in my opinion unnecessary is the romance of Yuzu and Ishida. It doesn't bring much to the story. It provides a conflict that is relatively easily resolved, and that's it. Not to mention that it's kind of ooc. Ishida and Yuzu? I doubt he'd touch a sixteen years old girl. Plus, a sixteen years old girl going to school and working on a double-shift? And taking care of the house? This doesn't sound good to me.
Oh, and another thing - this is a sequel, right. But I haven't read the previous story and I don't feel lost in this one, so I think it can function as a stand-alone.
3. Characters
The strongest point of this story. I haven't read many "Bleach" fanfictions, but this is the first one that has characters behaving so in-character. You've captured their personalities perfectly, really. They're acting as the manga originals. That's what makes this story so good. There's Ichigo acting like a d..., but that's explained by the story. And even in being a d..., he's so Ichigo-like. I'm especially impressed at how you're writing about Tatsuki. We have some information in manga about what kind of person she is, but you nicely expanded on her.
4. Form
Many changes of point of view is nice. It helps in understanding the characters, their thoughts, feelings etc. From the strictly "technical" side, it's nice. The way you write makes the reading pretty easy. That is, the style isn't heavy, and there is no confusion in who says what and such things. The only thing I can complain about are repetitions. I know that sometimes it's hard to find words to replace other words, but there are ways to avoid repeating them. But it isn't anything bad, so there's no reason to worry.
That was me trying to be kind of objective.
Now to the subjective part.
*I love the pairings! At first, I didn't like Shirosaki x Inoue, but it grew on me. I said what I had to say about Yuzu x Ishida. The main pairing is lovely. I really like IchiTatsu. Imo, it's the best pairing with Ichigo (the other two don't seem that good to me).
*I hate you for making a such a good story that now reading an average story seems almost like a crime. And that waiting for the next chapters is a pain.
*I love the quality of this fic.
Kudos.
PS Lemon in two or three chapters, huh? So far, the only lemon we've got was IchiTatsu. And in the state she's in right now, I don't think she'd like to have sex. So maybe other couples? Now, we'll have the thing with Shinigami ended by then or we'll have the "last time before we/I/you probably die" (that's at least my guess). I don't relish the idea of the latter - cliche, and strongly overused to boot.
PS 2 How many chapters more do you plan to write for this story? Or is the outcome still not planned yet and you will end it when you think it's "then"?
PS 3 At the beginning, I wondered who the girl with Ishida was. I didn't expect Yuzu, not a bit. An unpleasant surprise. But in the end, it doesn't matter that much to me.