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November 17, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I LOVE THIS !!! It would awesome if you had the espada guys in this too!
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July 10, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Chap 3 was pretty good. Hoping for Yoruichi and pregnancy.
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July 2, 2014 at 12:00 AM
This chapter was infinitely better than the last 2. It flowed much smoother through the scenes. Amusingly enough, I found this chapter far more believable than the last considering the areas in question can push out up to a 12lbs baby, so it takes a hell of a lot less stretching of the imagination to see it. Kind of like movie physics :)
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May 27, 2014 at 12:00 AM
This story is very hot, loved the action that you did. I hope for the next chapter (or if you bring in Yoruichi) that you show how broken Soifon is by having her beg to be impregnated by the Hollows.
Seriously keep up the good work and hope you update soon!
Seriously keep up the good work and hope you update soon!
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April 26, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Nice story, can't wait to see how Soifon turns into a complete slut.
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September 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Constructive criticism ahead!
The first chapter was not so great due to one thing: the POV(point of view) flipped around way too much and it was a jerky read. Half the time I couldn't tell whose POV I was suppose to be on and that was a major distraction and ruined the whole mood. Honestly, the whole chapter should have been from Soi Fon's first, and then flipped at the end to let us know how he was doing. The yo-yoing back and forth every couple of paragraphs was far too distracting and ruined the whole mood.
The second chapter was much better from a POV perspective and I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than the first. Unfortunately, two things about it were very distracting, and they are sort of linked together. The first, and I see this a lot, is that unprepared anal sex is devastatingly painful and dangerous. Now this is a work of fiction, so I can let that one slide, and frequently do. I would have here to, however, tied in with it is this: while I can sort of possibly see two managing to work their way in WITH proper preparation, the muscle would definitely never stretch enough to let three in. The entire scene would have resulted in severally torn insides that would have caused her to bleed out and die. Simply put, it stretched things too far, no pun intended, to be even mildly believable and ruined the rest of that particular scene. The rest of the chapter was fine and good, it was just that one thing.
I am looking forward to the third, as I do enjoy dark ficts, and I do hope to see your writing continue to evolve. Also, people are shy on this sight, as most don;t like to admit they read the darker stuff, so don't worry about number of review, I always track the number of hits instead as it's more accurate to the number of readers you actually have.
The first chapter was not so great due to one thing: the POV(point of view) flipped around way too much and it was a jerky read. Half the time I couldn't tell whose POV I was suppose to be on and that was a major distraction and ruined the whole mood. Honestly, the whole chapter should have been from Soi Fon's first, and then flipped at the end to let us know how he was doing. The yo-yoing back and forth every couple of paragraphs was far too distracting and ruined the whole mood.
The second chapter was much better from a POV perspective and I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than the first. Unfortunately, two things about it were very distracting, and they are sort of linked together. The first, and I see this a lot, is that unprepared anal sex is devastatingly painful and dangerous. Now this is a work of fiction, so I can let that one slide, and frequently do. I would have here to, however, tied in with it is this: while I can sort of possibly see two managing to work their way in WITH proper preparation, the muscle would definitely never stretch enough to let three in. The entire scene would have resulted in severally torn insides that would have caused her to bleed out and die. Simply put, it stretched things too far, no pun intended, to be even mildly believable and ruined the rest of that particular scene. The rest of the chapter was fine and good, it was just that one thing.
I am looking forward to the third, as I do enjoy dark ficts, and I do hope to see your writing continue to evolve. Also, people are shy on this sight, as most don;t like to admit they read the darker stuff, so don't worry about number of review, I always track the number of hits instead as it's more accurate to the number of readers you actually have.
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September 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Enjoying your Soi Fan story, sexy stuff. Looking forward to Yoruichi's appearance. Also hoping for more Ronso chaps.
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September 22, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I really hope to see Yoruichi getting same gang bang in the next story. Good work, man!
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September 13, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Nice job man. Very hot