Hurt Me

Prologue

Did you ever realize that when you hurt people you hurt yourself too? When you punch someone your knuckles hurt, right? But I’m talking about emotional pain, not physical. No matter how close you are to a person, whether they’d be your family, friends or enemies, somewhere deep down in your heart or your soul, you feel, even if unconsciously, that what you’ve done was really awful, that you certainly wouldn’t want something like that happen to you.

That’s what I felt at first.

And I tried to do something about it, honestly. But what would you’ve expected from a little kid? I tried to distance myself from everybody I didn't want to but possibly could hurt. At that time it seemed the only right thing to do.

But the bigger that infamous piece of invisible concrete between me and others grew the more pain I caused to them. So I chose to hate people, because it was the easy way out. Don’t get me wrong here, though. That hatred didn’t pop out of nothing. It was always there, in my soul. It was locked behind a big wooden door with a key that was my mother. She was so bright, and I was so blinded with her love, that I noticed nothing but her.

And then she died. A car hit her, she fell into a river and drowned. I saw everything, I was there and I could do nothing to save her. I hated myself for being so useless.

The door blew up.

I was left to walk on thin ice until the day I’ve almost had a chance to see my mommy again. Almost. Because people are selfish. Because they wanted me to live, while the only thing I wanted was to die. To die just like her, in a car accident. It was a perfect opportunity when that girl didn’t notice the car approaching her on a high speed until it was too late.

Guess life hates me just as much as I hate people, because the girl ended up with a few scratches, and I… I’m a prisoner of a wheelchair for the rest of my life... because people are very selfish.

Though life’s just as unhealthy as a car accident, it causes death, after all. I just had to wait.

~*~*~

My life's not as dramatic as you my think, though. I've had a lot of time to rethink some aspects of my life. At first, there was nothing but the frustration. I've missed my chance to meet my mom and apologize for not being able to save her! Then came the realization that my legs are paralyzed and there's very little chance that I'll fit the same scenario of death, and I'll have to learn how to live a new life. After, there were endless month of rehab after an attempted suicide, when I understood something. Being on the verge of life and death twice in sixteen years kind of put me in my mothers shoes. If I succeeded, I wouldn't want anybody to follow me into afterlife. I knew I would want them to move on, live happy and meet me in eighty years or so. And I didn't hate people anymore, I just didn't care.

Now that I no longer try to kill myself, for almost six years, I spend my days alone in flat on the first floor of a ten-story building somewhere near the center of Karakura Town (not that you need to know where exactly).

Of course, my dad and my sisters were against my living alone, but I really didn't want them to witness my never ending depression and constant emotional outbursts when something went wrong. I mean, life is a challenge by itself and it's that much worse for a physically challenged person.

And then, the man who was responsible for that car accident was “nice” enough to offer me something as a compensation. I asked for a flat, because I knew that man was quite famous and had an image to uphold. I'm sure you know him, Aizen Sousuke, who appeared to be a very kind person in public and an arrogant bastard in person. So I'm sure a small flat (even though everything was low enough for me to reach from the wheelchair and the bathroom was arranged properly) coasted him not more than a loaf of bread for a person with an average income.

Fortunately or unfortunately my relationship with Aizen didn't end there and I work for him from time to time. But Aizen's not the point here, another man is. You know how people say that bad luck comes in threes, right? Well, something like that happened to me. It wasn't necessarily bad, I don't even know what it was. But everything changed for the third time in my life when I met Him.

So, please welcome me, Kurosaki Ichigo, a loner, and my story about how fate likes to turn your world upside down.