Darkest Blue

Chapter 10: Here is Gone

"I'm not the one who broke you

I'm not the one you should fear

I can feel you falling

And I wanted to be

All you need

Somehow here is gone."

- Goo Goo Dolls

'…Bankai.'

Voices flittered in around the edges of Ichigo's consciousness, whispering like fading ghosts in the wind.

'As soon as I felt your bankai I knew something had gone wrong… Thank goodness you were able to get him out of there alive.'

He was afloat in a sea of darkness, and he could see no horizon. Just the endless swirls and snatches of sound, voices of people so close to him yet so far away.

'It was dangerous, but I had no other option…'

Eyelashes fluttered as the voices became clearer, breaking through the walls of unconsciousness.

'Ichigo...'

Brown eyes snapped open to meet with strangely unfamiliar surroundings. Everything was blurred and out of focus, and something was wrong with the atmosphere. The walls and the rooftops weren't white. The light flooding the room was neither artificial nor moonlight. It was warm, and the familiar smell of death was replaced by something else, something comforting, something alive. And there was sound, sounds of humans, sounds of friends. It felt like a dream but at the same time more real than anything he had ever experienced.

Consciousness flickered in and out with the muddled flutter of eyelashes. The strange world slowly slipped into focus around Ichigo, and the more of it he could see, the more familiar it became. It took him too long to realise exactly where he was, it felt like he had awoke in a dream world where everything was familiar but yet he was unable to place it, and it was only after he had forced himself to sit up, rubbing his eyes to bring the world into focus, that he realised where he was.

He was back in Karakura. Back in the real world, the human world.

He swallowed hard. A lump had risen in his throat like an immoveable blockade, and suddenly it was difficult to breathe. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes and turned to great gasping sobs as realisation set in.

He was in the Urahara Shoten.

For a moment the only sound in the world was Ichigo's breathless tears of relief and he wept; for himself, for his friends, for everything that he had suffered and for the intense joy that he thought he'd never be able to feel again.

He was home.

The noises of voices in the hallway stopped, and reality broke into his emotional bubble with the soft scrape of the door panel opening. He looked up from his tear soaked trance and saw standing before him, hatless and looking a little the worst for wear, Kisuke Urahara.

A sudden and an almost painful rush of emotion, the like of which hadn't been thumping through his veins in as long as he could remember, overcame him. All of a sudden he could feel again. His emotions had been strangled in the grip of the torture and in the frenzied flight of escape he was fuelled purely by adrenaline, but now the emotional roadblock had cleared and all the repressed fear, agony, love and relief poured through his system. His vision was lost in a flood of tears, and the feeling of strong arms encircling him made his tears flow harder than ever. The dam of emotion burst and overflowed within him as Urahara rocked the broken boy like a child in his arms. He held the shuddering body close to his own, breathing in his scent like raw emotion coming off the boy.

Urahara sat on the bed with him, holding the shattered teenager in his arms, running his pale fingers through orange strands matted from lack of care. Ichigo screwed his eyes shut as he buried his face in the crook of the older man's neck and dampened the cloth of his green shirt with painful tears. They stayed that way until the sobs subsided, the older man providing a silent comfort for the boy who'd emerged from hell.

'Is this a dream?' The redhead sounded so small, so broken, so unlike Ichigo that Urahara felt his heart contract in his chest even as he held him.

'No Ichigo. You're safe now.' Warm hands ran over the shivering body, rubbing soothing patterns over aching muscles. The boy was a wreck. In that moment in the throne room when he watched the boy break free from Aizen's hold he thought that perhaps all was not lost, that Ichigo was still there. But it was a mere shadow of the vibrant teen that he held in his arms now, he had lost so much of himself to that place.

He had lost weight, the boy had always been slim but now he seemed almost emaciated. He was so pale, his sun kissed skin seemed to have withered away in the endless moonlight and its flawless beauty was now stained by bruises, cuts and new scars. Urahara didn't even want to imagine the unseen damage that had been banished from his body by Orihime. Even the boy's hair seemed to have lost its vibrancy; it was dull and matted with neglect. But worst of all was his eyes. When they parted from the embrace and his own grey irises met with those once shining brown orbs he was deeply shocked by how lifeless they had become.

'Orihime… Is she alright?' Ichigo whispered, his face marked with fearful anticipation. Urahara smiled, a warm expression which crept into his heart and calmed his fears.

'Yes. She's safe and sound with us now. Desperate to see you, but of course so is everyone else.' Something stirred in those dead eyes and set off sparks of hope in the older man's heart. He was not completely lost. He was damaged, and he was hurting beyond comprehension, but if there was one thing that Urahara was good at it was fixing things. Ichigo was still there, still hiding behind dead eyes and his soul could still be saved.

'Ichigo…' he reached out a hand to touch the abused face, moving slowly as not to startle the boy. He ran his long fingers gently along the bruised skin of his cheekbone and stroked softly along the curve of his jaw. 'I'm glad that you're back.'

Ichigo let his eyes slip shut as he relaxed into the touch. The feeling of being touched so gentle and lovingly was by this point completely surreal to him, he felt tears well up again in his eyes but blinked them away. He had suffered through so much but he was still alive and so left with no other option but to live through the pain as he had always done. He was home; he could see his friends and his family again. He was weak; both body and soul were damaged but he had always found a way to get stronger, it was all he knew how to do. Even then, seeking comfort for a wounded heart in the arms of his saviour he made a silent vow. He would pull himself from the wreck and rise again from the ashes. He would emerge whole once again… but for now all he could do was surrender himself to the warm arms that held him so close to a warm body. Weariness dragged in at the corners of his senses but he knew he could not rest yet, not when so many questions remained unanswered. He opened his eyes.

'What happened?' He croaked, his throat still choked with emotion. Urahara relaxed his grip upon the trembling boy to allow him to draw back and compose himself. Startlingly grey eyes never left those of Ichigo as Urahara spoke.

'How much do you remember?' His voice and demeanour were soft and gentle as he questioned the fragile boy.

'I remember… Running, we were running down an endless corridor. And we broke through the wall, we escaped. But he was there, Ulquiorra. And you told me to stay down. I heard you speak, then… darkness. Just darkness.' Ichigo swallowed a lump that had risen again in his throat. 'And I woke up here.'

'That's right.' Urahara nodded slightly. 'We were confronted by the fourth espada. I knew that I didn't have time to fight half-heartedly, so I had to use my bankai.' He placed a hand on Ichigo's shoulder in a comforting gesture and looked deep into his eyes. 'I'm glad that you weren't hurt by it.'

'But what was it…?' No matter how he tried, Ichigo could not recall anything about the mysterious man's bankai. His memory was shrouded in darkness and he wondered if perhaps he really wanted to know what had happened.

'It's difficult to explain exactly, perhaps one day you will be able to understand… But for now just know that it gave me the chance I needed to get you out of there.' If there was one thing that Ichigo didn't need to know about him right it was the intimate details of his dangerous power.

'But how did we escape?' Ichigo's eyes shone with frustrated confusion and curiosity. 'What was that explosion? And why didn't Aizen come after us? I don't understand…'

'Yoruichi.' Urahara cut him off mid-sentence. 'She was waiting for us at a concealed garganta that we used to pass in and out of Las Noches. She was our line of defence and if not for her I never would've been able to get you out.' He paused to let this information sink into Ichigo's muddled brain before continuing. 'The explosion that you felt in the throne room was a decoy that we had arranged, though it was slightly late arriving. Renji…' This time it was Ichigo's turn to cut him off.

'Wait a minute, Renji was there?' Urahara saw Ichigo's eyes widen in surprise and fear at this thought.

'Yes… And Rukia. Chad and Ishida too and, believe it or not, Yoruichi managed to convince that poisonous wasp Soifon to help as well.' Urahara instantly felt a small sense of guilt at the look which crossed the face of the shinigami at this admission.

'How could you let them get involved in this, especially after what happened last time!' Ichigo felt his insides turn cold with fear, he'd caused his friends to risk their lives for him in a dangerous and unnecessary manner, and he immediately felt sick to his stomach at the thought of what could have happened to any of them.

'I could hardly keep them out.' Urahara smiled. 'Especially Rukia and Renji, the two of them were ready to storm the palace and rescue you themselves. But don't worry so much; everyone came back safe and intact.' Everyone except you. Urahara bit his lip at the thought which crossed his mind then as he received a weak smile from the redheaded boy who looked so small and fragile that he could just fall apart then and there. Receiving no other response from Ichigo he continued his narrative.

'As I was saying, Renji and the others infiltrated Las Noches at a different point than I. While I was sent to confront Aizen…' He could've slapped himself for mentioning Aizen's name, the look of sudden fear that contorted Ichigo's features at the mere mention of his name sparked anger and hatred for the man deep inside of Urahara and he had to bite his tongue before continuing. 'Their objective was to retrieve Orihime. I've been working on a new combination of cloaking devices which certainly proved effective in allowing them to move undetected within the palace, but I also used the strength of my own reiatsu to cover their presence. Of course this made me a walking target but that was the desired effect. Once the others had Orihime they were to set off the explosion to provide a moment of cover for us, and to signal the retreat. The explosion was another of my little experiments… It was designed to send out a burst of energy to scramble Aizen's reiatsu and give us a moment to escape. Although I don't know how well it would have worked if not for that massive outpouring from you…' He paused here as he neared the end of his story, and now he had some questions of his own. 'What happened there Ichigo?'

'My hollow…' Ichigo spoke slowly, as though he was still trying to digest the information from Urahara before he was able to answer the question put to him. 'He challenged me for control again. By winning against him I somehow got the power to break free. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what happened.' He looked apologetically back at his teacher and they both regarded each other for a moment, both minds ticking over with the processing of new information.

'Well…' Urahara spoke after a moment. 'It looks like that creature is more useful that we thought.' Ichigo tried to smile but his eyes were clouding over with confusion once again.

'I still don't understand…' He sighed, turning muddled eyes to meet with his teacher's. 'What happened when you fought Ulquiorra?' He saw the hesitation in Urahara's eyes. 'I'm not a child Kisuke, don't keep me in the dark.' He stared mournfully at Urahara, and the blonde stared back at him, caught between answering his question and keeping him from hearing further harsh truths.

However, at that moment he was saved from answering by a knock on the door, and a soft creak as it slid open. Startled eyes flicked to the person who entered the room, and Urahara could feel Ichigo tensing up even as he sat beside him on the bed. A woman with skin the colour of burnt umber and flowing plum tinted hair entered the room, and he felt the shinigami relax somewhat at the familiar figure, but he could tell even without looking at him that he still wore a tense and distressed expression upon his face.

'Ichigo…' She smiled at him. 'It's good to see you awake finally.' Ichigo furrowed his eyebrows a little in confusion and looked as though he was going to ask a question before he was cut off by the cat woman. 'Everyone is here, waiting to see you.' Her voice was uncharacteristically soft and gentle, and the image of his friends threatened to bring tears to Ichigo's eyes once more. But again he choked them down.

'I want to see them.' He turned to Urahara with pleading eyes. 'I have to make sure they're all okay.' Urahara's eyes flicked to Yoruichi for confirmation before he turned back to Ichigo with a soft smile.

'Of course.' Yoruichi nodded as she turned and stepped back into the hall, gesturing down the corridor at the group of people who huddled apprehensively as they waited. The door slid open fully and Ichigo felt his heart jump in his chest at the sight which awaited him.

Standing in the doorway was a group of people whom he'd imagined that he'd never see again. It only took a moment for them to all pile into the room, and when he felt the soft arms of Orihime flung around his neck it was all he could do to stop tears rising in his eyes once again. She grasped him tightly, waterworks flowing freely from her own eyes as she cried a muddled assortment of apologies and thanks. He returned her embrace, hardly daring to believe that it was really her that was holding him so tight, the last time he had seen those eyes they had been drained and devoid of life, he had seen her blood staining the carpet but here she was, and she was just so alive.

'Hey careful you don't suffocate him there Orihime.' Playful laugher came from another familiar voice. 'We just got him back after all.' He looked up from the embrace to see Rukia smiling back at him, her own eyes shining with tears of happiness which she quickly brushed away with the back of her hand. Orihime reluctantly released him from her grasp, and he was immediately smothered again in the embrace of his dearest friend.

'I'm sorry Ichigo, I'm so so sorry.' Rukia buried her face in the crook of his neck as she murmured her own apology. 'If it wasn't for me you'd never have gotten into this whole mess in the first place.'

'And if it wasn't for you, my family and I would be dead Rukia.' Her words pained him, she had given him everything that was important to him and no pain that he suffered as a consequence would ever compare to that. 'You have nothing to apologise for, it's my own fault.'

'Yeah, don't waste your apologises on this guy.' The good natured voice of the boisterous redhead cut through the heavy atmosphere in the room, and as Rukia released him he was confronted with the tattooed figure of Renji. He regarded Ichigo with his usual stupid grin plastered on his face, and patted him roughly on the shoulder in what he thought was a manly gesture. Ichigo winced a little at the touch and Renji drew back, unsure of what to do next.

He didn't have to think too hard though, as he was quickly shoved aside by Rukia to allow Chad to approach. Ichigo shot him a weak grin, and Chad returned it with a heavy heart. He was used to seeing his quick tempered friend in all sorts of terrible states, but this was somehow worse than any other time. Even though his physical wounds did not appear as bad as from previous encounters, his quiet friend could tell that something had deeply affected the substitute shinigami, and it had made him different somehow, for now he in some way seemed less like the Ichigo he knew so well.

A silence hung in the room as the two old friends stared at each other in a quiet gesture of understanding. The sunlight began to intensify as it crept in through the window blinds, causing the atmosphere to become warm and hazy as the reunion unfolded.

'Aren't you going to say anything Ishida?' Renji shoved the blue haired quincy forward from where he stood at the back of the room. Ishida scoffed at the redhead as he adjusted his glasses, trying to think of an appropriately sarcastic way to respond to him.

'Good to see you're back with us Kurosaki. Frankly I was getting bored without having your ass to kick up and down the training grounds.' Ichigo made a face at him.

'I missed you too Ishida.' The quincy scoffed as he took a step back into the group, trying not to show how guilty he had felt at leaving Ichigo in that terrible place while he had so shamefully escaped.

Ichigo smiled wearily at his friends, the intense feelings of fear and misery being replaced with warmth and even a slight sense of contentment. But as everyone rejoiced in the happy reunion he couldn't help but wonder what they would all think of him if they knew the truth of what had happened. If they knew what that man had done to him, the ways in which he had been violated, body and soul, and how had been so broken, so fucked up that he could do nothing but blindly follow the orders of the sadistic demon who tortured and raped him, well he didn't think that he'd be able to take it. How could he swear to protect them when he couldn't even protect himself?

'Are you alright?' He was snapped from his thoughts by Urahara placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turned weary eyes to meet with his, brown eyes framed with dark circles, a drowsy look upon his face. Urahara smiled at him and turned to address the group.

'Okay everyone, Ichigo needs to get some rest.' He commanded with the air of an experienced teacher. Rukia nodded, her eyes never leaving Ichigo as she spoke.

'Of course. We'll leave you in peace now.' She smiled at him and Ichigo felt a sudden dread, if they left would he see them all again?

'No.' He yawned even as he tried to protest. 'Stay.'

'Ichigo, you need rest.' She berated him as she had so many times before. 'You look like hell, so just listen to Urahara and get some sleep.' Ichigo opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off. 'No buts.'

'Alright…' Ichigo knew better than to argue with the small shinigami so he smiled and spoke from his heart to all of his friends. 'Thank you guys, not just for rescuing me… If it wasn't for all of you then I don't think I would've made it.'

'Yer welcome.' Renji smirked. 'Just get some rest okay? You've made us all worry enough.'

'Yeah… Okay.' Ichigo yawned again as he watched his friends leave, his heart feeling suddenly overwhelmed and heavy.

They filtered from the room, waving and smiling goodbyes at their friend as they left, until he was alone with Urahara once more.

'Kisuke…' He struggled to stay awake as his eyelids grew heavy. 'Where are my family? Do they know what happened?'

'Just rest Ichigo.' Urahara commanded. 'They know that you're safe now and you'll be able to see them when you wake up, and that's all that matters. So just sleep.' He rose from his seated position on the bed as Ichigo lay down and nestled his orange head in his pillows.

'I'm scared Kisuke.' He admitted. 'Every time I close my eyes I have these terrible thoughts… I can't dream anymore, cause when I try to sleep all I have are nightmares.' His eyelids drooped as he murmured his confession. Urahara felt such a terrible sense of pain and empathy for the boy that had put on such a brave face for his friends, but now his façade was cracking and he couldn't just sit back and watch him become overwhelmed by pain. He sat back down on the bed beside him, placing a hand upon his head to gently stroke through the bright hair.

'I'm here with you, okay?' he whispered to the wrecked boy. 'I'll protect you, so don't be afraid. I swear I'll look after you.'

'Thank you Kisuke.' Ichigo murmured softly as sleep stole away with him once again.

Urahara remained that way as he felt Ichigo's breathing level out to a calm pattern of sleep. He felt the boy shift upon the bed after a while, his breathing hitching and eyes squeezing shut against some unknown night terror. The blonde brought his lips to press softly against his ear as he whispered comforts and stroked through his hair to calm him.

And as the warm light faded from the room he remained that way upon the bed, determined to keep Ichigo safe through this difficult night, and through every horror that life may throw at him thereafter.