Unrequited love

The room was dark and Gin wasn’t sure if that was because Toushirou had left for the night and was nice and safe at home or if it was because Toushirou had come into his office and…he swallowed trying to ignore the lump that had formed in his throat. The alternatives were not ones that he wanted to think about. If Toushirou was dead he would never forgive himself for telling such lies, because this was, after all, all his fault. ALL his fault. If he believed otherwise he was really quite as blind as Tousen. There was a muffled grunt and his froze in place. What was that?

Another grunt, this one was followed by the familiar sound. It was a slick sucking sound like the sound he himself had often made while blowing one man or another at the soap land while he had worked there. There was another sound, soft sobs of physical pain or…or something else? Emotional pain because some ass hole was all over you and you couldn’t do anything to get him off and he was doing things to you that you didn’t want him to do. Gin’s imagination took over for him and he could see what his eyes were too blind in the dark to take in.

The greasy waist length hair that had been pulled back into a single scraggly braid and the one arm with its short grubby fingers clutching at pale skin that was too perfect to behold. That one hand holding the teen in place as best as I could as the filthy mouth full of rotting stumps of teeth sucked its way up and down…up and down a reluctantly hard dick. The thought turned his stomach and Gin tried to push it away but it kept playing in his mind like some sort of never ending nightmare. Next, that diseased hand would make its way between sculpted thighs to press against Toushirou’s ass hole, the tight ring of muscles no longer a virgin to that sort of touch thanks to Gin’s eagerness this afternoon.

His hand trembled as he searched for the light switch. He wasn’t sure if he should turn it on or not. If he did and the creep was here with Toushirou, if he had tied his lover up to make him helpless and if he were doing those horrible things his imagination told him he was, what would he do? Turning on the lights would let the other man know he was there if the disgusting pig that called himself a man wasn’t too busy fucking his…his Toushirou with those diseased stumps that passed as fingers. His hand fell away from the light plate it had just found, no…his eyes were growing accustom to the lack of light. There were two dark shapes moving over by the desk. One was hunched over and the other…the other was the one armed man. It had to be, there was no ignoring the faint disgusting smell that filled the air…that was the stench of his rotting teeth and unwashed flesh. Then there was the lack of an arm which was clear by the knotted sleeve that swung to and fro as he…

Gin drew Shinzo as quietly as he could. It still made a deadly rasp as it left its leather home. What was that beast doing now? Toushirou had just made a sound that was reminiscent of a dying hog’s squeal. His mind’s eye sure did like to torture him this time it showed him that thing shoving two fingers in and out of his body as fast and hard as he could as if the delicate thing that Toushirou was could take such rough treatment all at once. He stepped forward intending to go left around the couch when something warm and soft hit him in the face. He reached up and took it off of his face smelling Shirou’s familiar scent on it and realizing that it was Toushirou’s boxers.

Had they gotten in the way as he tried to rape the kid he seemed to think Toushirou was? Did he just not feel like dealing with them as he shoved his cankerous cock up Toushirou’s pink anus? Rage filled him and all Gin could see was red, he tossed the boxers down to the floor and before he realized what he was doing he was charging in like a bull, or much in the same way that Ichigo used to charge into battles without thought as to what he was doing. A light came on and Gin stumbled and almost lost his momentum.

“What are…” It was Matsumoto’s voice. Apparently she had followed him from the bar, she sounded slightly drunk but only his ears noticed. His eyes were busy drinking in the sight before him. Toushirou was tied up like a pig for market, his hand behind his back, his legs tied together at the knees and the ankles. There was a line that ran from the lines at his knees up to his wrists. That rope was slack but it did not leave Toushirou much room to move if he chose to. “What’s goin’ on?” Matsumoto’s voice broke the spell that the rope seemed to have cast on Gin. His eyes yanked up from the length of hemp rope to the three, sausage like fingers that filled his small lover. The child molesting ass hole had had the nerve to tie his lover up, but not only that he had the nerve to turn him at an angle instead of simply bending him over the desk. This way he could finger fuck Toushirou’s ass and…judging by the slurping sounds he had his scabrous lips around Toushirou’s shaft that very second.

“H…hell! What the WHAT THE HELL!” Matsumoto’s mounting horror echoed in Gin’s ears reflecting some part of his emotion, the emotions that were faint and covered in the blood that tinted his vision. He raised his sword and brought it down, resting it against the side of the beast’s throat. He couldn’t make a clear strike for fear of hurting his lover. The small taichou was not only bound but he was gagged, the gag was kept in place by a large amount of duct tape. There were hardly any sounds escaping his lover but the moans of pain and humiliation did reach his ears. It made his blood flash over to steam. He was going to rip this ass limb from limb! SCREW the trial SCREW proper execution! Who cared if he got thrown in jail for this!

The one armed man grinned as if he didn’t have a razor sharp zanpakto against his throat, “I see that you’ve come to stop me Giny Wheeny,” He teased his grimy hands running up Shirou’s pure white skin leaving streaks of some sort of muck behind. Gin didn’t want to think of what that shit was. He pulled away from Toushirou, the biggest and last mistake the man would ever make. “Let me guess you’re going to ask me why I think I ought to continue to draw breath, well I…” His words were cut off as Gin drew back again and without hesitation this time…

“GIN!” Matsumoto cried out all drunkenness seeming to have left her in the shock of what she was seeing and in the shock of what Gin was doing.

Gin took off the bastard’s head great gouts of blood splashed his hands and face but he didn’t care. He started to laugh and cry at the same time his tears mixing with the blood running pink rivulets down his jowls and throat. Well, in the end he had committed the crime for which he had falsely accused him of! He was the bad guy he had hurt Toushirou, the one arm man had hurt him not he, Gin Ichimaru. He was a saint! A saint wearing the bloody mask of a devil, with a grunt of disgust he shoved the still twitching mass of the man off of Shirou. Even the man’s blood smelled foul as if the dirt that had grimed his teeth and his body had sunk into his very blood.

From behind him he heard the scrabbling sounds of Matsumoto’s nails against the wood of the door. She was trying franticly to escape the room but Gin didn’t mind if she wanted to run screaming from the precinct. Holding his arm up, he whipped the blade of his short sword off on his black shinigami garb. With the blade clean he slammed it back into is sheath. He then pulled out a harry carry dagger and cut the rough rope with which the man had tied his lover up. Once he was free from the binding that held his hands he slumped to the ground ripping and scratching at the tape that had been used to keep the bundle of rags in his mouth.

“Stop,” Gin growled slapping the other’s hands away and taking the edge of the worn tape and giving it a sharp yank. It gave and peeled off of Shirou’s pasty skin unwillingly but went all the same. There was a faint residue of the tape’s glue around the other’s mouth.

Like a minor explosion, Shirou spat the rags out saliva dribbling out of his mouth as he panted for air. He looked up at Gin with eyes so wide that they could have served as dinner plates. “I was asleep,” He started his voice hoarse and ragged with more emotion than with exhaustion.

“Shhh,” He took out a handkerchief and found some water with which to wet it. Gin cleaned his lover up with all the tenderness of a mother seeing to a deathly ill child. Heedless of the blood that was starting to dry to a thick paste over his flesh and clothes and even in his hair, Gin yanked Shirou to him and hugged him fiercely. A thunder of footsteps was rushing up the hall towards the room and Gin could care less he would not let go of Toushirou not even if they had to pry him off like a leach. “I’m sorry,” He whispered, “It is all my fault.”

Toushirou’s arms came up to loop around Gin’s shoulders as if unsure of their intention. They were both trembling so badly that Gin wasn’t sure if Toushirou was crying or if he himself was still crying. There certainly was enough water on his cheeks for the tears to still be falling but he did not feel sad. He was thankful that the man hadn’t killed Shirou before he had gotten there, but then again rape was worse than death, wasn’t it?

There was a growing commotion behind them and eventually Gin felt hot hands on his shoulders yanking him back and he realized it was Renji. He didn’t really know the red head but he had seen Toushirou talk to the fukutaichou as if he knew him and figured that the man was his lover’s friend. He went reluctantly, looking up he saw that Renji had a blanket slung over one shoulder, probably for Toushirou who, it turned out, was the one shaking like a leaf. “We need statements from everyone involved.” He was saying, obviously taking control of the situation as there were no other captains or fukutaichou around to do the job for him.

Gin got to his feet and staggered a bit almost falling, he expected that he was under arrest and held his arms up to Renji so he could put the cuffs on him. If he didn’t resist maybe they would have mercy on him. Renji just gave him an odd look and pushed Gin’s arms down, “Are you shitting me sir, you ought to be commended for your actions. The man was harming a captain, we cannot allow for such brutal crimes. Now he needs to go to the hospital and you do as well, who knows what he might have had.” Renji’s formal speech despite the cursing earlier, made Gin feel as if this were all some unreal thing, a dream perhaps that he had just not waken from yet. He felt those large warm hands on his shoulders turning him around and guiding him towards Hanatarou who took one looked at him, squeaked and dropped his eyes.

It seemed like a life time ago that this man had been on the other end of a rather passionate kiss and receiving his flirting. Was that why he had made such sounds? Gin didn’t care to know he let himself be guided out of the room by the short man. They waited there and Gin had to wonder what for until Toushirou came wobbling out on legs that seemed to have turned to jelly on him.

Toushirou still didn’t have any clothes on but he had a towel to hide his naked flesh…and was that...Gin looked around in confusion, when did the other captains arrive? They were all there Gin realized, each one taking they time to try to sympathize with Shirou for what had happened as if they could even comprehend what it must feel like to be caught while one was asleep by a man that had no power what so ever. The only one that seemed smart enough not to say anything was the one man who had given Shirou some proper clothing. Shunsui Kyouraku had taken off his flowered pink haori and had slipped it around the white haired man’s shoulders. It dragged on the ground but he didn’t seem to care.

“Thank you,” Gin mumbled to Shunsui never meeting his eyes.

There had been a discussion going on in the background about who was going to take the two to Unohana. Apparently no one wanted to let the two go alone with Hanatarou. They felt like they needed a captain escort to arrive safely at the hospital. Gin just wanted to tell them to leave them the hell alone and that Hanatarou was more than enough for them but his throat felt stuck together and he couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“I’ll take them,” Shunsui said ending all arguments by looping one arm around Gin and the other around Toushirou and marching them out of the building and away from the still squabbling captains. He led them through back alley ways so that they wouldn’t have the unpleasant experience of being gawked at.

“It was a good thing that you came along Gin.” Another voice said and Gin jumped a little looking over his shoulder to find Ukitake following them, hand on hilt as if he were ready for their little party to be waylaid by a troop of one armed men. “Who knows what may have happened to Hitsugaya if you hadn’t shown up when you did.”

“Juu kun,” Shunsui shot over his shoulder as if the two of them were old lovers instead of just old friends. They had stopped “Could you carry Hitsugaya kun, he knees have given out on him…”

Toushirou had broken down and Gin wanted to be the one to carry his lover when he saw the flood of silent tears washing down the other’s face. Before, the rape had been a discreet one, done in the middle of the night and no one but he and Toushirou knew of it but now all of Soul Society knew of it…he wondered how badly Toushirou’s pride had been dented. Juushirou lifted Shirou up like a child, cradling him against his chest forcing the white haired man to rest his head against his shoulder.

Gin hung his head then and wept. This rape, the last one, it was too much for Toushirou. He could see his lover crumbling before his eyes. Would he be the man he fell in love with anymore? After such an assault? The guilt that crushed the third squad captain’s heart was nothing more or less than the size of Mount Fuji.

Unohana was waiting for them outside of her hospital when they arrived. She had a look of deep sadness on her face, “I shall see Hitsugaya san first.” Her calm voice itself was like a balm and Shirou tears dried up a little. However, no matter how much Toushirou’s spirit would recover under this woman’s care. Gin couldn’t stand the guilt any longer. Being around his lover, and around these people who, with hardly knowing Toushirou at all, had stepped up to take care of him; better care that he himself could give had screwed that guilt down like thumb screws.

“I…I’m going home. I just need a shower and…I don’t know. If I start to feel ill I’ll come back.” He managed to escape Shunsui’s enclosing arm. Despite the cries that followed him that he must be checked over, Gin ran like a rabbit perused and never looked back. He didn’t go home because he feared that that is where they would go looking for him first. Instead Gin rushed through back ways towards the one route he knew by heart. Opening Shirou’s back door (he never locked the thing) he let himself into the dark kitchen. Tripping over a small bag of kaki, Gin cursed the darkness. He’d have to speak to Toushirou about leaving a light on down here if they were to be coming home in the dark.

He pushed the thought away, just thinking about Toushirou, in the hospital, hurt…probably bleeding down there where no man should ever bleed. Gin couldn’t stop his mind from wondering over just what sort of diseases that prick might have had. Hepatitis, AIDS? Who knew what and here he was in the dark searching for the light so that he could see where he was going. His mind treated him to a flashback of his hand making the same quest in Toushirou’s office. He found the light switch and turned it on breaking the memory clean in half.

Gin wasn’t hungry. He just wanted to get the nasty grime of that man’s blood off of him and he’d sit up and wait. Wait until someone brought Toushirou back home. It may not be tonight or tomorrow for that matter but Gin would sit here and wait for his lover. He would wait because he didn’t have the courage to be there for him while he was in the hospital. Tears stung Gin’s eyes. He really was a coward. Running away because he felt guilty for what he had caused, running away because every time he looked at Toushirou that guilt would make him feel ill.

Turning on the water in the sink he splashed his face with the ice cold water that came out. It shocked a gasp out of him at first but soon enough he was spraying every inch of himself down with the small kitchen hose, the blood ran from him in rivulets, staining his clothes but he would be getting rid of these. When he was done he stripped out of his top, tossed it into the burnable garbage and moved into the dining room.

There was a picture of Toushirou when he was younger…sitting next to Hinamori…holding hands. A wave of guilt passed over him and he crumpled, clapping a hand over his mouth Gin sat at the table in his lover’s dining room and began to weep. Maybe he should just tell his lover how this had happened. Maybe he should just tell him. His tears started to cascade down his cheeks like a flood. This was the one thing he couldn’t do in front of his lover or the other captains. The one thing he didn’t dare to do. If he wept over Toushirou in public someone might put two and two together and he was sure that that would only hurt Toushirou more.

The table was a welcoming head rest and Gin shifted, folding his arms atop it, resting his head in his arms. He laid like that for an hour…maybe two before he realized that there was something under his arms. Something that had grown damp from his tears and his hot breath, pulling back Gin looked down at the ink that was now smeared. Despite the water that had ruined the kanji he could clearly see his name printed on the top left hand side of the envelope.

He picked it up and turned it over in his trembling fingers. It was made of rice paper and was not cheap, no simple note was this. He opened up the snow white paper and pulled out the note that rested inside. This too was on expensive paper. There were flecks of gold stamped into it and Gin somehow felt impressed by the hand crafted paper. Whatever this was, it was probably not really meant for him.

Maybe it had been a mistake…after all who would leave a note here for a person who did not live in this house? He turned the note over in his hands again and again before he decided to pause and read the printed type on it. Despite the expensive paper and envelope, the note was set typed not hand printed as one would expect with such money spent on the finer stationeries.

“I know what was done” (Saseta koto shitteru)

Just those three words, Gin sat puzzling over the eight characters until he felt like a numb block of wood and realized he was hardly breathing. He forced his lungs back into motion and set the piece of paper down. What did they mean they knew what was done? What was done to who, what when where? What a strange note to leave laying around for him. Why would anyone waste their good hard earned money on such a note?

Gin felt like a drink, maybe with some sake in him he wouldn’t feel the weight of guilt pressing down on him so hard. It never occurred to him that he would have better results if he would just go to the hospital and see his lover. As he moved the blood that had dried to a cake on his flesh started to flake off. He grimaced but paused looking back at the note. The printed characters were still quite clear. Saseta koto shitteru the pit of his stomach turned to ice then when the true meaning of those words struck home.

“Saseta koto shiitennen,” He mumbled to himself in his own dialect. That meant that someone knew…someone knew what he had done to Toushirou. Someone out there knew and what? Were they going to blackmail him over it, he wouldn’t allow that. However the thought, just that mere thought that someone might know what he had done to the man he had loved out of desperation and loneliness…his heart was in his throat and it felt as if his bowls wanted to come out his other end. He sat down hard in the middle of the floor.

Without thought as to what he was doing he scrambled back to the note and looked at it. Printed. Even the name Ichimaru Gin was printed on the envelope. No hand writing to guess at who might be the author of such a damning letter. Glancing around the room as if someone might see him do it, he ripped the note up into little pieces. It would not do to have Toushirou see such a note. He would want to know what it meant, and what would he tell his lover?

In a panic, Gin took the note and tossed it into the pig shaped incense burner that had been neatly placed out of the way in the dining room. He lit it with a small kidou spell and watched it burn something like a manic joy slipping over him. Of course that joy was based off of an idiotic belief that the letter writer would never send him another slip of paper like that. When there was nothing but ashes left of the note he took them over to the sink and dumped them in.

It took a while to clean out the piggy of the paper residue but he didn’t dare to let Shirou know that anything was out of the ordinary. When he came home he’d set up a nice bed for him and buy him all the plum wine he wanted. He’d find out what his lover’s favorite food was and buy him two tons of it. He’d make it himself if it was something he was good at cooking.

The manic joy was fading and Gin found his balance again. For the first time that night he found the piece that had eluded him. He got himself a drink of sake and even had some of the leftovers that were in Shirou’s fridge.

When Shirou came back…he’d be ready to continue on with the farce.