Sinner

A/N: Please don’t lose faith in me my lovely reviewers. I know I suck at updating, but I will never abandon this story so don’t abandon me. This chapter was hard to write. It was emotionally complicated, and Ichimaru gets knocked down quite a few pegs. You may see a side of him you have not seen before. Also, Ulquiorra is one of my favorite characters behind Gin and Hitsu-chan…I am not very happy currently, so I knew I had to crank this chapter out or it would never get done, so here it is. I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you so much to my special reviewers, especially the ones who continue to stick with me through everything.
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Expendable

His hands were shaking. Probably not visibly-he had had years of practice keeping up a calm façade-but he could feel it in his bones, in his veins.

His hands were shaking.

His whole body was shaking.

He knew how powerful this man in front of him was. He had always known. From the moment he had seen those caring, lying eyes, and had felt that gentle pulse of monstrous reiatsu, he had known that no matter how strong he may be, and he knew he was, this man could destroy every inch of who he was in an instant.

He had met him as a child a hundred years ago, and a hundred mornings, a hundred nights, a hundred fucks and a hundred kills later, he was still a child in comparison. Only, he was able to admit it to himself, which was a far different cry from another child he knew.

However, there was one thing he held over Aizen Sosuke, one thing that made him far more of an asset than only being extremely talented and undeniably intelligent could have made him, and that was the fact that Aizen had never been able to fool him. For all those sweet smiles and loving eyes that he threw around like candy that had everyone foolishly flocking to stand blindly beside the generous man that would eventually stab them viciously in the back, he knew that he stood wide-eyed and willing beside a demon masquerading as a saint, and Aizen would never be able to take that away from him. That was why he had been chosen, right? Sure he was powerful, sure he had been a child-prodigy, but really it all came down to the fact that he was the perfect candidate; power-hungry, willing and far more perceptive than all those other powerful, child-prodigies in Seireitei. From the moment those warm eyes had smiled at him, he had sealed his fate. A smile, as equally as fake, coming to his own lips as he sing-songed into the evening air, “Ya don’ hafta lie ta me, Aizen-sama.”

Now, as he stood here in silence, same fake smile plastered on his face from a hundred years prior, this thought, this knowledge, was the only thing that brought him comfort. He had defied his God, and there was no getting passed that, and if he had meant anything less to the man, he idly wondered if he would still be standing. Was this fear he was feeling? Honest, true fear? He did not fear death. Before a few minutes ago, he thought that he feared nothing…yet here it was, tugging at his chest, because Aizen Sosuke could do so much more than merely kill him, and one thing he could always expect from his taicho was that he could never expect what those things were. So yes, it must be fear. He snickered internally at the thought, laughing at his own slice of cruel misfortune.

Still, he stood his ground, grasping onto the saving confidence that told him that above all else, he was important to this man.

“Did you think this uninvited entrance of yours was unexpected, Gin?” He didn’t flinch at the words, but they were mildly surprising nevertheless. He had assumed that once he had been given the news that Hitsugaya was to be brought to Aizen’s chambers, his lord would have expected him to be as loyal as ever and cut ties with the boy, leaving him to face whatever fate Aizen had deemed worthy of the little prisoner.

“I have no intention o’ assumin’ anything, Aizen-sama.” This was a lie of course, they both knew it, but it was a simple game they had both grown quite fond of over the years. Besides, Ichimaru wouldn’t have gotten nearly as far as he had if he hadn’t learned to assume the worst in people.

“As cheeky as always, aren’t you?” Aizen chuckled slightly, his voice as cheery as ever, but Ichimaru knew that his taicho had far more to say. “Now tell me Gin, do you find my little present to you unsatisfactory?”

“Unsatisfactory how, Aizen-sama?”

“Well, to put it simply, you haven’t fucked him yet.”

Ichimaru was not particularly fazed by these words. He was no fucking saint either. However, he did find it slightly hypocritical on Aizen’s part to demand that everyone speak in a respectful manner while he himself had no intention of doing so, but such were the ways of a demigod. Equality was not something so easily grasped.

“I did not realize there was a time limit.” His voice was calm. It had to be at this moment, and Aizen would expect no less from him.

“Surely not, however I believe your purpose for requesting the boy in the first place was for that very reason, was it not?”

“Are ya tha one assuming now, Aizen-sama?”

“Is it your place to question whether I am or not?” The tension was becoming more and more evident with each passing phrase, and still they kept their voices as calm as if they were discussing tea.

“I would not dream o’ it. I was merely curious.” He took a step closer to his taicho, and immediately after he did so he felt the gentle press of Aizen’s reiatsu on him. It surrounded him, and cradled him, threatening sweetly to suffocate him, still he did not falter in his steps. “I was merely waitin’ fer an appropriate time ta break tha child, Aizen-sama.” He had to choose his words carefully at this moment.

Aizen’s interest seemed peaked by the words as he sat up a little straighter in his chair, his chin no longer lazily supported by his chin. “Is that so? Well, then please continue on explaining this devious little plan or yours, Gin.”

“He has a strong ‘ittle spirit, Aizen-sama. His will is not so easily broken. Tha’s why fuckin’ ‘im right away would ‘o virtually done nothing ta ‘im besides give ‘im another reason ta keep on fightin’. So, I wanted ta gain his trust first. That way when it came time ta do what I wanted to him, there would be no hope fer repair.” They were simple, perfectly chosen words. He had always been good at talking, at fighting and manipulating through his words, and this time was no different, yet still, he had to wonder why they left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“You really are rather extraordinary, my Gin. The way you think, the way you form plans, all of them revolving around the idea of destruction. It is almost the definition of the word sadistic. This little plan of yours is no different. It suggests that you have absolutely no feelings about what happens to your little pet, and I would believe every word of what you say, commend you on it even, if I didn’t know that every word of it was a lie.”

Ichimaru froze. For one sickening minute his world stopped, and this would have been fucking hilarious any other time, but now, in this moment, nothing was even remotely funny about this situation.

“Ya think I’m lyin?”

“I know you’re lying. Now don’t get me wrong, Gin, I believe your intentions may have started out that way, but now I think you have an entirely different reason for waiting to take that boy.”

“And what might that be, Aizen-sama?”

“You’re in love with him.” If he would have been any different then he was, he would have sputtered at those words. It wasn’t a very feasible idea. He wasn’t entirely sure that he was even capable of the emotion. In fact, he was pretty sure that he wasn’t. He almost laughed at those words…almost. However it wasn’t the thought of Aizen ripping out his vocal cords that stopped him. Aizen would never do something so dirty anyways. No, he didn’t laugh because he knew that something about those words, and what they meant, was nothing that he should be laughing at. He just didn’t know why he had that feeling.

Interesting.

“Forgive me, but I think yer mistaken.”

“No, I don’t think I am, Gin. I think that is the only reason you haven’t fucked him six ways to Sunday by now. I think you want him to want you as much as you want him, and I think the thought him not absolutely loving every moment of you thrusting into that tight little body of his, kills you. You want him to put his arms around your neck and positively scream into your ear how much he wants this and how much he needs you. You’re willing to wait until he loves you just as much as you love him. That’s why you refuse to share him. That’s why you threatened Nnoitra, and that’s why you burst into here against every fiber of the loyalty you have for me, because the thought of my fingers inside of him, the thought of my cock inside of him, the thought of me hurting him, was too much for you to handle. You love him, you love him enough to throw away a hundred years of loyalty. I’m not sure you even know what you’re feeling, so that’s why I’ve chosen to enlighten you. So tell me Gin, when did you grow that pathetic little heart of yours?”

He wasn’t sure what to say. All those years of perfectly calculating his words. All those years of knowing the exact thing to say in order to manipulate a situation, all boiled down to this…and he didn’t know what to say. The things Aizen said, the way he described the first time he would take Hitsugaya, was true. He did want the little brat begging him, wanting him, needing him. He wanted every fiber of who Hitsugaya was to belong to him, but that didn’t mean he wanted to belong to Hitsugaya just as much. That wasn’t how it was supposed to work. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this. This wasn’t how he functioned. Ichimaru Gin was many things, but this was not one of them.

“Shall we agree to disagree then, Aizen-sama?” He smiled, because for the moment he didn’t know what else to do.

The mightiest fall the furthest.

“Don’t be snide, Gin.”

“That was never my intention, Taicho.”

“You lie so easily.”

“I was taught by tha best.”

“I disagree. I believe lying comes as naturally to you as breathing air. That’s why this is so difficult for you now. I can read you just as easily as you can read me, and I know you don’t think what I say is true. I know you’re fighting it with every ounce of misguided dignity you possess, because you’re as good at lying to yourself as you are to everyone else.”

“Have I so greatly offended ya?” He asked, eager to cut to the chase, feeling like a child being told something that he didn’t want to hear.

“You cannot be offended by something that you expected.”

“Then, would I be so bold as ta presume we’re done, o’ are ya gonna kill me fer my insolence?” He was treading on thin ice here. Playing with a type of fire that could do so much more than just burn him, but he had spent his whole life playing this game, so why stop now? Who would expect any less from Ichimaru Gin?

“Of course I’m not going to kill you, Gin. Do you know why?”

“Because I’m a valued piece in yer ’ittle game, taicho.” For once since entering the room, he felt that his smirk was real. If this was the game, then he already knew the rules.

“No.”

He froze.

“What?”

“I said no, Gin. Do you really think that I value you that much? Well, of course you do, after a hundred years who wouldn’t? Still, you’re wrong though. You are expendable, Gin. I keep you around because you suit my wishes, but that does not mean that I hold you at a higher regard then I hold any of my other pawns…my other toys. What did you think? That I would mourn your death like a lover when you get killed? Or that I would nurture you back to health if you become frail and of no use to me? Do you think that I hold any type of feeling for you at all? You are talented, strong and perfect for fulfilling parts of my plan, but you are insignificant for the end result. You are nothing without me and you are nothing to me. You are my right hand man, that is true, but you are still an insect riding on the heels of a giant, and that is all you will ever be to me. My perfect little tool to be used until you are broken, and then thrown away without a second thought for what it might do to you. Learn your place, Gin. You may be above most, but you are still below me, and I hold no affection for such things.”

At that moment, Nnoitra’s words rang clearly in his head.

“And what does that make you, Ichimaru? Do you really think you’re any different? Or is that your mistake as well?”

He should have expected this. He should have known that even though he had given his life to this man, he was still a tool. He should have calculated it. He should have realized. How could he think that he was a commodity? He should have known. Yet, why did he feel such a disarming pain in his chest, breaking down everything that he had built up? What was this? What in fuck’s sake was this? He had given everything, and now all that was left of him was power and an empty smile, and nothing else. He was so fucking smart and yet so fucking stupid. How had he not realized?!

“Then why am I still alive?” He was entirely amazed that his voice was still the same as ever, as if none of those words had registered to him, even though every single one of them had, a million times over.

“Because I always love a good show, and you always put on a hell of a show.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“I think you understand more then you let on. You were never dumb, my pet.” There was silence and he refused to break the eye contact he held with the god before him. Refused to waver. However, Aizen simply smiled at him. “It hurts doesn’t it?”

“Elaborate, Aizen-sama.”

“It hurts knowing that this is what your life boils down to. Everything you’ve done, my favorite little pet, and still only ever a pet. You may be a sadistic monster, but there are still those pesky little things called human emotions inside of you. I wonder if you feel as pathetic as I perceive you to be.”

“What make ya think I wont betray ya now?” He didn’t know why he said this. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he spoke without thinking.

“Why, that’s simple, it’s because this is all you’ve ever known. Death, manipulation, destruction…it’s who you are and you’ll never turn your back from it, from me.”

Ichimaru bowed his head, his silver hair falling down in front of him, a show of respect he was all too familiar with, and still he smiled, because it was the only part of himself that he could hold onto. “Ya may very well be right, Aizen-sama.”

“See, that’s my smart little boy. You a free to go now, Gin. Please, don’t interrupt me again, I do not want to have to repeat this conversation.”

“I wouldn’t dream o’ it, Taicho.” With that he turned on his heel, not looking back at his master, feeling that Aizen had taken so much more from him than just his life. He took proud, sure steps, each one as difficult as the first, and still his hands were shaking. He closed the door quietly behind him, and began to make his way towards another one, his heart beating faster with each step, almost as if it feared if it didn’t beat as fast as possible, it would just stop altogether.

He only had one destination in mind, and he was hell bent on getting there and showing his perfectly destructive little chibi the consequences of the effect that Aizen’s words had had on him.

Both of them were going to be feeling pain before this was all over.