Unrequited love

Gin was drunk, oh boy was he drunk. He laughed as he stumbled and almost fell on his way up the stairs. It was nine in the morning and there was no way in hell he was going into work. Not with how drunk he was. The thought of trying to work in such a state was fleeting but it was still funny and made Gin laugh uproariously. He clapped a hand over his mouth as if trying to keep the laughter in. He was having no luck though and soon burst out laughing over the fact that he was trying so hard not to burst out laughing.

This time he did fall and hard making the ground shake with his weight. After all a six foot tall giant couldn’t fall without making a rather large impact. Far from being hurt it just supplied more fuel for Gin’s laughing fit. He didn’t hear the door open and close downstairs. Sitting up he rubbed his hip which would have a rather nasty bruise when he sobered up and could actually feel pain. He had drunk himself into this state because he hadn’t wanted to feel but was going to feel every ache and misery when he sobered up, that was for sure.

No matter how good he had felt after burning that letter, the misery had come back like a hornet to its nest and it had stung him. However, he couldn’t feel any of that now. He couldn’t feel the bruise forming on his hip, he couldn’t feel the deep guilt, and he sure as hell couldn’t feel his lips which set him off laughing more when he realized it.

“Who’s there?” It was a frightful voice that rung in Gin’s ears but he was too far gone to note the echo of panic in that voice.

“Lord viceroy of knickers!” He called back deciding he had to stop laughing then and there even as another fit of giggles escaped him. It made him feel ill to laugh so hard. He didn’t want to make himself sick and waste good sake.

“Gin?”

“Shirou?” He called back getting to his feet and shuffling down the stairs. He didn’t fall this time although that might have gotten him into the entry hall a lot faster than his slow careful steps would have.

“You’re drunk, and what are you doing in my house?” Shirou sounded exhausted and he had dark circles under his eyes. There wasn’t a sign of damage that Gin could see but then again he wasn’t looking too hard for that sort of thing. He had spotted the fourth squad captain behind Shirou and his eyes had gone wide.

“Oh, cheese it! It’s the cops!” He said with a grave air of solemnity to his drunk and slurring voice. Gin turned and tried to get his feet moving towards the dining room and out through the kitchen. Without too much fight, Unohana got him by the wrist and pulled him around. She had that, ‘I shall not take any shit from you today’ look on her face that made Gin stop struggling at once. It wasn’t a conscious thought that made him stop, it was just a habit. If one wanted to live a long life in Soul Society there were just a few people you should never piss off and Unohana was one of them.

“That’s better,” She said with a friendly smile. She looked into Gin’s eyes then felt his forehead. “I am glad you came back here tonight. Did you go anywhere else?”

Gin sniggered, “anywhere else?” he echoed apparently he found the phrase funny. “Noooooo,” He said when Unohana gave him that look again.

“That is a good thing, I guess. The man you attacked had contagious hepatitis. I am quarantining you both here in Hitsugaya san’s house because you are already here. I also need to examine you for damage. You attacked him, did he hurt you? This is a serious you ought not to have left before I looked at you. What would have happened if you ran off to a crowded area? We have not had such a disease within the court of pure souls before. Your recklessness could have caused a major disaster.” She turned to Toushirou and said something to him. The teen nodded and looked at Gin as if he were some sort of dirty dog that he had been left in charge of.

“Bai bai!” Gin called after Unohana, waving after her like many of his ilk down in the Kansai speaking band of Japan were known to do. He tottered toward Toushirou, falling to his knees before the other. “You’re all healed.” He sobbed suddenly feeling all mushy. He hugged the other and buried his face into the other’s chest. “It’s all my fault.”

Toushirou sighed and patted the other on the head, this was not something he wanted to deal with after the night he had had. Unohana had healed him in no time at all but she couldn’t make him forget what had happened. He had had nightmares when he had tried to sleep and so he had stopped trying to sleep however, he couldn’t stay awake all day on top of last night, he was too tired for that. He yawned before he could stop himself. “Stop it Gin,” He said with a sigh pushing the other away. Maybe if he got some sleep here, where he was safe…where he felt safe…his mind would stop its continuous torture it had been assaulting him with.

“But it’s all my fault!” Gin wailed following Toushirou on his hands and knees like a puppy.

“Get into bed.” He had waited for Gin to pass him on the stairs and kicked him firmly in the ass. No matter how bad he felt at the moment, he had to admit that Gin’s drunken behavior was making him feel a tad bit better. An actual smile nearly broke out on his face. Nearly.

“Okay,” Gin chuckled getting his feet apparently not caring that he had just been kicked in the ass. He may not have cared but his body did because he walked with a limp now. This time he made it up the stairs with little problems, other than the limp. He waited at the top of the stairs for further instruction, bottom lip trembling as blurry, drunken thoughts of confessing his crimes to his lover swam through his head. He couldn’t believe it, he was near tears. It was the one clear thought that came to him.

“Why are you crying?” Gin stood corrected right before the dense cloud of sake clouded his thoughts once more. He wasn’t near tears he had started to cry, fat tears streaking hot trails down his face. However, before the moment of clarity had passed, he had had the epiphany that if he told Toushirou what he had done he would surely lose his love forever.

So when Toushirou answered him again why, he answered with a drunken shrug and a muttered, unintelligible “Mmph nmph ahh.”

Toushirou raised an eyebrow but was too tired both physically and emotionally to care if Gin wasn’t going to answer him properly. He shuddered and felt sick to his stomach at the sudden thought of dirty, grubby fingers prodding their way into his body, violating every particle of his being. He and Unahana had done a lot of talking just about that. First he would recount something else he remembered that sick bastard doing to him and how it had made him feel then she would counter it with something from her past.

He wasn’t the only one.

She had been raped before she had become a shinigami, before she could protect herself. She knew how it felt to be afraid to want to cry…how it felt to be ridiculed by everyone else because of what had happened. That thought alone stung his eyes with tears. What might the others be saying about him at that very moment? He herded Gin into his bedroom and started to strip the drunk without thought. Gin laughed and squirmed under his fingers and Shirou sincerely hoped that Gin would not be turned on by this he didn’t want to have to deal with that after last night. “Hold still, won’t you?” He growled slapping Gin’s ass realizing too late that his lover would moan and squirm harder at that. Gin liked pain and he liked giving it and he wasn’t too sure he hated it himself.

Without too much effort he got Gin on his back in the large futon. He had to get them a larger bed if they were going to continue sleep together. His futon wasn’t big enough for the two of them, not that he minded too much. He liked to snuggle up with Gin at night, especially after they’d screwed good and hard. He shuddered at the thought of having Gin do something like that to him, the ass hadn’t hurt him. No, that dirty cunt licking whore fucker didn’t have the strength for that. Instead he just felt dirty inside as if he would never be clean enough for his lover again. How would Gin feel about fucking a man who let himself be captured the way he had been? Not only that, but he had let the ass restrain him with ki repressing rope while he slept.

Weariness washed over him as he tucked his drunken lover in like a small child. Gin had passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow, and Shirou was sure it was for the same reasons as he himself could hardly keep his eyes open. Gin hadn’t slept at all either. Maybe it was because he was achy all over and his energy levels were much lower than they ought to have been at. Unohana had said that they would be due to the hepatitis. According to her it would make his liver swell and as he sat by Gin’s side watching him sleep the sleep of the just and kind hearted, he fancied the pain in his gut was from that old swollen liver. He knew it was his imagination and that gut was probably nothing more than from the lack of food he had imposed upon himself.

Unohana had told him that he was going to feel like dying but that he had to eat and had to go on. She understood and they had talked about their feelings together. Far from making Shirou feel as if he were some weak woman (Unohana’s strength forgive him) it made him feel better. Her last and best piece of advice was that he talk to Gin about he felt. She knew somehow about Gin. It might have been the mark he had left on Gin’s throat for all to see, he had heard snickers about it from Juushirou and Shunsui. They both ribbed Gin good asking him who he had been bitten by. Oh but Unohana remained silent watching the two with a frown, she glanced towards Shirou whose face was red in embarrassment and pride. That one look had caught the truth.

Getting up he decided he ought to try to eat. He was told to expect Matsumoto by at some point during the day so that he may order her about her job. While she couldn’t come in (thank god) Unohana had arranged with Mayuri to create a speaker system and install it at Shirou’s door so he could handle his business for the next few weeks while he was locked up with Gin. He came down the stairs and wasn’t surprised to see Mayuri’s men installing the odd device into his wall. Shirou walked past them without a second look. They were wearing something like space suits, he figured that as weird as they were, they were no more immune to hepatitis than he had been. He folded his arms over his chest and repressed the sick twistings of his stomach. He had something in him from that man. Would he turn into a child molesting ass like he had been?

He doubted he could molest children…he was almost one himself still. He was hundreds of years old but he looked like an eighteen year old. Most people still called him a teenager and even though he asked, with some irritation, when he would reach adult hood, they would only laugh and continue on. Shuffling into the kitchen he found a rather big mess where his nice clean kitchen had been. There was rice scattered across the floor, apparently Gin had gotten hungry while he was drunk last night. He opened the rice cooker and found half a thing of cold rice still in there. He dished some out and heated it up with a package of instant curry on top.

Taking the hot plate of food into his sitting room he pulled the table over to where he could sit at it and look out of his large window and onto the garden he loved so much. He sighed and picked at his food waiting for the bangs and grumbles of the men in his entry all to leave. Then he could go to his living room to watch tv and cry a little bit. He still didn’t want to sleep but maybe while watching tv and after a good cry, he would.

He was just starting to think he ought to toss out Mayuri’s men when one of them came as bold as brass into his sitting room. Jumping to his feet he tried not to tremble with rage but he did clutch his hands into fists so tightly that the bones in them creaked. “What do you want?” He spat sure that his anger would wash over the man and make him tremble but he showed no signs of fear which made him even angrier than before.

“I got a letter from some hooded guy,” The man in the space suit said holding out the letter. “It’s for Ichimaru Taichou I think.” He handed it over and left without another word, not even an apology for traipsing around in Toushirou’s clean house.

Toushirou forgot his pain, forgot even his anger for a little bit. He looked at the hand writing on the envelope. It looked familiar but he wasn’t sure, he opened it up and took out the letter. He knew it was for Gin, it had his name on it but he was sure that his lover wouldn’t mind if he had a look. Who was it from? All the letter said was, “You are a bad man, you ought to suffer.” He didn’t like how it was written. It sounded like a threat somehow. Could this have come to the wrong person? Surely it had to have, who would threaten a person like Gin? If you didn’t know how gentle the silver haired taichou was, one would believe him frightening and maybe even unstable.

Folding the letter back up he put it into the envelope deciding that he would ask Gin about that when he sobered up. He left the letter on the table and finished his food, his eyes locked on the fine paper that formed the envelope. That paper even looked familiar but he knew why it did. It was the sort of paper that the fukutaichou used to send out payments for the bills their squads incurred. He reached out and touched it, stroked it while he fed himself out of habit. Could that mean that a fukutaichou was threatening Gin? Which one would dare? He could look at the handwriting again, maybe ask Juushirou help in the analysis. However the image of Juushirou and Shunsui laughing at Gin about the hicky he had on his neck, he thought that if he went to them he would be laughed at for being raped. He didn’t think he could stand that. Mayuri then? He was good with tests and what not, surely he would have a machine to test the paper and figure out who wrote it…but…Mayuri also liked test subjects that could scream…and maybe he would wonder too how a captain could be so easily taken advantage of. The thought of being raped in a different sort of way by a man like him…a freak who liked body modification so much that he would radically change his appearance like that. He didn’t dare think of that with most of his food in him. He wanted to keep it in there.

He would just ask Gin when he got up. Leaving his sitting room he washed his cleaned plateyuj in the sink and set it aside to dry. Leaving the table where it was he went into his living room, a room Gin hadn’t seen yet. It was a small tidy room if a bit crowded and cluttered. Toushirou loved to read in his free time but he had a dirty little secret that no one knew of. He turned on the tv and let his eyes sweep over the large and somewhat disorganized collection of fanzines. They were all collected over the span of many many years. He had been going to the human world for years now just to collect the books fans created to tell the world of their fantasies. There on the most cluttered of bookshelves were his favorite ones. These books were tattered and well read showing the signs of the love he felt for them. The stories all centered around a handful of male characters from an anime he followed on TV. The men weren’t gay in the anime but the fans thought there were obvious signs pointing to hidden relationships between the main characters. Toushirou had to agree with them and that was why he read those fan’s fiction. His recent favorite tells the tale of just what happened when the two powerful warriors were left behind to fight the huge beast while the main hero rushes off to save the day. Oh if Gin saw this dirty little secret of his…it wouldn’t matter if Gin could over look his defiled body…this would be a deal breaker.

To say the sex between the tall, dark handsome warrior, and the gruff, well scared lunatic fighter was just hot was a flat out fib. Toushirou had jacked off to the mental images he had in his head from reading that story. He blushed and managed to smile a bit when he remembered how Gin took his virginity. He had been so gentle just like the handsome warrior had been. Toushirou didn’t realize he was slowly nodding off in front of his gently glowing tv.


~~~~~~~
Toushirou felt the hot breath against his shoulder and could feel Gin’s hands still massaging his back. The pain of having his virginity taken was still throbbing deep inside of him but he ignored it. To have Gin inside of him like this was sort of like being complete it made him feel loved and when he thought that this was giving Gin pleasure it made him shiver. He looked back over his shoulder and saw the pleasure there on that fox like face but he could also see something else that made his heart skip a beat. Was he doing something wrong? Gin had a look of…pain? On his face. He tried to speak but he couldn’t quite get the words out.

The pace was too slow despite how good it felt and that was just about the only thing he could think clearly about and the thought came tumbling out of his mouth instead of the question he wanted to ask. “To slow,” he moaned and then groaned because he hadn’t asked Gin if he were alright. His sweaty cheek came to rest against the top of the dusty box and the scent of the dirt and grime tickled his nose. He ought to apologize for his inconsiderate request but as the concept occurred to him Gin’s rhythm picked up and continued to gain speed. Now the thoughts of how fucking good that felt crowded out all intelligence Shirou might have once possessed.

Gin paused in his movements for no more than a few seconds but it was enough to make Shirou whine and shift, looking back at his lover again. The pained expression was gone but the realization skittered across the surface of Shirou’s mind like a stone tossed at the right angle against a body of water. Sea water green eyes met eyes the color of heartless ice. Toushirou gasped and clutched at the box under him. He would be convinced latter that he had left nail marks in the soft rotting wood that had made up the box. At the moment he had no other concern than what Gin was doing with his dick. He would draw back ohhh so slowly, ‘too damned slow!’

The third squad captain only grinned, his hands rubbing circles across Shirou’s lower back. “I ought to pull all the way out then…” Before Shirou could spit out the protests against this planned halt, Gin was already out of him and he felt empty and cold. Tears stung his eyes, what had he done wrong to deserve this?

“I’m sorry!” There he said it even though he didn’t feel such an emotion. He only felt the desperation of a horny eighteen year old who, after years of trying, had finally found the means by which to lose his virginity only to have it slip through his fingers at the last second. “Please, I didn’t mean to hurt you, just fuck me.”

“What?” Gin asked a quizzical sound of amusement in his voice, however he didn’t wait for an answer. Without warning Gin shoved himself back into Toushirou’s slick hole. A firm hand slapped the teen’s ass hard with the flat of the palm, effectively cutting the whimpering sob off before it gained volume. Toushirou rocked back against the next thrust biting his lower lip to keep his cries back. He didn’t want Gin to know how good this felt, not if he was going to tease him like he had before because of it.

No sooner had Shirou thought that than Gin was pulling out again, hissing and slapping Shirou’s ass again. “Stop fucking teasing me Ichimaru or I swear,” Toushirou panted shifting his position, sitting on the edge of the crate instead. Here he could glare at Gin all he wanted, “I will bend you over my knee and give you the spanking you deserve.”

Gin had the look of madness in his eyes, Toushirou realized right then and there. His lover was mad, either he had been that way all along or the lust between them had driven him mad. The next thing he knew, Gin’s hands were grasping him behind his knees and forcing his legs apart and up. Toushirou squeaked not expecting the sudden change in balance. The box wobbled under him and he thought for a frightening second that it and he were about to topple to the floor in a bruised and bloody heap (Not that boxes bruised or bloodied…). Gin shifted his weight forward between Shirou’s legs and stopped the box from spilling out from under his lover. “Keep your legs on my shoulders,” Gin instructed as if he were not on the receiving end of one of Shirou’s most deadly glowers.

“What would have happened if that damned crate spilled me to the floor and I had been hurt!?” Shirou snarled loosing the moment. As far as he was concerned Gin could jack himself off and leave him out of it! He squirmed trying to free himself from Gin wanting to find his clothes and leave.

“I would never let that happen,” Gin said softly, a hand coming to grasp Shirou’s throat putting just enough pleasure down on it to pin Shirou down but not enough to hurt him or bruise him. Shirou couldn’t breathe. “Ah, I think I’ve found a kink.”

He could see stars before his eyes, he wasn’t getting a single sweet breath of air but Shirou’s lungs weren’t the only thing that was burning and throbbing. His cheeks colored and tears escaped the corners of his eyes to trickle down his hot cheeks. Gin let go of him and guided his hard shaft back into his lover. He pushed forward slowly and Shirou let him, whimpering at the pain of reentry and at the pain in his throat. He wasn’t too angry with Gin after all, he believed him when he said he wouldn’t let him be hurt. He trusted Gin with his virginity, with his life, with everything. Coughing he tried to swallow but found even the slight sting in his throat was turning him on. “Not a word.” He managed wrapping his legs around Gin’s waist as the man started to thrust again.

Gin leaned forward, a free hand smearing the large amount of pre that had started to flow the second he had cut off his lover’s air supply, “If’n ya don’ tell anyone about my back…I won’ tell anyone how much you seem to like being strangled.” He didn’t wait for an answer, he pulled back and stroked Shirou’s slender throat the evil glint in his eyes told Shirou that he was in for another few moments of head spinning breathlessness and his cock ached and throbbed. He thrust his hips obscenely against Gin’s stomach in a silent pleading gesture. “I had heard rumors you got off on pain an’ such but…” He groaned and started to rock into Shirou again.

The box creaked and cried out under their frantic movements but neither seemed to notice. Gin was concentrating on what he was doing, making sure not to put too much pressure down on the delicate windpipe under his palm. He had read about this and had tried it out on himself…not his cup of tea and while he hadn’t intended to do it to Shirou…it had worked out in the end.

Toushirou concentrated on what he was doing with Gin’s back, nails raking trails up and down the other’s back. There was something wrong with this, with what they were doing but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Gin was stroking his cock and that made him cry out and dig his nails into Gin’s back as if he were an angry cat instead of a horny teen dangerously close to a cataclysmic orgasm. Hadn’t this gone another way? Gin had never strangled him while they were having sex…had he? Hadn’t this happened days ago…Shirou was starting to forget about what Gin was doing to him and as if thought had held Gin together before him as a corporeal being, Gin’s image started to break apart before his very eyes.

“No!” He tried to call the other back, he wasn’t done, he ached for the release he would never find now. Despite his lover’s vanishing act he could still feel invisible hands on him. One was stroking his hair and that felt nice but the other was on his crotch and that felt even better and he groaned and arched into it. He was hot all over as if he were running a fever and it was then that he realized he was waking up and the Gin that had been fucking him and choking him had been a Gin of his dreams. The fucking had happened but the choking that hadn’t been real. He had had other dreams like that before but…as his mind started to clear and he realized that there was a very real warmth between his legs he shifted and realized that someone was touching.

“GET OFF OF ME!” He cried out in fright and disgust, squirming away and punching who ever had done it this time, who ever thought they could take advantage of him just because he let his guard down for a little while and slept...

“Gin?”

It was indeed Gin that was sitting on the living room couch clutching his bleeding nose. All the anger and fear gushed out of Shirou and he crumpled to the floor like a used sack. “Well…it got my mind off of the hang over…” Gin muttered getting up, head tilting back, fingers pinching his nose in hopes of stopping the bleed before he died of blood loss.

“L…let me get something for that!” He rushed off nearly tripping and falling over the table he had left out in his dining room. He caught himself and got an old rag hurrying back to Gin, “What were you doing!?” He demanded to know helping Gin to get the towel in place over a nose that, thankfully, did not look broken.

“I heard you groanin in here…I thought you were havin’ a bad dream,” He said his speech clogged by blood and muffled by the towel. “But I sit on the couch an’ ya latch onto me so I just pick ya up and sit you in my lap…then I notice you had a hard on and I knew what was goin on…didn’t think I’d get punched fer my efforts.”

Toushirou blushed deep red, “Don’t sneak up on me like that again…” He shifted uncomfortably looking at the tv which was showing an odd sort of commercial. An awkward silence fell until Toushirou remembered the note, “Something came for you…one of Mayuri’s freaks dropped it off when they were installing that com system.”

A panicked look came over Gin’s face and he bounded to his feet not caring about his nose anymore. He rushed out of the room. Toushirou watched him go but didn’t say anything. He figured it was just something important that he had been expecting. Gin would tell him all about it when he decided he wanted to. Now, more important than anything to do with an odd letter…he wanted to find out about asphyxiation. If he was having a wet dream about it…it must be something he was into…like guys and pain.