Silent Tears

I do not own Bleach.

Me: Ugh. I hate myself. I just realized that I am a horrible person and a highly confusing writer.
Random fan: You are just now realizing this?
Me: *glares* shut up
Random fan: *holds up hands in mock surrender* ok. ok. By the way that was a nice lemon.
Me: um...thanks I guess.
Random fan: You guess?
Me: Mhmm. Oh an minor timeskip later in this chapter.
Random fan: *raises eyebrow* alright then. On to the fic...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time: 1 AM

Place: Renji's place

They had finally made it back to Renji's apartment after saying goodbye to everyone and thanking them for coming. They had even thanked Shunsui and Urahara for that off moment of entertainment even though Renji assumed and Hitsugaya had known it was a diversion. Both shinigami took their shoes off at the door and then made their way to the bedroom to take off the nice clothes they were wearing as not to ruin them. Renji and Toshiro were both so caught up in many many different thoughts they had not said anything all the way here and still had not said anything now until Renji spoke up.

"Thank you, Toshiro.", Renji said to him softly as they walked inside his place.

"Thanks for what?", Toshiro asked suddenly coming out of his thoughts. He was wondering what Renji could possibly be thanking him for.

"For wanting to marry me.", Renji told him. "I am going to do my best to be what you deserve."

"Renji, you are already more than I could ever hope for.", Toshiro said allowing a smile to force its way on to his face.

Renji smiled softly looking away for a moment as there was a small flicker of something within his eyes. He looked at Toshiro and then walked over to him. He bent down and kissed him on the lips. Not soft and sensual as his kisses usually tended to be, but more needy and lust filled. He bit down gently on the smaller shinigami's lips before pulling away. Toshiro had a look on his face that would melted the polar ice caps of Ichigo's world as he pushed Renji over on to the bed climbing on top of him. Different feelings were warring within both shinigami, none of which either shinigami would acknowledge.

"Will you give yourself to me tonight Renji?", Toshiro asked in a low seductive voice.

Renji shook his head 'no'. "I want to save myself for our wedding night. I think it will mean so much more to finally give myself to you then.", he said looking into Toshiro's turquoise eyes.

A small smile appeared on Toshiro's face along with a hidden emotion he quickly masked and a strange sense of deja vu. He opened up Renji's top kissing and licking all the exposed skin that was available to him. "Thank you for that Renji.", Toshiro said and then continued to remove the clothes that Renji was wearing. When Renji was fully naked beneath him he just took the time to lazily trace the tattoos with his tongue before jumping up as if he had forgotten something important. He went over to the drawer by the bedside table and removed a couple of things. Renji sat up curiously before his eyes lit up like the lights of a christmas tree. He had read about those things in a book while on patrol in the real world.

"Toshiro? Where did you get those things?", Renji asked as his now blushing boyfriend. Renji couldn't make out all the words, but it sounded something like Shunsui...advice...Urahara...talk...highly embarrassing. "You know Toshiro, you really are too perfect for me.", Renji said to him.

Toshiro had only glanced at Renji before the red-head was on top of him, kissing his lips in bruising kisses as Renji made quick work of what Toshiro was wearing. He picked up the items that Toshiro had pulled from the drawer and smiled down at his panting lover. This was going to be a lot of fun. He looked around at the items and found what he needed and pushed it into the wall. Good, he thought, that should hold. He picked up the first item and secured it around Hitsugaya's wrists before he lifted it up and secured it in what he put in the wall. Hitsugaya pulled against it to test it before actually pulling against it as Renji circled his tongue around one of his nipples before sucking on it. Toshiro squirmed under his touch for a moment before suddenly tensing and thinking.

"Renji...", he says looking into Renji's eyes with a mix of sadness, pain, anger, and lust. "Take me Renji. Completely mark me so I never think about anyone else ever. Just you Renji...Only you.", he says to him though at this point he is near tears.

Renji closed his eyes taking a deep breath and then unties Hitsugaya. The younger shinigami looks at him confused before Renji pulls him on to his lap and holds him close. "Its alright Toshiro. I can tell seeing him with Byakuya hurts you more than you will ever admit to me.", he said softly stroking Toshiro's hair.

Toshiro broke down then tears streaming down his face. "Why does this upset me so much? How could he possibly be with Byakuya and not even so much as mention me? I love you Renji. I honestly love you so much. I shouldn't feel like this over him.", he said sobbing lightly against Renji's chest.

"And why shouldn't you feel like this, Toshiro?", Renji asked him in a soft tone. "After all you said he was your first, right? That gives you he right to feel this way even if you were the one to leave him. So just go ahead and cry. I promise I wont let you go until you ask me to.", Renji whispered softly holding him even tighter.

"Thank you....Renji....", Toshiro said and then went back to sobbing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time: 7 AM

Place: Ukitake's house

The sun filtered through the windows over the sleeping couple effectively waking Byakuya. Usually he would be gone by now and back home, but he didn't want to leave. He shifted slightly rubbing his leg against Ukitake's a little. Last night, he had gotten the biggest shock of his life and it was followed up by something more wonderful than he could've ever imagined. So reflecting upon last night Byakuya figured that the amount of heartache he had felt had to be close to forty-five percent, and the amount of pleasure and more that he had felt was close to fifty-five percent. However all his thoughts went out the window when that sinfully delicious voice whispered in his ear.

"It's nice to see you're still here Byakuya.", Ukitake whispered.

Byakuya looked at him placing a light kiss on his lips. "You really thought I'd disappear after that?", he asked.

"No", Ukitake said before capturing Byakuya's lips into a hot passionate kiss.

While he was kissing Byakuya, his thoughts went on to other things. Why was he finding it so nice to wake up next to the black haired shinigami? He really hadn't thought Byakuya would leave after last night. In fact he wouldn't be surprised if they consider this an actual relationship at this point with the intention of breaking up as soon as they were able to get Toshiro and Renji. Last night, Ukitake had wondered what had come over him. With Toshiro he had been more than happy to allow Toshiro to take him and because of his normal easygoing nature it was fine, however with Byakuya he felt a need to be on top, to be the one to take the control of the ever so confident and controlled Byakuya Kuchiki. The memories of Byakuya's face flushed, the surprisingly loud sounds of his moans, and the fact that Byakuya had said he'd listen to orders from him in the bedroom caused stirrings within Ukitake that he wasn't exactly sure what to do with and kept shifting to get comfortable.

Byakuya seemed to notice Ukitake's sudden and constant shifting as he broke their kiss. "Why are you shifting so much Jushiro? Is something wrong?", he asked calmly.

"Actually nothing is wrong.", Jushiro said with a smile he has shown on quite a few occasions especially when giving someone candy. "Just a little warm in here I guess."

Byakuya looked at him and then 'accidentally' brushed his leg against Ukitake's crotch feeling the older shinigami's hard length and the gasp that came with was all Byakuya needed to confirm his suspicions. Normally knowing something like that would usually be a huge turn off to Byakuya, however that was not the case at the moment. "You know Jushiro. If you wanted to take me again...", Byakuya said suggestively with a slight smile. He was the first to see Byakuya smile in a long time.

Jushiro looked at him and silently prayed to whatever god was out there in thanks as he pinned Byakuya kissing him like there was no tomorrow. They could plan more after this.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time: 8 AM

Place: Renji's apartment

Toshiro and Renji were laying together and true to his word Renji hadn't let go. He just held on to Toshiro even while he slept. Now they both lay wide awake thinking of many different things and talking. While their talk spoke of the wedding they would be having and who they wanted to invite and such. On the other hand, their thoughts were consumed with not only each other, but the two shinigami doing who knows what at that moment.

-Toshiro's thoughts-

3 years ago

They had just finished making love and Toshiro pulled out laying next to Ukitake. "You know you are pretty amazing.", he said to Ukitake.

"You are the amazing one Toshiro. I love being with you and I can't wait until you are comfortable enough with me to allow me to take you. I would love to show you how wonderful you make me feel.", Jushiro said and they shared a kiss.

Toshiro looked into Jushiro's eyes after the kiss. "Jushiro, I want to save myself for our wedding night. I think it will mean so much more to finally give myself to you then.", he told him. "I promise you will be the first to take me."

2 years ago

"You wanted to see me here Toshiro?", Ukitake asked him as they were out in the garden on a moonlit night.

"Yes. I feel as though we should separated Jushiro. I do not feel as though this relationship is good for either of us.", Toshiro said to him softly not turning to look at him.

Ukitake felt as though his heart was breaking and being stomped upon and so so much more. "Toshiro...why?", he asked him now sitting down and obviously very upset.

"Because I don't think it would be a good idea to continue it. There is the age difference and you are very sick. I am just a burden on you. You don't need anymore to think about considering you need to focus on being able to recover more. You could also do more with you squad once you get the proper amount of rest. I am just in the way.", Toshiro said softly as he looked ahead.

"Toshiro...please don't do this. Please don't leave me alone like this.", Ukitake said to him pleading with the young former captain.

"I'm sorry Ukitake...I am sticking with my decision.", he said completely emotionless.

"I see. Well I will accept this for now, but I will not give up and even if I take another lover, I will tell them how much I love you and how special you are to me.", Ukitake said to him not moving and allowing himself to cry.

Toshiro did not look back as he left and once he was far enough away relaxed a bit. "I'm sorry Jushiro. I will always love you.", he said to himself and then looked to see a captain on his way home as well. Toshiro blushed when he saw him though the man did not sense him. "Renji...."

-End of Toshiro's thoughts-

-Renji's thoughts-

4 years ago

The battle was going on and on. He was helping Ishida take down a rather powerful hollow with the help of Chad. It was too much. He could feel his body ready to crumble to the ground and just give up, but he wouldn't allow himself to disgrace his captain like that. He'd keep fighting until his last breath, if only it made his captain notice him. I will do whatever it takes, he thought. He glanced over the battlefield and noticed Byakuya fighting another super strong hollow all on his own. Everyone here was trying to kill all of Aizen's army while Ichigo faced off against Aizen in a different plane of existence. He jumped avoiding an attack by the hollow as Chad punched it away, a quick glance at Byakuya made his heart almost stop. The captain seemed to be distracted a moment and was knocked to the ground. It seemed as though something was really wrong with his captain as he watched him lay still while the killing blow was about to be delivered to him. He didn't want to lose him and while he had never confessed his feelings Renji loved his captain.

He used flash step leaving Chad and Ishida to fight the hollow on their own and blocked the blow that was about to come down on the seemingly dazed Byakuya. He fought the hollow more fiercely than he had ever fought anything before. He had to save him, even if it meant losing his own life in the process. He would save Byakuya and if he was going to die, he would confess his love with his last breath. The hollow managed to strike him a few times leaving deep gashes across his torso, on his legs, and his arms. His blood was leaking all over the ground and the pain was unbearable, but he had to bear it...he had to save Byakuya. The man who ignored him, but the one he loved with all his heart and was happy just to stay by his side as long as he could. It dragged on and he was feeling faint with blood loss. How the hell did Aizen create mindless hollows with such raw strength? He was panting now and his vision blurred a little bit. One more, he thought, I have one more attack. He summoned all the energy he had and hit the hollow with it effectively destroying it before falling to his knees.

He looked and saw other hollows fall as Ichigo came back holding a dead Aizen. He sighed with relief. The enemy was defeated. They had won the war. He had turned to look Byakuya in the face with a light smile. "Are you ok, Captain?", he asked with concern in his voice.

"I am fine. That was rather foolish of you to put yourself in a position in which you could get that badly injured." Byakuya had said to him. "You should know better than that."

Renji's smile disappeared from his face. "Yes you are right. My apologies Captain.", he said and then passed out.

-Four days later-

Rukia had come to visit him in the hospital. She was fussing over him even though he told her that he was fine.

"Fine. How are you feeling?", Rukia asked him.

"I'm alright, but enough about me...How is he?", he asked her.

Rukia sighed knowing he was talking about Byakuya. Renji had to be the most loyal lieutenant in all of Seireitei for the things he would put himself through for Byakuya. "He is alright Renji. Only a few minor scratches, but other than that he is fine thanks to you.", she said.

"Thank goodness. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to him.", he said with a sigh of relief laying back down for he had been sitting up.

"I know he's your captain, but why do you care so much Renji?", Rukia asked him worried about her friend's obsession for surpassing his captain was going to get him killed.

"Because Rukia, its simple. I love him.", he said to her looking into her eyes. "I love him more than I have ever loved anyone and as long as I can stay by his side even as his lieutenant then I will be more than happy. He is so strong and collected and more. As long as I can stay by his side nothing else matters but him."

-End of Renji's thoughts-

Toshiro and Renji looked at one another sharing a sweet kiss full of love before getting up to start their day. They had each other now. It would be enough, it had to be. The past was full of nothing but unpleasant memories and they needed to move forward. Together they would be able to help one another and together they would be happy. After all they had a wedding to plan what could be happier than that. The sun shone over their faces once they were completely dressed and looking at one another.

Though there was love in them, they only saw one thing as they stared into each other's eyes.

The shattered pieces of their lover's soul.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So to explain the ending of this chapter. Renji looks into Toshiro's eyes and sees that he is shattered like broken glass and Toshiro looks at Renji and sees the same. Both for the moment bypassing the love that is also there.