With a Silent Step

Urahara could hear things going on outside his rooms, but was so intently focused on the bracelet Hitsugaya had brought that he didn't pay any attention to anything else. It was absolutely fascinating, the things Kurotsuchi had designed. As he dissected it piece by piece, he could see each layer's purpose as though it had been written on it. One layer was a kido spell designed to set off the transformation from man into woman. Another was a trigger set to begin draining the reiatsu from Ichigo and her surroundings. A third was clearly a tiny machine, although its purpose eluded him at the moment and he set it aside for later inspection. Such an amazing piece of work, jammed into such a small strip of seemingly-innocuous leather.

He could see in his mind a way to reverse the effects of the transfiguration spell and return Ichigo to manhood, but it would be a lengthy process, requiring much time and reiatsu. The wheels were already turning, however.

-

It was several days later. Ichigo sat in her room in the middle of her futon, and refused to speak to anyone. The Shinigami who came and went, updating the group on the goings-on of Soul Society were completely invisible and inaudible to her, and she refused to hear the news second-hand.

Ishida was beginning to lose patience with her. Urahara was working tirelessly to help her - he hadn't even been informed of her complete loss of reiatsu, Shinigami form, and hollow yet - and he was beginning to think she was just throwing a silent tantrum.

After the first few days of it, he took to simply sitting next to her in silence, ignoring Rukia or Renji when they dropped by to check on them. The only people he would speak to were those visible to Ichigo, though he couldn't have explained his reasoning even to himself.

What he could explain was his feelings. Somehow, over the last few weeks, he'd come to terms with his feelings for the substitute Shinigami. He was completely, unadulteratedly in love with her, boy or girl.

He was also completely unaware of how she felt about him. He was the only person she would speak to now - she said good morning, and asked how he slept, for they slept innocently together on her futon. He wouldn't dream of leaving her alone, not when her emotions were so raw, and he was terrified of something happening to her in his absence. The last time he'd left her alone, she had been kidnapped, beginning this entire nightmare. He was determined not to let anything happen to her, either from outside sources or from herself.

He couldn't imagine what it was like to have the soul of your sword in your mind, or an entirely foreign being sharing your brain and body, but he knew that if he'd been in such close connections with two people for five years, only to lose them so abruptly after so many other horrible things, he would be distraught; possibly even suicidally so. Ichigo wasn't the type to give up in such a way, and had stated on previous occasions that suicide was a cowardly way out, and he was anything but a coward. But now, Ishida wasn't sure that depression wouldn't win out over self-image. So he did what he could, and stayed by her side.

-

Ichigo hated herself. She knew she was sulking, and causing worry to everyone, but she couldn't handle the thought of being stuck like a girl, with no Shiro and no Zan for the rest of her life. She could have handled one without the other, she thought. If she were a guy, and had lost those two, it would have been easier to deal with. Her emotions wouldn't have had such a hold over her, for one. And if she'd had their constant support behind her, lifting her up and keeping her sane, she could have dealt with being a girl forever, as well.

But to be sentenced to eternal femininity, without Shirosaki or Zangetsu... It was more than she thought she could bear.

Ishida's constant presence in her days and nights was beginning to wear on her pride. She had, at first, insisted she was fine, and didn't need him, but the more he was there, the more she found herself turning to him.

How much does Ishida Uryuu like me? she queried herself, recalling some of Zangetsu's last words to her. How much do I like him?

The answer came so swiftly that it nearly toppled her with the force of it.

I love him. I'm in love with him.

She glanced at the boy sitting easily at her side, laying on his back, his head cradled in one hand, the other hand resting on his bent knee. He was looking... normal for once, dressed in jeans and a tee shirt instead of a school uniform or those damned Quincy clothes he sewed for himself. In an effort to feel closer to the lost Shirosaki, she'd donned the pink shirt and tight jeans the hollow had worn. She swore she could feel a faint trace of Shiro's reiatsu clinging to the material, and it felt like wearing her boyfriend's jacket, or something personal of her mother's. Something comforting, and familiar.

"Something wrong?" Ishida asked, finally noticing her stare. Ichigo blushed to the roots of her orange hair.

"Ne, Ishida..." If I'm about to ask him out, shouldn't I use his first name? Is that too personal for a casual date? We've known each other for years, but what if he doesn't feel the same? Well of course he doesn't feel the same. He couldn't possibly be in love with me, but maybe... Maybe he likes me... just a little.

He was looking at her curiously, patiently, willing to wait for her to say whatever it was she was trying to find the words for.

"Uryuu," she said, and was gratified by the faint blush that spread across his pale cheeks, "would you... Do you think.."

She swallowed and took a deep breath. "I think... I like you. Do you... would you maybe want to go out with me tonight? I mean... It's okay if you don't because I know I'm really a guy and all and that's kinda weird, but I'm a girl right now and I swear it's not just because I'm a girl, I haven't lost my mi-"

Ishida cut off her rambling with a kiss. His fingers cupped her face gently, and his lips moved soundlessly over hers. After a stunned moment, she pressed back, realizing that she was meant to do something too. In the back of her mind, in the place Shirosaki used to occupy, it occurred to her that this was her first kiss.

He pulled back after a long moment, blushing slightly and smiling. "I would love to go out with you tonight, tomorrow morning, tomorrow night, next week, or in five years," he said. "The time and place don't matter to me as long as I'm with you."

"Oh... oh... Uryuu." She hated herself in that moment as tears filled her eyes again. He gathered her into his arms and rocked her comfortingly.

-

Urahara realized that he hadn't slept in at least fourty eight hours. Wandering out of his room, he blinked into the harsh light spilling through the hallway through Ichigo's open door. Peeking inside, he saw Ishida and Ichigo kissing as though their lives depended on it. A real smile spread across his face, and he gently pulled the door closed, tiptoeing away.

Upon entering the kitchen, he briefly wondered where he'd picked up more freeloaders from. Shinji and Ishida had become permanent fixtures in his house, and he'd grown accustomed to their presence, but the four Shinigami gathered around his table were new.

Renji, Rukia, Hitsugaya, and Hanatarou were all seated, drinking tea with Ururu, Yoruichi, Jinta, and Shinji. He planted a brief kiss on Yoruichi's cheek, and settled himself beside her. "I think I've made some important breakthroughs on that thing," he announced. The group applauded happily, Renji even jumping out of his chair and leaping into the air, whooping happily. Rukia chided him for being noisy, and then proceeded to pick the fallen furniture back up for him. The action was so wifely that Urahara couldn't keep the grin off his face.

"So when can we expect an announcement?" he teased into their blank faces. "Of a wedding," he hinted, and their faces flushed identical shades of red.

"Not gonna be a weddin'," Renji insisted.
"As if I'd marry this monkey!" Rukia said adamantly. This of course degraded into another argument, until Hitsugaya slammed his fist down on the table, causing the tea cups to tremble.

"Shut up, both of you! Urahara, has anyone told you?" he asked, turning his attention to the former captain.

"No one's told me a thing," Urahara said blithely, wondering what he could have missed besides Ishida and Ichigo's burgeoning relationship.

"Ichigo's lost her spiritual power," Shinji said flatly. "When she uses her Shinigami icon, she simply appears as a normal soul attached to her body."

Yoruichi put a hand over his. "She's lost Shirosaki and Zangetsu as well," she said quietly. Urahara absorbed this in silence.

"So you lot are invisible to her?" he asked after a long while. Four sad nods answered him. None of them were happy at the loss of their friend. "That's okay," he said cheerfully. "Cheer up, you'd think someone had died! We'll get her spiritual power back, which will bring back Zangetsu. Then we'll start working on getting her turned back into a guy."

"What about Shirosaki?" Nine heads whipped around to the entranceway to the kitchen. Ishida stood there hand-in-hand with Ichigo, looking simultaneously like the happiest man alive, and embarrassed to have been caught in a public display of affection. Ichigo was scowling, looking more like her old self than ever. Shinji even did a double-take; the last time he'd seen Ichigo dressed like that, it had really been Shirosaki, and the hollow had threatened to rip off his most precious possession. He took in their clasped hands, and smiled. Across the table from him, Renji also saw their twined fingers, and stood up. Ichigo focused on him - or rather, on the chair that suddenly pushed itself away from the table. Ishida eyed him warily.

"I'm only sayin' this cause she can't hear me," Renji hissed into his ear, getting up close and personal with Ishida. "But if you hurt her in any way, I'll tear you apart piece by piece and then feed you to Kurotsuchi."

"Ishida?" Ichigo could see the shoten's employees and Shinji staring at Ishida. The four empty chairs were a hint that they weren't alone, but it was maddeningly frustrating not knowing who was there. She refused to ask, but the way Ishida's fingers tightened in her own let her know that something was going on out of her sight.

"You have nothing to worry about," Ishida said into what Ichigo had interpreted as complete silence. "Nothing will ever happen."
Renji smiled broadly, and clapped him on the shoulder before returning to his seat. Ichigo tugged on Ishida's hand.

"Who's here?" she asked quietly. "What just happened?"

He lowered his voice so that only she could hear him. "Abarai was just passing on some advice. Sitting next to Urahara is Hitsugaya, then Rukia, then Abarai, and Hanatarou. The two seats next to Shinji are empty."

She nodded gratefully, and allowed him to guide her into the empty seat beside Hanatarou. Silence reigned, on Ichigo's part at least. She had no way of knowing if any of the present Shinigami were speaking.

Finally, Urahara clapped his hands. "I've got it! Inoue and Sado gained their spiritual powers from being around Ichigo, so perhaps if Ichigo is around someone with strong spiritual energy, she too will regain her powers!"

"How do you figure?" Renji asked wryly, but was ignored.

"How do you plan on doing that?" Ichigo asked him. He gave her his widest smile, which put her on an instant guard. Without warning, he'd struck Ishida on to the forehead with his cane, pressing the boy's soul out of his body.

"What the hell!" both Ichigo and Ishida shouted in unison. Hanatarou chuckled.

"You two are certainly on the same wavelength," he commented. Ichigo turned to Ishida's body, being unable to see him in his soul-form. She looked at him, slumped backwards in his chair, and then turned a venomous look on Urahara.

"This had better work, you bastard," she hissed, and then hauled Ishida's body out of the chair and back down the hallway. Ishida followed after her, wishing that Urahara could have chosen a better time.

Slamming the door behind her, Ichigo half-carried, half-dragged Ishida's body over to her futon, and arranged him comfortably before settling down beside him, crying again. "I know you're in here," she said. "I want to ask if you think this is going to work. It feels hopeless." She angrily wiped tears off her face. "I'm so sick of crying!" She looked around the room, trying with her whole being to sense something. "I never thought I'd be so afraid," she whispered finally. "I'm afraid of how you feel. I'm afraid of how I feel."

Ishida sat next to her, glancing briefly at his body and wishing he were still inside it. He put his hand on her shoulder, knowing she couldn't feel it, but needing to do something.

"I think I love you, Kurosaki Ichigo," he said softly, knowing she couldn't hear him. "You crazy Shinigami," he added affectionately. He knew that what she was saying was important to her; something she probably wouldn't say if she could see him.

"I've never felt very strongly about people before. I love my family, I love my friends, but not like this," she continued, staring out the window. "I'm afraid that you only like me because I'm a girl. That if I ever turn back into a guy, you won't like me any more. I hate myself for feeling that way. I haven't felt so insecure since I was a kid, and Tatsuki was beating me up at karate."

Her hand drifted up to her own shoulder, resting gently atop his. He squeezed his fingers, and she jerked, looking at her arm as though it didn't belong to her anymore. "Uryuu?"

Excited, he squeezed again. "I could feel that," she said wonderingly. "It's working! That crazy bastard's doing something right for once!"

It was an unfair statement; Urahara had done plenty right for her in the past.

She talked at length about her mother and father and sisters, and how she'd never allowed herself to become close to anyone before Shirosaki and Zangetsu, who had appeared together and were irrevocably linked in her mind. She spoke of how she was afraid of everything suddenly, and how it had taken a pointed statement from Zangetsu to point out that Ishida's feelings for her ran deeper than the bonds of friendship.

He sat behind her, his legs splayed out to either side of her body, and held her close. She couldn't see or hear him still, but she could feel the contact as though he were solidly there, and she let her hands rest on his arms, leaning into his embrace as she talked.

"I know I can't hear you, so I'm going to make you tell me everything later," she said finally. "But I want to hear about you."

He squeezed her, and told her that it was strange to hold such a small body, knowing that inside she was still the Kurosaki Ichigo he'd gone to school with for years, fought beside, and protected.

"I'm terrified, too. I'm terrified that I'll lose you again. I'm terrified of the way I feel about you. I don't even know where these feelings came from. I'm afraid it's just another plot from Kurotsuchi, even though I can't possibly see how he could benefit from such a thing."

He told her about his mother, and father, and grandfather, and growing up wanting to be a Quincy even in the face of his father's animosity. He told her every detail he could remember about everything, from his first conscious memory to the way he'd felt the first time he realized she'd become a Shinigami.

As he talked, he could feel Ichigo relaxing against him. She eventually drifted off to sleep, and he continued talking.

In her dreams, she thought she could almost hear someone talking about a powerful glove that stripped the wearer of power once it was removed.

-[TBC]-

Haha, another chapter. Seems kinda long. And I seem to have jumped over whatever writer's block was preventing the last few chapters from being decent in my own opinion. I knew how I wanted it to happen, but for some reason, getting the words out was difficult.

I know, I know, they're horribly OOC, but Ichigo's got an excuse. *mad cackle* As for Ishida, well, he has no excuse. XDD He's just being a pain in my ass.