Unrequited love

Gin didn’t come back and Toushirou spent the next few hours alone in his living room reading a new book. Escaping reality was just what he felt he needed, not that what he was reading was fictional. He had made a discreet call to Kira, a man he thought he could trust seeing as he was Gin’s man. He asked him if he knew of any books on sexual kinks. As hard as that was to ask he was happy he had when Kira (after a protracted silence) told him he could get him quite a few books about that sort of thing. Kira had delivered them shortly after the call. Despite all of these goings on, he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Gin. Just as he was starting to get worried Gin came in with two plates of food. Apparently…Gin had been up to something of his own.

Toushirou hid the book he was reading when Gin came closer. He didn’t want his lover to know what he was up to yet. “About earlier…” Toushirou started as soon as he had the book hidden behind his back. Gin neither seemed to notice what Toushirou was up to or care. “I didn’t mean to hit you…you just scared me. I wasn’t expecting to wake up like that.” Gin’s nose looked just fine there was no blood, no swelling. It made Toushirou feel a bit better. He apparently hadn’t broken his boyfriend’s nose as he had feared. His eyes dropped to the plates that Gin carried, wondering what it was that Gin could have made.

“I figured you’d be hungry. You’ve been asleep for nearly six hours after I got up. Who knows how long you were asleep before I woke up.” He put the two plates down each dish had a large amount of sushi stacked upon it. Toushirou recognized squid, different types of clam, shrimp and even the fancy sorts that were made in America. “Don’t worry about the nose. I’m not upset about it.” He gave a grin but it wasn’t much like the grin he usually wore. It was thin and weak an on a closer look Shirou thought Gin looked a bit pale.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked sure that there was some sort of injury that Gin wasn’t telling him about. Maybe he wasn’t feeling well because the hepatitis was finally setting in? Unohana said it was going to make them both quite ill…but to act that quickly? It had hardly been a full day yet since that had happened.

“Yes, it wasn’t pleasant to have my nose hit like that when I had a real bitch of a hangover but I’m feeling loads better now. Some green tea some pain killers and another lengthy nap and I’m better than new. I had enough time to make this even.” He motioned to the sushi. Shirou blushed and picked one up trying it. It was very tasty and he looked up at Gin and grinned.

“You’re fast with your hands,” He meant that as a play on words of course but with the way Gin met his grin he wasn’t too sure that Gin had understood. He noticed the note from before, now it was sticking out of Gin’s yukata. The yukata was way too small for Gin and it was then that Shirou realized it was one of his own Well that was better than being in bloody clothes, he must have gotten up from bed and pulled on the first thing he had found in the closet. Toushirou didn’t mind in fact…his cheeks colored when he noticed how much of Gin’s nice white flesh was exposed. Just one little shift of the bottom hems and he would be able to see what made Gin a man. He tried to ignore it. That letter…

Without thought he reached out and took it from Gin, turning it over in his hand. It was the same one as he had read earlier. “Who sent it to you?” He was curious.

Gin got flustered, sputtering, his cheeks coloring. He tried to get the letter back from his lover but Toushirou was fast and was to his feet moving away from the taller taichou. It was then that Gin stopped picking up one of the books that Shirou had already read. He puzzled over the title ‘Flogging 101’ before he grinned and showed it off to his lover. “I see…I don’t know why you would ask me about that letter when you’re reading porn.”

Toushirou’s cheeks when bright pink and he scrambled over the couch back towards Gin, “Give that to me!” He nearly shouted. He hadn’t expected Gin to find him reading those things and if he did he had thought he would have time to hide them discreetly under the coffee table so that Gin wouldn’t see them. However…things never happen the way you think they will.

“Well give me my letter,” Gin shot back holding the book up out of Toushirou’s reach making the smaller man jump for it.

“Give it to me!” Toushirou wailed not wanting to give up the letter now that it appeared it was important to him. Why was it so important to him? Who was it from? He found he was sort of jealous…was that letter from an old lover? ‘You are a bad man, you ought to suffer.’ That didn’t sound like someone who loved Gin. Unless he was into pain and suffering and the thought of that… “Fine…keep it.” He muttered giving up thinking of the new and interesting places their love making could go if Gin was into pain and torture.

But the thought also brought up a new worry. If Gin was into pain and comfort and torture and that letter was from an old lover…that would mean they were still together. Behind his back. His heart skipped a beat. Did he still love that person? “Gin…” He looked up at the other seeing the frown on that fox like face. “Are you…cheating on me?” Maybe if he asked him right out he would get a truthful answer.

Gin looked stunned and didn’t say anything.

Toushirou felt as if his heart was breaking. Tears stung his eyes and he stood up swaying on the spot. This was his house, Gin ought to leave if anything but…he felt like running away.

“NO!” Gin spat out vehemently. He reached out and took Toushirou’s hand, “It’s…this letter, isn’t it? This stupid letter, it’s about something completely different. It’s not from anyone I know. This guy…or guys…think they can get money out of me or something just ‘cause they know that we’re…that we’re going out.” He was lying again and it hurt him. He was surprised he could get the words out past his trembling lips. Looking at the book that was still in his hand he handed it over to his lover, he would leave if his lover wanted him to but he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to make Toushirou feel better and at the moment Shirou looked close to tears. Who ever had sent the letter was going to pay when he found out who they were, they had hurt Toushirou now.

“Oh,” Toushirou said sounding miserable. He looked up at Gin the tears welling over, spilling down his cheeks.

Gin moved fast brushing them away and sweeping his lover into his arms. “It’s okay,” He whispered stroking the other’s hair trying to reassure him. “I would never cheat on you. I love you so much, I don’t ever want to hurt you. That’s why I was trying to keep this letter secret.”

“Why would…why would anyone want to blackmail you?” Toushirou sniffled trying to dry his eyes with the back of his hand.

It was now or never…now or…he couldn’t tell his lover could he? He didn’t want to hurt the small taichou, he didn’t want to make him cry and he didn’t want to lose him and he was sure he would if he told the truth. His thoughts were a blinding whirl of confused thoughts and guilt. He thought he was going to hyperventilate and pass out but a knock at the door saved him and he turned away from his lover, “I’ll get that!” Gin exclaimed rushing out of the living room down the hall past the sitting room and the kitchen and then past the stairs, “What the…”

He found himself before an odd computer monitor set up in front of the door. Gin was sure he hadn’t noticed that before, was that what those Mayuri freaks had set up? More importantly he saw Renji and Ichigo on it, both looking grumpy. “What do you want?” He asked not meaning to sound rude but sure he was coming off that way.

Renji’s face broke into a grin, “Is Toushirou in?” He asked leaning forward as if trying to see further into the scene presented to him by the other end of the machine on the door. “We need to speak to you in private.”

That grin sent shivers down Gin’s spin. He didn’t like that grin he had never seen the red head with a look on his face quite like that. He glanced to Ichigo, still as grumpy as ever but there was something in that face too that he didn’t like. Toushirou was just coming into the hallway, “Who is it?” He asked walking up behind Gin, his arm going around his lover’s waist.

“Nothing love,” He said, “These two just wanted to talk to me…” he said starting to sweat. Could it be that these two were the ones that were sending him those notes? Were they about to tell Shirou just what he had done? No, why would they, this probably had nothing to do with that. Even though his racing thoughts kept denying the worst case scenario his imagination kept vomiting up, he couldn’t ignore that odd grin on Renji’s face.

“Oh,” he said looking from Renji to Ichigo, the red head was his friend so he wondered just why he would come all this way to speak to Gin but this might just have something to do with work so he left them to it. He went back to the living room to continue to read his books and to eat the food that Gin had made. He was hungry, starving actually and that sushi had looked so good.

Gin, once he had heard the click of the living room door closing, turned his attention back to Renji and Ichigo. “What do you want?” He asked feeling as if he was a cat and his dander was up. This was a trap this was not going to end well.

“Seeing as you haven’t told Toushirou yet…” Ichigo started but Renji finished for him, “What sort of monster you are.”

He felt his head spin, he had known that it was going to be something like that but he hadn’t wanted to believe it. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“We’ve been watching you closely,” Renji said folding his arms over his chest, shaking his head. “We expected you to confess as soon as Toushirou came home from the hospital but you got drunk instead.”

Ichigo looked upset and stepped forward, pushing his lover back, “Then we sent that note when we were sure that Toushirou would receive it. We knew he would ask questions and that if you had any guts at all you would tell him what happened. Yet again…you disappoint us.”

“We love Toushirou like a son,” Renji said from his position behind Ichigo, “And we will NOT let you continue to hurt him. Everything that has happened to him is due to your cowardly behavior. We will give you twenty four hours to tell Toushirou just what you’ve done to him. Every last detail of it, or we will tell him for you.”

Gin’s legs gave out on him and he fell flat on his ass, unable to make any part of his body function let alone his lips to tell the others that they had better not if they knew what was good for them. However, what would he do to make them regret tattling on him? They were two and he was one and even though he was very powerful they were two very powerful men and there was no way that he could take them down without SOMEONE noticing. Maybe he should ask Aizen for help? No, that bastard…he hated that little cock sucker. All he had ever wanted was power and look what it had gotten him! He had nearly died trying to escape him.

After a few moments he managed to get to his feet again. The monitor showed the scene outside of Toushirou’s front door, the shower of golden leaves that were falling and making a mess of the door yard. It was fall, a time of death. Was this going to be the time his love died? Toushirou was amazing, not only in bed, he was an amazing person. He had wanted to get to know the small taichou all those times he had gone to bother him in his office. However he could only be himself and Toushirou could only follow his honor and duty. They would never have gotten together if it hadn’t been for the accidental rape.

It wasn’t accidental.

He hadn’t been able to control himself and because of that he had hurt Toushirou, even if the other hadn’t known about it. The golden genko leaves fluttered to the ground like a soft silent closing of a curtain. Tears stung his eyes and he scrubbed them away with the back of his hand. He would tell Toushirou. Because it would be better that his lover heard this from him than from someone else. He wasn’t going to be a cowered any more. He wouldn’t let his guilt consume him anymore. No matter what the outcome of this confrontation, whether he lost Toushirou or Toushirou stuck by his side. He would be free at long last, he would finally meet his honor and his obligation.

He had been running too long and hard from that.

Turning on his heals he started the long walk back up the hall and towards the living room. Toushirou was just on the other side of that heavy, hard wood door. He trembled and felt the same fear that had kept his tongue tied for so long. He swallowed hard and forced breath back into his lungs. He had forgotten to breath. Pushing the door back he stepped into the warm room realizing for the first time, the number of books that were stack around the place. They were all fan made doujinshi. While he liked the picture based ones, it looked like Toushirou collected the text based ones. They were so alike but yet so different.

“Oh, hello Gin, I’m about to finish off your sushi…if you don’t want any you can stand there for the rest of the night.” He was using his fingers to eat the sushi, something he didn’t dare let anyone but Gin see. He didn’t want people to think he had no manners but he knew that Gin didn’t care.

“Shirou…you know I love you…right?” He was sure he was going to end up on his ass again so he moved to sit down before he could fall down. His heart was galloping away with the heavy emotions Renji and Ichigo had stirred in him.

“Yes…of course, what is this about?” Toushirou asked frowning, being the smart young man that he was he figured there was a reason why Gin would say that with such a look on his pale face. He didn’t like that dark look on his lover’s face but he was sure he would find out what this was all about very soon.