Straitjacket Feeling

 A/N: Thanks, classes are doing fairly smoothly but unfortunately there just doesn't seem to be enough free time to do as much typing as I'd like :/ And trying to balance between two different accounts and different websites are making it more and more difficult to keep up with updates. I'm trying to keep things fairly even but sometimes my time management is unbalanced. Anyways, thanks for the reviews so far! I love having such in-depth thoughts!

The light tapping of fingertips against the ceramic surface did little to draw his attention away from the studies he had placed in front of himself; his focus based solely on the multitude of formulas that took up every available space on the pages. Most of them would've been enough to blow a fuse in someone's head and yet he looked over each and every one of them with ease. He couldn't remember exactly what he had been looking for but the answer was bound to be somewhere in here mixed with all sorts of equations.

The painful echo of glass shattering against the ground knocked him clean from his thoughts as dark amber eyes glanced up in search for the source.

They settled easily on the darker-toned female who stood at the other end of the table between them.

A low sigh escaped him as fingertips moved to push up on his glasses. "Lady Harribel, must you always make a mess when you find yourself in here?"

"I'm not in here that often, so yes. After all, it is the only way to pull your attention away from your work- which, might I add, you're always up to something in here."

"Yes well, forbid I actually want to do something useful with my time and not waste it lounging about with the others." he remarked. "There's nothing quite like lounging about with a couple of apes."

A light hum left her before she slowly began to make her way towards his end of the table; fingertips tracing the curved edge of the table. Bright blue eyes refused to release his own as her presence drew nearer and nearer. "Yes well... I no longer felt like spending my time with the other females either. I figured I could go for some peace and quiet and this... is the only place to really achieve that."

He figured she was talking about her Fracción members in terms of her wanting to find silence elsewhere. "Well I suppose I have no say in denying your presence here, I just advise that you not touch or break anything else. Who knows what you could set off."

Fingers move to push aside the notebook in front of him; allowing for it to clutter to the ground below, which seemed to come at much of his dismay. "Is that so? ... Why don't you give me a tour of the place?"

"You've been here plenty of times to know how the facility functions." he reminded as he carefully leaned back in his chair and away from her pinning arm. "It never changes."

He could see the light flare in her eyes as he carefully stepped around her intentions.

He knew well why she was here- in fact, he had been expecting and looking forward to her visit for some time now.

Sometimes, it was just fun to rile her up first; to see how far he could push her before she took matters into her own control.

A light, barely audible chuckle left her as she moved her fingers to grace the curve of his jaw line before she pulled him forward enough to nearly pull him from his chair. "You must enjoy playing so hard to get, Octavo."

It was his turn to grin lightly back at her. "Only because you were so difficult to get to this point, Tercera."

"I figured so." she replied as her fingers moved to grasp the back of his head; pulling him into her direction now. "Now then... we have a meeting in an hour and I plan on missing it for a few, very good reasons."

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It felt like he could still hear her voice somewhere in an echo.

He didn't want to.

He didn't want to remember what she sounded like anymore; what her scent was; how soft her skin felt against his own... he just wanted to let her memory die along with her. It was easier and more reassuring that way. And yet, it felt like his own subconscious was going behind his back with the motive. It didn't entirely... feel correct to look back on her; hell, he didn't even know why it suddenly triggered like this.

He wanted nothing to do with his past anymore.

The only part of his past that he held on to... was his only sense of a present and a future.

He had never been a man who held regard for others; who really ever gave a shit about someone else and yet... it didn't feel right. It didn't settle well that he was stuck thinking about Tercera when he had someone else to be with. He had a new mate this time...

There was this odd sense of betrayal in the matter.

As if the fucking around with other women wasn't bad enough.

This was happening now.

That last woman, how did she manage to get this involved? There wasn't much that separated her from the others and yet... this happened. He didn't want this and he sure as hell didn't want anything to do with her.

It was improbable.

It was impossible.

Why did they insist on continuing such an useless experiment?

They were so destined to prove him wrong it was clouding their better judgment. It was wasting both their time and while he did rather find the processes enjoyable, had the situation been different, it wouldn't have been an issue. But the situation wasn't different.

It was like this.

It had him having to jump through these hoops because everyone seemed to insist on using her against him.

It was the only reason he did this. It was the only reason he gave into this.

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"I'm going to go speak with him."

Akon glanced up at the words and away from the papers in front of him; taking note of the rather concerned expression on the Captain's face. "I would heavily advise against that. He appeared rather unstable when I last checked and there is no telling what might occur. I believe it would be on the safe side if you stayed out here."

"Problems do not get solved by standing around and hoping they'll be figured out on their own; believe me, I work in the Fourth Division." she assured in an attempt to dispel the man's distress at the offer. "Rest assured, while I highly doubt anything will happen, I can easily defend myself in the event of. I put myself into the position of 'caretaker' for anyone and everyone involved- that includes him. And since I am in charge of such duty, there will be no telling me otherwise. I apologize for pushing my limit of power in this situation but I will not risk any sense in anyone getting harmed in this event because of a small, yet avoidable choice. I will speak to him."

Her position as Captain was enough to dispel his argument but the further engagement of the topic provoked that she wasn't just doing it because she could; she had her reasons and... it appeared as though there was a minor theory of hers she wished to prove as well. He had no evidence of so but it felt as though there was more to her actions.

"Yes well... I cannot stop you; I can only warn you and tell you that my personal opinion is that it's a terrible idea."

"And I take that into consideration." she nodded before she turned towards the corridor in front of her. "I appreciate your opinion but for now, this is just something I feel is personal to do; it is my job after all."

He watched as the woman continued on down the hallway without so much as a second glance back despite his words. He supposed as Fourth Division Captain, and most feared Captain at that, she could handle herself well. Still though, there was an uneasy and unsettling feeling about but he supposed that was just his own personal take on it. But, he had work to do and dwelling on such situations as this was just going to waste his time and his own Captain was going to be furious if he didn't get this work completed by midnight.

Gentle hands moved to pull the door open; feeling the familiar yet uncomfortable touch of metal as she moved it from its frame and stepped inside. Her dark eyes searched the empty room inside to no avail for a sighting. She would've at least assumed that he would've been in the same vicinity, at least giving himself some time to rest.

"Last time I checked, I don't believe you were on the list, which means you're here for another reason. If I recall correctly, you're the Captain of the medical Division which may mean that you're here to... well, to be honest, check for injuries sounds really quite ridiculous." she turned at the voice and caught sight of him standing in the small corridor to her right; he was partly dressed as his bare upper body only seemed to bring more notice to the horrendous shape of his skin. "So... then you're here for another reason but... I can't exactly decide what that reason would be at this moment."

"When we spoke before, I said that I was involved in this 'project' because someone needed to keep an eye on everyone's physical health. Which was true, however... sometimes other factors can affect a person's physical health, and while I'm not entirely specialized in those categories, I do have some training in them-"

"That's really quite alright, I've accepted a long time ago that I'm clinically insane." he interrupted. "Your being here is really quite a waste of both our times, so perhaps we should do ourselves both a favor-"

"I don't believe you correctly analyzed what I'm trying to do here." she remarked; politely interrupting him this time.

"Well then, do enlighten me."

She caught herself carefully studying his rather expressionless, almost soulless eyes. "There's a third category here, which is the one I speak of. Now, it's true that an imperfect mental state can affect the physical condition of a being; sometimes the human mind cannot even stop itself from causing harm towards its host. But, there's a third category here that I believe may hold the reigns over all of them."

It took him a moment as he waited for her to continue but noted that she seemed to be waiting for him instead; he knew well of what she was talking about but really hadn't expected to engage her in a conversation over it. "I really hate to break it to you but... my species has learned to suppress the need for an... 'emotional' state of mind. Well, actually we've suppressed every other emotion aside from anger and envy. I'm sure you had an entire theory on this and I really hate to break that, but it's a pointless matter."

She watched as he pushed himself from where he had been partly propped up against the wall at his right and walked over to take a seat on the edge of his bed instead. "You spoke before and confessed that you loved her and yet you now deny that?"

"Love isn't a word I would use, unless love is the physical expression between hands and flesh- which it's not."

His words came effortlessly from him, as though he had thought this entire conversation out before she even appeared. She watched as he moved to rub at his temples while his expression seemed to hint at a light pain. "What happened then?"

"Nothing, that's what happened."

"But the sudden change-"

"Sudden? It wasn't so much as 'sudden' as it was more gradual and mutual. Well perhaps a bit of hesitation and reluctance to let go but... greater things were calling and unfortunately we had to hang up."

Something didn't seem right...

"... Is it because of this situation? Did it change you?" she questioned softly.

"This situation? It's changed a lot of things and by 'changed' I mean, violently ripped to shreds."

"So what is she to you now?"

"Dead."

She stopped herself from softly frowning at the word before she turned to fully face him now; watching as his own motions seemed to have cease to leave him completely still. "By that answer, then I'm assuming that you'll no longer be at her side..."

"Be at her side...? When I answered that last question, I meant-" he stopped himself in mid-sentence as he finally caught onto the conversation; as he finally caught onto himself. The woman hadn't been asking him about... how could he have let something like that slip? Despite the sense of the despair in the previous words, he found himself lightly chuckling at his own stupidity. "I must apologize to you, Captain, I was not answering those questions correctly; I suppose there was a slip into that brief period of insanity."

Carefully minding her own words, she watched as he moved his hands to lightly cover his face; that soft, barely audible chuckling still present. "Who were you speaking of then?"

"When I answered with the response of dead... I meant it. She really is dead."

"... I assume this was someone from a long time ago then."

"Unfortunately, yes and for some reason, she's now created a habit of not leaving me alone."

It felt a bit more ease as she realized the earlier conversation had been a mere miscommunication; they had both been speaking of different people and the answers and questions came out incorrectly. Part of her was relieved for so. "Can you tell me about her?"

"I can, yes, but I won't."

"Why?"

He pulled his hands from his face and used them to push his hair back from his eyes. "Because, she deserves to remain buried in the past; not to be reanimated again and again because I can't keep my own sub-consciousness under control. I don't want her to live in this time."

"... What if she were still here?"

"I don't even want to think of so... the thought of her being stuck in a situation like this is sickening. For once, I'm personally glad for her death, even if it was by the disgrace of betrayal. At least she's not here."

There seemed to be a leverage to his tone that urged her to step slowly closer till she stood in front of him. "You don't seem to be too happy with her memories."

He pushed himself to his feet, as though to counter her own movement; his form towering over her own by a foot or so. "Don't get me wrong, she was wonderful in the moments but she's not the same to think back on. Not to mention... I have other things to care for, other duties to keep my focus on."

"Like Kurotsuchi?" she questioned lightly.

"Not just 'like' Kurotsuchi... only Kurotsuchi." he corrected.

It felt like a standstill as her eyes carefully held onto his own; they were a bit more open now, still rather expressionless but every now and then there was a hint of life. There was a hint of someone actually living behind them. She caught herself being almost unaware of what next to do but it would be best if it was stepped aside. "... That is good to hear, I was worried for a moment."

"Yes well, I apologize for giving you misleading answers towards her; it would be best if that previous conversation was discarded." he started before fingertips lightly reached up to touch at the soft skin along the curve of her cheek. "Now then, is there anything else you'd like to speak of while we're in one another's presence?"

"You said before that your species was not the least bit expressive and had learned to suppress the feeling of such... and yet you seem plenty emotional, even in such a tense state." she remarked. "Is there a trigger for that behavior?"

"Not entirely a full 'trigger', so to speak. I always believed my mental instability allowed for such... 'expressive' behavior to exist. Because what does it matter? Half of my sanity has already fallen to rot, there's no sense to build up excuses for it. Why do you ask? Do you wish to push that level of suppression?"

"I believe someone has already done so." she reminded. "However, I'm certain it would not take too much of a push..."

"Would you like to test that theory out?"

The offer didn't catch her off-guard as she much as she had supposed it would. Instead, it was almost a wanted reaction- one that she was quick to dispatch. "I am not a scientist, there is not much to 'theories' that I wish to produce or test." she answered.

"There is a thin line between Science and Medicine."

"... You make an interesting case, however... I do not really wish to become a part of this 'experiment.'"

"It's really only a proper 'experiment' if it's followed through completely." he remarked lightly. "Blame it on my overall instability but... there's this odd urge to suddenly know what you taste like."