Seireitei Monogatari

a/n: More ficcage! Huzzah! And it's another request this time. I'm on a roll here!

And because so many people were curious, I thought I would answer what I managed to surmise for the circumstances of the previous chapter aka the StarkxByakuya one. What I had lingering in the back of my mind was basically this: Aizen won the war. As such, he slowly rid himself of all those who weren't willing to accept his victory. Byakuya had already had his abilities taken from him, with Stark trying to convince him to accept Aizen and bow to him, which as we all know, is not something is going to readily do. He was the last of those who wouldn't submit and yes, they were taking him to be executed. So that's it in a nutshell. If that helps at all.

Thanks to all my readers and reviewers and all that jazz. Especially you repeat offenders. *grins* Thanks to Emzzzz (keep an eye out for your request! I just finished it), shadowkittae, Ibelen, Midnight Essence, Yakumo, Kuromei (How did he get into Kuchiki's hakama? That's a question I may have to answer later. *grins*.), SemperVenice, and uchiha mikomi.

Title: “Excuse me, miss?”
Characters: Jyuushiro, Shunsui
Rating: K+
Warning: OOC perhaps
Words: 737
Description: Because even mild-mannered gentlemen have a breaking point.
Dedication: For The Smallest Ghost, who wanted to see Ukitake being mistaken for a woman. Shunsui finds it funny; Ukitake doesn't.

He supposed he should have gotten used to this by now. After decades of dealing with the same thing over and over, Jyuushiro shouldn't allow his annoyance to respond for him anymore. He really was too mature to be like this. But if Shunsui didn't stop egging him on with that ridiculous chortle, perhaps he wouldn't get so angry.

Jyuushiro should be used to the stares by now. To being watched as he walked down the street, whether in Soul Society or the living world. To being admired and gawked at and “checked out” according to the teenage vernacular of the living humans. But there was something about those lusty leers that really set him on edge, that made him grind his teeth in a reminder that he shouldn't kidoh the idiots just because they were... well, idiots.

“Excuse me, miss?”

And that right there was the reason Jyuushiro wasn't used to this by now. It was one thing to be admired for his looks and his stately bearing, for his kindness and his smile. It was another thing entirely to be gawped at because they thought he was a woman. Of course, walking beside Shunsui hardly helped matters, but he could no more cease being friends with Shunsui than the man himself could stop sucking down sake in large quantities. Bad habits are hard to break, after all.

Jyuushiro whirled, a glare from the furies of Hell blazing behind his normally kind and gentle eyes. It pinned on the passing human who now thought today was a good day to die. The effect, however, was ruined by the fluttery, flirty flip his hair had taken with his whirl. It settled softly around his face, looking for all the world, as if he'd planned it.

Beside him, there was a snicker. And so help him, Jyuushiro was going to make Shunsui pay for that later.

“In case you have not noticed,” Jyuushiro growled, drawing himself to his full height which was a good match for Shunsui's. “I am a man. Yes! I have long hair. Yes! I have fair skin. Yes! I manage to bathe every day and clean my house and cook a decent meal. But the last time I checked, I have a penis. In fact, I have two of them.” Yeah, there. That would show them. He was a man.

Shunsui, for his part, was practically gasping for breath in his attempts to control his laughter and failing miserably. In fact, he had just given up entirely and was now doubled over, cackling his amusement to all who could hear him. And there were many who could.

The creature – or human rather – looked at him with slightly gibbering eyes, sort of like a startled doe. “I was just going to ask where you got that?” he squeaked with a shaky finger pointing towards the bag clutched in one of Jyuushiro's hands, which was from a rather popular bakery. “But I see that you're busy, so I'm really sorry.”

And with a mortified flare of heat in his face, the stranger scampered off in another direction as fast as his sneaker-clad feet would take him. Jyuushiro stared in utter disbelief. The wind picked up then, setting his free-flowing hair to waving around his face. The paper bag rustled just a bit. Shunsui laughed his ass off, desperately in need of a good kick.

And now, everyone stared at him for a different reason. The appreciative leers had turned into discomfort and perhaps an edge of fear, which was a plus. Except that they were all inching away as if he might snap at any moment and attack them all. Bwa ha ha! Which, you know, Jyuushiro might just do if Shunsui did not stop laughing at him.

“Shunsui!” he hissed, whirling back around with another unplanned hair flip and glaring at his counterpart, who somehow managed to be manly even with a bright pink shirt and long hair as well. “Stop that.”

Sucking in a desperate breath, Shunsui shook his head. “Two of them, Jyuu-chan? What have you been hiding from me?” Of course, that just set the sake-sucking bastard off again.

And Jyuushiro, meanwhile, fumed. “Oh, shut up,” he muttered and stalked away, clutching his extra-large brownie to his side as if it were the cause to all his ills.

He really should be used to this by now.

********

a/n: Crack at its finest, I must say. I hope you enjoyed! There's more to come, including more requests. I've been trying to knock off a few of them this week so you should start seeing more popping in here and there.