Sinner

A/N: Holy crap, an update. Ok, this chapter is kind of the eye before the storm. You know, before the metaphorical shit really hits the fan. Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, as I've said, without you this story wouldn't exist. Not to shamelessly plug, but I've written another Bleach story and I wouldn't mind some feedback on it. Ha, I'm a loser.

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Decisions

The room was dark.

But then again, in a place like this it was always dark.

He could feel hot breath against his neck, drawn in slowly and blow back out just as evenly. He felt the rise and fall of a small chest as it pressed against his side and he pulled the pliant body closer, his eyes wide and unseeing in the darkness of the room. Nothing and no one would come to bother him now, not yet, but still his heart beat viciously against his ribcage in a mocking reminder of the dread he would not let show on the outside.

Life as he had known it for a hundred years would be ending soon. No, it had already ended. There was no more denying, no more pretending that he meant something to a movement he had devoted a century to. He was expendable. So pathetically expandable.

How delightful.

It was almost beautiful really. He didn’t think he could have planned it any better himself. To take a child, so talented, so looking for appreciation for a special set of skills, so hungry for the type of power that no mere rank could provide, and convince him to follow you with the promises of praise and equality. It must have been so easy, so ridiculously easy for Aizen to do it. Ichimaru had never trusted one being in his entire life, had always seen everything through unclouded eyes, except for when it came to that man, and that one man, under the false guise of a demigod had been the only person to fuck Ichimaru’s life into oblivion.

Bravo, my lord and savior, bravo.

He was caught between wanting to laugh so hard it would hurt and remembering exactly how to breathe. It was a new feeling, one he had never come across. This feeling…this feeling…of betrayal. It seemed oddly fitting in a way, didn’t it? So poetically justified and ironic. The master of deception had played the part of the biggest fool, and for all his genius Ichimaru had never felt like a bigger idiot.

Yet, it was clear to him now, so clear to him that he wondered how in the world he hadn’t seen it before. Aizen was the one and only God, to him there would be no room for another to share his throne. He wanted people at his feet, not at his side, and Ichimaru was no exception to that rule.

But what was he supposed to do with this knowledge, this knowledge that his existence boiled down to nothingness? Was he supposed to follow along as he always had, offering his power only to be crushed in the end? Was that all there was left for him to do? Had the great Ichimaru Gin finally fallen into the mud with the worms and the shit and everything else so filthy and pathetic?

Of course, of course. If it was not this life, then he knew of nothing else. This was who he was. Powerful, incredible, ingenious…used.

And even now, he was smart enough to realize his place… and he would smile like he always had, pretend like he always had, even if he couldn’t ever breathe properly again.

Still, it burned in his chest, and at times like this, when no one was watching, he didn’t have to pretend like he didn’t care.

That’s why he rose slowly from his lying position on the bed, disentangling himself, careful not to wake the one thing he had left. He walked over to the wall, uncaring of his nudity, and leaned his forehead against its cool surface, trying desperately to control the shaking of his body as Aizen’s words taunted him repeatedly in his head.

Silly, silly child.

His hands rose up slowly to push against the wall, his fingernails digging in harshly, as he gritted his teeth, breathed through his nose and just tried to stay calm. His forehead rubbed harshly against the wall, his hair catching, pulling, and he thought he’d never been this close to losing himself before. When he sucked in air once more a sound ripped itself from his throat, it was almost reminiscent of a choked sob, though no tears of sadness or joy came from his closed eyes because in all his life Ichimaru could not ever remember crying…he wasn’t sure he even knew how.

If he was any less of the person that he was he would have jumped when he felt a warm hand press lightly on his naked back. He didn’t not turn around as a soft voice spoke from behind.

“Ichimaru?”

“Yer awake? Thought I’d done enough ta keep ya knocked out for at least another six hours.” The same taunting tone was back in place and he was working harder than usual to pretend like Hitsugaya had not just seen what they both already knew he had.

“Shut up.” It was growled from behind him, and he really did smile at that. He froze when he felt a tentative, small hand close over his own and begin to pull him backwards. “Come on.” The command sounded annoyed and pleading at the same time.

His feet carried him in the direction in which Hitsugaya led him, which was back to the bed he had been in moments before. Hitsugaya laid down first, his eyes held Ichimaru’s the entire time, before he was pulling the man down to lie next to him. They lay there, facing each other, neither speaking and Ichimaru couldn’t help but chuckle slightly at how nervous Hitsugaya looked.

“Not a damn word.” The smaller hissed out through gritted teeth and Ichimaru held his hands up in mock surrender, his face almost splitting from his grin.

“Mah mah, how sweet o’ ya, chibi, I never knew ya cared so much.”

“I never knew you could come so close to breaking down.” Hitsugaya shot back, far too seriously for Ichimaru’s liking.

“Appearances can be deceivin’.”

“No shit.” Was the retort and Ichimaru watched unmoving as Hitsugaya contemplated him with uncertainty for a moment before one of his hands slowly rose up and with shaking fingertips he brushed a silver strand of hair away from Ichimaru’s eyes. The tiny captain gasped softly when Ichimaru’s hand clasped over his own and those small fingers were led to trace thin lips, before Ichimaru drew them into his mouth, sucking on them lightly, his teeth scraping teasingly along the digits. He watched in rapt attention as long lashes closed over those teal eyes and red began to stain Hitsugaya’s cheeks. It was amazing, simply amazing to think that he had this much effect in such a simple gesture. He never ever wanted anybody else to witness the look on the young captain’s face, especially not the person who owned his life.

“I don’t understand you.” Hitsugaya said in between breaths, his eyes once more flying open to stare at Ichimaru when he suddenly stopped in his ministrations.

“Ya wouldn’ be tha first.”

“Fuck, just stop it for a second.”

“Stop what?”

“The remarks, the stupid, secretive remarks. Just listen to me for a second.” Hitsugaya said the last line softly, his hand once more coming to rest on Ichimaru’s cheek. “I don’t understand how you could let this happen. I don’t know what Aizen did, I don’t know if you’ll ever even tell me, but he did something, something that has you…fucking defeated. I’ve never seen you like this…like your life just broke.”

“I’ve got many years on ya, chibi. There’s a lot o’ things you ain’t seen.” Was Ichimaru’s response, and he contemplated flipping the boy over and fucking him into the mattress again in order to keep him from talking.

“No, I know this is different. Seeing you a moment ago…hearing you. Something’s happened, something not even you ever expected to, and I’m…scared.”

Ichiamru laughed at that, watching as Hitsugaya’s face changed into one of rage.

“Scared you’re going to give up like a fucking coward!” Hitsugaya yelled, petite hands fisting in in Ichimaru’s hair, jerking his face forward until there was mere centimeters separating them. “Scared I’m going to lose you and be left alone.” It was whispered against his lips, and Ichimaru found it quite interesting that Hitsugaya was able to speak so candidly at the moment, perhaps it was desperation fuelling him on.

“I don’ know what ya expect me at say, hime.”

“Who is this person?! This person who’s in front of me, because it sure as hell isn’t who you used to be.”

“Don’ ya think tha same could be said fer ya?”

“It’s your fault that I’m different now, you did this to me!” and suddenly Ichimaru was on top of him, holding him down with his weight.

“And ya think it ain’t the same fer me? That yer jus’ some innocent bystander and that ya didn’ completely fuck me up as well? Are ya so naïve ta believe that ya had nothin’ ta do with this?”

“I-I…”

“That’s right, precious, this ain’t no one way street. Aizen-sama may hav’ destroyed yer image o’ me, but that doesn’ change tha fact that he wouldn’ o’ had ta if it hadn’ been fer ya.”

Hitsugaya looked…hurt, no that wasn’t the right word, he looked downright devastated.

“Are you saying…are you saying that after everything, after everything I’ve given up to you, you blame me?” Hitsugaya removed himself completely, scooting back away from Ichimaru as if he’d been burnt. “Do I mean that little to you?”

Ichimaru breathed deeply, wondering if he should laugh or scream for the utter stupidity of those words. “Are ya that much o’ an idiot, Toshiro? That’s the exact opposite o’ what I mean. Ain’t it obvious? It’s not that yer meaningless ta me, it’s because I can’t let ya go. That I don’ ever wanna see anyone else touch ya, that I woul’ rather betray my loyalty of a hundred years rather than let anythin’ happen ta ya. It’s because o’ ya that I’ve gotten so pathetic, but that ain’t gonna keep me from holdin’ onta ya.”

“Ichimaru..” Hitsugaya practically breathed his name out, and Ichimaru was actually shocked when for the first time ever Hitsugaya actually leaned forward and pressed his lips desperately to the thin ones beside him, his hands gripping onto silver hair, his body pressing up against the much larger one beside his.

“Gods, what have you done to me?” He said in between kisses, as Ichimaru flipped them over once more, their naked bodies brushing together in the most intoxicating of ways.

“No less than what ya’ve done ta me.” Ichimaru replied, as he ripped his lips away from the pliant ones below him, before latching onto an already marked neck as he began to make his way down that beautiful body, fully intent on making his young lover scream his name once more. He was stopped abruptly as Hitsugaya’s hands held onto his shoulders.

“Wait.” The word was said shyly, so unlike how the captain had acted only moments before.

“What is it?”

“I want to try something.” Hitsugaya said slowly, looking about ready to kill himself from painfully obvious embarrassment. To say Ichimaru was curious was an understatement. How interesting.

“Be my guest.” He said teasingly, holding his hands up to indicate that he was ready to comply.

“Let me just, uh, let me just flip us over.” Ichimaru chuckled before snaking his hands under Hitsugaya’s body, grasping onto his lovely ass cheeks and flipping them over so Hitsugaya was on top of them. He loved the way Hitsugaya attempted to glare at him at the same time as he arched into those hands.

Hitsugaya studied him for a moment, obviously debating on whether or not to continue before he hesitantly lowered his head and placed a chaste kiss upon one of Ichimaru’s collarbones. The fox man froze under him. If he was right about where this was possibly leading then his little chibi was far more surprising than he may have originally guessed. He held himself back from speaking, knowing fully well that any taunts, no matter how fun they might be, would completely shatter this rather wonderfully fragile moment.

Hitsugaya paused for a moment until he felt Ichimaru relax under him before he placed another tentative kiss, this time on Ichimaru’s chest. He looked up for a second, his teal eyes catching with Ichimaru’s own, as if asking for the permission he already knew he was going to get before his lips fell on one of Ichimaru’s nipples. They just kind of rested there for a moment before his pink tongue slowly eased out to trace the sensitive flesh in a rather good imitation of something Ichimaru had done to him quite a few times now. He smiled in a silent triumph when Ichimaru jerked under him slightly, before moving his head to pay the other nipple the same kind of adoration.

Once they were sufficiently hard under his touch, he took a deep breath and once more began to make his way down, pausing to nip at Ichimaru ribcage, hearing the sharp intake of breath the action produced. He grew bolder and more confident in his actions as his tongue traced around Ichimaru’s belly button before dipping inside as his fingers came up to trace the line of hair that led downwards. However, he grew shy once more as he came face to face with his original intentions. He let his head rest on Ichimaru’s hip bone for a moment and the man lay perfectly still for as Hitsugaya just stared at the erection that was already straining to be touched.

Making up his mind, he reached out a shaking hand, closed his eyes and grasped the appendage. It felt…incredible in his palm, hot and heavy, like steel encased in velvet. It amazed him to think that it was actually because of him. Not yet opening his eyes he gave an experimental stroke of his hand, his heart thudding in his chest as hips rose with him. He figured it was now or never.

His head rose up from it’s position on Ichimaru’s hip and his eyes opened and he just looked at it for a moment. It was long and beautiful and asking for his attention, the evidence a small drop of moisture at the tip, and steeling his nerves, Hitsugaya dipped his head, let his tongue fall from his parted lips to catch that drop of moisture before it could roll down.

He didn’t know what he had expected it to taste like, but it hadn’t been this. There was barely a taste at all, only something that was slightly salty and not necessarily bad. Opening his mouth wide he drew the head of Ichimaru’s cock into his mouth, relishing in the groan that he heard from above. He circled the ridges of it with his tongue hoping to catch more of the taste.

His head began to move on it’s own, up and down, open and down, in an easy rhythm that he instantly fell into as he began to bob his head lightly in time with it. He was almost startled when he heard Ichimaru’s voice call out to him.

“Yes, just like that, Shiro. Fuck, what a naughty child you are. So perfect…” Ichimaru’s voice sounded strained, reverent even and Hitsugaya hummed in satisfaction, nearly chocking when that unintentionally caused Ichimaru’s hips to jerk upwards.

Any other time Ichimaru’s words would have made him embarrassed, angry even, by now they had the adverse effect on him and he found himself reaching down between their bodies to close his hand around his own now painfully hard erection as he tried to stretch his mouth wider and relax his throat to take as much of Ichimaru in as he could, and what he couldn’t take he stroked with his hand.

His tongue, eager and inexperienced began to trace every ridge of Ichimaru’s cock, exploring the new territory and Ichimaru’s didn’t seem to mind as his long fingers wove into Hitsugaya’s hair and gently pulled.

It was incredible to see Ichimaru like this, not in control, so completely open to him that he wanted to sob in joy that this man, this fucking snake of a man, was his and only his.

His mouth moved faster, salvia dripping from his stretched lips onto Ichimaru’s cock, sloppy but oh so delicious, and Ichimaru never had to work so hard to keep the sounds at bay. He had had skilled lovers before, lovers who could take him to the hilt and drag an orgasm from him with barely any effort, but this was different, this was Hitsugaya, his innocent Hitsugaya, and he didn’t know how much longer he could control himself. He looked down to see Hitsugaya’s lips stretched so obscenely over his length, bright red from abuse and he moaned aloud even as his hands settled on those hollowed cheeks and began to rub at Hitsugaya’s jawbone to help relieve some the tension.

Hitsugaya once more groaned and it sent vibrations through his cock, and with soft cries he urged Hitsugaya to go faster, suck him harder until the mixture of the delicious suction, the wet sounds and the knowledge that this was Hitsugaya fully hit him and he came with a silent cry, his vision going temporarily white from the intensity of his orgasm.

When his vision cleared he looked to down to see Hitsugaya still between his legs, Ichimaru’s cum falling from his lips as he fought to swallow the rest before his mouth opened in a pant as his tiny hand jerked viciously on his cock.

It was a gorgeous sight.

With something akin to desperation Ichimaru reached down to slap that hand away before bodily pulling Hitsugaya up to him, his own hand closing around that pretty dick and jerking it with expert, sure movements, watching as Hitsugaya writhed and cried out below, his head thrashing back and forth before Ichimaru was closing his mouth over his own, tasting himself on that sweet tongue.

It didn’t take long before Hitsugaya was screaming into his mouth and warmth was covering his hand in spurts and he closed his eyes and rested his head against Hitsugaya’s as the little one breathed in and out erratically, his hips still twitching lightly.

And he knew, in that instant so clearly that this was all he needed. That years upon years of devotion dulled in comparison to this one thing lying panting below him. He had nothing left but this, and yet it was all he wanted anyway. Fuck Aizen, fuck everything that he had given in order to mold himself into the perfect tool. Aizen had read him easily, so painfully easy, but now it was time for something drastic, something that perhaps his captain had never seen coming.

“Because I love a good show and you always put on one hell of a show.”

Of course, Aizen-sama.

“Ne Chibi, what do ya say ta us gettin’ outta here?”