A Sexy Bleach Choose-Your-Own Halloween Adventure
Chapter #17
There is an obvious and smart course of action in this exact scenario but you figure, hey, fuck it, and decide to do exactly the opposite. You crash through the trees towards AIZEN AND HIS CULT OF ESPADA, the former who is now double-fisting two headless chickens, the blood dribbling down his arms. “What up BITCHES!?” you yell. The other cloaked figures regard you with the same weary disinterest with which they are observing the rest of the festivities. One of them gives a groan of annoyance.
“Well?” yells Aizen, eyes crazed, “get her!”
The level of distain Aizen’s henchmen seem to have for his order gives you a false sense of security all the way up until you find your ass strapped up on the stone slab, hands and feet bound with a rough rope. Aizen leans over you, offering you a headless chicken.
“Want some?” he offers, cackling to himself. “I’m going for an old-timey freak show cult kind of thing. I’m hoping to summon Satan so I can invite him golfing and we can swap ‘being an evil fucker’ tips. I don’t think the chickens are doing it though. Do you think he’s vegan?” You try to say something through the gag in your mouth but it’s useless. He doesn’t seem to notice. “Any-hoo, I think I need to switch to something stronger? Mind if I take this?” and then he reaches his FREAKING HAND INTO YOUR CHEST, TEMPLE OF DOOM STYLE, RIPS OUT YOUR STILL-BEATING HEART, AND HOLDS IT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. The last words you ever hear are “Planks, you’re a beach!”
Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. It’s hard to understand human speech with all of the blood gushing out of your body from the gaping wound in your chest where your heart used to be.
Anyway, you are definitely dead now. Make better choices.
THE END.