Death is the road to Awe

Chad opened his eyes, lids heavy as if they were made from lead, not flesh. Blinking turned out to be difficult, almost like he had sand in his eyes, a burning and unpleasant feeling. He heard some voices closing to him and at first he couldn’t quite grasp who were they calling out to, the painful, dull pounding in his head muffling down all the words.
Then realization slowly came in and he caught Urahara’s voice, Yoruichi-san as well...
He stirred, forcing his muscles to work he raised himself on his elbows and sat up, more or less straight.
The others were a mess. Not even single one of them was left without cuts and bruises and surely some more dangerous wounds as well. Where the hell was Ichigo?

Then the memory came. Rukia screaming, the Arrancar stabbing his lover through his chest, his own scream... Chad’s eyes widened up in terror, against the protest of his bruised back he turned around, looking up from where they fell from. Violent shivers ran down his spine as he looked upon the bright, blue sky.

The Garganta was gone.

Ichigo was still in Hueco Mundo.

He barely noticed a hand dropping on his arm, the touch and reiatsu he immediately recognized as Yoruichi’s, but somehow her words didn’t reach him. The sounds of commotion around seemed to fade into the anxious beating of his own heart, hammering against his chest. He still gazed up at the cloudless sky of Urahara’s training space, as if expecting the passage to open up again any second...

----------------

Orihime cried soundlessly, her eyes still fixed on Ichigo’s face, now filling her with fear and confusion. He wasn’t Ichigo anymore, not the same one she knew and loved. She could just sense it, in the unsteady movement of his chaotic reiatsu, in the way his eyes reflected nothing at all, not even a shadow of emotion. There was still a faint feeling of her friend deep inside that black mass of hatred and anger, the small light of hope illuminating the endless darkness that reigned over him now, but Orihime knew that it fought a loosing battle. This tiny part of consciousness, like a candle, fluttered and struggled to survive, but wasn’t meant to exist in the world where there was no trace of human feelings and bonds.

“Ichigo.”

A voice, low but superior, filled the room and he moved, reacting to it, looking up at figure of Aizen, staring at him, apparently pleased with result. Truly, the experiment gave a better result then he expected. He already knew that this... creature was not like other Arrancars, not being born from Hogyoku alone, but from body that already held Shinigami powers. The remains of his mask were small, insignificant, which indicated that he wouldn’t be easy to tame; the less mask, the more difficult they were to control. But he eventually would, he would bend this boy to his wishes, he will teach him to obey...

“Yes...” His voice was pretty much the same, only a tint of anger lingering there, barely noticeable. “...Aizen-sama?” He added after a moment.

Good. There was a progress already.

“Enter the Espada.”


Something resembling entertainment showed up in Ichigo’s face, and a grin grew on his lips as he eyed the Arrancars.

“Gladly.” He allowed his eyes to close for a mere second, and when he opened his eyelids again, his eyes were pooling with black, brown irises turning yellow. “Too bad my Aibou can’t do this alone.”

Now his voice was different, darker, like the sounds were not forming in Ichigo’s lips but from somewhere deep, deep inside him and didn’t belong to the boy at all. Orihime knew it already, it was something... someone that Ichigo was constantly afraid of.
The creature moved, fast enough to loose track of him, but soon enough the shape renewed, leaping out at Aizen, Zangetsu in its hand. The fatal blow was stopped barely an inch from his opponent’s throat, Ichimaru’s Soul Cutter blocking it from cutting down. Still, Aizen did not stir, did not move in smallest way, confident that Gin would react. If his commander were late, he could always get things done himself... but the result would leave Las Noches in mess and he did not want that.

“Who are you?” The leader tipped his head slightly to the side, slightly amused, looking down at the black eyes that stared at him with hatred, merely centimeters away.

“I don’t have a name.” The creature replied swiftly, easing his sword down and wrapping it in its cloth sheath, as it seemed that he understood that with his current power he was at a disadvantage.

“How should we call you then?”

Silence. The thing in Ichigo’s body seemed to be lost in thought.
He never had a name, never needed it. Why would anyone want to bond themselves with such disgustingly human things like names? Creating bonds to such fragile thing as a name? However, there seemed to be a need for him getting a name; using Ichigo’s seemed awkward even for him, like Ichigo could gain more control over his dark side by sharing a name. He wondered and then remembered what his King’s companions used to call him.

“Shirosaki.” He mused. “That will work for now.”

“Very well. I gave you an order.”

The hollow eyed Aizen with amusement, low chuckle escaping his lips.

“Not exactly. You gave order to my Aibou, not to me.” He nonchalantly raised his arms, resting them on back of his neck and sighed theatrically. “Unfortunately, he’s still my King.”

Shirosaki looked over the faces of Arrancar that were watching him, his gaze stopping at Grimmjow’s figure. He grinned, a wide and uncharacteristic grin for the strawberry-blonde boy, as he pointed at his opponent with bony finger.

“If I have to kill someone to enter your little playground, it would be you. But unfortunately, killing you is my Aibou’s task.” With that, he turned to Yammy. “For now you will do, big guy.”

He attacked, fast and angry, not even bothering to pick up his sword. Yammy blocked the first attack, but when Shirosaki disappeared only to materialize right behind his back, the giant realized that this was not an opponent for him. Desperately he tried to avoid incoming blows, but after a second both of his arms were held in a vice grip. The hollow’s fairly small hands and bony fingers shouldn’t be able to hold him back like this, like it was no problem at all, even though Yammy struggled with all his power to release himself.

“Right arm, wasn’t it?” Something in shape of a hiss came from the hollow and for a split second Yammy had the disturbing feeling of deja vu. Shirosaki smirked, a faint memory from his Aibou flooding his mind. His brown-haired friend, bloodied and broken, bones crushed and muscles torn. “Too bad, because I am going to take so much more then just that.”

A deafening yell rang trough the halls of Las Noches, as the strong, way too strong tug ripped his skin off, dislocating the bones and eventually tearing the two limbs off his body. The former Shinigami’s robes were splattered with dark, thick blood as he tossed the mutilated flesh away. One of his arms shot up to grab the tenth Espada by his wide neck and with little pressure he forced his knees to buck up under the weight and kneel. Both of the bony hands held his neck now, thin fingers wrapping around the flesh like spider’s net, digging into the skin painfully, cutting the oxygen off.

Orihime couldn’t watch, she wanted, needed to turn her eyes away but somehow she couldn’t, too transfixed on the gruesome show of power play before her. She knew that hollows were brutal, she was aware of that dark, twisted part that rested inside of Ichigo, but this... To see it with her own eyes... It was terrifying. Never before now had she wished that she never knew the orange-haired boy, because surely, no one could be friends with that... that monster that he became now. Yet she knew it was not his fault; In fact, it was her fault entirely, because he came here to save her. She didn’t make a sound, but tears rolled down her face as Shirosaki smiled even wider, if that was humanly possible. His fingers dug into the flesh, piercing it, blood spraying his clothes and nearby surroundings as he tore trough the arteries and layers of muscle. A few seconds later Yammy’s head fell to the floor with a sickening, wet noise and the lifeless body was released from the hollow’s grasp, to tumble freely on the ground with loud thud.

The silence in the room was overwhelming and Orihime could only hear the faint sound of blood that dripped from the torn neck of former tenth Espada and Ichigo’s own, soft breathing, now that Shirosaki had backed away and allowed his King to take control again. The orange-haired boy looked at his bloodied hands, then at the mutilated body on the floor, but even though Orihime knew that such a sight would normally scare him, now she could see no trace of emotion on his face.

He wiped his hands on a more or less clean part of his black robe, then gasped and the fingers of his right hand clasped over the back of his neck. Orihime could see that his skin there darkened with every passing second and finally, after a short moment, a clear number ten adorned his skin, like a carefully tattooed mark.

The soft sound of clapping echoed through the room and almost all faces turned to the source of the sound. Aizen stood there, a pleased expression on his face, staring intensely at the boy who stood in the middle of bloody carnage.

The Tenth Espada was created.

----------------

At some point, someone had bandaged his wounds. Chad could faintly recall it was Yoruichi-san, but he didn’t have any strength to keep the conversation up. Urahara and Jinta had been fixing Renji and Ishida, since both of them took a lot of damage. He could see some severe burns on the redhead’s skin. Ururu and Tessai were taking care of Rukia, who was in worst state from all of them. He remembered Yoruichi asking him what the hell happened out there. His only reply was ‘We failed’.

It all happened few hours ago and it was now the middle of the night, even though Urahara’s shop was far from settling down for rest; The sudden meeting of some of the Soul Society’s warriors and their supporters here in the living world – mostly Hitsugaya-taichou and Rangiku, Renji, Urahara, Yoruichi-san and even Byakuya-taichou made his appearance for an hour or so. Still, it was all beyond Chad’s caring right now, as he sat on the shop’s porch, leaning on the wall and simply watching the starry sky, too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice anything else.

They had gone to Hueco Mundo knowing their risks. Still, this wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. In Chad’s mind things got too mixed up, too confused. It was almost like he was missing some kind of detail, an important one too. It felt a bit like all of this had been planned by someone long time ago and Chad couldn’t surpass the shiver at the thought that Aizen might have schemed such a development of events from the very beginning.

“Chad!”

His head whipped around, only to see Tatsuki standing at the end of the narrow alley that lead to Urahara’s shop. She was panting, as after a long run and bent slightly while trying to catch her breath.

“I knew I sensed you nearby, I just knew it.”

He had forgotten about her, Keigo and Mizuro, about all of them. He vaguely recalled that Ichigo mentioned something about his fight with the girl shortly before leaving. What was he supposed to say now?

“Chad,” Tatsuki gasped as she closed the distance between them quickly. “Please tell me you brought Orihime back. Tell me she’s alright.”

The silent giant just looked at her and even though Tatsuki wanted to fool herself, she knew long ago that Orihime wasn’t around. She would have felt her presence even from the other part of the town if it came to it. Yet still, there was this nagging emptiness in the back of her mind and heart, something very, very out of place.

“You didn’t, did you?” She nearly whimpered with fear and anger when he shook his head. Only then she noticed the bandages that were wrapped firmly around his neck and arms. The girl cringed at the sight, for the first time fully realizing the weight of their journey, even though she never learned the details.

“Chad, where’s Ichi? Please, I need to talk to him.” She just had to; maybe now, that she revealed her knowledge of his alternate life... maybe now he would not push her back again.

Tatsuki noticed how Chad winced at the sound of Ichigo’s name and for a split second, a silent pang of panic pierced her chest.

“Ichigo...” Chad started to reply but then stopped for a second to gather up words and finally say them out loud; Almost like he was afraid that vocalizing it would make it more real, no matter how ridiculous that seemed. “Ichigo was left behind. He didn’t come back with us.”

Tatsuki started at the boy in disbelief. What was that supposed to mean? First Ichigo refused to share his burden with her, then tried to cut of all of the ties that connected them since childhood and now this? They all go leaping into huge black hole that appears in the sky out of nowhere, to bring her ‘Hime back and he simply doesn’t come back?
But from the look at Chad’s face she could tell it was not a free choice; Something must have gone wrong, very, very wrong...

“Oh Chad...” She gasped at his pained expression, realizing he was worried about Ichigo just as much as she longed for Orihime’s presence. They relationship wasn’t a secret to any of their close friends, after all. She sat by his side on the wooden porch, staring at her own fingers, wrapped together tightly on her lap until they became white from the pressure. Chad’s silent silhouette was at least a tiny spark of comfort in this hopeless situation. “I’m so sorry, Chad. Are they alright, you think? Ichi and ‘Hime?”

There was a pleading tone in her voice, as if she was asking him for confirmation. Even though Chad knew this, he just couldn’t bring himself to answer immediately.

“I’m sure Orihime is alive.” He muttered, fingers subconsciously wrapping around the coin on his neck, as if seeking help in his Abuelo’s memento. That was not the direct answer to her question, but Tatsuki only frowned more deeply.

“Chad” She started again, this time her voice was soft and whispery, underlined with sadness. “What is going on?”

He looked at her quizzically, as if seeing her for the first time.

“Where did you go? You, Ichigo and Ishida-kun? Why did they take Orihime? Who are you fighting with and why can’t I help?” Her voice became a little bit hysterical, quite unlike Tatsuki’s usually firm tone. “I remember that day where half on my fighting club died with no apparent reason. I remember two people dressed in white and how... weak I felt. They you and Orihime showed up and they... they hurt you, Chad. There was blood everywhere. Are those the people you, Ichigo and Ishida-kun are fighting with? Because I also remember that I was never that scared in my life. They were ready to kill you and... and...” She stopped her flow of words suddenly, as if confused by her own strain of thoughts. “Keigo and Mizuro can see them too. People in black kimonos, fighting some strange beings.”

She looked at the starry sky, blinking back the tears she refused to shed.

“Please Chad, help me understand. If someone took Orihime and now Ichigo... I’m not saying I deserve to know, but--“

“I understand.” Chad interrupted her suddenly. He did, really. Just as his own being was linked to Ichigo’s life, so has Tatsuki’s been joined with Orihime’s. He knew that if it was him in such position, not knowing what was going on around him and his friends-- and loved ones disappearing without a trace... He would have gone mad a long time ago. Chad no longer wondered why Tatsuki had beaten Ichigo up soon before their departure to Las Noches.

So in the middle of the starry night, on the front porch of Urahara’s shop, Chad started to tell her their story.