Forsaken

Title: Forsaken

Author: Tara Kitaide

genre: romance/angst/tragedy

Pairing: Ichigo/Renji

Disclaimer: Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

Warning: Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

Rating: M for possible yaoi scenes

Dedication: To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

The mission had failed.

Ichigo had reached Orihime and defeated Grimmjow but that Aizen bastard showed up and ruined everything. Rukia fought and won but almost died. Uryû fought and lost but his life was spared and when they found Chad, he was near death as well. Even Nell got damaged. Their only option was to retreat and try again.

Renji was gone. When they went back for his body there was only a large pool of blood where they had left him and a trail of blood making them believe he was dragged away. Ichigo couldn't understand why they would take his body. He figured they must have fed him to a hollow or maybe eaten him themselves. Ichigo cringed at the thought of Renji being ripped to shreds and swallowed piece by piece so he suppressed it whenever it would come up.

They decided to hold a service for him anyway. Ichigo wasn't completely sure how things were suppose to work without a body, but he promised he'd go so he would.

The service was tomorrow. Ichigo was suppose to say something, having been one of Renji's closest friends, but he didn't think he could and besides, he couldn't think of what to say. What could he say? Renji was gone and, as far as he was concerned, it was his fault. If Ichigo had been paying attention, had acted faster, had done something other than just watch Renji be killed, Renji might be there with him.

Ichigo buried his face in his knees and sighed. He was home again, siting on his bed with his knees tucked close to his chest. He was heavily bandaged on his chest with lighter bandages on his legs, arms, and face. Zangetsu was leaning against the wall next to the bed and had long sense given up on talking it's master out of his depressed state.

Ichigo heard the creak of the door open and someone step in. There was another creak as the door was closed and a light footfall making it's way towards him.

“Ichi-nii?”

Ichigo looked up at the toddler Arrancar just in time to see her struggling up onto the bed. Nell plopped down next to Ichigo and looked up at him with saddened eyes. She reached out and put her hand on his arm in comfort and Ichigo smiled weakly. “Hey Nell.”

Nell's eyes narrowed in concern. She took her other hand and touched Ichigo's arm with it as well. “Is Ichi-nii hurting somewhere?”

Ichigo's smile slowly faded. He sighed and had tear his eyes away from the girl's face in order to keep a straight face. After a long time he nodded slowly. “Yes.” He whispered.

Nell moved onto her knees and gripped Ichigo's arm with one hand while releasing her hold with the other. The girl worked her hand between Ichigo's knees to touch his chest. Ichigo looked back at her in mild surprise and their eyes met.

“Is it...” Nell paused for a moment and gripped Ichigo's shirt sleeve. “Is Ichi-nii hurting here?” The toddler moved the hand on Ichigo's chest to show what she meant.

Ichigo looked at her with still slightly widened eyes. He felt his heart sink and in an instant his eyes were swelling with tears. He swiped at them with one hand and nodded as best he could while muttering a small “yes”. The toddler removed her hands from Ichigo's chest and arm and sat back down on the bed.

Ichigo bit down on his lips as to not let a whimper or a sob break through. He now used both hands to swipe at the tears and wouldn't let a single one roll down his cheek.

“I was... talking to Rukia-chan.” Nell said, watching him with shimmering eyes. “She said that Ichi-nii was sad... because Ren-chan died.” Nell paused and watched him again. She averted her gaze and looked down a moment as if to think about what she was going to say next. She looked back up at Ichigo and let her eyes soften and narrow a bit. “You loved Ren-chan.”

It was more of a statement more than it was a question. Ichigo continued to wipe the tears away before trying to compose himself to form a decent response. “I still do, Nell. I still do.” Ichigo looked down at the girl and forced a smile. He watched as the girl's eyes began to glisten and a sad frown crept onto her face.

Nell stood on the bed, shaking it momentarily, before lunging at Ichigo and wrapping her tiny arms around his neck. Ichigo gave a small cry of surprise and would have fallen back if he hadn't caught himself in time. He composed himself, shaking off the bit of surprise, and looked at Nell as best he could. “Nell?”

Ichigo felt Nell shake as she held tighter to him. He sighed and rest a hand on the girl's trembling back as she let a soft sob escape her.

“Don't be sad Ichi-nii.” Nell said, her vice small and shaky. “Nell still loves you and Rukia-chan and Uryû-kun and Ichi-nii's family too! We don't like it when Ichi-nii is sad...”

Ichigo felt his eyes tear up again but didn't fight it this time. He wrapped his arm around the girl and held her as she sobbed again and cried on his shoulder. “I know Nell.” Ichigo sighed. “I love you guys too.”

-/-/-/-

The room was dark and foreboding. The tiny bit of light in the room was focused on a long white ovular table and came from a light which hung above it. On that table was a long figure covered with a white cloth. No part of the figure could be seen except for the bright long red hair that came from the top which strewn across and hung idly off the edge of the table. There were but ten different figures figures surrounding the table, all circled around the body in perfect order. One or two were looking the figure over with great interest while the rest stood and waited.

“This is the Shinigami you killed, right Gin-san?”

Gin looked over at the pink haired man, his ever present grin never leaving. The pink haired man looked up at him over his glasses for a moment before taking interest in the figure once again.

Gin nodded. “Yeah. I'm surprised how easy it was. He must have been just so distracted, fighting with Ichi-chan.” Gin watched as the espada continued to look over the figure in awe.

“I could use a subject such as this.” The Espada said, smirking inwardly to himself. “Besides, I owe this shinigami for damaging me earlier. I'd just love to cut him open and--”

“Don't be so rash, Szayel Aporro.”

All of the espada's heads turned to look at their ring leader standing at the end of the table. Aizen wore that calm smile of his on his face as Szayel Aporro looked up at him and their eyes locked. “We need him fo now.”

The scientist nodded and moved away from the figure. He noded and stood back in place as he averted his gaze from Aizen. “Yes. Forgive me, Aizen-sama.”

Aizen said nothing and instead turned to Gin who stood closest to him on his right side. Gin looked from the sientist to him and his grin seemed to frow wder. “Gin, where is Norita and Stark? Yammy seems to be absent as well.”

Gin sighed and ran a hand through his short silver hair. “Ah! Stark said he'd rather sleep and Norita is still recovering. Yammy also seemed kind of busy so I guess he just didn't come.” Gin and Aizen exchanged glances before Gin spoke again. “Is that a problem?”

“No.” Aizen said, turning back to the figure. He rummaged around in the folds of the Arrancar uniform before coming out with a small round glowing sphere. A few of the espada's eyes widened in surprise as Aizen held the sphere up for all to see. Aizen's smile turned into a grin as he looked from each espada to the next before turning back to the figure and unclothing it.

“I just thought they'd like to see the birth of their new brother.”

-/-/-/-

Ichigo whimpered as he forced the pillow over his head and tried to block out his thoughts. He was laying in bed, dreaming of the past and suffering through all the pain the memories brought.

He remembered seeing Renji for the first time, walking with Rukia and his capitan through the doors back to the soul socity. Then when they fought, and he defeted him. Renji had begged him to save Rukia, throwing away his pride and knowing that he had shamed himself. It was around that time that the strange feelings he began to develop for the redhead started to surface. And then Renji had fought to protect Ichigo, allmost losing his life in the process. They had fought together, lost together, lived together, ate together... Even when Renji was down, Ichigo had been there to help him through it and cheer him up, always pretending to be his friend when all he wanted to do was push him down and kiss him.

And now Renji was gone, dead. He couldn't even argue with the red head anymore let alone tell him he loved him. If only he hadn't been such a coward. If only he had told Renji ahead of time... then he might not feel so bad.

Then came all the images and fantisies Ichigo had dreamed of many times before. He was in Renji's arms, being kissed, caressed, undressed. It felt good but hurt even more this time. He could hear Renji calling his name, feel his long soft hair against his chest, see those soft red eyes burning into his... It all reminded him of things he never had and now never could.

Ichigo's eyes fluttered open. He groaned and clentched his teeth, feeling his heart ache. He gripped his chest and whimpered. It was all too much. How could he coninue like this? He wasn't kiding when he said he'd be thinking of Renji forever. How could he not? It would take a long long time for him to get over any of this.

Ichigo lifted the pillow off his face and placed it back under his head. He looked over at his alarm clock and sighed. It was four-seventeen. He still had a lot more time before he hadtoget up and he didn't feel as if he could go back to sleep.

Ichigo flopped over onto his back and stared up at the cieling. It was still dark out but the sky was dimly lit blue. It wouldn't be long untill the sun came up. Ichigo was considering getting ready early when there was a loud clang from somewhere in the dark room that startled him.

Ichigo lifted his head and looked around the room. It was hard to see in the dark but his eyes had adjusted well so he could make out most things.

“Well hello there, Ichigo.”

Ichigo jumped and looked around for the owner of the voice. His eyes darted around frantically before landing on his window and falling upon the person that now perched on his windowseal. He squinted and waitedfor his eyes to adjust before trying to make out who it was. When he finallt did, he jumped and gasped.

“You?!”

-/-/-/-

“Kuchiki-taichou!”

Byakuya looked up from his papers to face the now breathless shinigami that had burst into his office. He stared at them, slightly agitated that someone had dared to disturb him in such a maner. “Yes? What is it Rikichi?” Byakuya asked in his normally cold tone.

The boy composed himself before looking up at his capitan, eyes wide. “T-Taichou! Forgive me for being so rude but we seem to have a situation!”

Byakuya looked at him a while more before turning back to his papers and continuing to sign them. “What is it?”

Rikichi stood up straight and returned his breathing to normal. He looked at his capitan, eyes still wide as he began to explane his situation. “Sir, as you know I was instructed to clean...” Rikichi paused at the pain in his next words. “Former Abarai Renji Fukutaichou's zampaku-to.” Byakuya simply nodded. Rikichi continued. “Well, sir... I went to clean it as instructed sir and...”

Byakuya looked up at Rikichi's pause. “Yes? And?”

Rikichi gulped and averted his capitan's gaze for a moment before lookinghim square in the eyes and working past the lump in his throat. “I'm sorry sir, but it's gone. It's been stolen.”

-/-/-/-

A/N: Ah, I didn't work verry hard on this chapter and my spellcheck failed on my halfway through. I don't know why though. Maybe I pushed a button...?

Well, I hope you all enjoy this regardless. Hope it's not too bad.