Leap of Faith

Chapter 2



His Part of the Story





He stood on top of the monument with a perfect sight of the city around him. The sound of cars and people down on the street barely reached him due to the wind. He felt cold, sweaty and tired, the recent wounds he had acquired after his fight with a nest of surviving Arrancar and hollows had left him in a messy state. Lifting Hyorinmaru at his eye level he watched with the same amount of interest and disgust the scar the Winter War had left on him. A reminder that he almost lost his right eye (and almost his life) to Ichimaru Gin, if Matsumoto hadn’t arrived on time he surely had die under the traitors hands.



A sound beside him called his attention and he remembered he wasn’t alone, to his side was Kurosaki Ichigo who had been the person designate to accompany him on the mission.



But the mission was long over and now they both were standing on top of the Arc de Triomphe in the middle of L’avenue des Champs-Élysées. He remembered with amusement how shocked was Kurosaki when he found out he was going to France with Toshiro, and he was even more surprise to know the Tenth Division Captain speak the language, and he couldn’t forget how horrible those names had sound when Kurosaki tried to pronounce them correctly.



“So, are you going to tell me?” insisted Kurosaki, speaking of his early and bothersome question. “It’s a pain, but if I have to obtain answers the hard way, I will do it.”



He turned his teal eyes to Kurosaki and noticed a too familiar smirk adorning his scowling face and Toshiro couldn’t help but rolled his eyes because he knew what Kurosaki mean.



Shortly after Hinamori had broken up with him and Toshiro found out about her and Kira, Toshiro found himself in a whirlwind of emotions he couldn’t handle; he needed a way to escape, something else beside his erratic relationship with his fukutaichou. He found his answer to his predicament with Kenpachi. He taunted the older man to fight with him until he accept and Toshiro welcomed each one of the strokes from Kenpachi’s sword with open arms, until he found himself broken, bleeding and with Kenpachi’s sword pinning him to the floor by his shoulder.



“I don’t like fighting with men when already decide they want to die.” Had said the man and for the first time ever Toshiro saw disgust and disappointment on the Eleventh Division Captain. “Come with me when you decide you want to fight for your life.”



If it wasn’t for Kurosaki (and Matsumoto, she was always there) he would have bleed until the Fourth made its appearance. Matsumoto didn’t ask anything, but Kurosaki bugged him until he told the representative shinigami part of the true.



And now it wasn’t that different from that time and with a deep breath Toshiro decided Kurosaki was worth his trust, he had proven on more than one occasion that his friendship towards Toshiro was sincere and now Toshiro own him at least an explanation; besides maybe Kurosaki had a good advice to his predicament.



“You better sit; this is going to take some time.” Said Toshiro while he sat carefully as to not upset his wounds any more, putting Zangetsu aside Kurosaki sat beside Toshiro with his eyes in front of him roaming the city below him while Toshiro’s voice reached his ears.



**********************************

He remembered there were black clouds in the sky, the wind was cold and moist and his mind registered those changes as an approaching storm.



But he didn’t let those little things entertain him far too long. That night was going to be the night; he was going to ask Hinamori Momo to marry him. With a hand in his pocket he felt the cold surface of the small box where the ring he had chosen specially for her was.



He was ecstatic, never before he had felt so happy, so complete so ready to take things to next level and finally make her officially his. He had been so in love with her for far too long, and they had been in an informal relationship longer. Now he was going to make sure they finally had a happy ending, a family.



He had chosen a restaurant in the same district they had grown in Rukongai; like that they could go immediately to their granny’s place and shared the news with her. Toshiro wanted the old woman to be the first one to hear the news about their engagement.



He was nervous and maybe it was his mood on that night what didn’t let him noticed Hinamori’s behaviour. If he had, he would have saved himself some unnecessary pain. But sometimes when you’re in love those things can’t be noticed easily.



They didn’t talk much and it was going to be during the dessert when everything would end up in disaster.



“Thank you for the dinner, Shiro-chan.” She said flashing him a brilliant smile that made his heart beat a little faster and a soft blush appeared on his face.



“It was nothing; well actually I have something to tell you.” He said trying to make his voice firm and gently. Hinamori had turned to him with opened eyes and with the same smile she had earlier.



“Good, I have something to tell you as well.” And for a moment Toshiro wondered if maybe Momo knew what he was about to do because there was a gleam of relief in her eyes.



“Why don’t you go first, Momo?” She giggled and he smiled enjoying the sound of her giggles and the touch of her hand over his.



“Always the gentleman, Shiro-chan.” She said. “Well, I’ve been thinking for some time and I guess it’s time I finally thank you for all the things you have done for me.”



Toshiro blinked, a little confused but nodded his head, “you don’t have to thank me Momo. I did it because I love you.”



“And I love you, silly. But what I’m trying to say is not only thank you but that I’m finally ready to start all over again.”



He felt his world becoming far too heavy, the air around him stuffy and his breathing stopping for a moment, the moment he took to comprehend Momo’s words.



“What do you mean?”



“I think I’m healthy enough to finally start with my life.” She said and while her eyes were looking directly into Toshiro’s the young man didn’t think Hinamori understood the pain her words were bringing him.



“You have been wonderful with me Shiro-chan, but you can’t possibly think we can continue with this.” She said in a nonchalant tone. “I knew you would do anything in your power to help go back to my feet and you did it, and for that I’m grateful.”



“You mean…you…you’re finishing our relationship?” he asked and hated the fact that his voice sound so weak, so pleadingly.



Hinamori blinked once, twice then shook her head. “What relationship Shiro? You will always be my friend, I don’t think I can’t see you anymore as a little brother, not after…” more giggling and a soft blush on her cheeks. “But you will always be my friend and I guess part of my family. Really Shiro-chan, can you imagine us continuing with this façade?”



She kept speaking about how a relationship of that nature between them was laughable and almost impossible because he would always be a kid before her eyes and how she didn’t need a babysitter anymore but rather a real man with whom started her new life. The life he had recovered thanks to ‘Shiro-chan’s cares.



At that moment Toshiro understood what people mean by the concept ‘broken heart’. His head was spinning with Momo’s words echoing in his ears, his chest felt heavy and there was an overwhelming pain trapping his heart in a strong hold while his breathing was becoming shallow and short.



“Shiro-chan, you said you have something to tell me, what is it?” Toshiro lifted his eyes and stood up as fast as he could.



“I have something urgent to attend at my division; the dinner is already paid off.” And without another word he left.



He didn’t cry, at least not in the restaurant or in his walk to his division. He only allowed himself to cry when the memories and feelings become impossible to wear and he found himself in the arms of Matsumoto.



The rain had started falling hard over Soul Society, accompanied by thunders and cold.



It was the perfect weather for his mood and the best part of it was that he didn’t have anything to do with it.



He was sitting on his chair, in his office, watching the rain fall outside, drowning his pain, his feelings away with a few glasses of whisky. His own whisky induced comfort, as Hyorinmaru had called it.



He was so deep in thoughts, distract in the burning sensation of the beverage going down his throat that he never felt his fukutaichou until she entered the office. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was, so he kept his eyes on the rain.



A quick check-up of her reiatsu told him all he knew to know and he was so tempted to let out a bitter smile when he realized that she was feeling just as miserable as him. But he stopped himself on time, he didn’t like Matsumoto being sad, he had never like to see sadness in her eyes because Matsumoto was the light in the middle of his darkest times, she was his best friend even if Toshiro had a hard time admitting it out loud.



He sensed her surprise when she neared him and he imagined it had to be because of the strong smell of alcohol around him. He explained his hate for sake and his preference for strong drinks.



He invited her to his side, just for that moment they could drink together and drown their sorrows away. Nobody should drink alone, or so he heard and he made sure Matsumoto knew it too.



Then, she asked the question he was dreading because it brought painfully memories and it made his eyes burn and his breathing come in short and shallow breaths.



But he was beyond caring and he knew Matsumoto would understand or at least hear him out without laughing or looking at him with pity.



He had been use for the woman he thought he loved; well he did love her more than life itself. He would have done anything and everything for her, and in a sense he did. But Hinamori wasn’t the girl he had known once, she had change, Aizen had change her and now she had just reveal the real reason she accepted to date Toshiro. The same day he had everything ready to propose to her and celebrate at his place under the light of candles, a good bottle of wine, roses…yes, he was ready to give her the world.



But she had used him, she needed to heal and to go back to normality and Toshiro was there ready to do it so she took the chance, took from him what she needed and…violà now she could returned back to normal.



Hinamori’s patronizing words, her smile, her giggles and her comments at how ridiculous had been the whole situation made him felt anger and disappointment. In the end, Toshiro realized, he would always be ‘Shiro-chan’ the little boy that grew with her. Her little brother…nothing else.



He reacted to fast and his reiatsu flickered with his anger and the glass he had in his hand was already frozen when it collide with the wall. Then she had a pair of arms around him and he was crying.



And Matsumoto was there listening to him, even though he knew she felt just as bad and he knew he had to do something. He needed to be strong for the both of them and scare desperation away.



So he asked her to follow him and she did it.



She followed him that night to his quarters, she followed him the next day to dinner, she followed him to a dark alley where he kissed her and the whole mess he was now in started.



They both made the perfect team, they weren’t only ‘fuck buddies’ (as Rangiku had put it so eloquently once) but also partners in the most dangerous missions.



It had been a years since that first night.



However, Toshiro’s problems started after the first month of their ‘deal’. They had agreed about their relationship never changing regardless of them having sex on a daily basis. At first it had been hard, they were awkward around each other and Toshiro couldn’t help but blush when his mind wandered to the memories of their nights together. Matsumoto wasn’t of any help at all since she enjoyed torturing him, being with comments or actions in front of everybody or alone, she always found a way to make him suffer.



And after the first month things started changing. It wasn’t only sex anymore, sometimes they would see each other at night to talk, to share a comfortable and need silence. And in those moments Toshiro got to know the Matsumoto behind the flirty smiles and the cheerful façade.



In those moments he fell deeply, madly and truthfully in love with her.



*******************************



Ichigo’s eyes opened wide at the implications of Toshiro’s story. Not only was Toshiro having sex with Matsumoto but he also had…no, it couldn’t be.



“Then one night I realized that I broke the promise I made to myself and the deal I had made with Matsumoto.” Mumbled Toshiro and his eyes turned nostalgic for a moment. “I promise myself I would never fall in love the way I did with Hinamori. And Matsumoto and I agree that we will never involve feelings in our … sexual relationship.”



He went silent to let Ichigo register everything before continuing, his mind drifted away to the exact moment he was talking about and a soft smile appeared on his face.



“Toshiro…” but before Ichigo could say anything the captain of the tenth division looked over at Ichigo.



“It’s difficult, if not impossible, not to fall in love with her.” Toshiro sighed, “The worst of all this mess is that…what I feel for Matsumoto is stronger to what I felt for Hinamori once.”

“The hell is wrong with you?” the outburst didn’t caught Toshiro by surprise; he was kind of expecting the orange-haired shinigami to do something like this. “I can’t believe you did …that you two...Rangiku-san isn’t like that.”



Toshiro turned puzzled to Kurosaki, “what do you mean?”



“She isn’t the type of person to go around sleeping with guys without feelings getting involved.” Said Kurosaki.



“How do you know? You don’t even know her!”



“Did she really sleep with many guys before you? Or while you two were involve?” asked Ichigo. “You’re making her look like a…you know.”



Toshiro watched the angry expression ON Kurosaki’s face when he omitted the word ‘slut’ (or was it whore) he had almost uttered. And Toshiro could see the disappointment in his friend’s face at the thought of Toshiro thinking about Matsumoto in such a way.



Toshiro didn’t say anything; instead he lowered his face because he felt ashamed when he remembered he had thought exactly what Kurosaki was implying. To him Matsumoto was a very beautiful woman, with not only a beautiful body but also an extraordinary personality. Who wouldn’t want to be with her? And after the second time with her (because he was way too drunk the first time) she wasn’t as reckless and dominant as he thought she was going to be. But he didn’t dare to ask until a few weeks later when he made a shocking discovering: Hitsugaya Toshiro was only the second man Matsumoto had gone to sleep with.



And after the revelation he felt guilty for being so rough to her, for assuming she had experienced, for getting all those rumours about her took over his judgment. From that moment he was a little more gently and more dedicated with her, he tried to make it up to her in the best way he could without telling her what his thoughts of her had been once.



“See I knew it!! And I know you! You aren’t that kind of guy either.”



“Look, Kurosaki, I appreciate…” started Toshiro but Ichigo stopped him.



“You’re going to give up?” said Ichigo.



“Give up on what exactly?” this time he was getting annoyed and his voice was filled with anger. “Give up on a woman that is still thinking about another man every time she is with me?”



“Yes.” Toshiro was fuming when he stood up and unsheathed Hyorinmaru ready to open the Senkaimon that would take them back to Soul Society.



“Things not always go the way we want them to, I’m happy that things between you and Kuchiki turned out okay even after the incident with Byakuya but…I would appreciate if you stay away from my…things.”



“Listen to you! You’re not making any sense!” exclaimed Ichigo standing beside Toshiro who was ready to punch Ichigo if needed. “Why do you keep sabotaging you’re chances of happiness?”



Toshiro snorted at Ichigo’s words and was about to opened the gate when Ichigo stopped him. “Rukia, Orihime, Ishida, for God’s sake even Ulquiorria had noticed the way she looks at you…think about it, and when you have finally accept it then talk to her.”



\'Finally!!! See I’m not the only one!!\'



********************************



Rangiku arrived at her place with a feeling of fake security; she knew things wouldn’t change at all even though she had just shared her secret with Nanao.



The afternoon in Soul Society was advancing at a fast pace, covering her place in multiple shadows and finally letting everything around her covered in darkness. Matsumoto hated the way she was feeling at the moment, she hated being so weak and vulnerable once again.



She went to the stereo she had acquired in one of her visits to the real world and put the CD Orihime had made for her with all the songs both women like and some Orihime recommended her.



Seems like just yesterday

You were a part of me

I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tight

Everything, it felt so right

Unbreakable, like nothin\' could go wrong

Now I can\'t breathe

No, I can\'t sleep

I\'m barely hanging on





The sound and the lyrics of the song reached her ears, but she realized her mistake too late. By the time she understood the lyrics, the song was already wrapping her around in a world of memories and feelings she felt obliged to see and feel.



An ironic smiled drew itself on her face when she found herself singing along while her hands passed around the shelf in which she had most of her books, movies, music and pictures. Her hand finally stopped in one of the pictures, one she hold very dear and relate to the memory of the day she finally realized her feeling for her Taichou.



She had bugged him to no end until he finally acceded to take the picture. They were standing up in a tower in a city called Paris. Her Taichou had taken her there in the middle of summer, a late White day gift he was giving her as a thank you for the chocolates he received on Valentine’s Day.



It was nothing special, or so her Taichou though, after all she had been giving him chocolates since he first was appointed as her taichou, so it wasn’t a surprise for him to received them. And Matsumoto had worked hard on them, made them especially for him.



What came as a surprise to Matsumoto was the invitation from her taichou, usually he gave her a bucket of flowers on White Day, he had never been one to believe in the meaning of the flowers or such, so she always received from roses to chrysanthemum. He always gave her a different bucket and Rangiku thought it was sweet and she always took the opportunity to tease her taichou for his gesture.



But that day it had been different, he had never taken her outside, to the real world to share anything that wasn’t a mission. But she wasn’t complaining, anything to spend more alone time with him, anything to keep her thinking that maybe, just maybe he was starting to feel the same things she was feeling every time she was around him.



The sight in itself was breathtaking.



Taking the picture at dusk, when the lights of the city were small points lighting the marble of human architecture and the contrast of the sky above the city was beyond beautiful. The colours from the sky, blue, purple orange, and black were in harmony with the artificial once from the ground, the air around them was warm and soft, caressing her uncovered skin and making her shiver, not from the cold but from the sensations of being on top of the world.



When she turned around she saw him under those lights, both artificial and natural and his handsome features, the one that had replace any trace of childhood in his face were more evident. He stood just as proud as the tower in the distance his hair was being moved by the wind, just like his haori and in his hand was the instant picture he had just taken of her.



Matsumoto felt empty for a moment, her breath caught on her throat and her eyes unable to move from Hitsugaya Toshiro. Suddenly that emptiness in her stomach was replaced by a feeling of a million butterflies inside, her heart started beating fast regardless of the pain she was feeling on her chest. And her mind, eyes and heart were focus only on him.



On the relax expression he was wearing, the tinge of red adorning his cheeks, the memory of his soft but firm hold on her when they were intimate. The reassuring and secure feeling of his presence beside her.



She was falling into a well of known sensations when his voice reached her out and brought her back to reality before she could do or say something she may regret later.



“Je fais souvent ce rêve étrange et pénétrant D\'une femme inconnue, et que j\'aime, et qui m\'aime,Et qui n\'est, chaque fois, ni tout à fait la même Ni tout à fait une autre, et m\'aime et me comprend.Car elle me comprend, et mon coeur, transparent Pour elle seule, hélas! cesse d\'être un problème Pour elle seule, et les moiteurs de mon front blême, Elle seule les sait rafraîchir, en pleurant.”



Her eyes opened in surprise as those words left his lips, he had been looking at the picture in his hand and Matsumoto had noticed the sudden shyness in him, the soft smile playing on his face. And for a moment, Matsumoto wish she hadn’t imagine him looking at her with longing out of the corner of his eye. But it had been so fast that she didn’t believe it was possible.



“Taichou that was beautiful” she had said and he turned to her expressionless.



“I don’t like the end of the poem.” He mumbled. “It was written by a man called Paul Verlaine.”



“You never cease to amaze me, Taichou.” He looked at her questioning and she smile at him. “I didn’t know you like poetry and that you could speak French.”



There was a moment of silence in which Matsumoto was overwhelmed by a needed she hadn’t felt ever. Not even with Gin. She wanted to be held by Toshiro, she wanted those words being uttered in her ear while he held her tightly against him and she rested her head on his chest.



Matsumoto gulped and looked away from her taichou so she wouldn’t reveal anything to him.



“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Matsumoto.” For some reason those words hurt her more than she cared to admit, because there wasn’t anyone else in the whole Soul Society that knew him better than her. She knew how he liked his tea, how he enjoyed the afternoons on top of the roof, how he liked to sleep, his favourite food, everything.



But then he did another surprising thing. “But now, today, I’m going to tell you and show you some other things you don’t know about me.”



When she turned to look at him he had that insufferable, know-it-all smile of his. He started walking towards the edge of the building where they were standing and without prior warning he threw himself off the building.



Her reaction had been idiotic, she had let out a stifled scream and ran towards the edge only to see him standing in nothing, making her remember that they were shinigami and the laws of gravity didn’t apply to them unless they were wound or didn’t know how to fly or float in the air.



He lifted a single eyebrow and with a nodded of his head indicated her to follow him. She glared at him and his mocking smiled, but followed him. Her mind already adjusting to what her heart already knew.



She was falling in love with him.



The sound of drums and a loud guitar woke her up from her reverie. She took her hand from the picture; he did show her sides of him she didn’t know he had. She discovered that night he like art and literature and France along with Vienna were

his favourite places in the world and he went to them every time he could.



Inside her head she could hear the exasperate growl from Haineko and Matsumoto knew she was getting on the ash-cat nerves.



\'It seems to be a beautiful night, Rangiku. Why don’t we go to that hill on your division? I bet the moon is particularly beautiful tonight.\'



Rangiku nodded her head, her mood already improving at the prospect of one of her favourite pastime. Draw the constellations in Soul Society’s night sky with Haineko by her side.



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This is the second chapter, thanks for reading. Special thanks to Kazes for the review, hopefully you would like this chapter as well.



again no beta so I apologize for the mistakes on grammar and spelling.



The lyrics are form Behind these hazel eyes by Kely Clarkson.





This is the original poem:

MON RÊVE FAMILIER



Je fais souvent ce rêve étrange et pénétrant

D\'une femme inconnue, et que j\'aime, et qui m\'aime,

Et qui n\'est, chaque fois, ni tout à fait la même

Ni tout à fait une autre, et m\'aime et me comprend.



Car elle me comprend, et mon coeur, transparent

Pour elle seule, hélas! cesse d\'être un problème

Pour elle seule, et les moiteurs de mon front blême,

Elle seule les sait rafraîchir, en pleurant.



Est-elle brune, blonde ou rousse?--Je l\'ignore.

Son nom? Je me souviens qu\'il est doux et sonore,

Comme ceux des aimés que la Vie exila.



Son regard est pareil au regard des statues,

Et, pour sa voix, lointaine, et calme, et grave; elle a

L\'inflexion des voix chères qui se sont tues.



And this is the translation:



My Familiar Dream - Mon Rêve Familier



I often have some strange and striking dreams

about an unknown girl, of love we share,

each time the same, each time a different air

about her swirls, who understands it seems.



She loves and understands me, from her beams

a crystal pure dismissing strife and care.

She, only, eases heart-ache and despair,

soothing pain with tears’ refreshing streams.



She’s blond, brunette, reflecting russet gleams?

I know not, nor her name and voice though fair

and sounding-soft if feels, far off I swear,

like loved ones Life has banished from its schemes.



A statue’s sightless stare, the look she gave.

Voice, - still echo of friends in the grave.



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