Finding Home

Warning this is Yaoi which is boy x boy if you don’t like don’t read If you do like feel free to review so I know I’m doing something right.



AN: I knew you guys would like that. Now the focus will shift for a little back to Kira. Honestly I’m surprised he’s withstood all the stuff I’ve thrown at him. Also to remyjames yes Renji was there when Gin and Byakuya made the agreement with the remaining Espada as was Kira and Kenpachi. The rest of the shinigami that accompanied the expedition in Coming Home had their memories altered so no word would get back to Soul Society. Thank yous to Affie, Rysha, Darkephoenix, remyjames, and satterb for the reviews.



Finding Home



You will never know true happiness

until you have truly loved,

and you will never understand

what pain really is

until you have lost it.

~ by Anonymous ~



Chapter 21



Izuru watched in dread as Renji fought for his life against the massive Hollow. Blood was pouring from the wounds at his side and across his chest. He attempted to move towards him but a hand gripped his arm. Swinging around he saw Urahara gripping him. The man simply shook his head. Izuru watched as Renji battled and the tear continued to grow smaller.



“Renji!” he yelled trying to convey the dire need for expedience, tears now running freely down his face. Renji whipped Zabimaru at the Hollow and in an effort to evade the attack, it presented it’s back to Renji. Taking the upper hand Renji leaped to the back and split the Hollow in half. The monster shuddered before dissolving into shimmering dust. Renji staggered towards the closing hole. Izuru flung Kisuke’s hand away and ran towards the hole only to arrive in time to see Renji’s tattered body disappear as the hole closed. Izuru stood in shock his body quivering as he stood there. Ichigo made a move towards him but Izuru pulled away and turned angry eyes on Kisuke.



“Why did you stop me?” he yelled his eyes almost red in anger. Drawing Wabisuke from her sheath, Izuru lunged at the former taicho. Kisuke dodged easily and took a few steps away.



“You would have been destroyed, the Kidou spell had already sealed up enough that the energy would have torn you apart. Be glad Renji didn’t make it through the same would have happened to him. At least now he has a fighting chance. That’s more than can be said for some.” said Kisuke in a matter of fact tone.



“You bastard” yelled Izuru swinging Wabisuke. The blade arced up and sliced through the brim of the green and white striped hat sending it flying into the air. Kisuke stood there his eyes appeared almost bored in appearance. Not even bothering to draw Benehime, Kisuke simple ducked and dodged the attacks. There was no reasoning with the young man so he might as well just let him burn himself out.



“Kira-fukutaicho!” came a firm voice from the shadows. Stepping from the shadows was Ichimaru Gin and Kuchiki Byakuya, followed by several members of the Kidou Corps as well as subordinates of Divisions Three and Six. Gin had his hand buried in the sleeves of his uniform, grin firmly in place but only a fool would think he was smiling out of humor. Izuru stiffened and growled in his throat, Gin may not have said for him to directly stop his attack on Kisuke but the implied order was there. Izuru had been a shinigami long enough to know better than to disobey an order whether it be verbal or implied. Standing down even though every muscle in his body wanted to slice up the former taicho for allowing Renji to be left behind. They didn’t understand what it was like to lose your light. Izuru wasn’t a fool he knew those wounds on Renji were bad.



“I think that someone had better start explaining.” said Byakuya as his eyes surveyed the area, taking note of Orihime collapsed in the corner and the crackling aftermath of powerful Kidou. The tears streaking Izuru’s face didn’t go unnoticed either.



“Where is Abarai?” he asked, noticing the absence of his fukutaicho. Fresh tears ran form Izuru eyes and he could only shake his head. ‘This isn’t happening.’ he screamed in his mind. He felt as if his world was going to come crashing down at any moment. Unable to remain standing any longer, Izuru collapsed onto the dirt floor, screaming as if he was being stabbed. His eyes not seeing Rukia and Gin rushing to his side. He locked out everything from the outside so that the only thing he could here was his own screams and then the world went black.



Gin scooped up his fukutaicho and without another word drew Shinso and opened a gateway back to Soul Society. The doors closed behind him and left the others standing in silence eyes downcast. Byakuya walked slowly over to Kisuke who was dusting off his hat.



“I have never much cared for you but I tolerate you because of your benefit to Soul Society. However, should I find out that Renji was killed and Kira broken because of you, I will make sure that you spend the rest of your life locked away in the Repentance Cell.” said Byakuya in a low tone, his anger causing his words to frost over.



“Come now Bya-kun, do you really think I would do anything harmful on purpose.” said Kisuke as he placed the hat back on his head, shadowing his eyes. Byakuya’s eyes narrowed, the only physical sign that he wanted to draw Senbonzakura and use her to wipe that smirk off of his face.



“No need to worry about Abarai-kun, I have a feeling that allies have already found him. Now shall we all adjourn to my shop for tea, poor Orihime-chan over there looks completely worn out.” said Kisuke in his usual upbeat way. His eyes glanced back towards where they had last seen Renji. He really did hope the loud redhead was alright. He had sensed the approach of Hollow that had no killing intent at all. That reason alone was what kept him from charging through the tear himself.



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Gin looked at his fukutaicho with sad eyes. He had immediately taken him to division four. Izuru wasn’t in good shape. Gin could almost see his mind shattering. Gin wanted to beat himself in the head for not seeing how delicate Izuru was after he had returned. He had been too focused on his own recovery and his budding relationship with Byakuya to pay much attention to his fukutaicho. When Renji had asked to take Izuru away for a while and explained why, Gin had felt a chill run down his spine.



A young nurse shooed Gin from the examining room as they took vital signs. Unohana-taicho brushed past Gin and entered the room, closing the door behind her. Gin began to pace the hallway, pausing when a Hell Butterfly fluttered nearby. Holding out a finger the creature landed on his hand and Byakuya’s voice rumbled through his mind. Gin shook his head as he released the butterfly. Byakuya had explained the events occurring before their arrival as relayed by Urahara Kisuke. This was not good.



Gin leaned against the wall and allowed his head to fall against it. Trying not to allow the demons he held onto tightly to escape. The thought of going back into Hueco Mundo again sent dark chills through him. He had thought he was finished with that place. He had assumed the Hollows would lay low for a while and recoup themselves. The Arrancar weren’t the only dangerous Hollow but as long as they had remained in their own world, Gin felt no desire to chase after them. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear Retsu approach. The gentle hand on his arm jarred him from his thoughts.



“Come, we will talk in my office.” she said gently, then led the way to her office. Her office was a cozy room that suited her personality perfectly. Plants graced the windows and comfortable chairs were arranged in front of her desk. Instead of going to her desk, Retsu settled on a pillow at a low table. Gin took the seat next to her. One of her subordinates silently entered the room placed a pot of tea and two cups on the table before the two taicho. Bowing low, the girl left to attend to her other duties.



Retsu’s delicate hands lifted the pot and poured tea in the cups. Taking a sip the taicho sat with her eyes closed. Gin was uncertain whether she was enjoying the tea or trying to figure out what to say.



“Just tell me what’s goin’ on with Izuru.” said Gin, unable to withstand the silence any longer. The fourth division taicho smiled at Gin’s words. It was obvious the taicho cared for his fukutaicho. It was also evident that he blamed himself. And perhaps abstractly he was partly to blame but the fault should really be placed on everyone. To those closest to him that said nothing or noticed nothing in his personality changes. Seems the only person that cared enough to help was now gone and his fate yet undetermined. Its no wonder that Izuru was in the state he was. His world must have seemed as if he was crashing down.



“I’ve sedated Kira-fukutaicho for the mean time. Its only a short term fix. He is trapped in his own mind and what nightmares he is seeing there I can only hope to guess. What happened to cause his mental collapse?” she inquired.



“Seems he and Abarai-fukutaicho had gotten close lately. Abarai was trapped in the Hollow world after they sealed a rift between Hueco Mundo and the Livin’ World. Izuru just collapsed after attackin’ Urahara-san.” answered Gin.



“Hmm, I see. Well I could tell you that with care and time Kira-fukutaicho will return to his old self but I would be just giving you false promises. As he is I don’t see Kira recovering at all.” she said sadly. The thought that Soul Society was losing yet another of its fukutaicho was depressing. Gin raised a hand to the bridge of his nose, a headache beginning to form. This was not the news he was hoping to hear.



“However…I think that the safe recovery of Abarai-fukutaicho would do much to helping Kira-fukutaicho recover. The workings of the mind are strange things. I can map every inch of the body but the mind is something that completely eludes me. I have seen men in comas for years awake as if nothing has happened so it goes to hope that if what he thinks he has lost is returned perhaps he can will himself back from whatever darkness has swallowed him.” Retsu offered this tiny shred of hope. It was tiny but it was hope none the less. Gin nodded his understanding.



“I’m gonna go get approval to look for Abarai. You take care of my Izuru.” the gentle woman smiled and nodded as the pale haired man strode from the office, determination guiding his feet. Renji wasn’t the only one that Izuru needed. But that would come in time.



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Izuru watched over and over in his mind Renji’s body being torn and flung around. Every time he ran to help, dark tendrils bound him and he could only watch in horror as the thing most beloved to him was destroyed. He kept praying that the monster that was attacking Renji would turn on him and send him into the afterlife with Renji. It never did. It’s purpose seemed only to torment him and make him long for death. Small moments of sanity would reach through to him in the never ending nightmare. A gentle touch and a soft spoken word. The healing warmth of reiatsu. The darkness would fade for a moment and he could almost feel his mother’s gentle voice singing to him.



The darkness would come back though. It always came back and would pull him once again into it. Izuru stopped fighting. Something pulled him from the darkness of his mind and his consciousness floated to the surface. Why was he awake?



Opening his eyes, Izuru allowed his emotionless gaze to travel the length of the room. No one was there, at least for the moment. He felt as if his heart had been ripped from his chest, the pain felt so real that he almost glanced to see if there was a visible wound. The room was sterile and Izuru knew he was in Division Four. He must have collapsed. Of course he would be brought here. Seeing the instrument tray simply laying out in readiness in the event of injury, Izuru took the gleaming steel scalpel laying there. There was no point any longer. Renji was gone, there was no way he could have lasted long with those wounds and it wouldn’t have taken long for a Hollow to track down the scent of his blood. Renji was dead and soon if the fates allowed he would be too. Making his way towards the tray, Izuru picked up the gleaming instrument.



For a moment he paused, a touch of fear coursed through him. His hand shook as he brought the knife to his wrist. Sinking against the wall, Izuru thought of how ashamed Renji would be of him. Renji would probably beat him senseless for even thinking this. The scalpel fell from lifeless fingers clanging loudly on the hard floor. ‘I cant do it.’ he whispered to himself as he curled into a ball on the floor. The thought of Renji had stayed his hand. Izuru began to shake uncontrollably.



The door opened and the nurse walked in, upon seeing the collapsed Izuru and the scalpel beside him. She quickly called for help. The room became busy but Izuru simply continued to shake. If he couldn’t bring himself to die he would do the next best thing. He would simply stop being. Closing his eyes, Izuru allowed the darkness of his mind have control. There was no point anymore was there?



TBC



AN: I swear I was almost in tears writing this. Time for Renji to come back and lay the smack down on Kira. He needs a firm hand. Hope you enjoyed. Until next time.