The Broken Souls of the Seireitei

A/N: Happy New Year. This chapter was going to be part of a longer one, but it got to be long and detailed, so hell, let's make it a filler!! I wanted to give just a teeny bit of insight into Byakuya, and I hope the trip is worth taking. Oh, and when a character is in the Seireitei or Karakura and is talking to their zampakuto, the sword's response will be in italics. If they are speaking to their sword and are in the 'dreamland' as I call it, dialog will be written normally. Confused? So am I. ^-^




Byakuya tossed fitfully in his pseudo sleep. Between Senbonzakura nagging him and asking where Zangetsu was, and remembering the smell of sandalwood and brown eyes was keeping him nearly awake. He was so desperate, he even went to Rukia’s quarters to ask about her schoolwork, but was instantly put off by her bitchy attitude. Hushed words in the hallway from Amaya informed him of Hanataro upsetting Rukia, but Byakuya was infinitely perceptive. He knew Rukia’s games with Ikkaku and Shuuhei would eventually explode in her face, but the little terror could be told nothing. Hell, all of the Kuchiki were annoyingly stubborn, and Rukia got more than her fair share of stubbornness. There was no use in talking to Rukia about Hanataro. It used to be a stalemate against her because she would bring up Ichigo, which to Byakuya was like rubbing rock salt into a wound. Of course, that was his pride speaking, not his heart. He still had no room to scold her, because he was playing a dangerous game also, and he counted the days until the egg was to be on his face.

Byakuya sighed again and rolled over on his side to face the window to look at the moon. The night was airy and gorgeous, and he could smell all of the exotic flowers in the garden right outside. The night would have been beautiful to take Ichigo outside and lay him on the cool cobblestone path, right beside the small spring and take him gently, moving seamlessly within his tight core. Byakuya moaned and shivered in the bed, aching for the usual heat at his back. Thinking in retrospect, it wasn’t very smart for him to bid Ichigo farewell so early in the night. He knew his lover wanted to go ‘home’ and visit with his friend, but Byakuya wanted him. He was just trying to look detached and independent, but the truth was that he wanted to be under Ichigo all of the time, both figuratively and literally. The orange haired strawberry was intriguing, a constantly changing, reiatsu filled paradox that Byakuya could solve no easier than a man trying to figure out a Rubik’s Cube while simultaneously having a seizure.

Byakuya moaned again, shutting his eyes. Oh, the thoughts he was having! He smirked, wondering if he could get away penning his exploits with Ichigo and publishing them. The Seireitei was known for having a mixture of odd and terribly written manuscripts (‘Crapuscripts’ as Renji once ingenuously coined them), so his couldn’t be any worse. And they’d be based on a true story, which automatically made them gold.

He licked his lips, his breathing evening out. He could practically feel Ichigo sliding in the bed behind him, sighing lusciously as a hand slid lightly down his rib cage onto his thigh. The touch was feather soft, almost too soft to be a man’s touch. Byakuya leaned his head back and arched his back slightly as the touch ran back up his cage, over his shoulder, and to his neck. Oh, he wished Ichigo were there to kiss his neck. Eyes still closed, Byakuya brought a hand to his face, sucking on a few of his fingers. Licking the digits sensually, he brought the coated fingers to his chest, pulling and twisting at one of his nipples. He imagined Ichigo’s fingers doing it, and stopped his ministrations, impressed by the clarity of his own mind. He must have had his lover’s touch imprinted in his head, as it felt like Ichigo was really the one touching him. He could feel warm air blowing on his neck, even though cool air was also blowing in the room. He didn’t stop to contemplate the difference, just appreciative for the right ambiance.

“Ichigo,” He finally whispered thickly. He could smell the man in the bed sheets, on the pillows, and by Kami, did he feel sexy at that moment! It was odd, Byakuya feeling sexy. He knew he was, but the true sexual creature was brought out by Ichigo, and was also nurtured by him. His whole body was responsive, and he felt moments away from climax, even though he hadn’t even touched near his genitals.

“I was wondering when you were going to acknowledge me.”

Byakuya’s eyes flew open. His mind was either seriously fucking with him, or…he turned to look behind him, and saw Ichigo’s smiling face. “How long have you been here?” He asked, his voice surprisingly neutral.

Ichigo’s smile deepened. “I was walking in when you turned away to face the window. At first, I thought perhaps you’d seen me and was angry for me being gone so long, but then I remembered that initially I wasn’t coming back here. I heard you moan,” He whispered, leaning down to kiss him gently. “And when I heard you, I knew you were thinking about me.”

Byakuya smirked. “Cocky, aren’t you?”

Ichigo licked his lips lecherously. “I suppose I am, but why don’t I ask your mouth or your ass just to be sure?” He bent to lick the shell of Byakuya’s ear, making him shiver and open his mouth.

“Ichigo…I…I need to tell you something…” His voice faltered a moment, and the strawberry stopped molesting his ear.

“What? You can tell me anything,” Ichigo said earnestly, and Byakuya turned to face him. Gray eyes blinked rapidly, and Ichigo realized Byakuya was fighting back tears. “Hey, hey, what’s all this? Did you really miss me that much?” He asked, wiping a few stray tears from his darling’s face.

Byakuya sighed. He wished that it was as simple as chagrin from being separated from his lover, but no. This pain was deeper, more jagged. He sighed and feigned a smile. “It’s nothing. I just…I’m glad I have you.” He tucked into Ichigo’s chest and hugged him about the waist, more to stop having to explain himself rather than wanting to be fawned over. Ichigo clicked his tongue, but still wrapped his arms around Byakuya, a hand absently stroking his hair.

“I’m glad to have you too, B. I missed you, missed holding you and being held. I’m glad that you are affectionate. There have been so many times that I wanted to just reach out and hold you, not necessarily out of romantic feelings, but…” Ichigo paused, hesitating to bury his hand in black ink locks again. “I know you aren’t weak. But your heart is fragile. I knew that from the moment on the Sokyoku when we were fighting. Even then I wanted to love you. I wanted to love you like I love Orihime or Chad or Rukia. But I realized I couldn’t.”

Byakuya stiffened in his arms. He had found out. ‘No, no not like this’, his mind pleaded. “Why can’t you love me like them?” He asked tightly, inadvertently squeezing Ichigo tighter.

“I love you more than them. More and more every day. I’ve told you before I wondered if I’d ever love anyone. And don’t let all this get to your head either, it’s just I’ve always been forward about my feelings. Well, obviously not always,” Ichigo explained, gesturing to the both of them. “I kinda wear my heart on my sleeve, but that usually translates into me fighting for my friends.”

Byakuya silently nodded. “I wish I could be more like you. Freer.”

Ichigo smiled. “You can be. You can leave all of this behind. Just go. You never wanted to just go?”

Byakuya swallowed. “Always,” He whispered, nearly ashamed for admitting that. More confessions were on the tip of his tongue, locked behind porcelain white enamel.

Ichigo nodded. “I have a sneaking suspicion, a psychic prediction that one day I’ll leave this place for good. And you’re coming with me. I can see us walking away, and it’s so beautiful.” He closed his eyes, a faint smile still on his face. Ichigo shifted to get more comfortable, resting his head against Byakuya’s, still stroking his hair. Discussion over. Ease settled in to the Kuchiki, and part of him wanted to sob with relief. Another part was wroth with his cowardice. Either way, the sun was rapidly approaching the horizon, and some sleep was better than no sleep. He adjusted the covers over him and Ichigo, and closed his eyes, this time falling almost immediately asleep.
***************************

Ichigo sniffed and rolled over. Byakuya’s bed was sometimes too comfortable, and sleep sometimes didn’t want to release it’s hold on him. He groggily opened his eyes, surprised at the visitor at the end of his bed.

“Old Zangetsu! What’cha doin?” Then, remembering where he was, he covered up his mouth.

Zangetsu smiled. ‘The Cherry Blossom cannot hear us. I suppose that is best. We have been invited to see the White Queen.’

Ichigo looked confused. “Oh…ok. Who?”

Zangetsu chuckled and motioned to Senbonzakura, who was on an ornate stand. Ichigo frowned. Going off to Dreamland with Zangetsu was alright, but traipsing around in someone else’s mind seemed highly intrusive. Zangetsu sensed Ichigo’s worry.

‘She was crying earlier. She was missing us, but when I came she got even sadder. She kept crying, saying I wouldn’t understand but that she loves me. She stopped crying and let me hold her, but then she told me to go get you. Whatever she has to say, she doesn’t want Byakuya around. He is more submissive while he is asleep.’

Ichigo frowned deeper and stood, turning to look back at the bed. His physical form was still wrapped lovingly around Byakuya and sighed. Even though he wasn’t totally on board with meeting Senbonzakura without Byakuya’s prior consent, it intrigued him immensely to have the chance to go inside his mind. He always wondered what made a Kuchiki tick. Zangetsu placed his hand on Ichigo’s shoulder and spun him around, transporting them into Byakuya’s mind.
************

It was bright. Too bright. Ichigo rubbed his eyes, squinting before they adjusted.

“Yeah, it’s pretty stark in here. It messed me up the first time I came, and I had on shades. Here, you can take them,” Zangetsu offered, plopping his shades onto Ichigo’s face.

“Thanks,” Ichigo said gratefully. Vision now dimmed, he looked around. He appeared to be at the beginning of an impossibly long hallway. The carpet was white and plush, and there were white doors with clear handles on them. Immaculately clean, almost as if to look at them was to soil them. She inwardly smirked; the hallway was Byakuya to the T. It screamed ‘Don’t look, and don’t touch’.

“Come along,” Zangetsu said kindly, leading the way. Ichigo walked down the hallway in bare feet, pausing at some of the doors that weren’t fully closed. One door appeared to be more open than the others, so he opened it and peered inside.

“Hi there!” A voice enthusiastically greeted him. He looked down to see a small, black haired boy with huge grayish blue eyes. The boy wore a silly grin and was missing his front teeth, and had a cut on his forehead.

“Hey,” Ichigo greeted him, kneeling down. “What’s your name?”

The boy immediately gave him a hug and pulled at his hand. “I Kooshkey Bwakwah. C’mon, Otousan and I gonna pway! You can pway too if you wan. We fwends,” The boy declared and grinned lopsidedly again, making Ichigo laugh.

“We have to go,” Zangetsu called patiently, making Ichigo a little sad. He turned to the boy and ruffled his long scruffy hair. “I’ve got to go, I’m sorry.” He stood and smiled, unprepared for the child’s next move.

Little Byakuya huffed up and turned bright red. “Fwine! You not gotta pway wif’ me! I go pway wif’ Yowooichi and Kiss Kay! You not betta than me! We not fwends no mo’!” The little boy delivered a powerful kick to Ichigo’s shin and ran off quickly, and faintly, Ichigo thought he could hear him calling Yoruichi’s name. Smiling and limping, he gently closed that door.

Zangetsu was waiting for him on the outside. “Byakuya was something as a child, wasn’t he? He’s kicked me a few times before, and boy does he have a nasty temper! I’m glad he got that under control as an adult, or else you’d practically have another Zaraki on your hands.” Ichigo nodded and handed Zangetsu his glasses as they passed by another door that was partially open. He started towards it, but then looked cautiously at Zangetsu.

“I don’t think the Shin Kicker is in that one. Go on. I’ll let you know where Senbonzakura is.” Ichigo nodded again and opened the door, finding himself standing in an elaborate parlor. There was a tall, slim woman with blonde cascading hair standing facing a mirror. Her hair was only shoulder length, but seemed to have millions of waves in it, all graceful, all shiny. She wore a silver kimono with an intricate blue dragon on it, breathing a golden fire towards the hem. The obi was the color of spring grass, and she wore a Sakura flower tucked carefully behind an ear.

“Byakuya, is that you?” She turned around and narrowed her eyes, holding her hands out. Instinctively, Ichigo reached for her and grabbed her hands, smiling at her. The woman’s face looked confused for a moment, and she reached for Ichigo’s face, feeling his cheeks and nose. Her face relaxed a bit.

“Kaien…where is my son?”

Ichigo realized finally that the beautiful hazel eyes that were looking quizzically at him didn’t see him at all. “Byakuya is in the garden, but I’m not Kaien. My name is Ichigo. Kurosaki Ichigo.”

The woman made an ‘o’ expression and blushed, dropping her hands. “Oh my, dear I’m so sorry. It’s just, well…you feel like Kaien. And Kurosaki did you say? Are you of kin to Kurosaki Isshin?”

Ichigo snorted. “Unfortunately.”

The woman laughed, sounding much like her son. “Oh my, aren‘t you a witty one! Are you a new friend of my Byakuya?”

“Oh, yes Okaasan. Byakuya is very dear to me,” Ichigo spoke truthfully.

Hazel eyes watered and she stepped closer to him. “Be patient with him,” She whispered, stroking Ichigo’s face. “No matter what, my boy has a heart of gold. Sadly, it is also encased in ice. I’ve tried to tell them not to put so much pressure on him, but none of them listen to me. Just because my eyes don’t work doesn’t mean I can’t see.” Tears rolled down her pretty face, and Ichigo tentatively reached out and wiped away her tears.

“I take back what I said about you feeling like Kaien. You actually feel like Byakuya. So warm, but not for everyone. Just for those you love. Yes, you have a good heart and a sensible head. Stay friends with my son. He needs you. And I think you also need him.” The woman patted Ichigo on the cheek and turned back to gazing absently in the mirror. Ichigo opened his mouth to speak more, but Zangetsu in the doorway gestured for him to come along.

“So was that Byakuya’s real mother, or just some figment?” Ichigo asked once they were back in the white hallway.

Zangetsu adjusted his glasses and looked at Ichigo. “We are inside of the Cherry Blossom’s mind. He is not as abstract as you are, so it is safe to say that everything we see is…or was at one point real. And her name is Utada.”

“Who?”

Zangetsu smiled patiently. “The lovely woman you just spoke to. Her name is Utada. She told me once when I bumped into her. I was following Senbonzakura, and I accidentally went into that room. She was very sweet, always asking where her son was.”

Ichigo paused. “Does she ever come outside of that room?”

Zangetsu shook his head. “She cannot. All of these rooms signify memories. The hallway cannot be breached. If so, it would be total destruction to the mind. Not all places in the mind can be, or want to be for that matter, reached. You have to respect the boundaries.”

“I see.” Ichigo looked at a room with a black door and thorny vines growing along it. He pressed against the door, shocked at what he heard. Voices yelling. Yelling terrible things. And he heard someone crying. A man crying. Byakuya?!!

“Byakuya? Is that you? Let me in!” Ichigo yelled, twisting the knob of the door frantically. The voices grew louder and Byakuya was practically wailing by this point.

“What the fuck! Let me in this fucking door right now!” Ichigo broke the knob off and began slamming himself against it, the black wood feeling slimy against his skin. The thorns from the vines were cutting into his flesh, stinging and burning, but he didn’t care. The love of his life was behind that door screaming like he was being tortured and he had to save him. Sweaty and bloody, he pulled away from the door, staring at it. The knob had returned. Taking a controlled sigh, he turned the knob once, and the door slowly creaked open. The voices and screaming quieted as door opened just enough for him to peer inside, but as soon as the some of the light fell on someone…or something inside, the door slammed shut. A few moments later, the voices began yelling again, and he heard the screaming again.

“Why can’t I do anything? Why can’t I fix this?!” Ichigo yelled in frustration, backing away from the door. Zangetsu looked at him, annoyed.

“What did I not just explain to you? You have to respect the boundaries. I know what is behind that door, and it’s not your battle to fight. Perhaps instead of crying, he should do something to stop them from yelling at him.”

Ichigo grabbed the lapels of Zangetsu’s coat and slammed him against the wall. “How dare you! You don’t know what’s happening in there!”

Zangetsu looked at him coolly, and then at the clenched hands on his jacket. “Release me, son. Three years of training, but you still show no restraint, raising your hand in the least bit of frustration or anger. You haven’t learned!” Zangetsu yelled, startling Ichigo a bit. “You haven’t learned and that is why you can’t understand your lover. We should leave, this was a bad idea.” He shoved Ichigo off of him and began walking briskly, leaving Ichigo behind.

“Zangetsu, wait! I’m sorry! I want to learn, it’s just I don’t want Byakuya hurting.”

The spirit paused and turned around. “Come here.”

Ichigo came, head bowed.

“You must learn that other’s problems are not your own! You can’t solve everything, Ichigo. Just as you have to control Shirosaki, Byakuya…everyone has their own inner demons. Respect the boundaries.”

Ichigo nodded. “Yes, Zangetsu.” The spirit grunted and motioned for him to follow. After passing several white doors, they came upon one that was green. Ichigo stood back from it, making Zangetsu chuckle.

“Open this one.” Ichigo placed his bloody hand on the knob and opened the door, gasping.

He saw green. Green for as far as his eyes could see. There was a gentle sloping hill, and sakura petals were everywhere, blowing in the breeze. He saw strings of black, and looked to the top of the hill, where there was a gigantic sakura tree. The strings of black looked like hair, and cautiously he followed the strings until he found himself at the base of the tree, looking down at the source of the black hair.

Byakuya was sitting at the bottom of the tree, sleeping. His head was in a woman’s lap, and from the expression on his face, he was peaceful. The woman also had impossibly long hair, hair seemingly long enough to fill the whole field they were all in. She was gently combing her fingers through Byakuya’s hair and humming softly to him. She looked up to greet Zangetsu and Ichigo, and the latter was stunned by her beauty. She had a pale white oval face, blue-gray sparkling eyes, and sensual cherry red lips. She wore a white silk kimono, and wore no tabi or sandals, just her bare feet with cute twitching toes.

“Zangetsu,” She said warmly, making the spirit blush. “You’ve brought him. I waited for you, and even kept Byakuya sleeping.” She stroked his head softly, looking at Ichigo.

“Does it bother you, me holding him like this?”

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. He did wish to snatch his lover from her grip, but the harsh lesson in the hallway was still fresh in his mind. “It does. But I have to respect the boundaries around here. And to be fair, you were holding Byakuya long before I even knew him.”

Zangetsu beamed. “I told you that he was worthy.”

Senbonzakura gave him a flirtatious smile. “As are you, Old Man.” Senbonzakura shifted and gently set Byakuya’s sleeping head down on the grass. She kissed his forehead and stood, walking over to Ichigo. He marveled at how tall and graceful she was. She looked almost exactly like his lover, and he felt a warm breeze as she approached. She looked at his sweaty brow and bloodied hands, clicking her tongue.

“You tried to open the black door, didn’t you?”

Ichigo blushed and looked away. “Maybe.”

Senbonzakura smiled curtly at Zangetsu. “So I see where the hollow gets his charm.”

Ichigo turned back and looked at her. “Shirosaki hasn’t hurt you or anything, has he?”

Senbonzakura grinned. “As if he could. I indulge him, but not frequently. It’s better to leave a glimpse of a kiss on a lover’s lips than have them grow tired of your taste. But then again my cherry tastes different every time, or so I’ve been told, eh Zangetsu?” She cast a sultry look towards him, making him cough and shift slightly.

“Such bold talk should not be spoken in front of the children,” He said, motioning at Ichigo and Byakuya. Senbonzakura laughed flirtatiously.

“I’ve seen and heard them do some positively terrible things. You…like my Byakuya, don’t you?” She whispered to Ichigo, running a finger down his arm. She pulled away when Byakuya began to stir under the tree.

“Ichigo, it was pleasant meeting you. I’m sure that I shall see you again soon. I’ll inform Byakuya soon enough about your visit. And that it was my idea.” She took his hands in hers for a moment, bringing them to her face.

“No, wait! My hands are…bloody?” Ichigo looked at his hands, which were now blood and wound free. He placed his hands on her cheeks, stroking her face.

“I think you’re kinda cool. Real cool,” He said, nodding. Senbonzakura shrugged. “You’re ok too. And,” She said, placing an arm around his shoulders and walking towards the green door, “It’s time for you to go!” With lighting fast speed, she opened the door and brutally shoved him out the door, out the hallway, leaving him falling and spinning.
************

“What the hell?!!” He shouted as he fell, the white turning into…bed sheets? He scrambled to find the opening at the sheets, panting and turning around angrily.

“Stop! Let me help you!!”

Ichigo stopped thrashing and frowned. “Byakuya?” The sheets were pulled from over his head, and he saw his dearest red and panting, glaring at him.

“Baby have a bad dream?” Byakuya asked sarcastically, batting his eyes, making Ichigo’s frown deepen.

“What are you talking about?”

Byakuya gave him a deadpan look. “Are you serious? We were laying here sleeping, and you start yelling and thrashing about in the bed. It sounded like one of those dreams when you are falling. Do you even have those?” All joking aside, Byakuya looked concerned, and reached over to wipe some sweat from Ichigo’s forehead.

The confused teen looked away and blinked. “Yeah, sometimes.” He gave Byakuya a reassuring smile and pulled the sheets back from where they were thrown. “Let’s go back to sleep, ok?”

Byakuya smirked. “Ok, but if you get scared and pee the bed I’m kicking you out.”

Ichigo pouted. “That’s why you had no front teeth as a kid.”

“What?!!”

The teen smiled. “Nothing, chump. Love ya and good night.” He planted a kiss on the side of Byakuya’s head and wrapped a protective arm around his koi, snuggling down in the bed with him. 



A/N: Wasn't that interesting? I re-read it and all I could say is "Whoa." I rather much enjoyed creating that mind trip, and Byakuya's secret is gonna be revealed soon. Mmmm...