Black-and-Red Conflict

~~~Twenty-Nine~~~
Capitulation

Wind whipped dark gray and black grass, a sea of dead blades. Clouds were rushing and turning overhead, shedding heavy, dirty rain. The footing underneath was a treacherous affair of dark mud, filled with invisible holes that made one's feet stagger and twist.

It felt as if Byakuya had fought against the storm for hours and hours already, pushing on practically blindly, trying to protect his face and eyes from the onslaught with his arms and heading for the center of this whirlwind.

Where he was he did not know. Neither the when or the why. But he had to go forward, ever forward, for there was a driving need in him that bordered on physical pain and forced him to set one foot before the other, even though he was exhausted and cold and there was no sensible reason whatsoever to be out here in this weather.

So on he went and as he neared the eye of the storm the wind started to lessen slightly and there, suddenly, the gray world around him began to be dotted now and then with flecks of color. They were hard to follow at first, but then the spots increased in number as they were blown past him and finally he could make out what they were: some of the myriads of blades of his own Bankai, their light pink color surreal in this bleak and hostile place.

But shouldn't she, Senbonzakura, be sheathed at his side? And yes, as he felt for the familiar hilt he found it, but froze as his fingers closed around it. It didn't feel right. He pulled it out and lifted it up to his eyes and almost let go of it in shock. Blood was dripping from it, wet and still warm. And suddenly the vivid, bright red liquid started to flow over his hand and arm, then down his body and up over his head, covering his skin, soaking his clothes and hair. He thrust the blade away from him and it landed in the grass with a wet, sickening sound he should not have been able to hear so well over the wind, but which nevertheless resounded in his ears for many long seconds.

As he lifted his eyes from the thing on the ground and looked ahead, he saw a few meters in front of him a cloud of pink blades, whirling in a tight circle around something in their midst which he could not make out between their uncountable numbers. He wanted to call them to him, seal them away so he would be able to see, but as he lifted his hand he felt himself up against a wall of malevolent, raging power that felt nothing like Senbonzakura.

But he needed to see. He knew that, whatever was in the center of those blades, was what he was here for. So despite the repulsion he felt against that thing that was not his sword anymore, for all its appearance, he pushed on and into the turmoil. As he saw the first strands of red hair, a horrible premonition grew inside of him but he knelt down slowly nonetheless, the small blades whipping against him and only parting reluctantly as he tried to wave them away.

It was Renji. He lay naked on his back, his eyes fixed on the sky, motionless. But something about him didn't fit. His tattoos weren't right. They should have been black, black bold lines tracing the skin over his strong frame, but they weren't. They were blood red and as Byakuya extended a single finger to touch them, he realized why. They were not tattoos anymore, but wounds. They had been carved deep into Renji's body, far past the skin, into his muscles and bones and the reason that the lieutenant was staring on ahead into the sky and not reacting to his captain's presence or to the wounds covering him, was because he was already dead. And as the noble wanted to shy away he suddenly realized that he could not, for all the blood that had flown out of Renji and onto the ground had gathered around his own feet and congealed, making it impossible to move away.

Everything in Byakuya wanted to scream, but he could not...

… waking up to find both of his own hands pressed over his mouth so tightly that he couldn't even breathe. He let go, gasping for air and then sat up with one sudden motion, pushing the blanket away from him in an almost frantic manner and bracing himself against the floor as vertigo and nausea swept over him. He felt bile rise in his throat and was up on his feet and stumbling to the door, ripping it open to step out onto the patio. There at its edge he stood for several minutes, leaning against one wooden beam. He forced himself to take slow, deep breaths of the cold morning air until eventually the worst nausea and dizziness had ebbed away far enough for him to start and try to make sense of what had just happened.

It had been a dream, a nightmare. Just a nightmare. But the knowledge didn't help much against the violent tremble that still held his body and didn't, just didn't let go. The picture of his lieutenant dead before him, ripped open by a thousand, tiny, pink blades was still too vivid, the feel of the blood on his fingers had been terrifyingly real. He felt a shocked moan rise in his throat but held it back with both hands, keeping them clasped over his lips for long moments before he dared letting go again.

And all because of him, his own incapability. Because he had failed and had tossed away the last chance that had been given to him.

Asking Renji here to his mansion had been Byakuya's last resort. Actually admitting to himself that he returned his lieutenant's feelings and deciding to go as far as giving himself up to the redhead, had yielded a blissful, but too short time of peace for his mind. But still he had been too tense in the face of all of it to get much rest. And then, when finally everything should have been resolved, he had failed. It was as simple as that. He had sat motionlessly and had let Renji go. He had not stood up and asked for forgiveness, had not told Renji that the redhead was right and that the noble was wrong. Had not, as he had resolved to do, given in. All he had done when Renji had left was staring to the ground, disbelieving that something like this could happen to him. That something he, Kuchiki Byakuya, wanted so much would simply not come true. It had been impossible to comprehend. So instead of going after Renji, which would have seemed the sensible thing to do for every normal person, the man who never had had to run after anybody ever in his life, had remained seated. And later, hurting deeply but slowly turning numb, he had let his body take over as it had determinedly demanded what it had been deprived of for so many nights and days: rest.

He had gone to sleep. A sleep that now filled him with terror, all too clearly showing him of what it would feel like to lose Renji. His heart beat faster again, and he slowly sat down on the patio, knowing that he could not go back to bed, could not risk seeing those images again. They had reminded him too much of what he had felt in the Real World when he had searched for Renji but had not been able to sense the redhead's Reiatsu. But what was worse even than the nightmare was the realization that he had indeed lost Renji. The redhead was alive, but would never be Byakuya's, because the dark-haired man had, through his sick and twisted pride, discarded that one last chance.

Cold dread crept over his spine once more, but just as he was about to let his face sink into his hands a slide door adjacent to the one he himself had just stepped out of, opened behind him. Assuming that one of the servants must have noticed him moving around, Byakuya, in a flat and toneless voice, said, “There is nothing I need. Leave me alone.”

Only a second later did he recognize the familiar spirit energy. He lifted his head, eyes wide, but did not turn.

“But you left...,” he whispered hoarsely, suddenly completely focused.

“Nope.” There was a long yawn. “Went fora walk. Then remembered that my landlady hates when I get back late a'night. 'N after all, since I already came here, why'd I miss out onna free breakfast?”
There was a slight pause, after which the voice took on a more serious tone.
“An' it seemed ta me as if a bit of a shock would help ya remember if there was still sumthin' more ya wanted ta tell me.”

Now Byakuya turned and looked up to find Renji leaning casually against the wall behind the noble, arms crossed before his chest.

The noble was at a loss of what to feel. He opened his mouth only to shut it again immediately, he was confused and shaken and only slowly did he comprehend. He stood, but kept his hand braced against the pillar, not quite sure if to trust his dream-shaken knees.

“You did this on purpose,” he said quietly, “You never meant to leave.”
Renji nodded.

Byakuya's eyebrows were knotted together tightly and he drew one deep breath, then another and looked away. He was somewhat angry at the fact of being tricked like this, of being forced into feeling so terrible, but then he was too relieved that Renji was still here for his anger to last long. And deep inside maybe he himself realized that this shock had been necessary to finally really change something in him.

What was important was that the redhead was here, and that he was whole and unhurt.

Byakuya frowned again at that thought. Of course Renji was unhurt. Of course his tattoos were only tattoos and not deadly wounds. It had only been a dream. A dream, but also a nightmare so terrible he would not forget it any time soon.

Byakuya had felt so empty when Renji left, when he had thought his hope lost. But now this emptiness was suddenly filled, filled so fast it seemed he would burst any second. Filled with anxiety, nervousness, hope. Here he was, stripped of all defenses, as vulnerable as never before. There was no mask left to hide the emotions that played over his features now and in one last attempt to hide himself, his head was turned towards the gardens, only a few moments later he seemed to have reached a decision and he looked back at Renji.

His fierce will and pride, weakened by the shock of thinking everything lost, weakened also by the dream, were to be left behind now. He knew now that they could not save him from what it would feel like to lose Renji. He knew that he must do that, what he should have done long ago and what should have never been this hard. He knew that this time he would conquer his pride at all cost.

First hesitantly, then more determinedly, he turned to face Renji completely, then lifted his arms slightly, only a few centimeters away from his sides, the palms of his hands upwards.

One of Renji's eyebrows rose, strangely exaggerated by the tattoos on his forehead.
“Ya look kinda like a kicked puppy, know tha'?”

Byakuya didn't react to the words and Renji, anyway not having expected it, pushed himself away from where he stood to take two steps until he was before the noble and only centimeters away from the slender hands. As they moved forward though, seeking to touch, the redhead evaded them. Byakuya frowned.

“But this is what you want,” he said.
“Sorry, dunno whatya mean.”
But there was an edge to Renji's voice that almost sounded like mock and made perfectly clear that he in fact he had a pretty good idea of what Byakuya meant, but would not be satisfied this easily.

The noble frowned and took one deep breath. He looked down and then, slowly, as if he had to force his own hands to obey, he untied his obi. The yukata fell open to reveal his naked body underneath.

His heart beat so strongly against his ribcage by now that he felt himself shaking in unison with it.

Renji's eyes widened slightly and he swallowed hard. It was difficult not to rush forward and take hold of Byakuya right then. The redhead's loins started to burn at the look of the slender, extremely attractive body before him, but still he refused to move.

As not much later the yukata fell to the floor behind Byakuya, his exposed, pale skin seemed to have a sheen of its own, enhanced by the soft yellow light that was emitted from some small lamps that lined a path into the gardens.

And Byakuya's body trembled. Renji could see it and knew it was not because of the cold. He suddenly realized what kind of battle must been going on in Byakuya's head, how hard it really must be for the other to stand here before him like this, vulnerable, completely defenseless. But fighting the feeling of compassion, Renji leaned forward to Byakuya's ear, still avoiding to touch the noble even though it took every last ounce of his control.

“Mhh,” he purred, a sound coming from deep within his chest, “but I still didn't hear it.”

Byakuya's eyes widened and he drew in one single, long, shaky breath, as Renji's voice washed over him and brought in its wake a wave of deep dark desire. Every single hair on his body seemed to stand up and he felt himself grow hard rapidly. He turned his face towards Renji's, but was not granted more than one fleeting, soft touch of a slightly rough cheek against his lips before the redhead leaned back again.

“Tell me you're mine,” the taller man insisted quietly, even though his own throaty voice spoke clearly of longing and his heated loins complained that they really were more than ready to get on with it, even without those words. But another part of Renji remained stubbornly insisting. He wanted those words.

Byakuya evaded the reddish eyes and then his pale lips moved slowly, tentatively feeling their way around something that didn’t yet have a sound. Even though it should have been alright now, even though he knew he wanted it, it was so hard, saying it out loud. And of course that was exactly the reason Renji wanted him to say it. He wanted him completely. Wanted that there was no barrier left.

The moment seemed to stretch into infinity, until finally there was, quietly but clearly, Byakuya's voice to accompany the movement of his lips.

“I am yours.”

Renji's breath caught in his throat as he stood still for a few more seconds before he reached out with one hand, laying it flat against the junction of Byakuya's shoulder and neck, where the skin felt almost as cool as the night air. Then his fingers traveled higher to the base of Byakuya's head, threading through the black hair and taking hold of it as Renji leaned down toward the pale lips. He paused short of touching them, but then, not able to hold back any longer, invaded them with a passionate kiss. His free hand wound around Byakuya's hip to rest flatly against his lower back and pull him closer until their bodies were pressed together tightly.

That pure skin against Renji's hand, the way the smaller body fitted completely into his embrace, and how it shuddered when he moved against it, thrusting with increasing strength in rhythm with their kiss; it was unbelievable. Both were gasping for breath as Renji eventually pulled back, pushing his face against Byakuya's neck, telling himself to slow down, so he could savor every second of this.

But it wasn't easy, taking his time. This was all he had wanted for so damn long, and this time Byakuya wouldn't push him away, couldn't. Renji did not actually expect to get through with this completely without resistance from his captain, but then he was pretty sure that not even the noble would risk pulling away at this point anymore.

Byakuya did tense noticeably as Renji's hand on his back went lower to grab one of the noble's buttocks, pulling the smaller man closer, ever closer while the other hand further tightened its grip on the dark hair and Renji started sucking on the slender neck, making no little use of his teeth. Byakuya hissed and tensed but fought desperately against his own suddenly overwhelming instinct of pushing the redhead away.

Renji could feel the noble's heartbeat heavily against his own body and as he noticed its rapid rate, another feeling started to appear somewhere beneath the impossibly strong want and lust that had taken hold of him. It rose slowly at first, but as the redhead's surprised attention focused on it, it grew and before long he identified it as protectiveness, as the need to keep safe the one person wanted so much. And the feeling spread as the redhead noticed how Byakuya tried hard to slow down his breathing, how the slender fingers clenched, how the whole, frail body was tense to the extent that Renji thought it must hurt.

And suddenly Renji realized that the last thing he would ever want was willingly hurt Byakuya, even though he had secretly thought of it for maybe just a few moments, only as to get a little payback for all the times he had been manipulated into playing the submissive role when he hadn't actually wanted to. But every notion of that vanished from his head as he held the smaller body against his own and felt it shiver as Byakuya still remained fighting against the tension of his own muscles.

No, Renji knew, he would not hurt him. Instead he would show him that he cared for Byakuya deeply, and would protect that proud man, even if Byakuya himself thought he was in no need of protection. Renji would prove that he was worth all the trouble they had been through, and would no doubt still have to go through in the future. He would prove that he was not just a stupid, uncouth man who followed only his lowest instincts, and also that he, in contrast to Byakuya, did care about what his actions made another person feel.

He gradually loosened his grip and centered both of his hands on Byakuya's back, holding him loosely. Then buried his face deeply the raven hair and just stood.

The gray eyes, which had been clenched shut when Renji's attention had become more and more forward and eventually almost violent, opened in surprise as the tight hold around him loosened. Byakuya had been overwhelmed by the force with which the redhead had been all over him just a moment ago. It had put him off and had brought all of his self-protective instincts to the front at once, leaving him with the almost impossible task to battle them down, since he was determined not to let this go awry now.

But this was different. Strong arms encircled him gently now, there was a warm breath against his neck and even though the redhead's body was heated and his heartbeat strong, even though he seemed to be humming with constrained passion, Renji stood still.

Byakuya's breathing calmed and deepened. Slowly the hard tension left his body and warmth seeped back into it, growing until it would turn once more into heat. The fear in him eased.

Safe, he finally understood. He was as safe here, as he could be nowhere else. Renji wouldn't hurt him and this was right, this was what it was supposed to be. Why had he needed so long to realize it?

His arms found Renji's back and closed around it.


~~~