Emotional Entanglements

Resolution

The dew soaked grass of the perfectly manicured lawns was cold underfoot. The gardens were still deeply cloaked in shadow as Byakuya made his way through the ornamental landscape. Bird song and a light golden glow on the horizon heralded the coming dawn. The light yukata did nothing to ward off the morning chill but he just could not go back and face the man sleeping in his bed. So hands tucked in the voluminous sleeves Byakuya continued his walk with a troubled brow.

Had it been a mistake to take his passionate vice-captain to his bed? Rarely did he give in to such base desires but Renji was someone that he had watched advance through the ranks with an almost paternal pride. That is until Byakuya picked him to be his second. Renji’s zest for life and his unquenchable desire to please ignited something the dark haired shinigami had thought long dead.

Not even with his wife had he felt such a fierce yearning. Byakuya had loved his wife with a gentle protectiveness. With her he felt strong and needed. She was someone to cherish and treat with the utmost care. Renji awoke all his desires to dominate and conquer. The red haired shinigami would accept no less from a lover. He just did not roll over for anyone despite all the rumors to the contrary.

Yet there was also a need to protect Renji. To offer him guidance and teach him patience. The things he felt for his vice-captain were certainly different from what he felt with his wife but no less strong. It troubled the dark haired Captain greatly. Could he afford to encourage such intimacy? Or should he just transfer Renji to another division and forget last night had ever happened?

It would surprise most that Byakuya did have a heart under his cold haughty exterior. That under the calm detached façade lay feelings that he tried hard to suppress. Anger at the upheaval caused by a man he once thought of as a friend. Aizen certainly had fooled them all and his betrayal stung more than a bit. Remorse at the way he’d treated Rukia. His pride had almost resulted in her death. It had taken one orange haired boy to show him the error of his ways. As humiliating as the situation had become Byakuya felt shamed that this new and wildly powerful shinigami had protected his adopted sister. Byakuya should have been the one to fight for her freedom. Not sat impassively by while she had been sentenced to death for misusing her powers. Even Renji had seen that it had been wrong to judge the girl so harshly.

It had even goaded him to attack his Captain. It had been a thrill to fight Renji and to see first hand how much he had improved. Caught up in the battle Byakuya had realized almost too late that he had gone too far. Perilously close to death Renji had lain there in a pool of his own blood. Wracked with guilt that was not apparent on his face Byakuya had sent for help and even made sure that he was informed that his vice-captain would live.

Finding himself in the same situation after his fight with Ichigo he knew how wrong his judgments had been and what his stubbornness and pride had cost. He was on the verge of losing everything that he gave a damn about. Duty and honor were cold comfort and familial obligations would not replace the love and affection of a sister. Byakuya had gladly taken the sword thrust meant for Rukia even at the risk of his life. Aizen had stolen what he wanted anyway and as Byakuya had crumpled to the ground he wondered if it had all been in vain.

To his amazement he survived. Byakuya had awoken alone in the hospital room. He feared that his sacrifice had come too late and he had been abandoned. It had shocked him when he realized that he was not alone. That his vice-captain sat quietly in a chair by the door watching him. Warmth had replaced that aching cold place within him as he realized Renji did not hate him.

Now everything had changed again.

Could he disappoint his family? Give up his obligations to the Kuchiki name? He had no desire to father a child on a suitable bride picked by his Uncle. There were others that could as easily increase the brood. Even though Byakuya was the acknowledged heir he really had no fear of his title being stripped away. There was simply no one else powerful enough to take up the mantle should he be disinherited.

Seeking inner peace and some manner of a resolution Byakuya followed a meandering path that led to a small lake. Mist rose from the surface creating a lacy veil that would soon dissipate as the sun rose. But for now it gave the terrain an almost surreal quality that fit the Raven haired shinigami’s mood perfectly. His well ordered life had certainly taken some odd turns.

If anyone had the audacity to enter the Kuchiki grounds and walk the garden path they would be quite astounded at Byakuya’s appearance. Barefoot and dressed only in a fern leaf patterned robe he looked unkempt. With his long black hair slightly tangled and stirring in the slight breeze. Byakuya's countenance just as unsettled as his attire.

At the water’s edge Koi fish in a rainbow of colors eagerly swam to the surface hoping for a hand out. Hisana had often strolled around the pond and fed the greedy mouths. She had made pets out of and even named the more bold ones. It was yet another thing that Byakuya had not done since the death of his wife. He should be honoring his memories of her and not hiding from life. The sight of the fish brought a smile to his face as he leaned over and trailed his fingers in the water.

The desire to share this simple joy with Renji startled him. It caused a swirl of barely remembered emotions to nearly engulf him. Byakuya abruptly stood and walked away. How was he to deal with this? For so long he had denied his wants and needs. To give into them now seemed like he was giving in to something he could not name. Nor feel comfortable doing so.

Not paying any attention to where the path led, Byakuya stopped at the base of a large tree. He looked up into its blossom laden branches and let the sweet aroma waft over him. It had been Hisana’s favorite place in the formal gardens. Beneath the spreading branches of this cherry tree they had found a measure of tranquility. It was away from the prying eyes and whispered comments of his kin. They had lain many times on a soft blanket and talked about a future that was unlikely to happen. Byakuya had made love to his wife for the last time in this sweet smelling bower. Before she had become too sick and frail they had shared the joining of body and spirit.

Even though his encounter with Renji had been wildly different Byakuya had felt the same kind of connection. Guilt made him sink to his knees amidst the drifts of pink petals and bow his head. Would Hisana approve of his actions last night? He did not want his night with Renji to be one long betrayal of promises made and broken. He wished he had someone to talk to. Someone he could unburden his soul to and voice his fears and insecurities.

“What do I do? Hisana I miss you and have every day since you left me. I’m tired of being alone.” Byakuya sighed and knew there would be no small pale hand to stroke his hair. No soft voice to tell him everything would be all right. He had to find the answers himself.

He sat there until the morning light fully illuminated the spreading branches. Riots of birdsong filled the air as petals continued to drift down. Eyes closed and deep in thought Byakuya did not notice footsteps until a hand reached out to touch his lowered head. His eyes snapped open in surprise. He gasped in shock as he saw, haloed by the morning light, a slight figure in a pale blue Kimono.

“Hisana?” Byakuya stammered in confusion. His breath froze in his lungs as the apparition stepped closer.

“Byakuya what are you doing out here? I saw you go past my doorway and out to the gardens. When you didn’t come back I got worried.” The soft voice replied. Alike but also different from his deceased wife.

“Rukia.” Byakuya felt completely foolish at his mistake.

True Rukia’s resemblance to her dead sister was uncanny. But there were differences. The shape of her face and shorter, darker hair. The slightly lower voice and taller body. But since Rukia’s incarceration and injuries she looked almost as pale and wan as her ailing sister had been. Able to admit it to himself now, losing Rukia would have been too painful to bear. Because it would have been his fault for letting her die.

“Are you all right?” Rukia folded her kimono under her knees and sat next to her adopted brother. She placed a hand on his shoulder and was surprised that he did not shrug it off.

“No.” Byakuya simply could not voice his fears even though he desperately wanted to tell someone who cared.

“It’s about Renji isn’t it?” Rukia smiled at the stunned look on her brother’s face.

“How did you know?” Byakuya was totally unsure what to do. It was a situation he was unfamiliar with.

“I was coming back from the bath house when I saw you leading Renji to your quarters. It did not take a genius to figure out what was going to happen. Renji has wanted you for years.” Rukia was rather glad to get that bit of information off her chest. She had held almost no hope that her seemingly emotionless elder brother would ever reciprocate his vice-captain’s feelings. She’d had to hear Renji moaning about it for a while now. Especially when he was drunk.

“He has? You knew? But I thought you and Renji. I mean you were so close.” Byakuya shook his head as if in denial.

“Just because we are close does not mean I feel romantically inclined towards him. We are friends and I think of him as a brother. It’s obvious to me now that you have feelings for him too that are not platonic at all.” Rukia was thoroughly enjoying her unflappable brother’s confusion.

Ice crept back in Byakuya’s tone. “How do you know he was not just a convenient outlet?”

“If he was why are you out here sitting under this tree in a damp yukata? Also you still look exactly like you must have last night. Rumpled and adorably confused. If it did not matter to you at all you would have bathed, dressed and had a servant show Renji to the door. Yet he still sleeps in your bed while you sit here mulling over your future.” Rukia laid a hand over her brother’s.

“How did you get so wise? To be able to read me so clearly.” Resignation and defeat colored his tone. Once he was the terror of lesser shinigami. They feared and respected him. Now he was nothing more than a lovesick fool.

“Getting nearly killed will do that to a person. Plus I’ve seen the way you watch Renji when you think no one else is looking. Forget obligations and duty. Be selfish for once in your life. Tell me what do you truly want?” Rukia’s violet eyes bore into his as if daring him to lie to her.

After a long moment he spoke quietly. “I want him.”

Rukia’s smile lit her whole face. “Then go to him. If I know Renji he’ll wake alone and think you rejected him then flee to lick his wounds in private. After that you’ll play hell getting back in his good graces and you do not grovel well at all.” Impulsively she hugged Byakuya tightly.

Shocked at her gesture Byakuya sat stiffly for a moment before sagging into her arms and returning the hug. He kissed the top of her head and rested for a moment. Admitting to himself that this was actually kind of nice.

“Thank you Rukia.” He let go of her and stood up. Straightening his yukata he looked towards the house.

“Go to him. Also if you hurt him I’ll get Ichigo to break both your kneecaps.” She replied sweetly.

Byakuya gawked at her a moment and then strolled away with his head held high. Once out of her sight he took off in an undignified dash across the gardens. Raven hair whipping wildly around his face and robes hiked to his knees. One gardener looking upon this scene in shocked disbelief, at the Kuchiki heir acting so oddly, poured his bottle of sake on the ground. He swore to never drink on the job again if these were the hallucinations that occurred.

Out of breath Byakuya paused on the wide porch outside his door to try and compose himself. He smoothed his tangled mane and vainly tried to put to order his disheveled yukata. His hand was on the screen when it opened in front of him. There stood Renji looking every bit as mussed and quite surprised at meeting him.

“What do you think you are doing?” Byakuya’s frown was totally misinterpreted. Actually the black haired shinigami was terrified of this encounter.

“I…I’d better go. I wanted to be gone by the time you got back. I shouldn’t have come. It was a mistake.” Renji stammered and backed up. He intended to use the other door to leave since his captain was not budging.

“Stay.”

Confused Renji stopped backing away and stared. When nothing else was said he got upset.

“Stay? Here? What about your precious Kuchiki name? What about your family?” Arms crossed he sneered at Byakuya. He steeled himself for the rejection he knew would come. Why would Royalty want a mongrel like him?

“I don’t care.” Byakuya stepped closer and nervously Renji backed up until he was against the wall.

“WHAT?” The red head was seriously rattled. He nearly shrieked when Byakuya reached out and placed his hand on the side of Renji’s face in a tender caress.

“The only person whose opinion in this family that I hold in any regard at all has already given me her blessing. I’ll ask you again. Will you stay here with me?” Byakuya held his breath in anticipation. He hoped Renji would accept but why would someone so full of life and fire want to stay with a cold, unemotional shinigami such as himself?

“I’ll stay. I…I’ve wanted you for a long time. My precious Taichou.” Renji’s smirk and the finger trailed slowly down the open vee of his yukata made him shudder.

But more importantly seeing the hope and joy reflected in his vice-captain’s eyes convinced Byakuya he’d made the right decision.

The End!