The Pet Series
Addiction
Author: Shadow Arashi
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: implied Aizen x Grimmjow
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and the f!word
Word Count: 530
Summary: "Maybe if you would just let Szayel cure that dumbass’s addiction to catnip, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, Aizen-sama!"
Warnings: Silly attempt at humor and BL (boy love). Lot of swearing, one angry Nnoitra, a hissing cat and an annoyed future God of the universe. Fully written in dialogue format, which is a first for me.
Disclaimer: Bleach and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo, this fic is written for entertainment only and I don’t make any profit of it.
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"Damnit! Get down here you stupid cat!"
"HISS!"
"Oh no, you don’t. I will not have your dumb, furry ass hissing at me, Sexta!"
"HIIISSSS!!"
*growls*
"Shit! The bastard clawed me!!"
"For the love of god, will someone PLEASE get Grimmjow off the fucking fridge already!"
"Why don’t you do it yourself then, Nnoitra?!"
"Did you hear a word of what I just said; the little piece of shit just clawed me! I ain’t touching the beast again while he is out of his mind!"
"Did you try milk, Nnoitra?"
"YES! Who the fuck do you take me for! So instead of standing there like an idiot come and help me, will ya’!"
"I’m afraid I’m out of idea."
"Oh fuck you Ulquiorra!"
"Oh dear, what is going on here?"
"Aizen-sama…"
"A-Aizen-sama!"
"Aizen-sama hehe didn’t see you there… You see it’s…"
"HISS!!"
"OH GOD DAMNIT!"
"…I thought I had made myself clear the last time this happened, my Espada."
"I’m sorry Aizen-sama, I swear I have no idea how this happened. We found him like this and-"
"Thank you Szayel, for your input. Ulquiorra?"
"I don’t know how it happened, Aizen-sama. But you have my word that I will find the culprit and punish them severely."
"Maybe if you would just let Szayel cure that dumbass’s addiction to catnip, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, Aizen-sama!"
"Nnoitra, the issue is not Grimmjow’s addiction to catnip."
"It’s not??!!"
"No, the issue is that someone gave my Espada a drug without my or his consent."
"What makes you so sure it’s not Grimmjow’s fault anyway!? For all we know he could have been sniffing catnip behind your back!"
"I have all reasons to believe this is not the case, Nnoitra, trust me on that. So please refrain from accusing Grimmjow without proof. Now Ulquiorra…"
"Yes, Aizen-sama?"
"I want you to find whoever gave Grimmjow catnip. Then I want you to make sure that they… see the error of their way. Nobody mess with my Espada. Nobody."
"Yes, Aizen-sama…"
"Perfect. Now all of you, leave. I will take care of Grimmjow."
"Are you sure this is prudent, Aizen-sama? He seems rather aggressive and-"
"Yes, I’m sure Szayel. Now Grimmjow, please get down here this instant."
"HIIii-? Meow…? Meeeeow… purr…."
"Oh.My.God."
"Is… is he purring??"
"I… think he is, Nnoitra."
"Oh God… wait, Aizen-sama, are you scratching his ears??"
"Well he is in his Pantera form isn’t he? It helps to calm him down wonderfully, don’t you think?"
"Well this is all rather… interesting, but if you don’t need me any longer I will be going back to my lab, Aizen-sama."
"Please do, Szayel. I know you are a very busy man."
"Thank you."
"I shall be on my way to find the culprit as well, then."
"Thank you Ulquiorra. Oh and do take Nnoitra with you, I think he is eating dust as we speak, with the way his jaw is hanging onto the floor."
"Yes, Aizen-sama."
*footsteps walking away*
"Meow… purr…."
"Yes Grimmjow, we will find the monster that did this to you. After all, only I get to see you like this. Now where did I put your feather toy…"
"Purr…"