Unrequited love

Midnight, a cold chill reached out and wrapped its limbs around Gin, drawing him into the moonless night. His shift had ended a half an hour ago but he had to clean up his cubical and himself. Toushirou’s mess had dried to a fine cake on his face and neck, becoming itchy and flaky. Not one of the staff members, who knew Gin well enough to address him, asked him what had happened. They knew he would not speak of what he called a ‘bad client.’ Although his coworkers had no reason to suspect that Gin had quite enjoyed the mess that had been made of his face, “Sainara,” Gin waved, “Bai bai.” He was never coming back here so the words were quite apt, even if they earned him hard looks for being uttered with a Kansai accent.

The last few hours had been almost unbearable, one customer after another. He hadn’t had time to take care of himself and the lust that still throbbed in his loins was starting to become a low grade ague of which was impossible to ignore. If he thought he could forget about what he had done to Toushirou, or if he had thought he could last the last three and a half hours without masturbating to relieve some of the pressure, he had been sadly mistaken.

Heaving a sigh he flexed his arms, bringing them up over his head. His muscles ached as he stretched, “Shiiiiittttt.”

“Long shift?” Someone behind him asked and Gin recognized the voice at once. His boss, he put on one of his huge fake grins that everyone thought was so creepy and turned around to face the man.

“Yes, very much so.” He said running a hand through his hair hoping to add to the ‘I’m exhausted’ effect. His boss had a tendency to run on a bit at the mouth and he didn’t want to spend the rest of the night out on the street talking to him. “If ya weren’t closed up fer the night I’d be in there right now soaking in one of them tubs.” He forced a chuckle, one that sounded real to anyone that did not know him very well.

“Bet you would,” The man was squat and toad like, his gut extending like a tire beyond the hakama he wore over the yukata bearing the bathhouse’s logo. He was hideous and Gin wondered how he could still be hard looking at something so grotesque. “Ah, well it was your last night, here’s the pay for this week. Are you sure you don’t want to stay on…you are my ….”

“Were your…” Gin corrected, a bit of a bite in his voice.

“You were my best worker. I stand corrected,” he said handing over the envelope that had Gin’s name…misspelled on it. How many times had he told this man that Ichimaru was not spelled with the kanji character for one? He pocketed it without protest; the idiot probably hadn’t gotten past the third grade anyways and probably had no idea that there were other kanji characters with readings of ICHI. “C’mon, I’ll give you a raise. Who else will higher you when you sound the way you do…no one likes Kansai dialect anymore Ichiamru.”

“With all due respect sir, I’d sooner visit the place than work here again. Besides, I already have a job” He could take that as he wished, he did not care if the man had the gray matter to figure out that he was insulting his establishment or the work he had done to pay off his loans. “Ookini.” With a slight bow he started off. His bed was awaiting him. He had work tomorrow but he knew that tonight would be one of those nights he would not sleep even if someone hit him over the head with the butt of a zanpakuto. Despite that, he did at least want to get out of the chill.

Wonder what Toushirou’s doing right now…

The thought flashed across his thoughts like a bright meteor. Even though he was tired and pretty cold his feet diverted his course to one that would run him by the other taichou’s house. He often took this route even thought it was quite a ways out of his way. He would climb silently up the cherry tree that grew outside his bedroom window and look in on the man sleeping inside. He knew it was creepy and surely the behavior of a stalker but knowing that Shirou was sleeping well made him smile and feel light hearted. Knowing that nothing troubled Shirou’s sleep let him sleep just as soundly as the teen himself.

Arriving at Toushirou’s estate, he leapt cat like over the walls that surrounded it. He looked around hoping that tonight was not one of those rare times he stayed up late because he had no work the next day. He had almost been caught once when he had topped the walls and the other man had heard him. Toushirou had been sitting in his moonlit garden having a drink and reflecting on whatever sort of things a white haired man like him thought of while consuming sake. Normally he was in bed rather early so he would be ready for work tomorrow but that night, because he had the next day off…

Tonight, however, Toushirou was nowhere in sight and he tiptoed towards the cherry tree that nearly overtopped the house by a good story or two. It had to be ancient, this tree. He climbed monkey like up onto a lone branch that sat level with the second floor, zigging and zagging its way along its gnarled course. He squatted just outside a dark window that had been left open.

He strained his ears, afraid he might hear Toushirou’s labored pants or groans as he took some chick. Afraid to find out that that man in the bathhouse really had been nothing more than a snot nosed brat. All he heard was the distant wind ruffling the treetops and a stray cat yowling in its unrequited heat. He leaned forward, palms resting on the window sill. His eyes had long sense become accustomed to the darkness that shrouded the grounds and he could see Toushirou in his yukata sprawled out on his futon, with ease. He did not sleep under the covers in the warmer months, and was still in the habit of laying, limbs akimbo, over the top of the coverlet.

It was too cold for that, did the guy want to catch a cold? He broke one of his most important rules that he had sworn to himself to keep. He would never enter Shirou’s house unless he was invited in. However, he didn’t want Toushirou to catch a cold. His love for the other taichou forced his hand, it wasn’t that he didn’t want Shirou to get sick, he couldn’t LET it happen. Climbing in through the window like an ill trained thief, he stumbled and almost fell over his feet. Recovering himself, he padded over to the futon and took hold of the blankets that were neatly folded at the base of the bed. Tugging them up over Shirou, he paused in settling them over him. He always looked so angelic lying there like that. During the day he was every bit the adult everyone thought him despite the youthful appearance. Now, sleeping here, he looked much much younger than he really was.

He let the covers fall, his fingers brushing over one pale cheek. Toushirou did not stir something which Gin had held his breath over.

If he woke Toushirou up and if he was found here like this…hard…wearing nothing but a rather short yukata...He gulped and cupped the other’s cheek, stroking the soft flesh of it with his thumb. He really was tempting fate, but he just wanted a touch. It couldn’t hurt to feel the soft milky skin he had admired so much from afar.

He smelled almost sweet and tangy like umeboshi candy. He leaned in and brushed his lips over the other’s slightly parted one without much thought as to what he was doing. They held sleep heat that felt almost feverish and they were too dry and unresponsive but he did not care. In his heart there was an ache that told him that this was as close as he would ever come to a true kiss from this angelic man.

Toushirou grunted and shifted in his sleep, bringing a hand up to rub at his face. Gin had bound back from the futon with a speed that could have been called remarkable if there had been anyone around to see it. His heart was racing just as it had done after Toushirou had left him in the semi darkness of his cubby hole.

It made him excited.

Almost being caught, the thought of actually being caught, was so exciting to him it nearly made him groan. A crazy thought occurred to him, a thought that he knew he shouldn’t be having but there it was in his head like an accusing finger. It pointed him out, made him a sexual deviant. Oh boys and girls, if only the world knew how despicable Gin Ichimaru truly was!

What would make him despicable would be to act upon those urges, give life to the thoughts that were nothing more than in rough draft sketches at the moment- should he do it? On one side he saw his lonely cold bed with nothing more than lotion and a hand full of old rags waiting for him. On this side of the divide he saw Shirou’s warm body. He could feel him pressed against him as he took care of his primal needs. He could smell that sweet perfume from across the room and it made him remember how exciting it was to almost be caught. If he did what he was thinking…there could be a risk of being caught. The thought gave flesh to the rough sketch of his thoughts.

He licked lips that had suddenly gone very dry. He looked over his shoulder to the window. He could leave right now and leave it as a fantasy, another one to be stored away with the dozen others that involved Shirou, or he could do it. He was torn. He knew what Toushirou would do. The holy being that was Toushirou wouldn’t dare to do something like what he was thinking but…he wasn’t Toushirou now was he. A wicked smile spread over his face.

If doing something so dirty was exciting…then why not go with it? When he was a fukutaichou to Aizen…the man did often tell him ‘if it feels good, do it’. He thought he’d take his captain’s advice this once.

Pulling back the covers he climbed onto the futon with the other taichou, his hands undoing the belt that held his yukata closed. If he hadn’t woken up to the touch of his hand, he wouldn’t wake up to a little something more…would he? He stroked himself, having to bite his lip to keep from groaning. It felt too good after such a long time without attention. The pain in his gut eased up, unwrapping its fingers from around his balls which he was sure were starting to turn blue.

The naughtiness of what he was doing made the act itself even more pleasurable than it would have been under normal circumstances. This was going to be something he was going to remember for the rest of his life…if Shirou didn’t wake up and castrate him on the spot.

Leaning forward he trailed his cock over one pale cheek, then shifted and ran it over the other. Oh he was so hot lying there like that. “You want it don’t you?” He whispered stroking himself again wondering if he could get away with pushing just the head of his shaft past those parted lips. They looked so inviting, like a pussy would to a strait man.

He contented himself to long teasing strokes of his shaft followed by rubbing himself across either one of Shirou’s cheeks. He was already starting to leave a bit of a mess on those well shaped planes of flesh, Gin saw with a grin. The rational part of him screamed at him that he was begging to get caught here, and how would he like to have his titles stripped away and thrown in jail for rape? However, it seemed that Shirou was dead to the world. Thank the spirits and Buddha and whoever else you want to thank, that Shirou slept like the dead. Gin sat back, licking his fingers, needing some lube. This wasn’t getting him anywhere after all, he needed more. Shit on that, he didn’t need more, he just wanted more and that wanting brought back the sense of danger that had him near the point of orgasm already.

Gin slicked his shaft up a little more before he fished out Shirou’s hand. It flopped over like a dead fish on the shore of a poisoned lake. Gin held his breath, watching for signs of waking from Toushirou. He grumbled in his sleep, his brows furrowing down, something that Gin would admit latter on was ‘beyond cute’. He didn’t wake up, however.

Kneading his lower lip with his teeth he ruthlessly squashed down the voice that told him yet again ‘this is wrong’. Everything was wrong! He could never have Toushirou, nor could he have his memories stricken of having to work in what was, when you got right down to it, a whore house. If only Toushirou could bend his neck, if only he could forget about being a damned prodigy; the youngest taichou in history. With something like anger he cupped the other’s hand, closing it around his shaft. He kept it in place with his much larger hand, thrusting into it hard and fast not caring if he got caught any more.

Toushirou’s sleep heat and the slickness of his own saliva made for one hell of a ride. He cursed, burying his face into Shirou’s soft white hair. It hadn’t just been his imagination…he smelled like umeboshi, maybe it was the shampoo he used. He would never be able to eat a pickled plum with his lunch again, at least not without springing one huge boner for everyone in his squad building to see.

“Nnggg,” He wasn’t going to last long, which was probably a good thing for Gin. If he kept this up for too long, his luck was sure to run out. Before the mindless pleasure of orgasm could claim him, he pulled away from Shirou, moving slow, making sure to be careful. He didn’t want to wake the other up now. Not when he was about to explode like an over filled balloon. He moved back up to the other’s face, looking down into its innocent sleep mask. He ran a hand through the other’s hair as he stroked himself hard and fast.

Gin had always had a great imagination and it didn’t take much at this point to picture that cute face looking up at him, tongue stuck out ready for his cum. Begging him to let him drink it down; it was after all an image he saw all the time in the porn movies he bought in the living world. He gave an animalistic growl, reaching climax just as he confused brain put together the image of Shirou’s flushed face turned up towards his with the images of the twinks on those videos.

“Mmm!” He muffled the cry by biting his bottom lip bloody. The pain of it would only hit him hours later when the high of what he had done had worn off and he had realized just what it was he had done…and what evidence he had left behind. At the moment he didn’t feel anything other than the thick heat and pleasure of the best orgasm he had ever had in his life. His hips jerked of their own accord as he watch thick ropes of semen drizzle Shirou’s face. It was the most arousing thing he had ever witnessed in his life.

When he began to grow soft and his breathing began to relax, he ran trembling fingers through the mess he had made surprised at how much there had been. It was probably because he had not been sexually active in ages and he hadn’t touched himself for that matter. This was the first time in weeks…which was rather surprising considering how he felt for the taichou he had just raped.

Raped…

His heart thudded into his throat bringing with it the rational thought he had thrown out the door. He had raped him. He didn’t even pause to fasten his yukata back over his naked body. He leapt across the room and out the window and onto the branch once more, like the deer he often startled at the back of his property in the morning. Without a look back he scrambled his way back down the tree then over the wall to the street beyond where he remembered his state of undress. He fixed his clothes, then his hair deciding that it would not do to look out of place. Someone would remember him then, and report him to the neighborhood watch. If he looked as if he were merely taking a late night stroll…no one would remember him. In the morning he would go by the tenth squad to tell Shirou he saw a weird person sneaking over the wall and ask him if he made sashimi out of him or just wailed on him until he was tired and went back to bed.

His heart, hammering in his ears still, he folded his arms behind him and put on his usual grin and started down the road towards his place. Never letting his true emotions slip through.

Panic.

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Light was streaming in through the window…damned he needed to get curtains for that damned thing! That light had stirred him from a hot dream consisting of blurred images and mixed feelings. He was sure Gin was in there somewhere, face buried in his hair as he jacked them both off. He wondered if Gin was that ambidextrous in real life. The thought made him smile, and in that instant he realized there was something on his face. It had cracked and flaked when he smiled. He sat up slowly; rubbing at his face wondering what the hell it was…drool?

He pulled his hand away and looked at it with sleepy surprise. He knew what dry cum looked like from all the time he had spent cleaning it out of his futon in the mornings. It was all over his face. He bounded from his bed and rushed into the bathroom, looking at himself in the cracked and dirty mirror over the wash basin. It wasn’t his imagination…it was all over his face. What the…he felt sick to his stomach. With shaky hands he poured some water into the basin and washed his face as fast as he could without getting water all over his tidy bathroom.

With his eyes closed he could remember how he had left the bedroom window open. Someone had snuck in…and had …and had. The thought alone was enough to make his gorge rise. He forced it away not wanting to make himself sick this early in the morning. Grabbing his bath things he marched out of the house and up the road past the house wives that were just starting to stir. Down the road and around the corner the neighborhood bathhouse stood open, even at this early hour. He needed a shower and he needed one NOW. He didn’t care that he had just washed last night or that he’d have to shell out the money he was going to use to buy a meat bun on his way into work.

Toushirou threw the money at the sleepy attendant and kicked his shoes off, not bothering to put them in a cubby hole much like the ones the other bathhouse had. He rushed into the locker room and stripped out of his yukata, balling it up and throwing it into a free bin. This wasn’t as nice as the other bathhouse and did not supply its patrons with lockers to store their things. Shirou’s mind hardly registered this. He nearly slipped in his hurry to get to a free shower head. There were too many people in here this early in the morning, but Toushirou found one at the back of the line that marched along the left hand wall. He sat his bench down and sprayed it down out of habit more than anything else. Then he set his things down and sat himself down on the bench.

He couldn’t get the water hot enough. If it were hot enough to flash over from water to steam in a nano second, it would still not be hot enough for his tastes. He took up his plum body wash and started to scrub his face with his wash cloth, working himself into a lather. He could TASTE whoever it was on his tongue just under the taste of sleep. His stomach gave a traitorous heave and Shirou wondered if he would be hosing his sick down the drain soon.

Washing the suds off of his now pink face, he filled his bin with water and brought the rim of it to his mouth. He rinsed out his mouth and spat, and did it again and again until he was sure he couldn’t taste anything but the slightly hard water the bathhouse used. Then and only then did he start to fanatically wash the rest of his body. If there were any trace of the other on him he didn’t want it on him. Even if it meant peeling his own skin off.

He sobbed, head bent as he scrubbed his hair. Would Gin ever like him if he knew he had been raped in his sleep? He thought not…not that it was an issue seeing as he could never tell the other he loved him, to do so would soil his precious honor. Because of his honor, he couldn’t tell anyone what happened either. If it became known how weak he was…another sob escaped him and he broke down crying, wrapping his scrawny arms around his knees as he rocked back and forth on his stool.

The men around him scooted further away, trying their hardest to ignore him. He was grateful for it, if he had to answer questions as to what had happened, he thought he may die a little more inside. He was already feeling pretty black inside. With a shudder he forced the tears back, scrubbing at his face with the back of his hand like he had done last night. Only this time it was a means to keep his sanity at bay. If he cried…if he let it all out he was sure he would leave the bathhouse raving. He washed the rest of him five more times before he decided it would have to do. He didn’t go near the hot tubs, he didn’t think he could stand to be here another second with those eyes on him. Anyone of these people could have been his attacker. The thought made him hunch his shoulders as if the men around him had suddenly started throwing stones.

Those eyes were as heavy as weights upon his back. He hurried from the shower area back into the locker room where he toweled off and pulled on his yukata again. He didn’t want to wear the damned thing again but he had no choice, he had hurried from his house so fast he had forgotten to grab fresh clothes. Instead he ran back towards his house the way he had once ran up to meet his grandma…the thought of his grandma made him start crying again. What would she think if she knew he had been raped in his sleep?

Who had done it! It could have been any one. He had to get off the street. He had to get home and lockdown every window, every door, every hole had to be nailed up. Then he could curl up and cry as much as he wanted but for now. He whipped away the tears again, rushing right past Rangiku and Gin, whom he had failed to see in his hurry.

“Oi…Hitsugaya taichou!” Matsumoto called after the other. She had been up at the office early when Gin had come in to report to her that he had been walking late last night when he had seen an intruder. While he was sure that Shirou could handle it he felt guilty now that he hadn’t gone in to help the other and he was worried about him.

Gin frowned, were those tears? He looked at Matsumoto, a look that clearly said, ‘what’s goin’ on do you think’? Even though he had a good idea what was going on and boy did his stomach hurt from the thought of it. If he had woken up with a whole mess of dry semen on his face he would have been freaking out, hell he probably have been sick on the spot. He rushed after the small taichou and stopped him before he reached his door, “Hitsugaya han…” He said.

Toushirou was trembling under his finger tips, not looking at him, but he had stopped, “I’m ill, leave me alone Ichimaru,” He suddenly roared, slapping the surprised silver haired man off of him. “You too Matsumoto, I’m sick, I’m not going into work so stop pestering me.”

He certainly looked sick when he turned to glower at them, his face gray, eyes tight and red rimmed as he fought back the tears that wanted to come.

“I did this…” Gin whispered to himself in his height of shock.

Matsumoto looked at him and frowned then back to her taichou. The truth was that she had fallen asleep in the office last night after sneaking in to return Toushirou’s sake bottles…empty of course. However, if she hadn’t been there she wondered what would have happened, “Taichou, are you hurt, what happened? Gin told me he saw someone sneaking into your house last night.”
Those brilliant blue green eyes went wide and locked onto Gin. “Did they steal something?”

Toushirou shook his head, remaining mute on the subject of what had happened last night. So Gin had seen him… “What did he look like? “ He asked, the sudden intensity of his gaze made Gin shrink back a bit.

Feeling a bit uncomfortable, he fidgeted on the spot. Should he tell the truth? Well hell! He couldn’t, not if he wanted to continue breathing. “He had one arm,” He started, sounding unsure of his own story. He knew no one would believe him if he didn’t put some conviction in his voice. “And dark hair that was braided, it fell to his ass.” He indicated on himself, “He was shorter than you were.” There was no way they would ever find a person by this description. He was sure of it.

Matsumoto had pulled out a pad of paper and was writing down what Gin was saying…mostly because of how serious her taichou looked with his arms folded over his narrow chest. “What else…” Toushirou prompted, rage building in him. He’d find this guy, he’d find him and rip his cock off and force feed it to the cock sucking rapist.

“Well…he wore odd clothes…like like a hakama but not. He wore a bright blue vest and a puffy white shirt under it. He looked like an English man but with dark skin. I…I made sure to take special note because I knew it was your house he was breaking into or I wouldn’t have bothered…”

Things were not turning out the way Gin had hoped they would. He had hoped that Shirou would never have noticed the odd taste in his mouth or the dried crap on his face. He hoped that he would wake up and wash up and just go to work. What had he been thinking? This was going to end badly, his stomach was in knots so tight he thought he would vomit any second if he couldn’t work them out.

“Matsumoto…take that description to the soutaichou and tell him that he is a criminal…” He snapped at his fukutaichou, “That has stolen something of mine.” He wasn’t going to go into detail. That alone eased some of the panic and stress that was knotting up his insides. Gin heaved a silent sigh of relief.

“And you Ichimaru,” Toushirou said grabbing him by the front of his uniform, pulling him close so that Matsumoto, who was trying to eavesdrop, couldn’t hear. “You’re going to escort me to the hospital…you will NOT speak of this to anyone. Do you understand me?” If he had had a sword, Gin was sure he would have pressed it against his throat to hammer home the threat that was clear in his voice.

“Y…yes, of course,” Gin stammered out, glancing to Matsumoto.

“Well, didn’t I give you an order!?” Shirou snapped. Gin had never seen the small taichou this volatile before in his life. Not even when he was really messing with him, trying to push him to this level of anger. He never could get Toushirou to snap like this.

Shirou himself didn’t even know why he was so mad. Maybe it was because now he had a mental image of who had done this to him. Of who had…had…he clapped a hand over his mouth lest he betray himself to the other. He still felt like sobbing, like curling in on himself and never leaving his house again but he realized he couldn’t. What if that bastard had had an STD or…he needed to be checked out from head to foot. For all he knew he could have been drugged and raped, not just…but his ass didn’t hurt, this made him hope for the best.

Matsumoto bowed and hurried off through the still empty street. Gin stood silently, sweating buckets under his uniform. Had he sniffed out that it was him…somehow…and had wanted to get him alone to take care of him once and for all. If he had, it was no wonder with how lame his story had been, one armed man indeed.

“Thanks…” He mumbled, his head bowing to hide the tears that had suddenly sprung up in his eyes once more. “Thanks,” He sobbed hands groping blindly up to Gin’s top, tangling into it and clinging to it.
“For what?” Gin asked sounding alarmed, his hands coming to the slender shoulders he had admired last night in the dark of Toushirou’s bedroom.

“For reporting it,” He sniffled, falling to his knees all of the sudden, the entirety of it all coming over him and making his knees go weak on him. He had been raped, some sick person had broken into his house to rape him and Gin had seen it all. He had seen it but hadn’t come to help thinking that it was none of his business or thinking that he could take care of the intruder himself…it didn’t matter he was here now. The man he had wanted to take his virginity was here, listening to him…he had gone to Matsumoto to report the break in, worried for his safety.

“Are you hurt?” Gin asked, sure he hadn’t hurt the other last night but…

“He raped me…” he said, voice almost not audible.

Hearing the other say it was worst then the word constantly repeating itself in the back of his mind, buzzing like an angry wasp. He bent down before the other and took his hands into his own, “It’ll be okay.” No it wouldn’t that was such a lie that it curdled Gin’s tongue to utter it. What had he done? He couldn’t have the wits to at least clean the mess up from Shirou’s face? None of this would have happened if he hadn’t thought with his damned cock last night. “I’ll take you to the hospital…it’ll be okay. I won’t leave you alone for a second, I swear.”

Shirou seemed to believe him more than he believed himself because he looked up at Gin with his blood shot, seawater colored eyes. He looked miserable, there was no trace of his usual cocky smile, but there was something there that told Gin that he was feeling a little comforted by Gin’s words. “Let me carry you Hitsugaya han. In case you are hurt.” He scooped the other up, realizing for the first time just how small the other man was. How fragile the young captain was. Gin suddenly felt like the cat that had jumped up onto the fire place and had knocked the antique salt cellar or the naughty kitten that, having found out he could drive his masters insane, kept getting into the places he was not wanted. Better yet, he felt like the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Everything he said was a lie, and Shirou was putting his trust into the man who had done the actual raping.

Shirou wrapped his arms around Gin’s neck, burying his face into the other’s captain’s coat as he started to cry again. He was sure he was scaring Gin, and probably ruining his clean white captain’s coat with his tears and snot but if Gin didn’t mind, he wouldn’t either. There was something comforting about being in Gin’s arms like this. He hadn’t recoiled from him when he told him what had happened. He hadn’t laughed at him. He had responded with kindness and caring. “I woke up…and at first I didn’t realize what was wrong…” He gasped out in between wracking sobs, his stomach starting to hurt from the force of his crying. “Then I realized what was all over my face.” He didn’t even know why he was telling Gin all of this. It was probably because of how he felt for the other taichou or because for once, Gin was actually listening instead of acting like an immature brat.

“Shhh,” Gin cooed hurrying along as fast as he could without using flash step. He wasn’t sure it would be a good idea doing that with the state Toushirou was in at the moment. “Shhhhhhh” He started to weep a bit himself, in regret.