A Happy Crystal Heart

My hakama was… to say the least…. Different. It was like I was a miniature, female version of Captain Kuchiki. This didn’t include the strange hair accessory that he insisted I wear. It was somewhat like his Kenseiken, only it went around my ponytail and spread out like an ivory flower. It was, admitably, quite cute. I still felt as though it didn’t quite suit me. What made the moment even stranger, was the fact that I was the only one in the room who wasn’t a captain. Why, you ask? That was because Captain Kuchiki dragged me to the event that the Sotaicho was throwing for the captains. He said it was to keep him from being bored… but with the way he and Ukitake were throwing back drinks said otherwise. I sighed quietly to myself, looking around the room in disdain. I spotted Hitsugaya, and a shadowed form next to him. Please don’t tell me that Tabi came with him…I thought, cocking my head as I moved to see the figure better. It was, indeed, Tabi, and the lucky little prankster got to wear normal cloths at that! I stomped over to her in annoyance, placing my hand on my hip when I reached her.

“Tasha-chan! You look like Bya-kun if he were an adorable little cutie pie! I want to look like him too! Let me borrow your clothes! Please, please, please, please!!” Tabi was bouncing so much that I thought her head was going to fly off and hit some poor innocent soul.

“Oi, calm down. I didn’t chose to dress up like this and I don’t think Captain Kuchiki will be too happy if I let you borrow anything.” Tabi pouted.

“Oh well. This is the perfect pranking ground anyway! You should help me Tasha-chan!” I made a face. If I helped her out, I would make enemies of every captain in the soul society. That would not be fun. If I didn’t help her, she would just make my life worse by messing with my captain until he went insane and killed the closest thing to him. Knowing him, that would most likely be me. Tabi was looking at me expectantly, and I couldn’t help but sigh out loud.

“Sorry Tabi-chan. I would avoid my boredom, but, I have something I have to do. Maybe later?” Tabi tilted her head for a moment, then shrugged.

“Ok! I’ll come get you later then!” I watched her in shock as she walked off. I hadn’t expected it to be so easy.

“Well, that was amazingly easy, now wasn’t it?” I nodded in response to the voice, taking a moment to realize that the voice was an unfamiliar one. I looked beside me to see Captain Gin. He was one of the Captain’s who followed Captain Aizen . I knew it was him because of the pictures that Captain Kuchiki had plastered to his wall. He often threw darts at them when he was bored, then made me clean it up. Gin was supposed to be in Hueco Mundo, the world of the hollows, right now. I stared at him in confusion as he gave me a grin. “Hey! Nice ta meet ya! wha’cha doin’ in a Captain’s party, standin’ all on ya lonesome?” I wasn’t sure how to answer him. Half of that was because he was leaning towards me, his face only inches from my own. The other half of it was because of the very strange grin he was giving me. It made me afraid to stand near him, much less tell him anything. He seemed to notice my apprehension, placing his hand on my head. “Aww. Now ya don have ta be ’fraid o’ me. I don bite those I like. Aren’t chu jus tha luckiest kitten ‘ere?”

“I...suppose so....” I replied. He seemed very satisfied with this answer, as he promptly picked me up. I gave a loud squeal, causing everyone in the room to look in our direction. There were murmurs rising up from the Captains in the room, and Gin gave a small sigh.

“Aww, now look wha’ cha dun did kitten. I was jus gonna kidnap ya all quiet like, but now I’mma have a bunch of uptight spoils ta deal wid. Not fun at all lil missy!” Gin said, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly. I started to squirm in his grip, much to no avail, when I was snatched out of reach and plopped straight onto the cold floor at my savior’s feet. My savior was Tabi, who was grinning at me widely.

“Hiya Tasha-chan! No fair! You shouldn’t get all the fun!” I gave her an annoyed look, and rolled my eyes.

“Oh, then by all means, let him kidnap you.” Tabi laughed.

“No that’s ok. I’ve already pulled off something amazing!” I blinked, confused, when I heard the drunken voice of my Captain.

“Ah, that thing got to you too....eh?” I looked up to see what he meant, and noticed that Gin’s hair had turned into snakes. He looked like a male Medusa. I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. Gin looked a bit startled at first, when he noticed his hair, but gave a smile just the same.

“I think I like dis. Thank ya fer da snakes. How’d ya know?” Tabi gave him a grin as he walked over, placing a hand on my head.

“I just thought it would fit you.”

“Well tha was nice o’ ya. ‘Ere. As a reward I’ll give ya dis cookie.” Tabi gave Gin a startled giggle as he pulled a peanut butter cookie from nowhere, and promptly began to eat it. “I’ll see ya lat’r kitten!” I didn’t know it was possible for someone to disappear the same way as Tabi, but apparently he could, as he vanished as soon as the words left his mouth.

“So why is he evil again? He makes good cookies...” I stared up at Tabi as she said that, then reached up and took a piece of the cookie. It looked safe enough. I tried it and couldn’t help but agree with her.

“He does make good cookies....”

“Why, thank ya!” I jumped at the sound of Gin’s voice as he suddenly appeared behind the two of us, a box in one hand and the other reaching towards me. I gave a squeal of shock as I tried to move out of his reach, but it was unsuccessful. I was swept up into his arms as he handed the box of what looked to be cookies, to Tabi. “ A present fer ya.” Tabi gave a happy squeak as she took the box and wandered off to a corner with it.

“C-captain Kuchiki! Help!” I cried, trying to get out of Gin’s grasp. My captain just looked at me, a lethargic expression on his face. What should I do now? Maybe if I call him something else he’ll listen...? I gulped, knowing it was either be kidnapped by this weirdo, or face the wrath of my captain later. I chose to face my captain. “ B-b....Byakuya! Help....!” I was surprised at how fast he moved, snatching me away from Gin in only a second’s time. Gin flinched, then shrugged.

“Oh ‘ell, I’ll jus have ta come an get cha another day, eh?” With those words he was gone again. I gave a small sigh of relief, looking up apprehensively at the face of the one who’s chest I was against. Captain Kuchiki was giving me a very weird look, and it sent a frightened shiver down my spine.

“I-I’m sorry captain...I didn’t....”

“Ka....waii.... “ I blinked, going quiet in my effort to apologize as this strange sentence left my captain’s lips.

“What...?” What did he mean, cute?

“Kawaii!” I was promptly pushed to the floor, which was bad, since this was the middle of the room and everyone was now staring at the two of us. “I want to eat you..... let me eat you up, you cute little bundle of sweets!” I gawked at my captain, remembering that he was drunk, but this was still quite strange even for a drunk. The sentence made no sense. Captain Kenpachi walked over and picked Captain Kuchiki up by the back of his captain’s robe like a kitten. Hitsugaya started to laugh, when he noticed something and promptly dragged Tabi over to where we were.

“Hey, how come you haven’t done anything to him!” Tabi stopped in mid-bite, the cookie shoved half-way in her mouth, and looked over at Kenpachi.

“That’s because he’s scary as hell!” He gave her a grin in response, and Tabi scrambled off, waving her hands over her head as she did.

“Dude! Teach us how you do that!” The other captain’s looked at Kenpachi eagerly as he laughed.

“Nope. This is pure talent.” I gave a small giggle as he helped me up, looking at my captain curiously. He had gone limp in Kenpachi’s arms. I looked up at Kenpachi to give him a thankful smile, when he dropped my captain back on top of me. The impact hurt almost as much as the first time.

“Uwah.... Captain, you’re heavy.....” I managed to mumble, looking up into my captain’s eyes. He had a strange grin on his face that was making me nervous. That wasn’t all that was getting to me. I kept hearing a strange noise and I really wanted to look. There was just a few problems. One, my captain was really heavy, and it was hard to move anywhere with him on top of me. Two, his hands had managed to grab a hold of my face, and I couldn’t turn it. Three, My brain had ceased to function. Why? My captain, the most serious man I have ever met, had me straddled on the floor and was kissing me. Frankly I was too startled to do anything at all. It wasn’t like it was a bad kiss. In fact... it was really warm and comforting. I was almost disappointed when he pulled away. Almost, simply for the fact that I spotted Tabi, pinned to the floor by.....Ukitake? It seemed as if he had grabbed a hold of her as she was running away from Kenpachi. Hitsugaya was standing over the two, growling as Kenpachi made a move to pull Ukitake away. Instead of pulling him away from her, he instead made Tabi pull him even closer, squealing something about him being scary again. Ukitake seemed delighted, as he wrapped his arms around her neck.

“I didn’t know you cared! How sweet!” He chimed, snuggling his head into her chest. Hitsugaya clenched a fist, looking at Ukitake with a murderous expression.

“Get off of my girl, damn you!”

“Aww, what’s a small kid like you going to do?“ Hitsugaya snarled, kicking Ukitake in the face. Ukitake placed a hand to the bleeding mark on his forehead as Tabi gave a cheerful giggle.

“You care that much Shiro-chan?”

“No! I just ...uh...wait.....” Tabi’s eyes began to water as she looked up at him.

“So... you don’t care about me? How cruel!” She started to bawl, and Hitsugaya looked completely lost. Kenpachi laughed, giving Tabi a grin.

“If you come with me, I’ll make sure that you never cry again.” Tabi stopped crying instantly, and clung to Hitsugaya’s leg, shaking her head furiously.

“No! That’s ok!” I laughed to myself at the scene, and began to wonder if the situation I was in looked as strange as theirs. It was possible, as Byakuya’s hands had begun to roam. I had just begun to squirm when the Sotaicho stood up and thumped the ground with a cane he had pulled from beside his chair.

“Enough! This is insane! If you are all going to cause chaos, go to your own rooms! Tabi-chan, please stop screaming every time Kenpachi smiles. Tasha-chan, please take your captain home. He’s too drunk to be trusted on his own. Hitsugaya, stop trying to kill Ukitake. It won’t work.” The room went quiet for a few moments after the Sotaicho finished speaking, then everyone slowly started to file out of the room. Kenpachi came over and helped me get the Captain to his feet, and I started the long walk back to his house. As I walked out, I noticed Tabi, Hitsugaya and Ukitake were arguing yet again, only now Tabi was clinging to Ukitake’s leg. Ukitake glomped her almost immediately, and Hitsugaya had pulled out his sword. God, they are a bunch of imbeciles, aren’t they? I thought, shaking my head as I walked from the room. I hoped I would never do anything that bizarre anytime soon.

Author’s note:

Tasha: And that’s the end of the chapter! How.... um.... interesting, wouldn’t you say? Will you stay to see what Byakuya will do tomorrow? I hope you will! It’s...wait....we’re out of time again? Geez....Well, see ya next chapter!

Tabi: OK…so….I am….insane….AGAIN! But at least I got to get glomped by Ukitake and Hitsugaya tried to save my honour (what little of it I have left)

Random squad member: Wait…Fourth seat Tabi, you had honour to begin with?

Arrrrrggggg!!!!! My own squad members don’t have any faith in me…Tasha-chan…what are you doing? *gets dragged off by Tasha again*

Tasha: We are out of time

No!!!!!!!!!!