Desperation

Ichigo was the first to reach Ishida, one hand hitting the call button as the other went to Ishida’s face, pushing the feathery blue black hair back from the others pale forehead. “Please stay awake this time…please.” He sounded desperate, his hand shaking as he hit the call button over and over. His heart was pounding in his chest, causing him to pant and shake a bit. He didn’t care what Ishida did before…he didn’t care how badly he had treated himself, al he cared was that Ishida was awake and talking…Ishida was alive.

Ishida looked up, confusion clear on his features as he reached up, touching Ichigo’s hand that was still settled on his cheek. “Ichigo…what’s wrong?” He asked, blinking a few times as he tried to remember exactly how he had gotten here. “What happened?” He swallowed a bit, trying to push himself into a sitting position but failing. His bones felt like jelly and he didn’t particularly like it. “Did I get hurt?” The words sounded almost childish, the way they were said so naively and innocently, like Ishida really didn’t know anything that had happened…anything that he had done to himself.

Chad suddenly jerked away from Renji, pushing Ichigo back and grabbing Ishida, literally shaking him. It was very rare that he showed his anger, well, that he showed any emotion so the outburst was even more shocking. The big man growled as he yanked Ishida up, looking square in his eyes. “What happened? You fucking drank and drugged yourself into a coma!” He let him go after that, letting Ishida’s body fall back against the bed with a thump. “You did this to yourself! Do you think it was such a good idea now?! Do you think ruining yourself like that was a good idea?!” Chad was being pulled back after that, Renji’s arms wrapped securely around his bigger frame as he tugged him away from the seemingly shell shocked man on the bed.

Ishida blinked at that, looking very, very confused. “I did what?” He asked, wincing a bit as he sat up, his muscles feeling unused and sore. “You guys have be kidding.” He said, pulling a hand through his hair. “I don’t drink…I don’t do drugs…you guys know me better then that.” He looked genuinely confused, making the three other man in the room confused also.

“Bullshit.” Ichigo suddenly said, picking the journal up and tossing it on Ishida’s lap. “Four and a half months, four and a half fucking months you’ve been paying for drugs with sex, how long did you think it would take us to find out? Really? Did you think we wouldn’t fucking notice?!” He looked enraged as he reached down, flipping open the journal to the first entry, jabbing at the page. “This is yours, your handwriting, your words, your journal! How do you explain that?!” Ichigo was literally shaking with repressed anger as he pointed at the journal again. “This is the way you decided to start a new year? Drugging yourself until you came home and passed out?!”

Ishida’s hands shook as he looked down at the journal, reading the first entry with wide eyes before flipping it to the last entry, his eyes narrowing in confusion. “But…it can’t be…the new year…it’s not for another week…” He looked up at Ichigo at that, snapping the journal shut. “Why would you do something like this? Why would you make something up like this? I thought we were friends!” Ishida was throwing the journal back at Ichigo then, becoming angry at his friend because of his own confusion. “Why would you fabricate this! I’d never do that!”

“What tha hell are ya talkin’ about?” It was Renji that spoke this time, pushing himself up from where he had been sitting on Chad’s lap, his own eye brows furrowed in slight anger. “Pretending like you don’t remember ain’t gonna work on all of us, Ishida, you fucked up bad now ya have at answer for it.” He reached down, his big hand wrapping around Ishida‘s wrist and tugging his arm out straight from his body, showing the needle marks on his inner elbow . “See those, those are track marks, do ya care to explain that?!”

Ishida reached down, his fingers touching the marks as he swallowed nervously, shaking as he got even more and more frustrated. “I did that?” He asked, still sounding and looking very confused. “I…I don’t remember any of it…”

The others in the room looked a bit shocked at that before all starting to speak at once, throwing around accusations and disbelieving remarks as they looked down at Ishida. None of them could believe Ishida didn’t remember, if he didn’t want to admit it, that was a different thing but pretending he didn’t remember what he had done to himself was more the wrong. He needed to live up to it, he had spent enough time hiding from it already. There were all silenced when the door opened and closed, a soft but slightly scary voice breaking through the din.

“It’s called amnesia.” The doctor said in her soft voice, walking to the bed and pushing Ishida back into a lying position. “We were worried about this happening.” She murmured, a small smile on his face, her long brown hair braided to the front instead of to the back like normal. “Don’t worry Uryuu, I’m sure you will be just fine, we have made it so you shouldn’t have any withdrawal symptoms but you will just be weak for a little while, you were asleep for a week.” She moved to undo the IV’s then, shushing softly when Ishida started to panic a bit, trying to pull back from her hands, mumbling something about his memories and his life. “I’m sure you’re memories will come back, you just have to give it time.” Unohana said, smiling again. “I’m Unohana Retsu, I’ll be your doctor until you are cleared to leave, now please rest, we will bring you some light food later.”

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Ishida was released from the hospital a week later his body having recovered wonderfully from the near fatal overdose. He had read the journal over and over again, barely able to believe he had ever done something like that. It was a shock…not remembering it. He knew he had been thinking about it but…he had never, never, never thought he would act on it and if he did, he never thought he would do it in such a big way. He had been released into the Kurosaki’s care to make sure he didn’t back slide and start using again…which he didn’t. He didn’t know what had pushed him to it in the first place but he couldn’t believe he would just start doing it again. It was far too self destructive and…just stupid. No, there was no worry he wasn’t going to do drugs again.

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He was released from their care just a couple weeks later, they all believed he was reformed and wasn’t going to use again…he…wasn‘t so sure though. He had been having flashbacks…like little movies playing in his head and most of them weren‘t pleasant. He could see the pain…the abuse…the glimpses of his fathers face and one he didn’t recognize…a blue haired man he couldn’t recall. Ishida sighed as he walked down the street, his arms wrapped around his own body in a purely protective fashion. He had been walking for hours, trying to sort through all the conflicting memories that he couldn’t understand. It was like a puzzle missing the most important pieces that would never be whole until those pieces were found. He would never be whole until all his pieces were found. Another sigh escaped his throat as he turned, taking a familiar but not fully remembered route, he just needed more time to think without someone trying to force him to talk…to express his feelings.

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“What the hell do you mean you’re done looking for him!?” Ichigo’s fists hit the detectives desk hard enough to rattle the computer as he looked at him, panting harshly anger and frustration clear on his face. “He’s only been out of the hospital four weeks! He’s gone, he disappeared the night he was released from MY care and you’re saying you can’t look for him anymore? Someone took him, you HAVE to find him!”

“You need to calm down, Mr. Kurosaki.” The black haired detective murmured soothingly, reaching forward to right the name plate that Ichigo had knocked over in his anger. He shifted it so it could be seen from the door again, the name Shuuhei Hisagi etched into the gleaming stainless steel. “I have explained this to you before.” Shuuhei said, standing to lead the irate teen back to his seat. “Ishida Uryuu has chosen to disappear, his own father told us to discontinue the investigation, we can not reopen the file because you think your friend was taken against his will.”

“I don’t think!” Ichigo yelled, pushing the tattooed man back and standing to pace again, his movements twitchy and clearly frustrated. “Ishida wouldn’t just disappear like that, he promised he would see me after he thought, he’d never break a promise!”

“You said your friend was drug addict, right?”

Ichigo growled at that, barely restraining himself from hitting the police officer. He took a deep breath, knowing anger would just get him a count of assault against an officer and that wouldn’t help either of them. “I also told you he was clean, he’s not just going to run away, he was taken, I swear it.”

Shuuhei sighed but shook his head, moving to sit at his desk again. “I am very sorry, Mr. Kurosaki, but there is nothing I can do.” He said, closing the file that was open on his desk, placing it on the basket that read closed. “Ishida Uryuu’s case is officially closed.”

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Ishida groaned softly as he woke up, his bleary eyes fluttering open slowly. He shivered a bit, shifting against the cold brick wall he could feel at his back. His entire world was fuzzy, his glasses having been lost when he had been snatched…what was it…almost two weeks ago? He winced a bit as he reached up with his free hand, tugging on the collar that was wrapped almost too tightly around his neck, his other hand was chained to the wall with an unbreakable shackle and very short length of chain, making it where he couldn’t even lay down.

God…where am I?

He winced when he moved again, tears of pain and desperation falling from his eyes again and mixing with the blood he could feel trickling down his naked body. Another broken sigh escaped Ishida’s throat when he gave up trying to moved, just leaning against the wall in the dark room, trying not to remember just how he had gotten this way…the pain…the degradation…the humiliation…He jumped when the door opened, the bright light blinding him for a few moments before he heard it again…the voice that had been haunting and abusing him for the past two weeks.

“Have ya figured it out yet?” The man asked, gripping Ishida’s chin painfully before punching him across the face again causing Ishida to spit up more blood, anger clear in his voice as he growled. “No one leaves me, pet.”

I’m in hell…

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AN: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*giggles* I had so much fun writing this chapter, it made me feel so much better *has been so stressed from school*

I don’t have a lot to say other then it’s Eneada’s picture that brought on the whole scene at the end.

I'm also going to dedicate this chappy to her because she gave me the awesome idea, thank you so much!

WARNING!! Don’t look at this pic until you have read the chappy or it will spoil the end.

http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/531261/

Well, I hope you guys like it *smiles* remember, comments and favs are loved! I love ya guys, thanks so much for reading!