Unrequited love

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Toushirou didn’t say a word as he was examined by Unohana herself. He sat, looking out the window seemingly lost in his own thoughts. His eyes were unfocused and body tense, Gin took note all of these small details. Unohana didn’t seem to notice as she checked for broken bones, scratches, and whatever else she was looking for. Toushirou hadn’t said what happened and Gin thought it best not to say unless Toushirou told him it was okay. He just sat there and waited, holding Toushirou’s clothes neatly folded in his lap. Toushirou was sitting on the table, naked except for his underwear and Gin kept sneaking looks, blushing because he knew it was wrong and because he liked very much what he saw.

“Well there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong, Hitsugaya san. What prompted you to come in?” She asked not mentioning the fact that Gin was sitting nearby, would be hovering over the small taichou if she hadn’t forced him to step back.

“Nothing,” He said voice flat and lifeless. Gin’s heart ached to hear that in the other’s voice, and to know that he was the cause even if no one but he knew it. Gin decided to step in for the other to keep the doctor from asking too many prying questions.

“He’s a little stunned still,” Gin butted in coming to stand over Toushirou again, “Some men jumped him and over powered him. He didn’t have his sword on him so it was easier than usual…” He put his hand on top of Shirou’s head. It explained everything, they brought him in to make sure he wasn’t hurt…and it would explain the sullen silence.

Toushirou looked up at him and he gave the other a reassuring smile, “They robbed him, luckily I was walking by and chased the punks off. What the hell they were thinking of attacking a captain who was strolling the streets of Rukongai…I used my kido to heal him but I was never very good at it so I thought it best to bring him in here just in case I missed something.”

“You don’t seem to have missed anything Ichimaru san. I must say your skills are quite impressive in the field of healing kido, no matter what you say. If I ever must retire I think I might ask for you to take my spot over the fourth division.” She bowed formally and left them alone so that Toushirou could get dressed once more. Gin helped him by holding up the yukata so Toushirou only had to slip his arms in. It was the same yukata he had been wearing last night, Gin saw and pang of guilt wracked him.

“You didn’t have to lie for me,” Toushirou said tugging the clothing into place and securing the ties. “I could have come up with something…”

Gin watched Shirou dress, listening to what he had to say and thinking that lying to Unohana wasn’t so bad after everything that he had lied about so far this morning. “Do you want to go to work now? I’m sure Rangiku is slacking off without you around to yell at her.” Despite how much he wanted to be around the other, he found it unbearable now knowing just what he had done to him.

“I want to go home Gin.” He said softly, using the third captain’s first name for the first time sense they had known each other. It made Gin’s heart skip a beat. He put a hand on the other’s shoulder, “Take me home…and stay with me…I don’t want to be alone tonight.” Those seawater eyes turned up towards him and Gin’s heart melted. It was like saying no to a hungry kitten begging for food there was no way you could withhold the last crumbs of your meal from him or her. Shirou took his hand from his shoulder and held it. “I must sound pathetic.”

“N..NO!” Gin exclaimed seeing the tears make their appearance again. “Don’t cry, I would never think you’re pathetic.” He scooped the other into his arms, crushing him against his chest. He could feel Toushirou trembling and wondered if it was because he was afraid or if he was crying again. After too short a time, the other was pulling away, gulping. There were fresh tear stains on his face but he scrubbed at them away so fast that Gin wasn’t sure he had seen them in the first place.

“L…lets go.” He mumbled tugging on Gin’s hand, not letting go even when they entered the streets. It made Gin blush, but he didn’t mind the looks he was getting. He just hoped that Toushirou wouldn’t regret turning to him in his hour of need when people started to talk about them. He was sure this was something that would travel all over Soul Society before the end of the day. Just as Gin was thinking that he might spare Toushirou that sort of pain on top of everything else the other spoke up, “Gin.” He started and Gin tilted his head, giving the other his full attention.

“What is it?” He asked tightening his grip on the other’s hand. He was almost afraid the other would pull away now. Now that he was so close to the other, this was almost like a date, “Is there something I can do for you.”

He did pull his hand from Gin’s but that was to take the key for his front door out of his inside pocket. He jabbed it into the hole and gave it a rough twist, “I was just wondering if you and Matsumoto are involved. I always see you two going out drinking…” It was small talk Gin heaved a sigh of relief. If Shirou had asked him to do something he couldn’t accomplish…he didn’t want to let Toushirou down, not if he could help it.

“Hell no,” Gin made a face following Toushirou into the cozy little house. He had never been on the first floor before, it was nice with simple decorations that he could see fitting in with Toushirou’s personality. In the entry way there was a shoe shelf that was hand carved with dragons. Gin took his shoes off and placed them besides Shirou’s. “No offense or anything but I think Matsumoto’s a bit slutty…we’re just friends. Quite frankly I prefer the company of men…I….” He realized he had said something wrong as soon as Toushirou’s eyes darted to him and became as wide as dinner plates.

“You’re…” Toushirou started standing in the entry way, “You mean you…with guys…you have a boyfriend?” He seemed to come back to life, moving further into the house. Despite the pain of what happened last night he seemed to be cheering up over this small talk. Gin had been afraid that at the mention of his sexuality he would have flown off the handle, think that he was like the one armed man who had raped him…well he was because that one armed man did not exist but, Toushirou didn’t know that now did he.

“No, no boyfriend. Not for a very long time.” Gin followed Toushirou back into the sitting room where the guests were served. Toushirou’s house seemed to be based upon a more modern western style lay out. The sitting room was actually the dining room as well the small table that would usually occupy the center of the floor was pushed aside at the moment. Toushirou probably put it there to clean the room after every meal. The small table was carved with dragons as well, Gin liked the dragons that made up the legs of the table. They reminded him of the one Shirou fought with. “It’s sort of lonely.” He added.

“Want to help me set up the table?” He asked pointing to the table that he had noticed Gin admiring. Gin came over and gave Toushirou a hand getting the table into place, “I hope you don’t mind…I need a drink.” He left the sitting room through a sliding door, into a cramped kitchen beyond. Without closing the door he got the bottle of sake he had been looking forward to and came back to Gin with two glasses.

“Sorry…I don’t usually drink…” Gin tried to protest but Toushirou was already pouring out the liquor. If he drank one small glass like the one Toushirou was pouring for him, he wouldn’t even have a buzz but he had a feeling that Toushirou was expecting him to really put away the booze. “Do you have some juice or something…”

Toushirou gave him a flat look that said he had better shut up and sit down or else. So Gin took the glass offered to him and sat across the table from the white haired taichou. “No boyfriend…” Toushirou was comforted by the knowledge that Gin wasn’t involved with anyone, “Are you looking?”

Gin was taken aback not sure why the other was asking him such strange questions. He thought that coming home with Toushirou would have been odd and uncomfortable, that they wouldn’t have anything to talk about. He took a sip from his cup, the sake wasn’t bad (probably the best Toushirou had to offer) so he took a longer draft of the clear liquor. “Yes and no…I mean there is someone I like but I don’t think they’ll ever realize that I like them.” He looked into those dazzling blue eyes thinking of how it was Shirou whom he wanted more than anyone else and that he was pretty much telling him that he did in fact like him. Ah but isn’t that just how life was?

For a moment the teen bowed his head in contemplation of what the other had said. “I guess I’m sort of the same way. Although I don’t know if they’ll even have me after all that happened.” He didn’t want to think about what had happened to him last night so he cleared his throat and downed the rest of what he had in his cup, refilling it. He wasn’t one to drink too heavily he still thought he was too young to do so despite what everyone told him.

Gin thought of the way the man in the bathhouse had groaned his name while he sucked him off. The way he sounded like Toushirou. He had to wonder- if it was Toushirou like he wanted him to be, then the one that Shirou was waiting for was…him wasn’t it? If he was waiting for Gin to come along and he was waiting for Toushirou to realize that a certain captain with a Kansai accent liked him…this was ridiculous! He should just ask Toshirou right out if he…but then again that wasn’t the brightest thing to do either; accuse a captain of going to a soap land bathhouse where the well to do went to be blown.

“Aren’t you going to drink?” Toushirou broke into Gin’s thoughts, “You better not waste that I spent a lot of money on this bottle of sake.” He shook the bottle in Gin’s face showing off the label just in case he didn’t believe Toushirou that it was high quality stuff.

“I’m sorry, I was just wondering who it is you’re waiting for…and if they’re any sort of man at all they’ll love you no matter what has been done to you. Don’t you think?”

He had never seen Toushirou’s face go that particular shade of red in his life. It was actually quite alarming and Gin scrambled over to his side, patting the other on the back afraid he might have choked on the mouthful of sake he had taken seconds prior to the statement. He did cough and splutter but not because he had choked on his drink. It just happened that Gin said the one thing that he wanted to hear from him. Even if his sense of duty and obligation would never allow him to be with Gin the thought that the other would love him even though he had been…raped…it did a lot to brighten his mood.

Gin was close and he could smell the other man, a heady mixture of dried persimmons and cherry blossoms. He leaned into Gin, letting his eyes close. Today maybe he could let his sense of duty go…just for this one day so he could take comfort in the presence of the other man. The contact between them only lasted a few seconds before Gin was pulling away to look down into his flushed face, “You okay now?” He asked his voice the soft caring one that Toushirou often imagined Gin would only share with him.

There came a knock at the door and Toushirou yelped and nearly scrambled into Gin’s lap. Despite his improving mood he was still wound up tighter than a watch spring. Finding himself clinging to Gin, cringing like a little kid he berated himself as nine kinds of idiot and let go to answer the door. When he opened the door Soi Fong, Matsumoto and Kira greeted him. Matsumoto looked more somber than she ever had in her life, so far as Toushirou knew. Kira and Soi Fong didn’t look too happy either for that matter, “Come…in.” He said backing away so they could file into his small entry hall.

“We haven’t come to stay,” Soi Fong said voice as hard as and cold as chipped ice. She glanced to her two companions. “I have just received a request to track a criminal from Matsumoto and I have come to receive your permission seeing as it was your house he broke into, to use any means necessary to catch the criminal.”

Kira’s look of comic shock told Toushirou that the blond had not come here for anything relating to the ‘robbery’ he had suffered. “Yes you may do whatever it takes to bring him in but I would like it if you could keep him alive…I have a few words I’d like to…share…with him..” His grin was bloodless and as close to evil as Toushirou’s smiles would ever come. Matsumoto noticed and looked more worried than somber now.

Gin had come into the hall when he had heard the voice of Soi Fong. He saw Kira and put a huge grin on his face just to be in character with what everyone expected from him. The big grinning idiot who always caused trouble for others, that was him. He did this because he knew it was the one way to disarm Kira. Kira despite his usual hand wringing nature looked rather miffed. Seeing as Gin had forgotten to send word in that he was not going to come into work today…Kira had every reason to be upset with him. On top of that he had to come out here to hunt him down…oh Gin was going to hear all about Kira’s troubles in tracking him when he went into work tomorrow.

“I have nothing more for you,” Soi Fong was saying, “I’ll report back to you if and when we catch this guy. But rest assured, there are men watching your house in case he decides to come back to harass you.” She left without another word or even the respectful bow Toushirou usually expected from everyone below him or equal to him in rank. It annoyed Toushirou but he knew not to tick off the person who was trying to help him.

“That leaves you two, what do you need Matsumoto?” He asked folding his arms over his chest, worried beyond reason that Matsumoto had found out that he had been raped and she was here to call him out on not telling her that morning.

“Soi Fong isn’t familiar with this side of Soul Society so I escorted her to your house so she could ask for your permission to bring the sleaze bag down. Then we ran into Kira who’s been looking for Gin all morning so I thought I’d see if he was still over here with you taichou…and he is. How are you doing? Did he steal anything? I heard you went to the doctor. What’s been going on?” She seemed to want to know a second by second account of what had been going on since the break in until that very instant; however, Toushirou was not going to give it to her.

Instead he rebuffed her with the same level stare that he had given Gin when he had said he did not drink. “If I wanted to tell you those things, do you not think I would have told you already?” He asked raising an eyebrow at her, “Now if you’re quite done…I’m taking the rest of the day off and I’m sure you haven’t event touched the stack of paperwork that is on my table. If I see even a hint of those papers on my desk when I come in to work tomorrow, I swear I will make your life a living hell.” This little speech seemed to work because Matsumoto’s mouth snapped shut and she bowed muttering a ‘Yes Hitsugaya taichou’ and turned to hurry off in the direction that Soi Fong had left.

Gin came up behind Toushirou at that point, putting a hand on the other’ shoulder, “I’m sorry to bother you Hitsugaya taichou,” Kira said bowing formally, “However when Gin did not show up for work I got worried. While he is usually late...he has never been this late to work before…”

Toushirou was shaking again, much as he had been in the hospital when they had embraced. Gin looked down at him and saw the usually grumpy frown on the other’s face but also noticed something else…a slight facial tick was going. Shirou was…he was trying his hardest not to laugh. This was so unlike the taichou that was well known for his strict adherence to time tables and schedules. He thought that Gin’s frequent tardiness was amusing? Amusing enough to laugh at in the very least, “Gin, you ought to have told Kira you were not coming into work today.”

It had the tones of a chewing out but Gin wasn’t so sure any more if Toushiou even meant it. He was still shaking as he turned away and hurried back towards the sitting room, leaving Gin alone with his fukutaichou. “I’m sorry Kira, I should have told you…I think I’ll be staying with Toushirou for the rest of the day. I can’t come into work…he needs me here. He’s a bit freaked by the robbery so…”

Kira nodded in understanding, “I’ve gotten all the work done for the day sir that is why I was free to come looking for you.” He blinked as the sound of roaring laughter exploded from the other room. He looked over Gin’s shoulder wondering what Toushirou was laughing at…because he didn’t think he had said anything too funny. “You really ought to have told me this as soon as you could…Ichimaru taichou.”

“I’m sorry; I’ll try to remember to do that in the future.” He closed the door in the other’s face. He had never cared too much for Kira. Yes the man was his fukutaichou and he was a damned good one but at times like this he always got in the way because he wanted to look after him as if he were some sort of child. He didn’t want to listen to Kira’s chiding at the moment. On top of that…Toushirou was laughing like a lunatic just escaped from the psych ward.

Rushing back into the sitting room he found Toushiou clutching his stomach and rolling around on the tatami mat floor. Gin blinked and stood rooted to the spot. He had never seen this behavior from the other and wasn’t too sure this wasn’t a mental breakdown or something. After a few moments Toushirou sat up, tears streaking down his cheeks but not because he was crying. It was because he had been laughing so hard.

“What…” Gin said because just looking at him, Toushirou had burst into gales of laughter again, fists pounding on the floor. “What’s so funny?”

“You!” He howled pointing at Gin making him feel even more so now that Shirou had lost his mind.

“What’d I do?” He thought of calling Unohana…this had to be a mental break of some kind and he needed help. He dug out a hell butterfly, trying to think of how to word the message. However Toushirou was sitting up again.

“You never think about anyone else, do you?” He asked voice thick from how much he had been laughing. The tears had been whipped away. “The look on your face when you saw Kira!” He chuckled again but nothing like the deep belly laughs of moments prior.

Gin scratched his head still trying to figure out how that was funny. He wouldn’t be laughing so hard if he had to deal with Kira after this. He glanced at the sake bottle that was still sitting in the middle of the table with their two glasses. Maybe Toushirou had had a bit too much sake? However, before that thought was even formed in his head Gin was throwing it out. Shirou hadn’t even finished his second glass yet.

“You looked like you were going to shit yourself!” He started to laugh good and hard again and Gin shook his head going to sit at the table and finish off his first glass. He didn’t get it but if it made Toushirou laugh like that…all too soon silence had fallen over the other. He just lay there starring up at the ceiling. If his eyes had been closed he could have been asleep, that’s how little he moved.

“Gin…you think they’ll catch him?”

The question was so sudden and out of the blue that Gin fumbled the glasses he had been holding. It almost fell to the table top where he was sure it would have smashed but he caught it at the last second. He set it down with trembling fingers and glanced to Toushirou, “I don’t know.” He knew the answer was NO because the one armed man did not exist. However if he said that he was sure that Toushrou’s reaction he answer would be BAD.

“I hope they do,” he said softly getting up and leaving the room. Gin let him, knowing that the teen probably needed some time alone. He wasn’t gone for more than an hour before he was back, eyes red rimmed and looking pale. He had a box in his arms but Gin didn’t notice it at first. His eyes were locked on Toushirou’s, they still held the depth of pain and suffering that was apparent in them when he first looked into them that morning.

“Sorry, it took me a while to find this.” He plopped the box down on the table, nearly upseting the sake bottle. Gin realized that Toushirou was none too steady on his feet and took hold of his upper arm trying to steady him. “I figured…”

“Sit down,” Gin ordered tugging on the other’s arm. He went willingly enough, folding his legs under him. Toushirou had changed out of the yukata…the yukata he had been wearing last night. He couldn’t begin to imagine how badly he had wanted to get out of that and yet he had brought Gin in, treated him as the proper guest first before he worried about changing his clothes. “That’s much better.” He didn’t mean only the fact that Toushirou was sitting down now, he thought that Toushirou might feel better now that he was wearing fresh clothes

“I want to get shit faced,” He said looking at the box before him. It was a board game Gin realized, but not one that a person, especially a person like Toushirou, would play in mixed company. Let alone with a person you didn’t know all that well. Gin blushed and fidgeted, he had been so busy looking at the game that he hadn’t heard what Toushirou said or rather his brain hadn’t processed it. Well it processed it now and his jaw dropped, it was the last thing on earth he would expect Toushirou to say.

“What?”

“You heard me…and I want to play this game and you’re not going to weasel your way out of it either. It’s the only board game I have and I want to get my mind off of…things.” Toushirou had that tone of voice that said he was going to have his way “Now are you going to sit down and have another drink or am I going to have to hold you down and force a shot or two of sake down your throat? You’re getting drunk with me…I don’t want to be the only one acting stupid tonight.” Toushirou said pouring himself another drink. He was not going to put up with Gin’s excuses and whining today. Gin knew that tone meant run away if he didn’t want to be brained for his bad behavior…either that or start behaving which was something he could never do in the first place. It was the sort of tone he knew Gin would recognize from all the other times he had used it on him…only this time there was no running away…Shirou was going to get what he wanted because he needed comfort and companionship.

“How do you play?” Gin said sounding like a man who has realized there was no way he was going to escape his date with the gallows. He watched Toushirou take out all the parts of the game and spread them out on the table. There were to different sets of cards, one green and one red and there was a board with squares marching up and down its length, a start and a finish area at either end. He poured himself a drink and took a sip.

“It’s called Truth or Consequences,” Toushirou said pouring himself another drink. “The green cards are questions you have to answer truthfully and the red cards are things you have to do…and if you lie or you don’t do what’s on the card…you get punished. The punishment depends on the block your piece is on. Toushirou took a drink and pointed at one of the squares on the board. “If you lie to me on this one, for instance you have to strip off an article of clothing.”

Gin’s blush grew a shade darker, strip? He didn’t want to have to do that! However, this was Toushirou’s only board game and…and…he collapsed backwards and gave a miserable cry, “I DON’T WANNA!” He sounded like a kid throwing a temper tantrum but he didn’t care. Why should he degrade himself just because Toushirou didn’t want to be alone and wanted to forget his troubles?

“Well you’re going to…” Toushirou said setting the two stacks of cards on the spots indicated for them on the board. “Take another drink it’ll make you loosen up.”

He didn’t do as he was told he got up and started for the door. If he had to play a game like that Toushirou might find out he liked him and whether or not the guy he had sucked off last night at the bathhouse was Toushirou…he was sure the news would not be welcomed. Fantasies were one thing and if the man in the bathhouse had been Toushirou…he might not actually like Gin he might just fantasize about fucking him. This among other reasons was why he had to get the hell out of here.

“You wouldn’t…you won’t leave me…you said you wouldn’t!” He nearly shouted a note of hysteria in his voice. He bounded to his feet and rushed Gin pouncing on him and knocking him off of his feet and onto the floor. He straddled him and pinned him there on the ground, eyes wide breath coming in gasps. “You’re an ass if you leave me now Gin!” There were tears in those eyes again and Gin’s defiance leached out of him like a poison by them.

“Okay okay! I won’t leave!” He exclaimed before Toushirou could get it in his head to tie him up or something. Gin was sure it would come to that the look in those tear filled eyes was that of growing insanity for sure. “I’ll finish that glass of sake and I’ll play the game with you…okay!”

Only when he agreed to all of it did Toushirou let him up and went to sit at the table again, “You can’t leave me.” He mumbled, finishing off his drink. “What if he comes back?” He almost broke down but didn’t looking at Gin with every ounce of his pain showing in his face.

He sat at the table hating himself all the more now for trying to escape…this was his duty, to watch Toushirou. “I’ll go first I guess…if that’s okay with you.” He still didn’t want to do this but he had no choice it seemed. He decided on a truth card thinking they wouldn’t be anything too drastic. It was probably a game made for teenagers after all. “How do you like to masturbate?”

The instinct to run away took over again and he almost bounded from his chair to dash out of the room. However, the look that Toushirou was giving him…one of interest…of trust…of something that Gin thought was close to…LOVE. He gulped. This could be his chance to get close to the other man, “Well…” Gin started his flush back on his cheeks.