Stranger Than Fiction

A/N: I apologize for the lack of updates, writing the last four chapters of Ginger Snaps just about killed me. After that lemon, I almost swore to never write porn again. Almost. I would also like to thank my FABULOUS beta Brendabond for getting this back to me so quickly.

Just checked my bank account, and now I'm sure that I do not own Bleach.

Warnings: Adult situations, clueless Jyuushiros, irritated Nanaos, and Shunsui being well… Shunsui.

***SS***

Jyuushiro woke up late the following morning after spending part of the evening fighting temptation. He finally gave in around 11pm, and yes, Steve was aware that Bobby was male. From looking at the pictures, he seemed to be quite happy about it. In fact, Steve was ecstatic about it.

Looking at the graphic drawings made him feel extremely warm, slightly exhilarated, and very, very confused. Jyuu wasn't sure how to look at the whole situation, as he had been in bathhouses countless times, and he had never had any of those feelings while seeing the nude bodies there. But the things that Steve and Bobby were doing in those drawings were completely different than anything he had seen before. They were not enough to make his penis quicken like when he was a boy, but it was close. He grimaced and tried to banish those ancient memories as he made his way toward the Eighth division.

He had heard about some shinigami preferring the same sex, but it was never openly spoken about due to the conservative nature of the Goeti 13. In fact, he was pretty sure, no wait; he was positive that Yumichika from squad eleven, and Kira from squad three both preferred men. The thought narrowed his eyes; there had been some talk on Captain Kuchiki as well.

Jyuu shook his head mentally. None of this explained why on earth Nanao had this book. Why would she read about an intimate relationship between two guys? Why would she care? Actually a better question is how on earth is he going to sneak that book back into her possession? Normally he would have apologized for taking the book and discuss how great it was with a pile of candy and an offer of tea. But that wasn't going to be happening. Honestly, it's probably for the best if he just burned it. It would keep the awkward questions at bay. Yes, that manga would be torched at the first opportunity he got…right after he read it once more.

Upon arriving at the Eighth he was shocked to not only find Shunsui there, but also sitting at his desk doing paperwork. Jyuu lightly pinched himself to insure he was not dreaming. He wasn't, and as he came around the corner he saw exactly why Shunsui at his desk for a change. His leg was in a cast.

"Shun, er…what happened?"

"The old man was upset about my slight budget discrepancies, and the lack of paperwork getting signed off on." He smiled wryly, "He only insured that I would get caught up"

"Ouch." Jyuu shook his head, "It's your own fault you know…"

"Bah, whatever. Nanao said that you've been looking for me for the past few days and that it was an emergency. What's going on?"

Jyuu sat down and looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. "Sogyo no Okotowari was cancelled, and I may have gotten in over my head by agreeing to write…" he lowered his voice to whisper, "adult oriented literature."

~~ 15 minutes later ~~

"You can stop laughing now. It's not funny."

"I disagree! It's hilarious! Your sleazy publisher roped you into writing porn, and then you asked Nanao to help pick out smut? A-and she directed you to read shoujo manga?" Shunsui wiped tears from his eyes, "That stuff is for awkward teenage girls! They don't even show anything good."

"Will you keep it down? I don't want all of Soul Society finding out about my predicament." He looked around the corner, "Where is Nanao anyhow?"

"Oh relax already, she had some kind of Women's Association meeting and won't be back for a while."

"Well, what do you suggest I do? I have to earn the extra cash, and I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never, well you know…" Jyuu gestured limply at himself.

"What do I suggest? Other than telling your able-bodied family to get off their asses and get jobs?"

Jyuu grit his teeth. "Yes. Other than that."

Shunsui rolled his eyes and sighed. "You're really serious about this? This is what you want to do? There are no other options?"

Jyuushiro nodded solemnly. "I signed the contract, and took an advance. If I go back on my end of the deal, Ryo can, and probably will sue me."

"Fine, I can help you out. Go into the cabinet over there and pull out the plastic box. Grab the cords too."

He did as he was told and placed it on the coffee table. "What is this?"

"Nanao had the twelfth set up a clip player so we can play training videos. But I've modified it a bit for my own uses." He grinned, "Plug it in and pass it over here."

Jyuu did as he was told and sat for a few minutes while Shunsui fiddled with the player and typed in things. Finally he turned back toward him with a smile that could only be described as terrifying. "Now, you're sure you want me to show you this Jyuu?"

"Yes. I'm sure. Um, what are you showing me exactly?"

"Well, I just threw together a run of my favorite clips, they will help you on the subject of sex. It's graphic stuff, so this is your last chance to back out."

"I can't back out Shunsui, I have to learn this nonsense. Maybe I'll even understand why the hell everyone chases after it so much. Besides, I've been a captain of the Goeti 13 for over 600 years, I think I've seen graphic before."

***SS***

Nanao arrived back at the office irritable and exhausted after a four hour-long SWA meeting to discuss the latest romance novel by the author Yue. Honestly, the damn thing only needed to be an hour, but someone gave Yachiru all her candy at the beginning of the meeting instead of spreading it out over time. It took far too long to pry the pink ball of terror from the ceiling. Then there was the issue of the book itself. She didn't understand the brouhaha. Sure, the main character is a ridiculously good-looking nobleman, but most of the sex was beyond dull. She was glad Yue was a pen name, because otherwise she would be tempted to hunt this person down, tape their eyelids open, and force them to read real smut. I mean really, there was no oral sex throughout the entire book. If it were up to her the novel wouldn't even have been discussed, because boring sex does not work toward to the improvement of all shinigami.

Upon arriving back in the Eighth, she glanced into Captain Kyoraku's office and did her usual mental checklist. With Kyoraku as a captain, you can never be too careful. She shuddered when she thought about the time he acquired donkeys from the real world after binge drinking for two days. That was a mess to clean up.

Empty bottles of sake in the corner – check.

Mountains of unsigned paperwork – check.

Drunken sleeping captain – check.

Another smaller pile of signed paperwork – check.

The Eighth's clip player out and running – check.

Captain Ukitake catatonic and in a fetal position on the couch – check.

Nanao sighed and adjusted her glasses; it was going to be one of those days.

***SS***

A/N: Don't get your hopes up, this is a Nanao/Ukitake pairing. No threesomes in this one. Sorry! Please be kind and review, I accept even anonymous ones.

Up next: Shunsui has a master plan for Jyuushiro's "education".