The Job Hunt

Warnings: Humour. Crack. Non-nonsensical jabbering. Angst of the Kuchiki variety.

Notes: Yay, my fifth Job Hunt! And boy, have they ever started getting crack-y. Byakuya's gonna be so much fun to play with. Imagine a man who has had everything handed to him in life. Servants to wait on him and an absolutely influential, domineering presence. Then, imagine that same man put into the role of those serving him in Soul Society. Only in the living world instead. Special thanks to my brother, who gives me the most inspiration for these ficlets.

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A rather disgruntled, less-than-noble looking Kuchiki Byakuya stood underneath the awning of Karakura's largest fine dining restaurant, his eyes promising the man beside him imminent death if he were actually speaking the truth about the taichou's living world job assignment. Urahara Kisuke only grinned stupidly and held his hand out for the kenseikan the regal captain had removed prior to arriving at the establishment, begrudgingly handing them over because they were not a necessity and in truth, he was frightened of losing them somewhere but was also loathe to remove them, considering their importance.

In a flash, the blond shop owner was gone, and sighing, Byakuya entered the business, immediately being greeted by an overly happy man in a fine suit, one to rival Byakuya's own, one especially picked out for him by Urahara's comrade, Tessai. He straightened his back slightly and held his hand out as instructed, disgusted that he not only had to tolerate the living beings, he also had to serve them.

As of that morning, Kuchiki Byakuya was La Belle Fleur's newest waiter.

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"Waiter! Waiter!"

The dark haired Kuchiki slowly turned his head and amidst the busy restaurant, he found the hollering customer, a heavy set man in a plain suit, his hand held up to catch the server's attention. Grumpily, Byakuya nodded to the man, letting him know that he had indeed seen him, and that he would be there shortly.

"Yes...sir. How may I help you?" He asked hesitantly, still irritated with having to serve those he loathed.

"I'd like another glass of the chardonnay. And please remember the twist of lime this time."

The nobleman nodded and turned to fetch it, motioning to the bar with one hand and to the table with the other, the bartender noticing what the man wanted already, remembering from his first order. He finally made it to the mahogany counter and sighed softly, the lovely young man behind the bar smiling as he pointed to the citrus tucked over the glass' edge.

"He reminded you about his lime, didn't he?"

A nod.

"He's on his way to getting drunk, Byakuya. Just watch him when he asks for the third and fourth. He'll remind you about it every time and eventually, we'll have to carry him out of here."

The sixth captain snorted, scooping the tray up and balancing it flawlessly on the fingertips of his right hand.
"Why do you bother to serve him then, if he'll only become so inebriated that he ends up being a raving fool?"

The brunet rubbed his thumb and forefinger together in the universal sign for money, smirking broadly as the man called out to his waiter again, the high standing shinigami shuddering and scurrying off.

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Going on his division's substitute captain's orders, Renji had gone to visit Urahara about a comfortable gigai and a well tailored suit. He smiled at himself in the full length mirror and gave the blond shinigami a subtle smirk before disappearing out the front door, intent on some Abarai-style mischief.

In the restaurant, already tired from his drunken customer's rants and a child who found amusement from stuffing food into the pockets of his apron, Byakuya stood with his back to the seating area, his empty tray sitting on the bar alongside a glass of ice water. He loved the tinkling sound the water crystals made when he moved the glass and he hardly heard the hostess when she announced that he had a new table to wait upon.

He gave a little sigh and left his drink, flipping the tray under his arm and approaching the corner booth with a feigned smile, the facial gesture falling immediately once he caught sight of the spiky red hair sticking up from behind the booth's privacy wall. One red eye peered at him from the corner of its owner's face, half a smirk keeping it company.

“Ya look good in a suit, Taichou.”

“Renji. What are you doing here?”

The lithesome fukutaichou stretched out and crossed his hands behind his head, avoiding his immaculate ponytail, with its red ribbon holding the mop together, his eyes roaming the length of his lover's oddly dressed form.

“I came to see how ya were handlin' your mission. Looks like you're tired and ready to come home, ne?”

The elder man dropped into the seat across from the other, resting the tray on the marble table and trying his damnedest to remain dignified, keeping his head up despite his desire to rest it on the cool surface before him.

“I'm exhausted. The people here are polite for the most part but some of them are also uncouth and ignorant. There is one man especially-”

“WAITER!”

Renji laughed suddenly, earning himself a grunt of irritation and a light kick from under the high table, the captain's dark gaze following his subordinate as he stood back up and made as if to leave. His left eye ticked, giving the regal Kuchiki a distinctly human appearance.

“Can I bring you anything when I return, Renji? I must serve this man before he causes a scene.”

“Just a beer'd be nice.”

“Very well.”

Before Byakuya was out of earshot, Renji leaned over to the elderly couple seated to his right and gave a little chuckle, pointing to the retreating server.
“He's kinda good lookin', ne? Do either of ya know how long he's been here? I don't remember seein' him before.”

The woman shifted over a little bit, whether from disgust of Renji's manners or just because a well-dressed but obviously rough and tumble man had accosted her attention suddenly. Her husband though, leaned back towards the redhead and whispered that no, he hadn't seen the man before either and yes, he was quite handsome.

The vice captain gave a little smile of self satisfaction at having captured himself such a hot lover and he politely thanked the pair, sitting back up properly and toying with a napkin, sitting forward just enough to catch brief glimpses of the elder shinigami as he flitted about from table to table, offering menus and bringing already seated customers their meals. Finally, after what seemed like eternity to the tired Kuchiki and only a few moments to his lover, Byakuya returned with a cold bottle of black beer and a frosted glass, more of the delicately shaped ice cubes chiming inside it.

The younger swordsman lifted an eyebrow at the ice and lifted a piece out to nibble on, thrilled as it was so cold. Having lived in a warm climate and only having been offered frozen treats while in the living world, Renji had never actually enjoyed plain ice cubes. He snatched the beer with gusto and poured it into the cold glass, watching with excitement as the slightly warmer liquid shattered the cubes, their now yellow tinted surfaces dancing in the clear object.

“Thanks.” He took a long swig of the brew and sighed out loud as it hit his belly, carefully setting the thin glass back down, knowing it to be more dainty than a standard beer bottle. “So, when do ya get off work, cutie? Wanna come home with me?”

Renji knew the couple beside him were watching with an intensity that bored into the side of his head, purposely acting much more impolite than he normally would have with a prospective date. Byakuya was flushed from the collar up, his cheeks and nose starting to tint pink before he gave the younger man a sigh of resignation and nodded. To his left, the small woman leaned over and gently brushed his elbow, his brightly smiling face meeting her apprehensive one.

“Do you think you could ask your boyfriend there to bring us our bill? We're quite finished here.”

“'Course I can!” He turned back to his now obviously blushing lover. “Naa, Byakuya, can ya bring these nice people their bill? I think they wanna get lost before I start somethin' naughty, am I right?” He turned back to the lady and her cheeks as well, were flushed with the obvious markings of an embarrassed blush.

The regal captain though, was beyond embarrassment. He snorted somewhat angrily and bowed to the couple as he passed them, hurrying to the bar and getting the correct paperwork and a pen, knowing from prior experience that day that most elderly couples in the living world paid with plastic cards that were equal to paper currency. True to his intuition, the withered man handed the shinigami his credit card and after having its number written down and his total tallied up, he scrawled his signature and as he took back the card, he was handed a few folded bills. He blinked but bowed deeply anyway, taking the money.

“That's for you to use in case you need to take a taxi home tonight.” The man whispered. His wife cut in with a louder whisper, heard by most of the surrounding patrons. “Yes, that boyfriend of yours certainly does seem a bit rough. Please be careful. You're far too lovely to be taken advantage of.”

Mortified beyond belief but a true nobleman to the core, Byakuya bowed as they walked away, his hand clutching the money tight enough to hurt. Behind him, Renji chuckled through hiccups, a sure sign that he was tipping over the edge towards a dangerous giggle fit. The aristocratic shinigami turned and stared down his nose at the redhead, his eyebrow twitching again.

“Mention any of this to anyone else and you'll find yourself on latrine duty for the remainder of your life, Renji. Is that understood?”

Shocked, the boy nodded and sipped at his beer, still smiling behind the glass.

“Hai, Taichou.”

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“They said that? Holy shit. He musta been pissed.”

“Yeah. He was pretty mad. He said if I told anyone, that I'd be stuck cleanin' the shitter forever, so keep your trap shut.”

“Hai, hai. So what else did they say to him?”

Renji sat in Ikkaku Madarame's room with the bald man across from him and the third division's vice captain beside him, Kira's delicate face coloured pink from the subject matter and the contents of two sake bottles in his belly.

“Nothin'. I sat around for a while but it started gettin' busy so I hauled ass. He was gettin' kinda pissed with me too. I figured it out when he kept starin' at me from across the room. He glared even.”

“Pussy. He was just bein' cold to ya because he was tired. Give him time.”

The blond fukutaichou agreed with a little nod, slowly falling to the side from the sleepiness brought on by the booze, his head pillowed against Renji's shoulder. The larger man sighed and moved to stand, scooping the boy up and carrying him towards the door.

“I'm gonna take Kira home and then get to bed. Byakuya'll be lookin' for me if I'm not home by two.”

Ikakku snorted and waved a vague goodbye, tucking his tall form onto his futon and rolling onto his side, his back to the other shinigami. It was a friendly, familiar thing between them all and Renji smiled as he let himself out, closing the screens behind himself and taking to the walls, dropping the smaller man off with his captain, a whispered thank you given by the grinning taichou as he took his little charge and disappeared into the depths of the third squad's barracks.

Why Ichimaru had been there and not at his own home asleep, Renji didn't know. He shrugged and headed towards the Kuchiki estate, wondering just what Kira's connection to his captain was, shivering a bit when he thought about a relationship similar to his and Byakuya's.

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In front of his mirror in the semi-darkness of his candlelit bedroom, the formal clan leader stood still, looking at his form in the borrowed clothes, having asked the blond cast away if he could keep them, wanting a souvenir from his rather burdening, irritating mission. While out of his gigai, his form still looked lovely in the pressed suit and as Renji stepped in, Byakuya caught himself blushing again, the pony tailed shinigami's low whistle of appreciation causing it.

“Very nice, Taichou. Are ya feelin' up to a bit of roleplay tonight? I think I've still got my outfit from the bar somewhere...”