Tales of the Chore Boy

Author’s Note: Alright, I know what you all are thinking; “Hey, man, what gives? You didn’t do any of the things you said you were gonna!” Yeah, I’m a liar. Sorry ‘bout that. But, as an apology, here’s the next chapter… problem is, some of you probably won’t like it, because there will be a sort of yaoi instance. Hey, what can I say, it sounded good at the time… anyways, if that’s not your cup of tea, I suggest just holding out for the next chapter, though I can’t promise when that’ll be. However, know this: I used to hate yaoi too, but give it a shot, and it can be just as good as anything else, provided it’s done right.

Not that I’m saying I do much of anything right, mind you, but still, it’s not healthy to close your mind, y’know?

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This was it; the single worst day on the calendar. The day Hanataro dreaded for 364.25 days ever year, and wished he could sleep through for the 24 hours it existed. This day, the day horror filled his heart, where enemies stood behind every corner, where there were no allies. The day was April 1st. April Fool’s Day. Hanataro’s birthday.

Getting out of bed that morning was difficult; first, he had to roll in such a fashion to avoid the large pale of warm water one of his clan-mates had put his hand into during his sleep; after that, he needed to open his wardrobe standing at it’s side, so the bucket of milk would land on the floor, not his head; shortly following that, he needed to retrieve his hidden pair of clothing, the ones that hadn’t had itching powder applied in the early cracks of dawn.

After knocking the whoopee cushion out from beneath his seat at the breakfast table in the Fourth Division Mess Hall, he replaced the sugar in the salt shaker with salt, and vice-versa; he was also certain to tear the saran-wrap off of the toilet when he went after breakfast. When one of the lower seated officers came up to shake his hand good morning, he was certain to quickly and carefully slip the joy buzzer off the other’s finger, and then back on when the shake was completed. All in all, he was fairly certain he’d done well of avoiding all of the usual pranks. Sadly, when putting his waraji on, Hanataro forgot about the small marbles that had been placed beneath them last year… and had been this year as well.

Lying on his back, on the floor, with a large bump on his head, Hanataro wondered how his day could get worse. His vision was suddenly filled with the curious face of Lady Unohana, who had come in to find him and give him instructions; she did not expect to see him on the floor, and had bent over to see if he was all right. A glance forward showed her the many marbles, and she looked back down at Hanataro with a smile.

“Forgot about those marbles again, hm? Ah well, can’t win them all. Happy birthday, Hanataro; as a gift, I’m allowing you to take Captain Ukitake, of the Thirteenth Division, his medicine for the week; afterward, you may take the day off.” With that, she dropped a small satchel onto his chest as he nodded softly and took her leave; humming gently. Hanataro simply groaned in relief; NOTHING was a better assignment than bringing Captain Ukitake his medicine; he was an excellent man, and always had a warm cup of tea for his guests.

Sure enough, when Hanataro handed the small satchel of medicine to the white-haired man, Ukitake gladly offered him a cup of tea; Hanataro accepted without delay. He had forgotten the unwritten rule, however; when ordering tea with Captain Ukitake, make certain the glasses are already nearby. In seconds, Kiyone Kotetsu, the younger sister of the Fourth Squad’s Lieutenant, and Sentaro Kotsubaki came running down the hall, jointly holding the platter holding two tea cups and a tea kettle, and squabbling the entire time concerning who’s turn it was to bring the tea.

“Thank you, you two, for bringing us our drinks. So, Hanataro, word is that today is your birthday! Is that so?” Ukitake asked, simultaneously acknowledging both frustrated Third Seat members and changing the subject.

“Erm, yes, sir, it is… How did you know that?”

“Oh, everybody knows!” Kiyone chirped, smiling wide as Sentaro swooped in to finish her sentence, as was oddly common with the two.

“It’s kinda like an unwritten law that everybody’s gotta prank ya, ‘cause of the date and all!” He declared rather loudly, making both Hanataro and Jushiro sweat slightly.

“But don’t worry, Hanataro, we’ve got your back!” Both Kiyone and Sentaro declared, and then promptly started taking swings at each other for ‘ripping me off’, whilst Ukitake both ignored them and gently placed a hand on Hanataro’s shoulder.

“Yes, no need to fear here; we won’t harm you. Now, why don’t you just relax, birthday boy, while I go get you your present!” Apparently, Ukitake saw this as the single prime moment to get away from his annoying third-seat Shinigami, because as he stood and began quickly walking away, he threw out one last command: “Sentaro, Kiyone, make sure Hanataro has a good time!”

“Good time, eh?” Sentaro mumbled, he and Kiyone suddenly sitting where Captain Ukitake had just been, each with a cup of tea.

“Lessee… How do we make someone have a good time?” Kiyone asked, sipping from her cup. When Sentaro gave a snort and looked away, she gave an indignant look.

“Why d’you care? You don’t know what fun is; I’m waaaay better suited for this job. Why don’tcha go clean something?” Kiyone, in rebuttal, gave a ‘hmph’ and promptly emptied her cup on his head, making him yelp in pain.

“Your idea of a good time is being a bully, which isn’t what Hanataro needs right now! He needs good company for his birthday, and I’m way better company than you could ever be!” It was at this point that Hanataro saw trouble brewing, so decided it would be best to attempt an escape.

“Uh, sorry, you two, but I gotta get back to work… the um… bunk rooms need clean-gack!” Before he could stand, both Sentaro and Kiyone had grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back to his seat, simultaneously declaring he was going nowhere.

“We were given orders to make sure you had a good time; I’m gonna prove I can do better at it than this baboon!” Kiyone cried out, and to the surprise of both males, hopped into Hanataro’s lap and gave him a deep kiss. When she turned her head from the dizzy Hanataro to the befuddled Sentaro, she stuck out her tongue in victory.

“Women are much better at making guys feel better than whatever you are is!” She said smugly, hugging herself tight to Hanataro, who had been afraid something to this affect was going to happen to him. Sentaro, ever quick to counter, grinned wickedly as he took a step toward her.

“That so? Well, some woman you are; built like a girl, I’d say!” And much to Kiyone’s shock and Hanataro’s horror, Sentaro proved how simple it was for a shirt to tear off if one really tried. Contrary to Sentaro’s statement, however, Kiyone was, in fact, quite well built; her bust made her out to be quite the woman, and she was more than happy to show it off to Hanataro, while Sentaro cursed his inability to properly judge size through pure black cloth.

“Whaddya think, Hanataro? I bet I can show you a good time now~” She grinned softly, sitting upward to press herself against Hanataro’s face; by now, it was simply second nature for him to begin gently kissing and licking her, making her groan on his lap. Hanataro’s concentration, however, was quickly snapped when Sentaro’s voice appeared in his ears.

“That’s him showing you a good time, stupid; this is how you show a guy a good time.” Before Hanataro could protest, Kiyone pressed herself more fully into his face and gasped in pleasure as Sentaro’s hand snaked into his lap from behind Hanataro, slowly rubbing at his crotch through his hakama.

“N-no way… g-guys looove this…” Kiyone gasped, not helping Hanataro’s situation at all by grinding herself into his lap as well, adding that much more pressure to Sentaro’s rubbing; so, Hanataro did the only thing he could do, and began groaning into Kiyone’s breasts whilst continuing his ministrations, his hands pinned to his sides by Sentaro’s exploring hands and Kiyone’s hug. Both Kiyone and Hanataro were in for a shock when their hakama were simultaneously pulled down slightly, freeing Hanataro’s erection and exposing Kiyone’s glistening womanhood.

“Now we’ll both help him feel good…” Sentaro mumbled as he reached over to grab Kiyone’s hips, guiding her down onto Hanataro’s length. Both Kiyone and Hanataro gasped in pleasure as he slowly entered her, Sentaro moving Kiyone at the pace he wanted, making Hanataro shudder in anticipation, Kiyone’s warmth making him moan harder into her mammary. When Sentaro released her, she immediately drove herself fully onto Hanataro, causing them both to cry out, Kiyone in pain and Hanataro in pleasure. She did not allow him to move as she grew accustomed to him, her hymen broken and causing her to slowly bleed over him.

After several seconds, Sentaro decided it was time to go again, suddenly pushing them over so that Kiyone was beneath Hanataro, making her cry out in discomfort. Hers was not the only discomfort, however; Hanataro felt Sentaro’s left hand press against his lower back and begin bouncing him up and down, assisting him in loving little Kiyone, making the both of them cry out in unified pleasure; when Sentaro’s hand left his back, Hanataro only for a second wondered what he was doing. In seconds, wonder was replaced by fear as he felt something new pressing against him, something hot, something round, something slightly wet, and worst of all, something pressing against his own rump. When Sentaro hugged him tight from behind and kissed his cheek, Hanataro was too afraid that he knew what came next.

“Now you’ll feel real good.” Sentaro mumbled, and suddenly drove into him; Hanataro screamed for the first time in not such a long time. Before either Kiyone or himself could figure out what to do, Sentaro began things at his own pace, his actions forcing Hanataro to move with him; with his own thrusts, he was both changing Hanataro’s immense pain into great pleasure, and forcing him to, in turn, please Kiyone. Before long, a chorus of three voices was singing a song of ultimate pleasure, with no actual words able to be heard; they were simply cries of ecstasy, reverberating through the small room.

When Jushiro Ukitake returned to the scene moments later, he stopped at the doorway and smiled at the sight, coughing gently into his hand, knowing the three inhabitants of the room were too far gone to hear him; Hanataro was stuck between Kiyone and Sentaro, all three in a deep slumber, and all three fully spent and messy. The room stank of tea, sweat and sex; Captain Ukitake would have to wait a day before returning to it. Slowly, he stepped to the southern-most wall and slid a false section away, revealing a camera on tripod that had fully recorded everything from exactly the right angle.

“I will never know how Miss Shihouin knew they would be like this… but then again, most of what she does is a mystery, I suppose.” Smiling, Ukitake left a massive bag full of treats next to the three, a small card on it’s side that read “Happy Birthday, Yamada Hanataro!” with a small picture of Ukitake giving the peace-sign beside it. Slowly turning, he hummed as he went along his way, off to deliver the camera to it’s next recipient.