Blurred Lines

Wow, way too long between chapters here. Sorry peoples, just wouldn’t go. But, it goes now! (kinda) And it’s long. So, I’ll stop boring you and let the story run off. Big change from the original focus but I hope not too bad a one. Enjoy!

Kira

It’s been a while since we’ve just stayed home. Not that we go out every night but usually we’re either too tired to do anything more than fool around quickly and go to bed or we do something really elaborate. Which is fun too but sometimes it’s nice to just relax together.

I can hear Ikkaku splashing around but he’d getting bored by himself. Our reitsu is tangled and I can feel the change in his usual rhythm as he plays. His grumbling is getting louder by the second. “Hey, ‘Zuru! It’s cold in here!” The pot is given one last scrub and I hurry down the hall, forcing the grin from my face to affect an air of concern.

“Really? I hope it isn’t broken again!” His teeth grit as I avoid his hands with a twist of my hips and reach to test the water. “Feels fine, here, stay still.” My hand brushes his forehead for a moment. “Ikkaku, you’re burning up!” Never mind that he’s been fooling around in his bath for almost thirty minutes.

He’s starting to pout as I urge him out and dry him off quickly. “Come on, bed! We can’t have you getting sick.” Light fussing with the blanket he’s too stunned to refuse and I have him all wrapped up. Still a little damp but it’s a warm damp and the blankets will dry him off quickly enough. I have to keep moving to prevent him grabbing me and it takes quite a bit of effort to make it seem incidental.

Dark eyes are starting to glare and I muffle a giggle as I fluff the pillow and urge him backwards. “Kira…”

“Yes? Are you hungry? You just ate but if you have a fever… Maybe I should make something else for you, would you like soup?” His hand is latched on to my wrist and I don't think he’s letting go this time. Faint growling as his temper frays and I laugh quietly before dropping a kiss on his nose. “Have a nap, I’ll come lay down with you as soon as I finish the dishes.”

Thin slits for eyes, I’m surprised he can even see out of them before he yanks me over his lap and swats at my ass. I laugh and kick playfully, sinking my fingers into his thigh. “You damn brat.” But there is affection and love in the words and in the gentle hand that rubs my lower back. “What are you up to?”

His finger traces spidery designs over my back and I lay quietly, letting him pet me. “Nothing.” A flirtatious glance, one I’ve learned in the past year, and he beams down at me. That kind of love, this adoration he is capable of showering over me is intoxicating. “I love you.”

Slow blinking and he presses his lips to my shoulder. “I love you too.” We sit for a few moments, relaxing beside each other. It almost feels like before we were lovers, minus the lying on his lap part. An easy friendship, ridiculously easy when I think about it.

Ikkaku has always been the type to accept anyone as they are and let them accept him or not. He took me in as part of their little group when Hisagi dragged me out with them and carried me home when Renji was too drunk to remember. Patiently, patiently he sat and ignored me while I rambled on, too sleep deprived to see straight, my body shutting down from exhaustion, overwork, and too little real food; alcohol simply couldn’t provide enough calories for me to survive on. And when I could stand on my own, he let me go and gave me a shove to get me moving before stepping up beside me.

We were always easy together and eventually, I wanted more. Not an epic love or anything so silly, but the comfort of a warm body, the heat of arms not made to hurt, someone I could trust to hold and protect me for a little while. Someone who wouldn’t laugh in the morning or kick me out before dawn. Of course I loved him, as my friend and someone I wished I could have for a partner but it didn’t occur to me that he would feel the same. I always thought holding him and letting him be my friend would be enough.

Now, I understand that would have never been enough for me, or for him. His fingers slide over my spine, tracing the still delicate muscle as he murmurs to me, chatting just to hear himself. He loves to do that, sit and run his fingers through my hair when he thinks I’m sleeping, tell me about his day and his plans for the next. On a rare occasion, he talks when I’m awake and can answer; he feels self-conscious.

I roll a bit and let him lift me to flip over and sit in his lap. His energy is still tightly entwined with mine, a steady throb half a beat out of tune with my heart. It’s not the same as when I just feel his reitsu within the house, a steady and solid presence, it is more like when we lay together and I can hear his heart.

For some reason, it never lines up with mine perfectly, always that millisecond off beat. Gin’s was always in perfect time with mine, slow or fast, but I feel safer and much more loved with Ikkaku’s off tempo rhythm. It always reminds me that we may not be perfectly matched but as long as we hold on to each other, it will be fine. A quiet giggle and I smother it against his shoulder, laughing harder at his annoyed “Oi.”

It makes me think of the way he lives his life, just that little bit out of step with everyone else, that little bit different and not caring a whit what others think. I wish I could be that way. “Ikkaku?” He squeezes my hip and settles me more comfortably against him. “If I, if I apply for the Third’s Captain position,” A short pause to take a breath is interrupted.

“If? I thought you were. Isn’t that why you worked your ass off to reach Bankai before Yume?” Well, kind of. Not to mention Yumichika is an arrogant bastard and if I can beat him at anything, I will. Apparently my silence is bothering him as he tips my head back and frowns at me. “Well?”

“Of course.” My fingers seem to magically tangle up and I can feel him getting frustrated with me. “I’m sorry.” More frustration and I duck my head, slipping away from his fingers. “I just… You don’t think it’ll be a problem, do you?” A dark brow arches at me and he makes a questioning noise against my forehead. “Me, us living together. Because, well, Captains aren’t supposed to, right?”

Thick fingers still against my side and he leans back. “What? So what?” I glance up quickly to watch him frown. “Who cares? Nobody cared when you fucked Ichimaru did they?” My shoulders jerk as I flinch and curl into myself. He’s angry, terribly angry to strike so viciously. “Shit.” Rage wells in my chest beside the pain, pounding at my head as it rips through him. “Shit.”

I want to move, I want to go lick my wounds on my own, hide from his anger and my pain but he’s buried himself in my hair and is squeezing the air out of my lungs. “Sorry.” His voice is muffled but I lift my hands slowly to wrap around his neck and hold him close. He is sorry, too late, but he is sorry. “Why are you thinking of that now?”

Silence while I consider my answer, holding him close and listening to his heart beat. “Because nobody did care. And now, they do and I don’t want to be a problem for you if I become a Captain.” He’s calming now, breathing slowly against my skin. My nose tucks in behind his ear so I can speak quietly. “Because I love you and if I have to stay a Lieutenant to not be a problem, I will. I don’t mind.”

“I do.” His cheek brushes mine as he pulls away, the faint rub of freshly shaved skin soft and soothing. “You do whatever will make you happiest, if it’s being Captain, Lieutenant or quitting altogether.” A kiss like butterfly wings across my nose. “You could never be a problem for me.”

Staring into his eyes, serious and deep, I believe he would never see me as a problem. “But, what about”

The plunge of his tongue into my open mouth cuts me off and almost makes me choke on the surprised gasp. “There is no but. No one dead, alive, or stuck somewhere between will drag you away from me.” Something rises in my chest and swamps my senses, a dangerous feeling and I recognize it from long ago. Obsession threatens to drown us both and I gasp under the assault. “If I have to rip the entire Soul Society apart, I will not let you go.”

I think I whimper and his eyes go wide before he drops his head to press against mine, struggling with himself. I have to get us unlinked, I need to be separated and not drown in his emotions and… and craziness, that’s all this can be called. He really would do it, rip the world apart just to keep me beside him and that is terrifying. “Are you afraid?”

Am I? A bit but not that he would hurt me. Not enough to admit. “No. How could I be?” The skin on the top of his head is soft and smooth and I pet it slowly, careful to keep my hand from trembling. “No, but you must not. Never, Ikkaku, no matter what.” When he tries to lift his head, my hand presses it firmly to my shoulder to muffle his words. “Not for me or anything else.” It makes me proud that my lover is one of the strongest blades of the Society when I could never be more than a shield. Yet if that blade ever turned towards Soul Society, it would be a slaughter no matter which side won.

But even shields have their place. Now, mine is to calm him, love him. “I’m sorry, Ikkaku.” I didn’t mean to upset him so; I suspect he was thinking it too. Thinking what would happen if they insisted we could no longer be together. For now, they’ve turned a blind eye, not only because we are not both Captains but because we are not even in the same Division.

As two Captains, it would be different. There have been Captains who have been lovers before us of course but they were frowned on, which I don’t care about, and some were transferred, separated. Which I do care about. If that is the only solution, then I will remain as a Lieutenant. Yumichika can be Captain if he likes, I don’t care as long as I have Ikkaku. He’s mumbling against my neck, hands sneaking up my back until his forearms rest against the line of my spine.

“Ikkaku, please.” Perhaps appealing to his sense of loyalty will do. “You took vows, swore to protect Soul Society.”

“No I didn’t. I swore only to follow Kenpachi and love you.” Impossible. He must be able to sense my disbelief and smiles. “I wouldn't take the seat if they were going to make me so they handed it over.” My hand isn’t strong enough to hold him down as he lifts his head enough to smirk at me, a cocky, rude expression I’ve never seen before. “They needed me more than I needed them. Izuru, I protect you and only you.”

I’m too shocked to refuse his kiss, opening my mouth at his light insistence. There must be a way to keep him steady.

Yumichika

Quiet knocking on my door and I look up from the cards spread on the table. Shuhei was bored hours ago but I want to get this perfect. It would hardly do for me to lose in front of others. “Yes?”

Neatly combed bangs ease around the corner and I wave the younger man in. “Good evening Yumichika, Shuhei.” Interesting. Kira rarely uses my name, preferring to call me officer or not at all. It’s no secret he isn’t a fan of mine, though why I’m not sure. Probably jealousy. After all, not everyone can be as great as me.

“Why don’t you come in and help Shu-bunny? He’s been losing for the last hour or so.” Dull red flushes in Shuhei’s cheeks and he growls quietly, annoyed that I’m calling him by that ridiculous pet name in front of his younger classmate. Tough.

If he’d grow up a little, I wouldn’t call him that. Honestly. I can’t help it that I’m still annoyed at him for staring at Kira kissing Ikkaku. That was quite beyond my tolerance. “Thank you.” Pale cheeks are pink with embarrassment but the blond slides in to sit beside Shuhei and I look at them for a second.

They really do match up well, those two. Hisagi with his dark hair and scars is a perfect contrast to Kira’s paleness and smooth features. They both shift uncomfortably when I hum to myself. “Well, deal already.” I’m not so foolish as to start a power struggle over an already drawn line but Kira can’t think he’ll get away with his behaviour.

I smirk when he starts to pick at his fingernails nervously. He’s scared as well he should be. Challenging me is an exercise in futility; he may have gotten a few hits in and almost won the battle but he will never win the war. It may have been a few weeks ago but I will not forget nor do I forgive.

Flashback

“What are you doing?” Kira’s voice grates on my nerves; he’s so incredibly annoying! Almost as annoying as Iba. “Hello?” I take that back, much more annoying than Iba. “Third Seat Ayasegawa, I asked what you were doing.”

What? My brows rise in appalled shock. He did not just try to pull rank on me. “Did that bleach affect your eyesight? Such a shame, really. I’m training of course.” Fuck him, no one pulls rank on me, especially not whiny children.

“Training? By standing in the middle of the street and annoying my division?” He tosses his bangs out of his eyes and plants a fist on his hip. “Well, whatever. Go do it somewhere else, please. You’re interfering with our practice.” He makes little shooing motions with his hand. As if I am a stray pet.

I shove off the wall I’ve been leaning on for the last hour and glide over to speak face to face. “Hmm, I’ll have to fix the discipline in the ranks when I take over. It reflects so poorly on a leader when his division is in disorder, don’t you think?” I have time for a satisfied little smirk until he leans in close and whispers against my ear.

“The only discipline problem here is your sense of place. You’ve already lost, so go on now and stop trying to distract us.” He backs off, smirks, and turns to enter the Third Division barracks again. “Oh, and Yumichika? If you wish to practice with us, please submit a transfer form, I’d be happy to have you with my division.”

Trying to distract them? Have me in his division? What the fuck is happening? This is ridiculous, how dare that bleached blond pipsqueak mock me? I am the gorgeous Yumichika, more beautiful and skilled than he could ever hope to be. Yet he stands there and smirks, smirks! At me!

My teeth grind and I fight to keep my hands from clenching in fists. Ikkaku, this is his fault somehow. He’s done something to let this scrawny upstart think he has a chance. Speaking of, here comes that bald bastard. “Ikkaku!”

“Ikkaku!” That low voice mingles with mine and Ikka turns to him with an easy smile. “There you are!”

A skinny arm slides around the solid waist and I gape for a second, stunned by the display of affection. Kira is always careful to keep his hands to himself when others might see, and makes certain Ikkaku does the same. But his pale skin is stark against the black of the uniform as he leans up for a quick kiss.

At least that’s what it starts as, but his eyes meet mine over the broad shoulder and I can see the moment he turns it into something more. Their bodies angle slightly, turning until I have a clear side view of tongues and bodies pressing close. Ikka relaxes into it, adaptable as always, letting his hands rest on thin hips while a smaller one glides over the smooth skin of his head. It pulls him in, ducking his head while the red mouth opens further, pink tongue moving slowly over his.

I swallow quietly and resist the urge to adjust myself; that would be so tacky. All the while, deep blue watches me, filled with knowledge it shouldn’t have. A hand on my shoulder makes me start and breaks our gaze. I turn quickly to see Shuhei watching them, licking his lips slowly.

Fuck no. My elbow drops into his gut immediately, forcing him to jerk and look at me. There is no way in hell I’m letting my lover watch someone else with lust. His face turns pink but he just shrugs guiltily and grins at me. My eyes narrow and I smile when the grin drops from his face. Good.

My fingers look impossibly white against his dark tanned skin, the black of tattoos drawing the eye. His eyes darken as I smile slowly, licking my lips softly, feeling the weight of his stare on my tongue. “Shuhei.” A breathy call of his name and he draws air in quickly, instinctively shifting closer, his hand sliding from my shoulder to my elbow.

Gentle pressure tries to turn me to face him but I resist, raising an eyebrow at him. We kiss over my shoulder and he breathes heavily into my mouth. I can feel him getting hard against my ass and grin up before pushing away and glaring at the scrawny Lieutenant. Who is staring in blushing, open mouthed astonishment.

I arch a brow at him in question. Surely he didn’t think I would balk at a public challenge? It seems so as he blushes even darker and flees, slamming the door behind him.

Hmph. Child.

End Flashback

His hands are steady as he deals and leans over Shuhei’s cards to help. Well, I suppose a set or two would be alright. We play, cards flashing quickly, light and dark eyes watching me closely for signs of weakness. Five hands later, I’m tired of waiting. If I let him, he’ll just play and leave. “Well? Why did you come?”

A quick jerk and I see in the glance of blue eyes that he notices my avoiding calling him anything. We’ll just see how this is going before I decide to accept his attempt at a less formal meeting or not. “Ah, of course. My apologies for disturbing you.” He glances from Shuhei to me and fidgets some more. “Um, it’s about Ikkaku.”

“Ikka? What has that idiot done now?” His head jerks up, eyes wide at my careless sigh. As if I should care what Ikkaku is fucking up now. As long as he isn’t dying, what does it matter? He’ll just dig himself out of whatever crap he’s in and it’ll be over.

“No, no! He’s hasn’t done anything.” He keeps looking at Shuhei, as if not sure he should speak in front of him. “It’s just, um,” His voice drops to a quiet little whisper. “I’m worried about him. If, if we go to war…”

I have to interrupt him here. “We are at war.” There’s no point in denying the times we live in. No matter who has defected to the losing side.

“Y, yes, of course.” His head dips further and my lover pats his shoulder while glaring at me. I glare back. What? It’s not my fault he’s in denial and I’m not going to indulge him. “We, well, if I, ah, if I die, I, I um wanted to ask you to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. Please.”

“Like what? Follow you? Go on a vengeance seeking spree?” I snort and toss my cards to the table. “Don’t be a child.” Shocked and annoyed sets of eyes stare at me as I toss my hair. “You’re nothing more than a passing fancy in a centuries long existence. We have lived longer than you can imagine and we’ll be here long after you’ve gone.” He’s crying now and I feel sorry for him. So young, and foolish in the end. “Go home. Love him as long and hard as you can.”

I can’t even look at him, just stare at the table. It probably looks like disgust, which is just as well when the pushes to his feet, bows and chokes out a goodbye. Hisagi sits still for a moment then leaps to his feet and takes a step after his friend. He pauses, not sure which way to go, if he should follow or stay. I think he’ll follow but he surprises me and steps over to tower over me, a big hand lifting me by my kimono front.

We stare at each other, me on my tiptoes, hands at my side, him with one fist in soft cloth, mouth working in his rage. I must be getting slow, I don’t even see the back of his hand before it slams into my cheek. “What the fuck was that? How could you say that shit to him? He was just worried! He needed someone to tell him it would be all right!”

Blood pools in my mouth from where my cheek has been cut open and I wipe my lips carefully before spitting. Gross as it is, I hate swallowing blood. It upsets my stomach. “He’s being foolish. If he thought it was for the best, that child would fall on his sword in an instant.” And Ikka would truly be insane then. “I merely sent him back where he belonged.”

“How can you be so cruel?” His eyes are so dark, so angry and confused, so beautiful that my lips tilt just a bit. “Madarame will hate you for this.” His arm trembles, tight and painful in his rage.

I do smile now, a true smile. Ikkaku would never hate me for something like this. “Ikkaku understands the need for cruelty on occasion.” He will understand that I always want the best for him and why I say the things I do. He will know that it was for the best, no matter how it hurts at the moment. “Let me go, unless you wish to hit me again. You may once more.”

Dark eyes, the very ones that drew my attention despite the scars and tattoos, tremble and I think he might cry. “You’re a bastard.” He doesn’t even throw me, just lets go and I drop to stand flat footed as he turns away. I can only blink after him as he gathers his things, scanning the room quickly to pick up his extra shirt.

“Shu-bunny? What are you doing?” He doesn’t answer, just grabs his bag and stuffs his things inside; his hair gel, the extra toothbrush he brought over, the shoes he bought especially to visit in. “Shuhei?” The cologne I bought him last birthday and his new kimono are left in their places, as if he doesn’t even see them.

“Where are you going?” No, no, he can’t leave. No… “Shuhei!” I’m practically screaming now and he finally looks at me, the saddest look in his eyes.

“Yumichika, I can’t be with someone who is so cruel, for whatever reason.” He stares at me and I feel a wet trail on my cheek. “I think you thought you were doing it for his own good but it was too much.” His hand reaches out as if to touch my cheek but he pulls away abruptly. “That level of practicality is out of my league.”

But, but it was for his own good, for Kira and Ikka and, and… More tears are falling now, almost cold on my burning skin. “No.” A whimpered cry but he doesn’t stop, just keeps going after a brief hitch in his step. “Shuhei!” He’s going to come back, of course he will. He loves me, he does, and you don’t leave the people you love. You just don’t, you hold them tight and never let go.

He’ll come back. So I’ll just sit here and wait, because he’ll come back.

Hours later, I lift my head from the wide shoulder and smile. “Hi.” Of course I forgive him, I’m so glad he came back I… Wait, Shuhei doesn’t have this scar and I can’t feel the flutter of his hair on my cheek. “Ikka?”

“Hey, Yume.” He kneels oh so carefully by my bed and sets me down gently. I try to get up immediately, I have to wait for Shuhei, he’ll come back but only if I wait for him. “Yume, hold still ok? You’re cold.”

I blink and stop struggling. Doesn’t he understand? I try to speak but nothing comes out, my throat is tight and dry. “I know but you need to have a drink and get some real sleep. You know you get sick easily in this kind of weather.” A glance out the window tells me it’s raining a bit, one of those miserable mists we get this time of year. Water and a blanket make him happy so I hold still long enough for him to wrap me up and give me a few sips.

“Ikka, I have to wait for Shu-bunny. He’s coming, so I should wait for him, don’t you think?” Why is he looking at me like that? He’s, he’s shaking his head, why is he doing that? “Ikka?” He looks so sad.

“Fuck, Yume.” I just keep staring, watching his hand run over his head as he stares at the wall. “Just, fuck.” When I try to speak, he kneels down beside me again and pulls me against his chest. Not that I mind, I’ve always loved Ikka’s chest, but why is he hugging me now? “He’s not coming back.”

What? Of course he’s coming back. He loves me. “He loves me.” I’m squeezed more tightly. “He loves me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he does, but he’s still not coming back.” Tears slide over my cheeks, fast and hard as Ikkaku starts to rock slowly back and forth. “I’m so fucking sorry. This is my fault.” I can hear the pain in his voice and cry harder, my hands still at my side. They won’t move, to hold him or push him away; one would be to admit Shuhei isn’t coming back and the other would be to deny the truth.

“Please?” I hate myself for begging, even if it’s only Ikka who hears. “But he loves me! And, and, you don’t” gasp “leave” hic “people you” gasp “love!”

For a long time, he just holds me, rocking slowly and steadily until my sobs collapse into tired hiccups and exhausted sniffles. “Yume, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I swear. Anything.” See, see? Ikka loves me and he’s not letting go! So, so why?

“But” I have to pause to draw another breath; every word seems to take everything I have. “Shuhei?”

“No, dove, no Shuhei.” My chest shuts down and I feel my head spinning. “Yumi! Don’t you dare faint!” Strong arms pull me into his lap, cuddling me with my head propped in the curve of his neck. “Shh, shh, it’s all okay. I’ll make it okay.” His heart beats against my hand, the sturdy presence from so many years ago, and I start to breathe again. “I swear I’ll make it okay, whatever it takes.”

We sit for hours, listening to the silence of a dreary dawn fade to the quiet bustle of a dreary day. “Kira will be angry.” As much as I want him to stay, he should at least make an appearance at home every twenty-four hours.

“No, never. He sent me here.” I jerk in his arms and he shushes me. “He heard you two fighting on his way home and thought I should check in.” A big hand runs over my hip and pats my stomach. “He was really upset, about what you said.” My shoulders round a little. Yet that guy gave up my best friend when I needed him the most. “Hey, Yume?”

“Yeah.” Shit, I’m crying again. I wipe my face on Ikka’s uniform shoulder and sniffle until a napkin from last night’s snack is held up to my face.

A little frown but I take it anyways. I doubt I can think of a handkerchief or tissue within reach right now. After I blow my nose, the napkin is removed and tossed towards the garbage. “Thanks.” Gentle lips ghost over my hair and I nod, a quick, nearly invisible jerk of the head. I knew he would understand, that he would still love me. “Feel a bit better?”

Not really. How are you supposed to feel when your long term lover, the one you thought would always love you no matter what, walks out on you? Probably not like smiling too much. “Come on, up you go.” Ikka’s striding around my little room, tossing things into a bag. Hair brushes, nail polish, some clothing, my favourite WIG!

I’m across the room and grabbing it before he can even blink. “This is expensive! Have some respect!”

He’s grinning like a fool and starts to laugh. Little chuckles at first, then he bends in half to hold his stomach and gasp. Honestly, it’s not that funny. But, I suppose, it is a little bit silly. I giggle quietly and he smacks me on the back. “That’s my guy. Come on, let’s get you packed up.”

“Where are we going?” We can’t go far, Shuhei might still come back, even if Ikka sys he won’t. My stomach rolls and I fixed my gaze on the floor.

As always, my best friend reads my mind and hauls me against his side. “We’re going home. Izuru’s waiting for us.” My head jerks up, slamming into his chin. “Dammit, stop that! Every time, Yume, every fucking time!”

It would be hilarious if my head didn’t hurt so damn much. And he’s right, we’ve been doing the same thing for decades now but old habits are hard to break, I suppose. “I can’t go to your place, Ikka.” It’s his home, his and Kira’s. The home they worked so hard to make together and that Ikkaku has been defending for years. “I’ll stay here. I’ll be fine.”

“Nope, ‘Zuru insisted I bring you back and you’ve seen him once his temper goes.” He squeezes me to his side and kisses the top of my head again. “He’s not mad, you know. He’s not dumb either.”

As if I didn’t feel awful enough already, now I feel extra guilty for being so rough with him. Even if I thought it was the best thing. Another stray tear trickles out and I rub it away quickly. “Yume, just accept it and come home. You’ve always been welcome in our home, no matter what.” He can sense my reluctance. “At least for a few days, okay? Stay for a week and if you still what to come back, you can.”

I nod slowly because he won’t let up and he’ll carry me there if he has to. It’s not as if the entire Soul Society won’t know where I am in a matter of hours anyways, so Shuhei will be able to find me. And I do want to go, to not have to spend the night alone here with my blood on the floor and my pillow soaked with rain and tears. “Great, get your coat.”

My poor room looks lonely and small as we walk away, leaving it dark and locked. But the door is flung open at Ikka’s and a familiar little frame comes rushing out with towels and an extra umbrella. Warm light shines from inside as quick hands fuss with Ikkaku’s clothes and wiping water from his face. Kira blushes and holds out a towel to me as I toe my shoes off, pushing neat little slippers towards me with the side of his foot. I’m only half surprised to find them warm when I step in.

“Hi.” He looks embarrassed and uncertain of what to do. I feel that way too and we stand awkwardly in the entrance for a moment until Ikkaku pushes me forward. “Um, come in, please. It’s not much but I, ah, fixed up the second room for you, if you like.” Not the ‘guest room’ but the ‘second room.’ I like that.

“‘Zuru, love, is there anything left from supper last night?” Ikka leans over Kira’s shoulder and kisses his ear, arms wrapped around his waist. “I’m starving.”

“Ikkaku! Of course I made a real meal for you.” The big hands are slapped away and the barest twitch of a smile is hidden before the blond turns to face his lover. “Honestly, when do I not feed you?”

My friend leans back and looks down at the little figure glaring up at him. “True, true. Got to keep me coming home, no?”

“As if that’s why you come home every night.” They grin at each other for a second before the blond blushes and flounces off with a laugh. I never knew Kira could laugh like that, or tease someone so easily. “Lunch will be on the table in a minute if you two will set it.”

I follow along and hold plates while Ikkaku sets them out carefully. It’s a good home, filled with smiles and gentle touches, quiet laughter and softer whispers. I can feel the sheer force of will that went into making this a home vibrating from the walls and I regret coming here.

I really don’t belong.

“Yume?” My attention snaps forward to see Ikka watching me and Kira fussing beside him. “Gonna sit or what?” I settle down immediately and take the plate the blond hands to me. It feels strange to sit at a high table like this; I’ve always associated chairs with offices but Kira is folded neatly in one while Ikka sprawls so this must be what they are used to.

I try to be quiet and not make the meal awkward, leaving conversation to the lovers as they chat about random things, from work to the weather. When we’ve finished, Ikkaku leaps to gather dishes and carry them to the kitchen sink. It’s kind of cute the way he and his housemate argue over how much soap to add and what order to wash things in. When I pick up a towel to help dry, Kira moves to stop me.

“Oh, you don’t have to!” He grabs the edge with surprising strength and tries to tug it away from me. From sheer contrary habit, I hold on and pull back.

“But I want to.” Not really, but I didn’t cook and wasn’t much help setting the table either, so I can at least dry a few dishes. “Let go.”

He’s digging in his heels now and we’ve come to a standstill. “No.” We glare at each other until Ikkaku reaches between us and takes the towel away.

“I’ll do it. You two go have a bath. We’re all tired.” We both turn to protest but he silences us with a finger over my lips and quick kiss to Kira’s. “Go on.” He ushers us out and pushes the garbage can in front of the entrance to block us out.

“Well… I guess I’ll run a bath for you. I’ll show you where the towels are too.” I feel kind of bad for Kira, he’s been kicked out of his own kitchen because of me and is obviously unhappy about it. He doesn’t seen upset with me, just unhappy that Ikkaku sent him away.

Between the two of us, we manage to find a temperature we can live with and stand looking at each other, unsure of who gets to go first. “Oh, this is stupid. Strip.” He starts hauling his shirt over his head while I stand and stare like an idiot. “Come on, you can’t have anything I haven’t seen before.”

Well maybe not, but… “I might.” A brief pause and he looks up, eyes wide.

They narrow suddenly and he plants his hands on his hips. “I highly doubt it. Unless you think I spend my nights in the second room?” I can’t tell if he’s teasing or not. For a second, we just stare at each other, then little smiles and he keeps undressing.

His over pants drop to his ankles and he steps out, shoving them aside with his foot. He’s kind of sexy, in that skinny way but I still don’t see the attraction. Well, whatever. Fine, if he thinks I’ll be embarrassed, he’s in for a surprise. I strip quickly, dropping my clothes on his and step over to grab the soap.

Finally, the last of his clothes slide off and I hear them hit the floor. Soap is taken gently from my hand. “Can I wash your back?”

Now that’s a sexual advance if I’ve ever heard one. I just shrug – it’s his problem if Ikka catches him fooling around. I’m surprised to feel efficient hands scrub me down and rinse me off quickly. A completely non-sexual experience and kind of nice. When I turn around, he’s washing himself quickly and dumps water over his head with a shiver. The gleam of metal on his chest catches me unaware and I try not to stare, curious as I am.

“Done?” He’s already hopping into the bath and splashing a bit while he gets himself settled, leaving enough room for me to face him. It’s bigger than I thought at first glance, deeper to conserve space I suppose. I slide in tentatively, careful not to touch him but there’s plenty of room for us to stay away from each other. “So, about earlier.” I shrug and turn my head; this is the last thing I want to talk about. “Um, thank you, and, ah, sorry.”

I hum at him and splash a little, wiggling my hands along just under the surface of the water. “Really. You were right, I was being a child and getting myself upset about something that might not even happen.” He grins abruptly. “All I have to do is stay alive, right?”

He is amazing. I never thought so, I always thought it was lust that drew Ikka to him but this skinny little Lieutenant just might be tougher than I am.

Kira

“All I have to do is stay alive, right?” It sounds so easy, as easy as having Yumichika live with us for a bit but I can only hope I can make it happen.

Ikkaku and I had a long discussion last night, about a lot of things. Things that he’s been dealing with by himself, things he’s been hiding from me, things I’m worried about, all kinds of things. About him being pressured to break up with me since I’ve been trying to gain Captain status and about my worry that he’s acting irrationally. I was so happy when he came home and sat down to talk with me. Well, maybe not talk but he answered my questions and listened to what I had to say. I thought for sure he would just sit and nod and say it was his fault, that he was sorry, and I hate that. It’s so stupid and it doesn't solve anything.

But he didn’t. By the time I got home, I’d even figured out what Yumichika had said and why he said it. When I told Ikkaku, he just nodded and said it sounded like Yume. As much as it hurt, I realize I was being foolish and that the future isn’t what is important. The only worry I need to have is for now and what our next meal will be. I would never do anything so stupid as think that disappearing would make it better for Ikkaku but I can understand why Yumichika might think of me that way.

I do have a track record of being weak. But looking at him across the bath from me, I’m not sure he’s all that much stronger. Physically, yes, as a fighter, most definitely, but emotionally, not so much. Maybe he’s always been as used to leaning on Ikkaku as I’ve become and if Shuhei sticks to his word, Yumichika will have no one of his own. Because I’m not giving Ikkaku back. I’ll share for a bit but he’s mine.

We sit quietly, not really looking at each other or moving around. I can feel Ikkaku coming closer and turn to look at the door a second before it opens. Our reitsu is still a little tangled but I don’t need to use it to know he’s quite content with us getting along. I probably shouldn’t ruin his little fantasy. “Ikkaku, are you going have a bath?”

“After. I have that stupid thing tonight, remember?” I nod immediately. That’s right, he does have that supper and planning session to go to. No matter how I try to smile, it doesn’t really work that well and I duck my head to blow bubbles in the water. “You guys about done? I set up the mats in the front room.” The short outfits he likes to nap in are left on the sink before he shuts the door behind him.

Yumichika makes a quiet noise, I almost think it’s a grunt but he doesn’t make that kind of noise. I think. He towels off quickly and wraps himself in my blue outfit, leaving the green one for me. I follow his silently, waiting until he’s closes the door to empty the bath and dry myself. My cheeks feel warm; I’d forgotten about the new piercing and I hope he doesn’t think it’s strange.

By the time I enter the designated nap room, Ikkaku and Yumichika are snuggled up in a comfy looking bundle, chatting quietly to each other. For an instant I feel like an outsider and I stop in the door, uncertain if I should bother. Maybe I can’t do this. Not that I think either of them wish to be a couple again but as always, they vanish into their own world together. Deep eyes turn to me and Ikkaku beams as he holds out his hand.

Tension falls from my shoulders as and I step forward to take his hand and let him cuddle me against his other side. Maybe I’ll be allowed into that private little world. My hand rests on his chest, just brushing Yumichika’s, who pulls away as soon as we touch. Oh well, I suppose I don’t expect us to magically get along.