A Happy Crystal Heart

I woke up in a different room then I had fallen asleep in. I wasn’t sure where I was, nor who’s room this was. Ok, let’s recap…I was at a party with Captain Kuchiki… and he got drunk…and I took him back to his house…we drank a little…Oh god, the Captain! I sat up with a sudden jolt, as I realized I was supposed to be taking care of my Captain. That’s when I noticed Lieutenant Renji leaning in the doorway of the room, half-dressed, arms crossed.

“It’s about time you woke up, 3rd seat. Did you enjoy your sleep?” I was frozen in my spot. When did I fall asleep in Renji’s room? Better yet, when did I get here? I watched as his brow twitched in response to my confusion. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember, you little ass. You kicked me in my face last night and told me to move before you went and crawled in next to me!” My face heated at those words, although I didn’t believe them.

“So, are you saying I traveled all the way from the Captain’s manor, across three very long blocks, past 22 guards, up 6 flights of stairs and down an absurdly long hall, just to kick you in the face and crawl in your bed?” The only reason I knew how to get to the Lieutenant’s room in the first place was because I often delivered reports to him.

“That’s what I said.” I rolled my eyes. Why would I go through so much effort just to go to sleep? And then I noticed….I was half dressed. To put it better, all I was dressed in was Renji’s haori. “By the way, your clothes were pretty torn when you attacked me. So I changed you into the only thing I had at the moment. If you have any objections, feel free to give me my clothes back.” I quickly shook my head, hand reaching up to grip the haori. “Then, since that’s settled, I’ll have you get your lazy butt up and come eat breakfast.” I watched Renji in confusion as he walked into the other room. He was going to feed me…? It took only a few seconds for him to poke his head through the door once more and glower at me. “Well? Come on!” I got up quickly after that, and the two of us sat down at his table to eat. It felt kind of awkward to be eating breakfast with the Lieutenant.

“Ne, Lieutenant Renji…..why do you dislike me so much?” Renji paused, mid-chew and waved his chopsticks at me.

“Why? That’s because Captain Kuchiki wants to replace me with you! How can I like someone as scrawny as you being my replacement?” I tilted my head, holding out my bowl and watching as Renji automatically filled it with more rice.

“Why though? For one, I could never replace you Lieutenant. I don’t have the skill. And what if they want to promote you to a Captain position? Wouldn’t that be a good thing?” Renji paused once more, raising a brow at me.

“You’ve a good point there, 3rd seat. There’s no way an unskilled warrior such as yourself could replace someone as good as me! “ He chuckled to himself, and I rolled my eyes. He was quite full of himself, but at least I had managed to get on his good side. The truth was, the two of us were probably even in strength. I just didn’t like to fight. At least not without a reason.

“Actually, she would probably beat the living daylights out of you, if you went head to inflated skull.” I jumped, looking over at the window beside us to see Captain Kuchiki, sitting in the window, almost like a bird. Renji nearly choked on his rice, and looked at me with a glower. I gave him a sheepish smile, pretending I had no clue what the Captain was talking about. “Don’t play dumb. You and your sword Akihiko nearly gave me an injury. You could do more then beat this simpleton.”

“My ’shining prince’ isn’t exactly useful….”

“Nonsense!” Renji’s expression was getting more and more annoyed, and I wished my Captain would shut up. “And speaking of simpletons, why are the two of you half-dressed?” That made both Renji and I blush, which made our Captain suspicious. It was then that Tabi chose to burst in, from the exact same window that Captain Kuchiki was sitting in. The two of them fell to the floor in a heap, and Tabi burst into a fit of giggles.

“Morning Tasha-chan! What’s going on? Did you have a threesome? Tell me, tell me!” I went an even darker shade of red as Tabi bounced off of my captain and onto the table where we were eating breakfast.

“No, Tabi. I didn’t have a three…some….I was discussing how I can’t beat Renji in a fight…”

“What do you mean? You could so beat this overgrown red pineapple in a fight!” I flinched as Renji slammed his hand down on the table, glowering at Tabi. “Dude, I could so beat you too! Her and I are both 79th district street fighters. “ Renji sneered at this.

“Oh yeah? I’ll take ya on!” My eyes went wide at this as the two of them picked up their swords and stood. Crap! She’s going to kill him! The Captain had just sat up, and didn’t quite see what was wrong with the situation, so I reacted. I quickly grabbed Tabi, pushing her backwards.

“Uh, no! No need! I’ll fight him Tabi!” Tabi gave me a sad expression.

“But…Tasha-chan… you’re just as strong as I am…”

“I’ll fight him!”

“Ok, but only if you spar with me.” I gave a heavy sigh, knowing where this was going. Let my Lieutenant die…. Or spar with Tabi, my equal in strength, but superior in speed and skill. It wasn’t exactly a choice, come to think of it.

“Ok, I’ll spar with you.” The words were reluctant. Very reluctant.

“Yosh!” Tabi cheered, looking triumphant. I wasn’t particularly happy about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You two can fight?” I looked up from my sword to see Captain Zaraki Kenpachi looming over me. Tabi and I had just finished a sparring session, and the Captain had seen the whole thing. “Wasn’t that 79th street fighting? I want to spar with you too…” It only took a few seconds, but as soon as Tabi noticed Kenpachi, she was up, screaming and running as fast as she could in the opposite direction. Kenpachi looked disappointed, and I gave him a reassuring smile.

“I’m sorry, Kenpachi-san. She’ll do that every time she sees you. I’m not sure why though.” I truly had no clue as to why she was afraid of Kenpachi.

“I just wanted to spar with her….” Kenpachi mumbled, still looking disappointed.

“I know… Hey, I did hear she thought you were pretty cute with your hair down… that might help a bit.” I noticed a glint in Kenpachi’s eyes as he gave me a smile, walking off as if he had forgotten his desire to spar. This couldn’t be good. That was when the hell butterfly appeared. Apparently I was summoned to a meeting, with the Sotaicho.
~~~~~~~~

I arrived rather early, to see Tabi arguing with her sword. It was quite a regular occurrence, since her sword was actually a double blade. The two personalities of the blades were always chattering away in her head, making for many an entertaining evening. I sighed and walked over to her, waving at the Sotaicho on my way. He gave me a smile, just as the Captains slowly started to file into the room. I wasn’t sure exactly why Tabi and I had been summoned to this Captain’s meeting, but it had to be something interesting. Once everyone was in their proper seat, the Sotaicho began to speak. I was wondering why everyone was staring at the Sotaicho so strangely, so I glanced at him myself. He was stroking his beard, which was now a multitude of colors. Tabi had actually managed to dye the Sotaicho’s beard rainbow colored.

“Excuse me, Sotaicho, but…your beard…..” The Sotaicho paused as someone spoke up, and looked down at his beard. He didn’t seem surprised at all.

“Ah, what a pretty color. Here I thought it would stay white. Did you do this, Tabi-chan?” Tabi giggled and nodded. “What a nice girl…giving me such a great present… Anyway, I would like to announce the two remaining Captain’s positions will be filled today. First, the new Captain of the 9th squad will be my granddaughter, Tabi. The new Captain of the 5th squad will be my other granddaughter, Tasha.” Two of the Captains choked, and I knew exactly which ones. Hitsugaya and Captain Kuchiki.

“Grandchildren? Captains? But they don’t even have Bankai!!” Captain Kuchiki objected, looking forlorn. I had a feeling he was objecting for a different reason, but I wasn’t going to bring that up. Hitsugaya was muttering to himself, something along the lines of “He doesn’t know about me…” over and over again. The Sotaicho simply laughed, and looked to Hitsugaya.

“Hitsugaya, I knew about you before you even knew about you.” This comment threw the young Captain for a loop, and I sighed, placing my hand to my head. “As for the subject of Bankai, both of them have achieved it, so don’t worry. You’ll be safe in their hands…. Sort of.” How the Sotaicho could be so calm, even joking, when he had just assigned the fate of Shuuhei and the entire 9th squad to Tabi?

“Ne, Grandpa? Doesn’t Tabi like Lieutenant Shuuhei?” The Sotaicho grinned as I heard a growl erupt from Hitsugaya.

“He is SO dead!” He snarled, and stormed out of the meeting hall. The Sotaicho dismissed the meeting, quite amused with himself. I didn’t want to be a Captain. I didn’t need to be a Captain. And, come to think of it, I hadn’t even taken the Captain’s exam. How the hell did I end up a Captain in the first place? This wasn’t looking too good. What was that deranged adopted grandfather of mine plotting? Tabi came up behind me, giggling to herself strangely. I raised a brow and she turned to me.

“Ne, Tasha-chan… This is gonna be fun!” We were doomed… weren’t we?

Author’s note:

Tasha: Quite a scrambled chapter. The next one will be a little more organized, I promise! By the way, the next chapter will contain a sex scene, so if you don’t like those, feel free to skip it. You know, it only leads along to the rest of the storyline. No worries! Anyway…what? We are canceled…? Oh, what a mean joke Shiro-chan! Anyway, we’re out of time. See ya next chapter! Maybe…

Tabi: *giggles * hehe, we’re Captains. *huggles Toushirou to stop him from chopping off Tasha’s head * I know it may seem confusing as far as the reason that we became Captains, don’t worry, it’s not just because he’s our grandfather. There are…other reasons. It has nothing to do with my pranks, no no, nothing do with pranks.

Tasha: Yes it does!!! Everything to do with your pranks, this your fault!

Tabi: *Drags Tasha away * Itaii Tash, stop kicking me, we’re out of time. * disappears with Tash flailing under her arm. *

Thank you so much our loyal viewers, make sure to stick around for the next installment!