Fifteen Ways to Seduce your Taichou

Fifteen Ways to Seduce your Taichou: Feverish Fridays

A Tokyo Kitty Production

Disclaimer: I case you were wondering, I still don’t own any of Bleach. That really hasn’t changed in five chapters.

A/N: Has it really been five chapters already? This is getting ridiculous….Even in other long fics I’ve written I’ve never focused solely on one pairing ( I tend to get bored easily) like this. Maybe that’s just what this pairing does to me. There are still a few ideas for this one rolling around in my head so we aren’t done yet. I’ve gotten a lot of really nice reviews from you guys and a couple confusing ones. For those of you wondering where this happens in the real plot line…good question. It’s a good while before Ichigo appears in Seireitei so don’t get to thinking this is going to mesh with that serious plotline and Creepy!Ichimaru. Wrong fic. Though I’m going to do one of those eventually. This is just a silly little thing to have some fun with poor little Izuru. Please enjoy and continue to tell me what you think!!

0000

Aizen awoke with the rising of the sun each morning. He arrived in the Fifth Division always before most of the officers had even woken up; let alone arrived. He sat down at his desk to a neat, small pile of paperwork already awaiting his review.

The only thing out of place was a small brown box, sitting on the edge next to his desk plant. His brows furrowed slightly behind horn rimmed glasses as he picked up the box to bring it closer, discovering a small note sitting on top of the box.

The note read:

Thought you could use a little new reading material courtesy of your innocent little Fukutaichou.
-Ichimaru Gin

‘What on earth could Gin want that he’d send me a package before the mail even arrives?’ Aizen thought. He didn’t believe for a second that it actually had anything to do with Ichimaru thinking he needed some new novels to read in his free time. His cryptic phrasing wasn’t helping at all either. Which vice-captain? His current one, Hinamori-kun, or his eternal fukutaichou, Ichimaru? “Innocent” wasn’t really a word he would use to describe Ichimaru. He untied the strings that held the box closed and peered in at the contents. Now there was another note set neatly on top of a small pile of paperback books.

This one read:

Miss Hinamori,
Thank you for your order from Behind Closed Covers. We hope you enjoy your purchase. Please choose our publishing company again soon.
-Behind Closed Covers Inc.

A book order he understood, but why had a package addressed to Hinamori ended up in Ichimaru’s hands? Aizen considered the possibilities and decided it didn’t really matter as he leafed through the paperbacks that were obviously romance novels from the Human World. Rather explicit ones at that, he thought flipping disgustedly past a rather heated scene in one of the novels. He would need to have a chat with Hinamori about this.

That is, as soon as he had finished reading them. Nothing more than a little research into his vice-captain’s tastes.

Did she really read gay romance novels in her spare time?

‘How distasteful,’ Aizen thought, flipping back to the beginning of the novel and skimming over the pages with calculated precision.

Really, he’d have to have a conversation with Ichimaru too about not taking what doesn’t belong to you.

0000

Friday.

When Kira awoke, the sun was shining brightly in his eyes.

He sat straight up in bed, realizing he had overslept.

The next five minutes were a flurry of covers, robes and sashes as he hurried to get ready, nearly storming out of his room in his haste. He hadn’t slept very well last night, his thoughts too preoccupied mulling over what Ichimaru had said the previous night.

That and he felt more horrifically distracted and repressed than usual. Not that he was “needy” the way Hinamori had so nicely put it the other day, but it had been a long time indeed since he had gone this long without much of any contact from his taichou.

Not that Kira would have ever admitted it, but it was starting to drive him more than a little crazy.

He burst into the office and sat down at his desk, relieved to see a smaller pile than usual of paperwork on his desk. Maybe his luck was finally turning around and he could use the extra time today to figure out (and maybe even implement) a new plan for getting Ichimaru-taichou to notice him and keep it that way this time. As nice as the contact with Ichimaru had been the previous night, with all his being Kira did not want a repeat of the overpowering frustration that had followed his captain all but kicking him out.

Kira tried to push those depressed thoughts out of his mind and cheer up. Surely dwelling on them would do nothing for his morale or his inspiration to come up with new, better ideas for getting at his captain. However those plans would have to wait as there was a happy little pile of paperwork as always waiting for him.

He began absent-mindedly reading over a routine field report, glancing up at his captain’s door which was closed today. He assumed that meant Ichimaru-taichou was in his office but decided not to go and greet him if he was indeed there. More likely than not that would force another confrontation and Kira was fresh out of good ideas at the moment and didn’t feel like having his already lacking confidence taken down another notch.

Having read it and made the proper corrections he signed the bottom and set in his done box on the edge of his desk. The morning progressed mostly this way without a peep from behind Ichimaru’s closed office door. Periodically Kira was distracted into day dreaming of new possible ways to seduce his captain which then lead to even more distracting day dreaming of what would happen when things finally did work. That is, if they worked.

He finished his morning paperwork an hour or so before lunch time and was at a loss for what to do. He had maybe been sitting at his desk staring absently at his captain’s door when to his surprise that door slid sharply open and Ichimaru stepped out into the main room.

“Ah, so ya are ‘ere this morning, Izuru. Didn’ hear ya come in I guess.” Ichimaru commented absently. Kira was about to give his apologies but Ichimaru continued. “Don’ know what ya think yer doin’ turning in paperwork tha’ isn’ even done to me tho’. Must be slippin’ eh Izuru?”

Kira frowned lightly unable to suppress the reaction. He was sure all the work he had turned in to his captain in the last few days he had double and triple checked to make sure it was all filled out properly. How had he managed to miss the full pile of paper that Ichimaru was now brandishing at him as he crossed the room?

“I’m sorry, Ichimaru-taichou. I have no excuse.” He admitted to his own failure because it was a hundred times easier than trying to fight the issue with his captain by saying he was sure he hadn’t missed anything.

“I suppose I can forgive ya, Izuru.” He cocked his head to the side, grin sliding from his face a little bit in a more disappointed frown. He set the small pile about the size of the pile Kira had just finished on the desk. “I suggest ya step to it tho’.” Ichimaru leaned down a little resting his elbows on Kira’s desk lazily. Unfortunately for Kira he was still a good distance from him. Usually he would get much closer to Kira when attempting to intimidate him. Guess there would be no almost kisses today, or at least for the moment. Ichimaru retreated back into his office again after flashing Kira a knowing grin from across the room, shutting the door lightly but resolutely behind him.

Kira sighed, looking down at the pile in front of him. He was positive he had filled out all of the work on his desk over the last week. Well, best to check when these papers had been submitted, maybe he’d missed part of the pile the other day when he had had all those piles on his desk. As he read the date he knew something must be wrong. These papers had been due back on Tuesday! How had he missed something that badly? He began to furiously work on the pile, knowing if these weren’t finished before he went to lunch he would be in trouble with more people than just his captain.

He still wasn’t very sure how this had happened. He was so meticulously organized about his work Kira wasn’t sure how a whole pile of paperwork had gotten misplaced for half a week. He supposed in the long run it didn’t really matter; all that mattered was getting it all done now.

0000

Back in his office behind the closed door, Ichimaru’s grin grew wider from ear to ear. He sat back down at his desk, grabbed a glass paperweight off the edge to throw up and down and then put his feet up on the edge of the desk. He wished he could watch Kira flip out over the new and very late paperwork that had been given to him, but it was probably better this way or his fretting little vice-captain might suspect something.

Of course he had every right to, though Ichimaru knew for a fact Kira wouldn’t blame an ounce of it on him. He had taken the paperwork the other day when Kira had been in the Fourth Division all morning after falling off of that roof. The concept of such an injury still amused Ichimaru a bit and he supposed his amusement at the time had been what had made him take that paperwork off of Kira’s desk. There was really no purpose to it, other than he just liked to keep his little vice-captain a little bit on edge; couldn’t have Kira’s life becoming routine could he?

This was probably why he had set up this whole thing in the first place. Part of him truly did want to see Kira succeed, he did so so rarely. But the other part of it, and admittedly the bigger influence had been he just enjoyed watching Kira squirm; the other was oh so good at it.

It made him wonder what exactly Kira was going to try today. He indulged the thoughts slipping into a day dream, since he seemed to always have the time to do so.

0000

When Kira had finished the work he had been handed earlier it was well past lunch time yet he wasn’t feeling particularly hungry despite having not eaten anything all day. Kira decided he would go and walk the paperwork over to the mailroom himself to ensure it got delivered before the end of the day so it wouldn’t be any later than it was already. Picking up the pile, he tapped it lightly against the desk into an orderly stack, carrying it out of the office.

“I’m going out for a little bit to deliver these papers, Taichou.” He called from the doorway from the office. There was no response, but he figured that was a good thing and darted out of the office. He strode through the main common of the Third Division where some of the officers were sitting around clearly done for the day. He regarded them with a light, respectful nod as he and continued to walk swiftly out of the room and towards the exit to the Third Division. Fortunately, the mail room wasn’t too far from the division.

Within ten minutes he had the papers delivered and was headed back to the Third Division. By now he was feeling very hungry, the physical activity of rushing the papers over to the mailroom making him realize his hunger. He walked back into the Third Division common room wondering what he could do for food since the cafeteria was probably closed by now when he realized he might not have to go very far for food at all. In the main common room there was a table where people generally left food they didn’t want left over from parties (or unwanted gifts) so people could eat them. Kira went in that direction, hoping there would be something edible there this late in the day.

There wasn’t much. A plate with a few small cookies left on it was about the only thing left that hadn’t been reduced to crumbs. Of course, there was the fruit basket sitting in the middle of the table that was really more for decoration than for eating. However the fruit arranged in the basket didn’t look over ripe and so Kira picked up the entire basket, tucking it under his arm as well as a cookie for good measure.

As he turned around with the basket to head back to his office he saw a few of the division members milling about give him funny looks but no one really tried to stop him. Regardless of the relationship he had with the lower officers, or lack there of really, he was still their vice-captain. He munched lightly on the cookie as he walked out of the room and back into his office.

It was then that Kira got a terrible idea. Perhaps it was the sheer monotony of the day finally getting to him in a way that made him want to lash out for the idea was completely out of his normal character. Later, he would blame Hinamori and those silly romance novels she had lent him long ago when they were both in the Fifth Division for the idea. Those pathetic novels with their blushing women and dark handsome men had been chock-full of horrendous innuendo and sexual schemes.

Really, Kira wasn’t sure why he hadn’t turned to those novels for inspiration back at the beginning of this week when Ichimaru-taichou had first challenged him to his current plight.

He remembered this one novel in particular; some girl who wanted her co-worker oh so badly but couldn’t think of a good way to give him a hint that what she wanted was rather…er, physical. One day, she had packed a lunch and then had lunch with him that day and eaten her lunch in a rather suggestive way.

Kira remembered the food she had done this with was fruit, which he conveniently enough had a whole basket of with him right now. He didn’t stop to think that it was beyond a ridiculous idea. Nor did he consider that being this forward around Ichimaru-taichou was perhaps a little out of his league. Instead, he went straight into the office and up to Ichimaru’s door, knocking softly on the wooden lattice of the shoji door.

From behind the door he heard his captain utter that he could enter and resolutely he opened the door, sliding it shut behind him.

“Ah, Izuru, finish all tha’ work already?” He asked conversationally looking up from a document that was probably only really in front of him for show.

“Yes, Ichimaru-taichou.”

“Yer sucha good lil’ hard worker, Izuru. Perhaps ya are deservin’ of some type a reward er somethin’.” He said with a smile that knew more about Kira’s thoughts than he sometimes knew himself.

Kira pushed away his captain’s words, knowing by now when he was being strung along only to be let down and when his captain was actually being sincere. Instead of inquiring as to what kind of “reward” Ichimaru was talking about Kira returned with a completely different topic. “Actually, Taichou, I was thinking we could take a short break and relax from the day’s work. I brought this so that we might have a little snack.” Kira showed the basket to him, setting it down on the edge of his captain’s desk.

“Not a bad idea, Izuru. Fruit would sure be refreshin’ on a day like taday.” He looked down at the fruit basket selecting a bright red apple. “Course….Dis wouldn’t happen ta be the basket from da division commons now would it?” He asked; Kira made a rather guilty expression. Ichimaru chuckled. “Iz not any trouble, Izuru. Not like a fukutaichou can’t take wha’ ‘e wants from ‘is own division. As long as it ain’t his captain’s stuff he’s takin’….” Ichimaru commented, taking a bite from the apple, eyes never leaving Kira’s face which at this point had paled a little.

He was too deep into this plan now to withdraw to his office, or just plain run away. He decided to start off with his plan slowly so as not to be nearly as blunt as the girl in the romance novel he was emulating had been. He dug around in the basket, choosing a tangerine which he then began to peel.

“Come sit ova’ ‘ere, Izuru. No sense in standin’ if the point o’ this is ta relax.” Ichimaru commented, gesturing to the small couch near his desk as he took another bite.

Kira knew this couch well. It was really less of a couch and more of just a padded bench that was buffered on the ends by a few stark pillows. But it wasn’t the look of the couch that made Kira remember it so well. This couch was the number two place that Ichimaru chose to use in his usual plots to play with Kira at work. It was second only to Kira’s desk where Ichimaru would approach him.

This week excluded, it usually went thus: Kira would be sitting at his desk, innocently doing work and Ichimaru would sneak up (sometimes more silently than other times) and wrap his arms around Kira’s shoulders. What happened next rather depended on the day and his captain’s mood. However the times that these mere distractions got a little more heated, Ichimaru would drag Kira back into his office because closed doors where people generally knocked were better for this sort of thing than the open space of Kira’s office was. He would guide Kira into the room, and slowly nudge him down onto this couch, leaning down to get on top of him and—

So here Kira was, on the infamous couch. It was making it even harder to focus than Kira had expected.

“Are ya gonna eat that, Izuru? Or jus’ sit der starin’ at it? It ain’t gonna eat itself ya know….” Ichimaru gave him a knowing glance and for a moment Kira thought he already had his plan completely figured out. It made Kira want to flee again.

He nodded to his captain, setting the peel beside him and pulling the tangerine in half. He split off a small section from one of the halves, slowly sticking it into his mouth.

Kira wasn’t entirely sure how this was supposed to be seductive. The book hadn’t described it very well, leaving the visuals more up to the active imagination of the reader than describing it in plain words. He tried to be creative, his eyes slowly sliding shut to avoid his captain’s penetrating gaze and focus on the task at hand. His tongue darted out over the slice held at his lips before pulling it in and swallowing it. Kira opened his eyes a little, realizing Ichimaru’s gaze was still on him. His eyes were slanted shut in their usual fashion but he knew that his captain was carefully watching his every move. The thought was a little unnerving but boldly Kira kept that eye contact taking another slice of tangerine and mouthing it slowly with his lips before consuming this slice like he had the other.

“Ya like tangerines, Izuru?” Ichimaru commented for the sake of small talk. He had nearly finished his apple and was now more playing with it than eating as he watched Kira’s actions intently. Kira nodded lightly, eating two slices at a time in an effort to speed things up and get out from under his captain’s gaze.

Tangerine now gone, Kira considered what to do next. He didn’t get much time to think it over before Ichimaru had picked up the basket offering it to him to take something else.

“Ya were workin’ so hard taday ya didn’ get a chance ta eat, didja? Ya must be hungry, Izuru.” He said handing the basket to him. Kira wasn’t making very good conversation; his focus was away from Ichimaru’s comments and more on how inadequate he felt doing this. It seemed to him that Ichimaru-taichou wasn’t really getting the hint. Deciding to step thing up a notch he grabbed from the basket a few strawberries before setting the basket back on the edge of Ichimaru’s desk.

Ichimaru chose to not take anything this time from the basket, still picking at his apple that was now little more than the core.

Kira set the strawberries in his lap, picking one up by the stem and pushing the bottom of it slowly into his mouth, sucking lightly. His eyes slipped closed at the sweet flavor of it; it had been a very long time since he’d had strawberries.

Ichimaru’s smirk widened a bit as he watched Kira play with the fruit, the blond taking a large bite and rotating the fruit to slip his tongue over the soft inside. He had known what Kira was up to the moment he had walked into his office carrying the basket; another half-baked plot. What he hadn’t been expecting was for Kira to follow through with such stunning boldness. He had always been rather fond of Kira’s small, thinly drawn lips. Perhaps the blond was quiet during the day, but Ichimaru remembered fondly the loud, desirous sounds he managed to wring from that small mouth.

It made the smile on his face grow all the wider.

Kira’s face felt warm and he figured it came from the blush that was spreading across his cheeks. He finished the first strawberry, sucking the last bits of sweet juice out of the remaining fruit. He threw the remains into the garbage next to the couch and picked up the other two strawberries deciding it was time to put his boldness to the real test.

He held both strawberries together with one hand, his other hand folded politely in his lap. He held the strawberries near his mouth, tongue sliding out over them feeling the rough texture before slipping one into his mouth to suck gently. He let out a quiet, muffled moan for his captain which was not missed by the man watching attentively.

Setting down the apple core he hadn’t realized he was still holding, Ichimaru rooted through the fruit bowl suddenly feeling hungry. Deciding that two could play at this game he grabbed a banana from the basket and set it down on his desk in waiting.

Kira’s face felt like it was on fire now. He was embarrassed and surprised that he hadn’t been kicked out of his captain’s office yet. He had finished one of the strawberries and now turned to devour the other in a single bite. He threw the stems into the garbage, folding his hands in his lap and looking down at the floor, a little ashamed at how much he’d allowed himself to get into this little tactic.

Ichimaru spoke through the silence, slicing it open as if with a sharpened knife. “Ya still hungry, Izuru?” He asked holding up the banana he’d taken earlier. “I’mma bit too, but I don’ think I can eat dis whole thing by maself. Care ta share it wit’ me?” Kira nodded and so Ichimaru reached into his desk pulling out a small knife he kept there for whatever he may need. He sliced the banana in half, throwing one half to Kira.

Kira barely managed to catch it. His vision seemed blurry all of a sudden. He thought little of it and peeled the banana slowly, watching Ichimaru-taichou do the same with his own half. Those eyes watched him carefully and Kira could’ve sworn he could make out the smallest glimpse of red irises. He couldn’t breathe. He put the fruit in his mouth, making a light “O” around the length before biting a piece off with his lips. Ichimaru wasn’t eating his yet, he was watching Kira instead. To Kira, that gaze felt scathingly hot.

The room felt hot, his vision spinning as fast as his mind. He swallowed and set the banana down for a minute to stand up and try and shake off some of the dizziness.

But he never made it, as soon as he set down the banana he slumped over, falling to the floor passed out.

Ichimaru frowned lightly at the display. That had been unexpected. He got up from the chair going over to where Kira was sprawled on the floor. He placed a hand to his forehead which was burning, moving to his pale throat where Kira’s heartbeat was rapid and erratic.

Ichimaru chuckled darkly to himself before picking the blond up easily in both arms bridal style. In a second they were gone from the office and halfway across Seireitei.

0000

Kira awoke later unaware of the amount of time that had passed. It could have been minutes but as he sat up slowly the stiffness in his limbs made it feel more like hours or days. He sighed, taking in his surroundings as foggy vision focused on the soft earthen colors of the room.

The Fourth Division Sick Ward. Again.

Ichimaru-taichou was nowhere to be found as usual. Of course, Kira wasn’t even all that sure how he had gotten here or even why he was here. He looked over at the nightstand hoping to find some medicine or some sort of note that might shed some illumination on his situation.

The latter was there. He picked up the small slip of white paper folded in half like a name plaque. The front read Kira Izuru.

He unfolded the note and read the tiny pristine handwriting:

You should be more careful, Izuru. I think this little challenge is starting to affect your health.

The note didn’t have to be signed for Kira to know who had written it. He crumpled the little piece of paper and threw it into a nearby wastebasket for good measure. It was Ichimaru-taichou’s fault he had to do this at all. On top of it all, he was making this hard on Kira…playing so hard to get. It was his fault, wasn’t it?

He didn’t get much longer to think on it. Out of the corner of his vision he saw a head of silver hair pass by.

Ukitake-taichou popped his head into Kira’s room, gentle smile morphing into a concerned expression. “Up already, Kira-fukutaichou?” He strode into the room and Kira masked his disappointment that it he wasn’t Ichimaru still lurking about waiting for him to regain consciousness.

“Y-yes Ukitake-taichou, I’m feeling much better.” Kira played along still not sure why he was here.

“You had quite a bad fever when Ichimaru-taichou brought you in about an hour ago.” Ukitake said as if this explained everything perfectly to the blond. “You aren’t getting really sick are you? After falling yesterday and all too….” He asked good-naturedly.

Kira didn’t have to invent an excuse because at that moment Unohana-taichou walked into his room too, carrying a clipboard and an excessively large folder that looked about ready to burst with bold characters on the side spelling “Kira, Izuru”.

Kira shifted uncomfortably. Having this many captains present in his room was making him uneasy, even if they were two of the most good-natured captains in all the Gotei 13, their timeless, deep rooted reiatsu was a little overpowering.

Unohana-taichou regarded the other captain with a serene smile and a light bow. “Ukitake-taichou, if I may be so impolite as to request a moment alone with Kira-fukutaichou…” She said softly in as ever formal of language as she always used.

“Of course, Retsu. Sorry to be in the way; feel better Kira, you’re in capable hands.” He waved over his shoulder at the two as he walked out of the room to stalk what might as well have been his division as was the Thirteenth.

Unohana-taichou watched him leave over her shoulder before turning back to Kira, opening the giant folder and looking down at her clipboard.

“From your expression I surmise you do not know why you are here, do you?” Kira shook his head no so the much older woman continued. “What is the last thing you remember then?”

Kira thought back, he remembered everything up to coming here. “I was having lunch in the Third Division.” He decided to delete the details of it being in his captain’s office and the whole botched sexuality of eating said lunch.

“Were you eating with anyone else?” She followed up, writing on the clipboard.

“No,” Kira lied.

“Do you remember what you ate? Specifically, if you can remember any of the details?”

Kira paused for a moment. There was really no issue in disclosing these details. “It was some fruit; a tangerine, a couple strawberries, half a banana maybe.” Though if his memory served him right he hadn’t eaten very much of the banana.

Unohana nodded her thanks and set the clipboard down on the table to flip better through the folder. Her calm eyes scanned the pages flipping quickly through decades of medical history. She stopped on one page in particular scanning down it with a finger. “Here it is.” She said softly to herself, pulling the sheet out and setting the folder on the edge of the bed.

“When you were brought here, your symptoms matched that of an acute allergy attack which we treated you for.” She explained, handing Kira the paper. “However, without talking to you, we were unsure as to what could have caused the reaction. According to your file, you were treated back at the Academy for an allergy attack from strawberries.”

Kira had forgotten all about that instance. After all, it had been a long time ago. What he was looking at was the release document from all those decades ago…signed into the custody of Hisagi Shuuhei?

And now the details of how they had discovered his allergy came back to him. He blushed furiously and Unohana-taichou remained respectfully silent, chalking it up to embarrassment at forgetting his own medical information. He remembered Hisagi dragging the damned berries down his chest and making a large chocolate mess all over young skin before feeding them so slowly to him…before passing out.

Comically, Kira wondered if at the time Hisagi had cleaned the chocolate off of him before carrying him across the dormitories to the Fourth Division medical outpost on the academy grounds.

“Kira-fukutaichou,” Unohana-taichou interrupted his recollection at length to speak. “If I may suggest, if you have trouble remembering your allergies, perhaps you should write it down somewhere or tell others to help remind you.” She suggested kindly.

Kira nodded, “Yes, Unohana-taichou. I will be more careful.” Kira said, the words written on that note by his own captain coming back into his head as well.

“That is all I ask then, please feel free to leave whenever you are ready.” She bowed before gathering the papers and her clipboard and leaving the room.

Kira let out another heavy sigh settling back into the soft pillows and raspy blankets.

Tomorrow was already Saturday. What was left there for him to try in what was turning into an endless (and fruitless) quest for the gratification his body and mind so desperately craved?

0000

A/N: So this is the first time I’ve ever completed a work that involved food. I started writing a food fic probably about 4 years ago but it broke my brain. This is the first successful attempt and I’m rather pleased with myself for getting over this hump. In other news: dear god did I just hint at a Academy!KiraxSenpai!Hisagi pairing? You’re damn right I just did. Am I going to write it into this fic? No. But I do so think he was Kira’s first…Shuuhei you perverted bastard….Just watch the Shinigami Illustrated Picture Books. I don’t think they’re together anymore, but they’re more than just casual drinking buddies. Disagree with me if you like, but it’s a pretty small detail to pick at since I’m only hinting at it in this story. “Saturday” is one of the chapters I’ve had planned since the very beginning so expect absolute hilarity!