Stranger Than Fiction
folder
Bleach › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
2,682
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Bleach › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
2,682
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Bleach, nor do I make any money from writing this
Chapter 5
I do not own Bleach; if I did Ashido would have made it to the manga as he had great character potential. As always – a thank you to my beta Brendabond!
Warnings: Adult situations and language, pissed Nanaos, catatonic Jyuushiros, and scheming Shunsuis.
***SS***
Nanao grit her teeth, grabbed her fan, and stormed into her sleeping Captain's office to get to the bottom of what the hell was going on. The clip player's volume was turned up to the max, and all that could be heard in the room was the sound of slapping skin, panting, and Captain Kyoraku's snoring.
Captain Ukitake didn't even acknowledge her presence as she walked up to him; he was lying on his side, gripping a pillow tightly, and staring at the screen with wide eyes while biting his lip.
"Oh fuck me…fuck me harder!"
Sparing a glance at the clip player that was only supposed to be used for training videos, the very same one she had to fill out three hundred and twenty two pages of paperwork for, she got an eyeful of shaved ladybits, and a hand slapping an ass.
Oh, she was beyond pissed now. Her gods-be-damned lecher Captain screwed with the machine and was having a porn viewing during business hours. Honestly, days like today she wished, prayed that Seireitei would get a fucking sexual harassment policy. Really now, this is the stuff the Women's Association should be dealing with, not shitty romance novels.
"You slutty bitch! You love cock don't you?"
Thankful to the Captain-Commander for breaking her Captain's leg, lest he wanted to run in fear, she removed her glasses and hit him with her fan…hard. He startled and looked up at her with fear filled eyes. "My sweet Nanao, back so soon?"
"Yes, yes! I'm a slutty little whore who loves cock!"
"Captain, what…" she gestured toward the couch, "the hell is that?"
"That's my oldest friend Jyuushiro, we've known each other since…"
He didn't get to finish as another crack from the fan hit him on the side of the face. "No, what the hell is going on? Why are you showing Captain Ukitake porn?"
Glancing over at his best friend, Shunsui decided that when dealing with an angry, non-glasses wearing Nanao, honesty is probably the best policy otherwise he might get hurt – bad. Jyuushiro didn't look like he was up to acknowledging anything that was going on. He leaned in a little closer to her, "You know those kids books Jyuu was writing?"
"Yes! Yes! Harder! Harder!"
She shot him a deadpan look, "What the hell does that have to do with him watching porn on your couch?"
"I'm getting to that. His publisher cancelled the series, and pressured him into signing a contract to write smut."
"How…"
Shunsui held up his hand, "Hold on, here's something you don't know. Jyuu over there has been supporting his entire family for years, and he needs the money from the book sales desperately to continue to support them. His publisher is convinced that because he was voted Seireitei's number two bachelor by the Women's Association, that his adult work would fly off the shelves." He continued, "The only problem is that Jyuu's emotional growth in some areas as been a bit, ah…stunted."
"That's it, suck your juices off…"
"So this is your bizarre way of helping. What next, taking him to hookers?"
"Well, I thought about that, but since Jyuu needs the money I was thinking about taking him to the red light district and renting a window under the name Yuki."
Nanao was shocked; he was going to pimp out Captain Ukitake? "You can't be serious."
Shunsui shrugged. "He's a good looking guy. It will get him the experience, he will make some money, and he can decide if he likes men or women. I honestly have no idea if he's even straight."
Nanao's face paled. "You're joking. You have got to be joking. You're his best friend!"
"Mmmmm…you suck dick so good! Bend over for me like a good little slut."
"That's why I'm doing this, he has to learn, and what better way than to throw him into the deep end of the onsen?"
"Deep end of the onsen? You are throwing him to the sharks! Can you not see the absolute wrongness of this?"
Nanao ground her teeth and seethed when she looked at her Captain's raised eyebrows and oblivious expression. He is really un-fucking-believable sometimes. Even though Captain Ukitake can be childishly annoying, he really doesn't deserve to be whored out to some old dried up vultures or sick perverts for his first experiences. Good Gods, he's a captain of the Goeti 13, Soul Society's number two bachelor, and his trading cards sell out every time they are in the Seireitei Communication! He is worthy of better – much, much better.
"Oh please! Stop teasing me! Put it in my ass! Fuck me in the ass!"
A strangled whine from the direction of the sofa brought Nanao out of her thoughts. Ukitake was now sitting up, choking the life out of his pillow, and starting at the screen with his face a mask of wide-eyed terror. It was then that she made her decision. It was her job – no her duty – as the vice president of the Shinigami Women's Association to insure the betterment of all shinigami. And helping their number two bachelor get over his apparent newly developed fear of lady parts and write decent erotica would be beneficial for all of Seireitei. Really it would. Yes, that's exactly why she smacked her captain one last time for good measure and hauled Ukitake out of the office by the back of his haori.
"You are not going to bring him to the red light district, and for gods sakes don't show him any more porn. I…I'll figure out a way to handle this."
***SS***
After watching Nanao unceremoniously drag a shell-shocked Jyuushiro out of his office, Shunsui used his good foot to turn the still playing clip screen toward himself while pouring some sake. Well, he might have gone a bit overboard with his performance, but it was really the only way to get Nanao to do what he wanted. Taking a long draw from his cup, he mentally patted himself on the back. He was always meant to be a bachelor, but Jyuu really needed a good woman to take care of him – and who better than his dear sweet Nanao? And to be honest, he wouldn't trust any other man to touch his favorite vice captain.
***SS***
A/N: Reviews, both positive and negative inspire me to improve and keep writing. Thank You to Kazes, who mentioned that I had to enable anonymous reviews in my profile in order for them to work - it's fixed now!
Warnings: Adult situations and language, pissed Nanaos, catatonic Jyuushiros, and scheming Shunsuis.
***SS***
Nanao grit her teeth, grabbed her fan, and stormed into her sleeping Captain's office to get to the bottom of what the hell was going on. The clip player's volume was turned up to the max, and all that could be heard in the room was the sound of slapping skin, panting, and Captain Kyoraku's snoring.
Captain Ukitake didn't even acknowledge her presence as she walked up to him; he was lying on his side, gripping a pillow tightly, and staring at the screen with wide eyes while biting his lip.
"Oh fuck me…fuck me harder!"
Sparing a glance at the clip player that was only supposed to be used for training videos, the very same one she had to fill out three hundred and twenty two pages of paperwork for, she got an eyeful of shaved ladybits, and a hand slapping an ass.
Oh, she was beyond pissed now. Her gods-be-damned lecher Captain screwed with the machine and was having a porn viewing during business hours. Honestly, days like today she wished, prayed that Seireitei would get a fucking sexual harassment policy. Really now, this is the stuff the Women's Association should be dealing with, not shitty romance novels.
"You slutty bitch! You love cock don't you?"
Thankful to the Captain-Commander for breaking her Captain's leg, lest he wanted to run in fear, she removed her glasses and hit him with her fan…hard. He startled and looked up at her with fear filled eyes. "My sweet Nanao, back so soon?"
"Yes, yes! I'm a slutty little whore who loves cock!"
"Captain, what…" she gestured toward the couch, "the hell is that?"
"That's my oldest friend Jyuushiro, we've known each other since…"
He didn't get to finish as another crack from the fan hit him on the side of the face. "No, what the hell is going on? Why are you showing Captain Ukitake porn?"
Glancing over at his best friend, Shunsui decided that when dealing with an angry, non-glasses wearing Nanao, honesty is probably the best policy otherwise he might get hurt – bad. Jyuushiro didn't look like he was up to acknowledging anything that was going on. He leaned in a little closer to her, "You know those kids books Jyuu was writing?"
"Yes! Yes! Harder! Harder!"
She shot him a deadpan look, "What the hell does that have to do with him watching porn on your couch?"
"I'm getting to that. His publisher cancelled the series, and pressured him into signing a contract to write smut."
"How…"
Shunsui held up his hand, "Hold on, here's something you don't know. Jyuu over there has been supporting his entire family for years, and he needs the money from the book sales desperately to continue to support them. His publisher is convinced that because he was voted Seireitei's number two bachelor by the Women's Association, that his adult work would fly off the shelves." He continued, "The only problem is that Jyuu's emotional growth in some areas as been a bit, ah…stunted."
"That's it, suck your juices off…"
"So this is your bizarre way of helping. What next, taking him to hookers?"
"Well, I thought about that, but since Jyuu needs the money I was thinking about taking him to the red light district and renting a window under the name Yuki."
Nanao was shocked; he was going to pimp out Captain Ukitake? "You can't be serious."
Shunsui shrugged. "He's a good looking guy. It will get him the experience, he will make some money, and he can decide if he likes men or women. I honestly have no idea if he's even straight."
Nanao's face paled. "You're joking. You have got to be joking. You're his best friend!"
"Mmmmm…you suck dick so good! Bend over for me like a good little slut."
"That's why I'm doing this, he has to learn, and what better way than to throw him into the deep end of the onsen?"
"Deep end of the onsen? You are throwing him to the sharks! Can you not see the absolute wrongness of this?"
Nanao ground her teeth and seethed when she looked at her Captain's raised eyebrows and oblivious expression. He is really un-fucking-believable sometimes. Even though Captain Ukitake can be childishly annoying, he really doesn't deserve to be whored out to some old dried up vultures or sick perverts for his first experiences. Good Gods, he's a captain of the Goeti 13, Soul Society's number two bachelor, and his trading cards sell out every time they are in the Seireitei Communication! He is worthy of better – much, much better.
"Oh please! Stop teasing me! Put it in my ass! Fuck me in the ass!"
A strangled whine from the direction of the sofa brought Nanao out of her thoughts. Ukitake was now sitting up, choking the life out of his pillow, and starting at the screen with his face a mask of wide-eyed terror. It was then that she made her decision. It was her job – no her duty – as the vice president of the Shinigami Women's Association to insure the betterment of all shinigami. And helping their number two bachelor get over his apparent newly developed fear of lady parts and write decent erotica would be beneficial for all of Seireitei. Really it would. Yes, that's exactly why she smacked her captain one last time for good measure and hauled Ukitake out of the office by the back of his haori.
"You are not going to bring him to the red light district, and for gods sakes don't show him any more porn. I…I'll figure out a way to handle this."
***SS***
After watching Nanao unceremoniously drag a shell-shocked Jyuushiro out of his office, Shunsui used his good foot to turn the still playing clip screen toward himself while pouring some sake. Well, he might have gone a bit overboard with his performance, but it was really the only way to get Nanao to do what he wanted. Taking a long draw from his cup, he mentally patted himself on the back. He was always meant to be a bachelor, but Jyuu really needed a good woman to take care of him – and who better than his dear sweet Nanao? And to be honest, he wouldn't trust any other man to touch his favorite vice captain.
***SS***
A/N: Reviews, both positive and negative inspire me to improve and keep writing. Thank You to Kazes, who mentioned that I had to enable anonymous reviews in my profile in order for them to work - it's fixed now!