The group sat wide eyed and speechless as they watched the video of a disguised Captain Unohana and a very…excited Captain Zaraki. Isane passed out right after she watched her Captain invade the rectum of the eleventh division's fearless leader. Rukia and Nanao were getting their nosebleeds treated by the star of the film, and Kukaku, who was sharing a bowl of popcorn with Yoruichi and Rangiku, cackled loudly as she cheered the fourth squad Captain on.
Unfortunately, the video cut off a couple seconds after Unohana snatched Kenpachi's eye patch off. Luckily, that was basically the end anyway. Everyone's eyes stayed glued to the screen even after the screen went blue. Rangiku stood and hit the lights, then turned and stared into the mortified faces of more than half the women in the room.
"Retsu is
that bitch!" Kukaku blurted. Everyone winced at her calling the fourth squad Captain a bitch and looked to said captain to see her response. Thankfully, Unohana knew that coming from Kukaku, it was meant as a compliment. She smiled and bowed politely in thanks. The room collectively sighed in relief and faced forward giving Rangiku their undivided attention.
"So Captain, we've all seen the video, but were you able to complete your mission," Rangiku said looking to Unohana.
"Of course," the small Captain said as she stood. She walked to the front of the room stopping in front of the blonde woman. Grabbing Rangiku's hand, she reached in her pocket to retrieve the bells, and placed them in Rangiku's hand. "It was five, correct?" she said calmly.
Rangiku looked over to Yoruichi before both of them just shook their heads and laughed.
"You keep em'," Rangiku said, handing the bells back to Captain Unohana..
She gave Rangiku a warm smile, and then went back to her seat. It was hard to believe that this was the same woman they just watched do all those unspeakable things. None of them would ever look at her the same way again. The two leaders of the group had a new respect for the already esteemed Captain.
"Ok, well that was fun right?" Rangiku said looking at the still slightly dumbfounded group. No one uttered a word.
"Uh…ok well, it's funny that Captain Unohana decided to tape her… uh, adventure? Coincidentally, it goes hand-in-hand with this week's lesson which is 'A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words'. Now I'm sure we all know what that means and I'm sure we can all agree that the video we just watched showed us much more than the Captain could ever have told us. Now, since I enjoyed it so much, I've decided to make things a little more interesting. From now on, when you report back to us after your mission, you will bring pictures or a video. You can either have someone take your pictures or video for you, this person will be your 'accomplice', or you can do it yourself, as Captain Unohana has so marvelously done."
Moans and groans came from every corner of the room, but Rangiku simply ignored them.
"Ok now that that's over with, let's see whose turn it is this week. Rukia," she said looking at the list of names.
"Yay, Rukia," yelled Orihime as she bounced up and down in her chair, clapping her hands. Rukia frowned at the over excited human girl and slowly rose from her seat.
"Go on, Rukia," Orihime said pushing the smaller woman to move faster. "I'll cross my fingers and hope you get someone good like maybe Brad Pitt or maybe Captain Kuchiki, he's handsome."
"Incest much," Kukaku said under her breath. There was a collective sweat drop as the bubbly orange haired girl continued to push Rukia to the front. Orihime stood beside her for moral support and held up her crossed fingers for everyone to see. Rukia took a deep breath, closed her eyes and reached into the box, pulling out the first paper her fingers touched. She quickly handed it to Orihime.
"You open it, I can't do it," Rukia insisted.
"Oh, thank you, Rukia! I won't let you down!" Rukia's eye twitched as everyone else watched them in amusement. Orihime excitedly unfolded the paper and read the name to herself before she began jumping up and down again.
"Yay, Rukia! You got Mayuri Kurotsuchi! Isn't that great? I knew crossing my fingers would work."
Orihime's words fell on deaf ears because Rukia lay unconscious at the busty girl's feet. "Oh my gosh, Rukia!" she exclaimed, noticing her friend on the floor. She knelt down and cradled the Kuchiki princess in her arms. "She must be really excited," she said to the group, who for some reason all looked a little nauseous. "Who is Mayuri anyway," she asked no one in particular. Cue second collective sweat drop.
"You know. Creepy mad scientist guy with the face paint…Captain of the twelfth squad," Rangiku said, trying to jog the girl's memory. Orihime looked like she was going to hurt herself she was thinking so hard. Rangiku sighed. "His bankai is a gigantic worm baby looking thing...you know, with the poison."
"Ohhhh, Captain Kurotsuchi!" she exclaimed, as if that wasn't the same name she'd read off the paper.
Everyone in the room just stared at her with a blank expression. They had no words.
Week 4: Rukia Kuchiki and Mayuri Kurotsuchi Mission: A Picture is worth a Thousand Words – I'm too Sexy for my Make-up Day 1 Rukia stared blankly into her brother's koi pond and thought about jumping in head first. Was she being punished for something she'd done? First she was forced into joining the Secret Whore Society, and now she had to somehow get a picture of Captain Kurotsuchi without his make-up on. According to Nemu, the only time she would get a chance to do that was when he was bathing or asleep. To be quite honest she'd rather stick her zanpakuto up her ass, but she supposed she really had no choice in the matter. There was a reason everyone steered clear of the mad scientist. They didn't want to end up in a jar on one of his shelves. He gave her the creeps. She was strongly considering not doing the mission and just taking whatever the consequences were. They couldn't be that bad.
Day 2 Rukia searched Rangiku's face for any sign that she was joking. The penalty for her not doing the mission was certainly not death. That was ridiculous and unreasonable.
"It's true," Rangiku said. "Yoruichi will bludgeon you to death in your sleep. Then afterward, she'll burn all your Chappy stuff."
The blood drained from Rukia's face. Not Chappy. This couldn't be happening. She politely excused herself before turning and running as far away from the Lieutenant as she could. Once she was out of sight Rangiku started laughing so hard she could barely stand. She supposed that was a pretty mean thing to tell the young Shinigami but she just couldn't resist. She really did feel sorry for her.
Rukia kept running until she reached the Kuchiki manor. She ran into her bedroom and did a perfect swan dive into her Chappy plushies. It calmed her down immediately.
She rolled onto her back and made herself comfortable. "This is silly. Yoruichi doesn't even know Chappy. She would never kill anything that cute and loveable…or would she?"
She didn't want to put her favorite bunny's life in danger just because she didn't want to do the stupid mission. It was just a picture after all. At least she didn't have to do what Captain Unohana had done, but then again Unohana really didn't have to take it as far as she did. Rukia began to blush just thinking about the video they'd seen. Although her nose had almost immediately begun to bleed, she found that she couldn't look away from the screen. It was lewd, disgusting and completely fascinating. Realizing there was no other alternative, she sighed and pulled herself away from the pile of stuffed animals. Orihime had practically begged to be her 'accomplice' so the two girls would have to come up with a plan. But first she needed a camera.
Day 3 Rukia and Orihime got to work immediately trying to come up with a plan. The Kuchiki princess was never one to procrastinate, even when it was something she really didn't want to do. After a number of completely idiotic suggestions from Orihime, they finally decided on something simple. Hopefully it would work. Nemu said the only time her Captain took the paint off was when he bathed or was going to bed so they would try catching him in his sleep first. Orihime volunteered her camera so thankfully Rukia hadn't had to purchase one. Once their plan was more or less finalized, the two parted, agreeing to meet up later in Orihime's room. Captain Ukitake, being the kind- hearted man that he was, allowed her to stay in the thirteenth squad's barracks whenever she was in the Soul Society.
Much later that night, Rukia went to meet her busty friend. When she arrived Orihime was waiting outside, instead of in her room as planned, talking to Captain Ukitake. Rukia smacked her palm to her forehead and shook her head. Her friend wore a black ninja outfit that left only her large brown eyes exposed and the camera hung around her neck. Despite her appearance, she was holding a leisurely conversation with the Captain who didn't appear to think anything was out of the ordinary. Then again this was Orihime she was talking about. The word "normal" probably wasn't even in her vocabulary.
Rukia approached the chatting pair, trying not to seem nervous.
"Ah, good evening Rukia," her Captain said. "Orihime was just telling me about you all's plans for the night."
Rukia froze and cut her eyes to her friend, who was no doubt smiling under the black mask, as Ukitake continued. "I've never heard of a pod person before, but they sound interesting."
Rukia looked at her Captain with a '
what the fuck' expression before being grabbed by Orihime.
"Come on Rukia," she said to her dark haired friend. "We really need to get going. Good bye, Captain Ukitake! Nice chatting with you!" she yelled over her shoulder as she started running, pulling a dumbstruck Rukia behind her.
They kept running until they reached Captain Kurotsuchi's living quarters. Rukia turned to Orihime and put her finger to her lips, signaling for her to keep quiet. Orihime nodded her head enthusiastically before doing a series of cartwheels and smashing her back against the wall of the house.
'Does she really think she's a ninja' Rukia thought, slightly regretting bringing her friend. They would surely be caught with her making so much noise. Rukia ran to catch up to the ninja.
"There's the window," Orihime said as she peeked around the corner of the building. "I'll give you a boost, and you look inside."
Rukia nodded her head as they both turned the corner. Orihime braced herself with her back against the wall, clasped her hands together and squatted. Rukia stepped into her friends hands and was lifted high off the ground.
"Can you see anything," Orihime whispered up to her in a strained voice.
"What the hell," Rukia whispered as loud as she could.
"What's wrong?"
"I think he painted his windows black. I can't see anythi…AHHHHHHH…" Both of them screamed as Orihime dropped Rukia and both women fell in a heap on the grass.
"Sorry," Orihime whispered from underneath Rukia's rear end.
"What is that racket," said the unmistakable voice of the twelfth division's Captain. The window above their heads opened and Orihime laid flat in the grass, pulling Rukia down beside her.
'Oh yeah we're really hiding now,' Rukia thought rolling her eyes. Fortunately the Captain didn't stick his head out so he didn't see them. Once they heard the window close again, they let out the breath they were holding.
"Now what," Orihime asked as she pulled the mask down around her neck freeing her flowing hair.
"Well I guess getting a picture through the window is out. I really don't want to try sneaking in there. He gives me the creeps, and I don't even want to think about what he'd do if he caught us." Her body shivered just thinking about it.
"Maybe he'd give us some candy," the bubblehead smiled.
"I'm sure," Rukia replied sarcastically. "Come on lets go back to your place. We can try again tomorrow."
Orihime nodded seriously as they got up, brushed themselves off, and headed back.
Day 4 "Ok, Orihime, this is the plan," Rukia said whipping out her notepad. "You're going to be the lookout while I sneak into Captain Kurotsuchi's room and plant the hidden camera. He should be in the lab along with most of the other twelfth squad members."
Orihime looked at the picture of the ninja bunny standing in front of a door while another bunny, dressed like a Shinigami, placed a stuffed animal on a table in what looked like the nether realm.
"The bunnies are going to give the Captain a gift?" Orihime asked, sounding strangely giddy.
"No. There's a camera hidden inside. We'll be sure to get a shot of him without that make-up on this way." Orihime's face was unreadable at she stared at the odd drawing a few more moments before looking up.
"Ok, let's go," Rukia said, tucking her notepad away.
"Don't we have to wait for the bunnies," Orihime asked obviously confused.
"There are no bunnies, Orihime…just us." Rukia failed miserably at trying to hide her frustration with her friend, but it went completely unnoticed by the orange haired girl.
"But you just said that bunnies were going to help us. Why would you say bunnies were coming if they really aren't?"
Rukia tried to control her twitching eye as she yanked Orihime by the arm and marched to Captain Kurotsuchi's.
It was surprisingly easy to get into the mad scientist's quarters. No one seemed to be around. She practically waltzed right in, but then again, who would be there? Most people avoided Mayuri like a leper.
'Better for us,' Rukia motioned for Orihime to stay on the outside of the house.
"If you see anything give me the signal ok?" Orihime nodded and Rukia turned, walking quickly into the Captain's home.
Thanks to the painted windows it was extremely dark inside, despite it being midday. Rukia had a good idea where his room was from the night before so she headed off in that direction and tried not to run into anything. Even in the dark she could make out some of the disturbing things Mayuri used to decorate and she tried her hardest to ignore it. The house was a lot larger than expected, but it appeared that most of it was underground. There were three separate doors she opened that revealed steps leading underground. Having no desire whatsoever to investigate, she moved on and found his room rather quickly. She stumbled around in the dark room looking for a good spot before something caught her eye.
On the right side of the room was a slightly open closet. Not that an open closet door was odd, but there was a red light coming from inside. Knowing Captain Kurotsuchi, it was a very large possibility that the devil was roasting marshmallows in there. Against her better judgment, she went over to the closet and pulled the door open.
"What the hell?"
Before Rukia could process what her eyes were seeing she heard a strange sound coming from outside, scaring her half to death. She jumped and on impulse snapped a picture of the inside of the closet before slamming the closet door closed.
"What the hell is that," she said as she went to peek down the dark hall that had led her to the bedroom.
"CaKAW…CaKAW!" The sound came again, but much louder than before.
It sounded like a dying ostrich, which was impossible since there were no ostriches in Soul Society.
"CaKAW, CaKAW…QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!"
'
Is that Orihime?' she thought, eyes wide. Her question was answered when, what was obviously a whole barnyard full of farm animals, started making noises.
"Crap. Someone must be coming." In a panic Rukia turned the camera to video mode, threw the stuffed animal onto a table in the corner and ran down the hall, reaching Orihime just as she changed into a sheep. She barreled into her friend almost knocking her over, grabbed her hand and ran to take cover behind a nearby tree. She put her back against the trunk of the tree and tried to catch her breath.
"He has a fucking shrine," she said between breaths. "In his closet…a shrine…Urahara."
"Who are we hiding from," Orihime whispered, obviously not grasping the seriousness of what she'd just said.
"Whoever was coming. Good thing they didn't see us," she said thrusting the camera into her friend's hand.
"Nobody was coming," Orihime said absently as she stared at the picture. "Oh my goodness, Captain Urahara is a God?"
"What? No," she said rolling her eyes. He's obviously obsessed with him. You should see it in real life. It's crazy…wait, what do you mean nobody was coming," she said completely forgetting about the memorial she'd seen in Mayuri's closet. "What was all that noise about? I thought that was the signal."
"You said give you the signal if I saw anything, but then I realized that I didn't know what the signal was, and I couldn't come ask you because you said to stay outside. It was alright at first, but then I saw some birds, then some more birds. Then, I saw someone in the distance. It was so many things…I'm glad you came out when you did. I would have lost my voice. But I just made the first noises I could think of until you finally showed up. So did you find a good spot for the camera?"
The nerve on Rukia's temple throbbed dangerously as she just stared through the trees at Mayuri's residence. She thought about the haphazard way she'd thrown the camera on that table before darting out of the house. She let out a yell of frustration before disappearing in a flash of shunpo leaving a confused Orihime behind.
Day 5 Rukia was pissed. Earlier she'd gone back to Captain Kurotsuchi's, without Orihime, to retrieve the camera. Just as she'd expected there were hours and hours of really awesome footage of absolutely nothing. His bedroom was too dark for the camera to pick up much of anything and even if it had, it had been facing the ceiling anyway. When she returned Orihime was waiting to tell her that Rangiku had decided it was the perfect day to have a movie night…a mandatory movie night to be exact. She could think of approximately a million other things she'd rather do. Although the Society was proving to be a lot more entertaining and informative than she'd ever expected it to be, Kukaku made her nervous and, honestly, so did Yoruichi. If possible, she would like to spend as little time as possible with the deranged group of women.
Plopping down on her bed she closed her eyes and tried to forget about the stupid mission for just a couple hours. She desperately needed to get some sleep. There was no reason for her to be losing sleep over anything having to do with that stupid Society, which was exactly what she had been doing. Just as she began to relax, someone grabbed her shoulders and began shaking her like a rag doll.
"Rukia wake up it's time to go. Do you wanna make us late?"
She opened her eyes as she batted Orihime off of her. How the hell could it possibly be time to go?
"It's still morning," she grumbled. "I thought you said it wasn't until tonight."
"It is night, silly. You've slept the entire day."
Rukia rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and looked out of her window. "I must have been sleepier than I thought," she said. She frowned when she finally turned to her friend, "Why are you wearing pajamas?"
"Because that's what you wear to a pajama party…duh."
"Pajama party! I'm not wearing pajamas." She quickly got up and began pacing around the room going on and on about the pajamas she wasn't going to wear. Orihime sighed and looked at her watch. There was no use arguing with the small Shinigami. Orihime turned without saying a word and began to walk out of Rukia's room.
"Hey." Rukia jumped forward grabbing her friends arm. "Where are you going?"
"To the party. I don't wanna find out what happens if you don't show up. You can stay here if you want. I'll tell Yoruichi and Rangiku that you didn't want to come. See you later…well if they don't kill you I will."
-o0o-
"What's
The Sweetest Thing," Rukia asked.
"We're all about to find out," Rangiku said as she popped in the DVD. "Everyone have their mandatory drink?" Her eyes scanned the room making sure everyone had a cup and then took a seat on the floor. Instead of the usual chairs that were set up when they had their meetings, a sea of multicolored pillows and blankets covered the floor. It was just like a slumber party which was exactly what Rangiku was going for. Rukia had to admit it was a pretty cozy set up and she was much more comfortable in her pajamas.
There was a soft knock at the door that nearly went unheard over all the chatter.
"Someone's at the door," Nanao yelled. "It must be Lisa. She's the only one missing."
Rangiku took her time walking to the door and slid open the window. Before she could ask for the password Lisa blurted - "penis, penis penis…come on, hurry up…open the door she's coming."
"Who's coming," Rangiku asked as she opened the door entirely to slow.
Lisa barreled through the door knocking Rangiku over.
"What the hell, Lisa?" Rangiku yelled as she steadied her cup (real drinkers never spill).
Lisa turned and attempted to slam the door closed just as a green haired woman dressed in white blocked her way.
"Mashiro?" Rangiku said in surprise.
"I tried to out run her,' said the black haired visored. "I even wandered around for a while trying to lose her but she just kept following me."
"Awwwwwwwww…you're having a slumber party and you didn't invite me." Mashiro whined and dropped to the floor, commencing a full blown tantrum.
Rangiku grabbed her arm and drug her inside allowing Lisa to close the door. Yoruichi jumped on top of the green haired woman, straddling her stomach, and put a hand over her mouth. With her cries momentarily muffled and her arms pinned down at her sides, Mashiro momentarily gave up and looked up at Yoruichi.
"So what do we do now that she knows? They'll be no keeping her away after this," Yoruichi said. Rangiku nodded her head in agreement. "I could just kill her and dump her somewhere," she continued with an evil smirk. Mashiro's eyes grew wide and she immediately began to struggle again.
"Captain Shihoin, you really shouldn't kid around like that. People might thing you're serious," a voice said from across the room. It was Retsu, with her kind smile.
"Who says I'm kidding," she said looking down at Mashiro and wagging her eyebrows.
"Well, I guess we could let her join, but she'll definitely have to prove herself. I mean there was a reason she wasn't invited to join in the first place. Of course it wasn't that I didn't think she had what it took as much as the fact that she annoys the fuck out of me," Rangiku said looking down at the struggling woman. "I really don't think we have a choice at this point."
Yoruichi looked down at their possible new recruit, "If you shut up, I'll get off you." Mashiro stopped struggling and locked her hazel eyes on Yoruichi's face. "We have a deal," Yoruichi asked.
Mashiro's eyes darted around the room briefly taking in all the faces for the first time, and then cautiously nodded her head. Yoruichi slowly removed her hand from the woman's mouth and stood. Mashiro took the hand that the golden eyed Captain offered her and pulled herself up. All eyes were on her and she suddenly felt like running for the hills.
"Ok, here's the deal," said Yoruichi, "if you want into our little Society you're gonna have to prove yourself."
"Society? What do you do?"
"Fuck," Kukaku answered.
Rukia gasped at her crude answer, right along with everyone else in the room. Mashiro raised her eyebrow in question. Surely she was joking. As if she'd read her mind Yoruichi continued, "We are the Shinigami Women's Secret Society. We meet once a week and spend our time getting to know each other better and uhh…learning new things. We just want everyone to be able to open up and have some fun…not be so serious all the time. We encourage every member to forge relationships with others in the Seireitei as well—"
"Yea, by fucking them," Kukaku interjected. Then she turned to Yoruichi with a smirk, "You're so full of shit."
All eyes were on Mashiro as she seemed to be mulling over what she'd been told. "Weeeell," she started in her whiny voice, "I can think of a couple people I'd like to 'open up' to, but the only thing I want to forge a relationship is Toshiro's dick."
Every jaw in the room was on the floor…even Kukaku's. "Oh shit!" she exclaimed. Rangiku was the first to recover.
"Do you want to sit upon his frozen heavens?" the blonde Lieutenant grinned.
The room erupted in laughter…even Mashiro.
"Well I want to sit on somebody's something. Maybe Captain Kyoraku…he just makes me wanna—mmmm…or better yet him and Starrk together. I wonder who's bigger—"
"You're in," Rangiku interrupted. She didn't need to hear any more. She would fit in perfectly.
Rukia couldn't believe the exchange she'd just witnessed. She was beginning to see that this sort of general insanity and complete lack of formality was what defined this group. Between living with her brother and being a Soul Reaper, there were definitely enough rules and regulations in her life. Smiling to herself as everyone finally began to settle down to watch the movie, she knew that no matter what she did or said with this group of women, no one would judge her. With them she was completely free to do and say whatever was on her mind. She downed her drink in one gulp and then turned to Orihime. "Tomorrow we're getting that picture."
Her friend nodded just as the movie started.
Day 6 Rukia had her first hangover, and surprisingly she enjoyed the hell out of it.
Day 7 When Orihime met Rukia outside of Mayuri's home it was so early even the Gods weren't awake yet. The plan was to catch him before he was able to put the paint on. Rukia was going to sneak in the front while Orihime made a ruckus outside. They were banking on him getting up to look out the window like he did the first time they'd come.
"Ok, Orihime, you count to ten then do whatever you have to do to get Captain Kurotsuchi to get out of bed."
Her friend smiled at her and nodded.
"Ok, go."
Rukia flash stepped around to the front of the house and easily picked the lock. She was surprised he didn't booby-trap the door, but I guess intruders were never something he had to worry about. Everyone was scared shitless of him. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she crept down the long hallway to his bedroom. Halfway down, she heard Orihime scream bloody murder outside.
'Well if that doesn't get him up I don't know what will,' she thought. When she reached his half closed door, she stood as quiet as possible and waited. Orihime had switched from screaming to the barn animals. It would only be a matter of time before he'd be forced to get up. She only hoped that the whole Seireitei didn't wake up as well.
"What is all that racket," said the familiar voice of the twelfth squad Captain.
Rukia prepared to make a run for it. She couldn't risk being seen or Gods only knew what he'd do to her. Orihime was now mooing like a cow.
'I hope she doesn't run out of animals,' she thought. Rukia heard what sounded like him stretching then in a tired voice he said, "My my, it seems someone wants to die in the wee hours of the morning. I suppose it's my duty to assist them."
There was a slight creak of a door, a closet maybe…making Rukia remember what she'd seen the last time she'd been there. Making a note to tell the group of her findings at the next meeting, she leaned in a little closer to the door. There was a loud squeal from outside…a pig maybe, then she heard it. The window slid open and Rukia wasted no time tipping into the room, camera ready.
Rukia froze.
'What the fuck!' Another shriek from outside snapped Rukia out of her stupor. She fumbled with the camera for a moment before snapping the picture and flash stepping out of the room before Mayuri could realize what had happened. She met Orihime in the trees they'd hid in before. She was still visibly rattled but Orihime was so eager to see the picture she didn't notice. Snatching the camera from Rukia, she crouched down and scrolled to the last picture taken.
'Maybe I didn't really see what I thought I saw. It was dark and I was moving pretty fast.' Orihime interrupted her thoughts, "Aww Rukia your finger was in the way. You didn't get it. What are we gonna do now?"
"Are you shitting me? Fuck!" She sighed and plopped down on the ground beside her friend. "This is my last chance. Tomorrow is the meeting." The two girls sat in silence for a moment seemingly both trying to come up with a plan. Rukia stood and dusted herself off.
"Let's go," she said over her shoulder to Orihime. "There's only one way I can get it now."
Rukia checked the time. Captain Kurotsuchi usually went to his lab around nine. God only knew how long it took him to put on that damned paint, but she was going to have to take her chances. She walked into the house with Orihime close behind and was glad to hear that the shower was running.
"I can't believe I'm going to do this," she said, more to herself than to Orihime.
They made their way down the dark hall until they reached his room. Rukia poked her head inside before walking in and heading for the bathroom. The door was cracked letting the steam escape into the rest of the house. It was as large as, if not larger than, his bedroom. A long narrow sitting room led into a huge, sparkling, white bathroom.
"Oh my—," Orihime slapped her hand over her mouth, not to keep herself from talking, but to keep herself from drooling all over Rukia's back. At that moment Rukia knew that she had not been hallucinating when she'd come in earlier. Both girls became instantly moist, the steam making them even more hot and bothered.
"Are you sure this is the right house," Orihime asked taking the words right out of Rukia's mouth.
There was no possible way the man in the glass shower at the far end of the bathroom could possibly have been Captain Kurotsuchi. There was just no way in hell. His five foot eight frame boasted surprisingly well-defined muscles. A number of scars, that were probably self inflicted, adorned his lightly bronzed skin. The golden knobs that replaced his ears and the blue hair he was currently running his fingers through, were the only indication of his true identity. His back was arched and his head was tilted upwards letting the water beat down on his face.
"Fuck me," Rukia said feeling no shame whatsoever. She glanced down at her 'Bossy' bracelet for the first time owning it. She elbowed Orihime, knocking the girl out of her trance and snapped a couple pictures.
'Who would have fucking thought' Rukia thought. Mayuri was totally fuckable. Under all that paint and crazy was bona fide sexy piece of man candy. What a waste.
After taking the pictures the two of them couldn't tear themselves away.
"Wouldn't it be nice if he turned around," Orihime whispered in Rukia's ear. Rukia's head snapped towards her friend with a shocked look on her face. Or course it would be nice; it would be fucking Christmas in July! As a matter of fact, she couldn't remember the last time she'd wanted something more, but
Orihime wasn't supposed to be the one to say it.
"What?" Orihime shrugged. "I'm not blind you know."
"Well, I know, but…it's just that it's…you." Orihime shrugged and they both turned to continue watching.
Just as they let out a simultaneous dreamy sigh Mayuri turned slightly, his eyes still closed, to reach for a bottle of shampoo. As the two watched everything seemed to move in slow motion. Their eyes slowly widened as their mouths opened expectantly.
"Victory is mine!" Orihime yelled. Rukia couldn't snatch her out of there fast enough.
-o0o-
For anyone who hasn't seen The Sweetest Thing do yourself a favor and watch it. It's hilarious…well it is to me anyway, and it will be reference more later on.
