The Sweetest Downfall

a/n: Another chapter. Surprise!

Much love to all my reviewers, who enjoy this little pet project of mine. Thanks to Lynzee, Yakumo, Kuromei, and Anise. I hope to not take so long on the next chapter!

Warnings: some skips in time, some violence, some boykisses, spoilers, language, in other words, nothing you haven't seen in this fic before

The Sweetest Downfall – Part Seven
Drowning in Whispers
 
Renji was torn.
 
He should have considered the Living World assignment to be prestigious, but in reality, a part of him wanted nothing more than to return to Soul Society. With Izuru.
 
It wasn't that he didn't understand the soutaichou's purpose in assigning them – himself, Matsumoto-fukutaichou, Hitsugaya-taichou, Ikkaku-san, and Yumichika-san – to the Living World. In fact, Renji understood it all too well. They were facing a war unlike anything they had ever seen before. Aizen was a very real threat and Soul Society had to be prepared for the worst.
 
It was also a good chance for Renji to grow stronger, capitalizing on Urahara-san's training, or his form of it anyway.
 
Still, a part of him remained in Soul Society. And it might have been a bit selfish, but he missed Izuru. The occasionally-exchanged letters weren't quite enough, and he worried for Izuru as well, since tensions were still high in Soul Society. Though no one said it explicitly, Renji knew that people continued to whisper about Izuru, speculating on his possible connection to Ichimaru.
 
Izuru was strong enough to stand up to the gossip; Renji believed. Still, he wanted to be there.
 
That desire originated in equal parts above and below his waist.
 
This relationship stuff was a bit new to him. He felt like some idiot newlywed or someone equally foolish and doting in the area of his heart.  And below?  No surprises. But he knew that  if he did give in to the feelings above his waist and rush back, Izuru would interpret Renji's sudden reappearance in Soul Society as a vote of no-confidence in Izuru's own capability.
 
So Renji kept his pining to himself. He silently endured being teased by Ikkaku-san and the others about it . It was bad enough when they didn't know the source of his discomfort; if they did, he could only imagine what might be said.  And shudder.
 
Time spent in the Living World was a mixture of boredom and excitement. He freeloaded on Urahara-san's good nature, helped keep the shoten in good order, and trained with that kid Sado, who was actually pretty strong. Renji would have almost believed that Aizen was giving them some sort of leeway, until the group of Arrancar decided to pick a fight. And it galled him that it had taken some effort to defeat Ylfordt.
 
Obviously, Renji wasn't strong enough yet.
 
Then the Arrancar attacked again. When the dust settled, Inoue had been taken. Ichigo, to be expected, wanted to go after her immediately. Renji agreed with him, and he knew that Rukia did as well. Everyone wanted to rescue the girl. She was one of them, their companion, their nakama. And like the others, Renji didn't believe for one second that she had betrayed them.
 
Therefore, he didn't understand when Soul Society decided to treat her as a traitor and abandon her to Aizen. He had wanted to protest the order that returned them to Soul Society, but Renji was on precarious ground already. He had disobeyed orders once, and only Kuchiki-taichou's leniency – and Aizen's betrayal – had saved him from punishment and possible demotion. Renji had no choice; he returned to Soul Society, remembering well the look of angered betrayal on Ichigo's face.
 
Renji knew, without having to ask, that Ichigo had no intention of obeying Yamamoto-soutaichou's orders. After all, Ichigo wasn't under Soul Society's command. Sometimes, Renji thought that the soutaichou conveniently forgot that.
 
And Renji? He wallowed in indecision, pinioned between duty and desire.
 
- - - - - -
 
“Renji, if you keep pacing across the floor like that, you're going to wear it down,” Izuru commented.
 
Pausing mid-step, Renji flushed to his hairline, but still smiled at the touch of humor in the blond man's tone. “Sorry,” he apologized, drawing in a slow breath. Restlessness stirred his feet, made him want to keep pacing even if it got him nowhere. “I'm jes thinkin'.”
 
“So I noticed.” The sound of a polishing cloth running over metal paused as Izuru looked up at him, blue eyes sympathetic. “What are you going to do?”
 
Renji lifted his shoulders, that question something he had already asked himself time and time again. “I don't know.” A frustrated hand dragged through his hair, tugging on his ponytail. “Ichigo's not going to sit around. He ain't th' type to do that.”
 
Wabisuke returned to his sheath, and Izuru rose from his chair. “Kurosaki-san doesn't consider himself aligned one way or the other. He only cares about his friends.”
 
True. But Renji had always considered Ichigo to be on their side despite all that. He couldn't fathom Ichigo joining Aizen. For any reason. Ichigo's sense of justice – more his own than his loose alliance with Soul Society – pretty much made that an impossibility.
 
Ichigo was going after Orihime. Renji didn't even have to ask to know that. And he also knew that Ichigo wouldn't ask for help. The orange-haired brat would just dive into danger without thinking about anyone else, making Rukia worry. Making all of them worry, to be honest. But Ichigo wouldn't have so much as a second thought about going into danger to rescue a friend.
 
“What would you do?” Renji asked, turning to face his lover.
 
Izuru had moved to the window, parting the wood blinds to peer into the late evening's orange-hued sunlight. His profile in shadow, he said calmly, “If it were me, I would do what I think is right, and not necessarily what Soul Society tells me to do.” He glanced at Renji, his smile soft and haunted. “I know it seems like I follow the rules all the time, Renji-kun, but sometimes, I do believe it's better not to.”
 
There was a hint of something else in his words. Something that reminded Renji of their prior conversations, of the suggestion that Izuru might have gone with Ichimaru if only Ichimaru had asked. And Renji hated that simple reminder. Loathed it with every fabric of his being.
 
“I'm not 'xactly a prime example of listenin' to my superiors either,” Renji said, drawing up beside his lover as he remembered doing his damnedest to save Rukia. Going against her brother and the orders from his very own captain. Doing it because he knew it was the best action and he couldn't let Kurosaki have all the credit anyway.
 
“You've already made up your mind, Renji-kun,” Izuru murmured, his hand reaching out as his fingers slid up Renji's arm. “I don't know why you are still debating it.”
 
Izuru had a point. Maybe Renji thought he needed someone to justify his decision, to prove that he was doing the right thing. Maybe he needed Izuru to tell him that it wasn't stupid and it wasn't suicide and to go against the soutaichou's orders didn't make him a traitor. Because try as he might, Renji couldn't believe that Inoue-san would betray them – betray Ichigo – like that.
 
“Yeah, I don't either,” Renji admitted, his skin prickling where Izuru had touched him so lightly. He slid an arm around the blond, pulling Izuru tight against him and luxuriating in the feel of the other body so close to his. “Seems like I'm goin' ta Hueco Mundo.”
 
- - - - -
 
“My orders were only to ensure that you returned to Soul Society,” Kuchiki-taichou explained blandly, though his eyes couldn't quite hide the truth. “I did not receive any orders regarding what do you with you after that. Do as you wish.”
 
“Nii-sama?” Rukia was confused, strangely enough, because Renji understood his captain's insinuations in a few seconds.
 
His anger at being forced back to Soul Society bled out of him, replaced by a relief that flooded his reiatsu. Either way, Renji had already made his decision. He was going with Ichigo. It was a plus that Kuchiki-taichou wasn't going to stop him, because Renji didn't know if he was strong enough yet to go through his captain.
 
Kuchiki-taichou turned away from them with a dramatic flourish as he liked to do, only to pause. “It gets cold in Hueco Mundo. See me before you leave.”
 
And then he was gone in a flutter of white scarf, leaving Rukia and Renji to stare after him in a mix of disbelief and yeah, for Renji, a whole lot of respect. Kuchiki-taichou had really changed, not that Renji was disappointed. He thought that it made his captain stronger in some ways. And Renji had to admit he approved of the joy he sometimes caught in Rukia's eyes now.
 
It made him feel just a bit less guilty for the mistake he had made in the past concerning her. Renji started to believe that maybe it was a good thing Rukia joined the Kuchiki.
 
“Did he just...?”
 
“Yeah, he did.” Renji grinned, clapping Rukia on the shoulder, a part of him ridiculously happy that he could do that now. “Seems like we got our permission.”
 
Rukia snorted, though the admiration in her eyes belied her feelings. “I didn't need it. I was going anyway. And so were you.” The last was said as though Renji had no choice in the matter.
 
Not that he cared, since he'd chosen to go on his own.
 
“True. But it's nice ta have some support, yeah?” Renji's hand slid from her shoulder. “Meet ya at the gate?” He had a few things to grab before he could leave.  He had to tell  Izuru, too.
 
“Make it quick. We still have to sneak out. I'll get whatever nii-sama wants to give us.”
 
“You,” Renji said.  "It'd surprise the hell outta me if he had anythin' for me.”
 
Rukia rolled her eyes.
 
“I can guess that you're not packing for a surprise vacation at the hot springs?”
 
That voice jolted Renji from his memories. He glanced up to find Izuru standing there, the blond's emotions carefully shielded.
 
He hadn't expected anyone else. Renji shook his head as he stuffed a few more  items into a small pouch, important bits like a small vial of Ikkaku-san's healing ointment.
 
“When I come back,” Renji said, the idea growing within him now that Izuru had mentioned it, “I think we all need some kinda vacation or somethin'.”
 
Izuru stepped into the room, eyes flickering over the assortment of items Renji had gathered. “You're leaving tonight?”
 
Renji nodded, cinching the ties shut as he pondered where he would attach the heavy pouch. On second thought, he opened it up and pulled out a few items.
 
“Yeah. We gotta catch up to Ichigo before he gets himself into trouble without us,” Renji explained.
 
He snorted, thinking of the mess the kid could cause on his own.  Ichigo was like a damn magnet for trouble and complication. It followed him everywhere.
 
Izuru made a noncommittal sound of agreement in his throat, and it was then that Renji had a thought. He wondered why he hadn't considered it before.
 
Dropping his hands, Renji looked at his lover. “Ya know, ya could come with us. We could use all the help we can get.”
 
Something in Izuru's expression eased at the invitation, even as he shook his head. “There's no one else capable of taking control of the third. I might not be their favorite candidate, but I am all they have.”
 
Renji winced. On one hand, Izuru had stopped blaming himself – at least outwardly – for all of Ichimaru's actions. On the other, his statement made it clear that his self-confidence hadn't entirely returned. It didn't help that the upper echelons continued to treat Izuru as though he were some sort of traitor only waiting to betray them all.
 
The blond continued, “Besides, the smaller the group, the better chance you have of staying outside Aizen and Ichimaru's detection.”
 
Renji realized that Izuru had just mentioned Ichimaru's name without a single ounce of hesitation or stumble. That was a change, and a welcome one: Renji could count on the fingers of one hand the times Izuru had mentioned any of the traitors voluntarily. That he could do so now greatly reassured Renji.
 
He grinned at his lover, although the expression lacked his usual enthusiasm. “Yeah, yer probably right.” Izuru had always been a better tactician than Renji was himself. Renji was more the sort to jump into battle and hack away, relying on sheer force with the occasional brilliant idea thrown in for good measure. Izuru, while lacking none of Renji's courage, was a more cerebral combatant.
 
Renji glanced at the clock and cursed under his breath. “Shit, I gotta meet Rukia before she leaves without me.”
 
“If I know Kuchiki-san, she definitely will,” Izuru teased. There was a touch of worry in his tone, but he didn't voice it and Renji knew he never would.
 
They were both Shinigami, both warriors. They were supposed to fight and risk their lives. It was part and parcel of their positions. And they had faith in one another's abilities. So worry was kept to one's own self.
 
Renji threw his bag over his shoulder and crossed the floor, stopping at Izuru's side. He hesitated when he caught the briefly unguarded look in Izuru's blue eyes. This was the kind of moment when people said emotional things, admitted feelings when they hadn't before, and had all kinds of revelations. Renji knew that unspoken words tiptoed through his heart.
 
“Izuru--”

Before he could get anything out, Izuru kissed him, and Renji had to admit that he liked that option better. He pulled Izuru tight against him, memorizing the feel of the blond in his arms, as he deepened the kiss. Izuru tasted of citrus and tea, crisp and soothing, and his kiss was aggressive, tongue sliding into Renji's mouth and seeking to dominate. It made something inside Renji heat with want, especially as Izuru's fingers gripped his shitagi tightly, holding him in place.
 
The kiss stretched on, until Renji was certain he wouldn't be able to breathe without remembering the taste of Izuru. Not necessarily a bad thing. And when it ended, Renji had the brief and passing thought of wanting to stay, just to see where else he could take it. But the pull of loyalty proved too strong and Renji reluctantly pulled away.
 
“I'd tell you no heroics, but I know better than that,” Izuru commented with a light smile that didn't match the worry in his eyes. “So all I'll say is that you better wreak some havoc for me while you're there.”
 
Renji looked at him and chuckled. That was the Izuru he knew. “I'll rip down a tower just for you,” he cooed teasingly, laughing when Izuru rolled his eyes and released him.
 
“Get going,” the blond tossed over his shoulder, already striding the hallway.
 
No tearful goodbyes for them. Renji liked it better that way. He grinned and did as his lover commanded, slipping into the night with his reiatsu tightly clamped within him. He wasn't as good as someone like Kyouraku-taichou, but he could sneak around when needed. And Renji used the thieving skills he had learned long ago in Rukongai to his advantage, slipping through the shadows to his rendezvous with Rukia.
 
To his surprise, Kuchiki-taichou was there when Renji arrived, obviously waiting with Rukia. “Abarai-fukutaichou, you're late,” Renji's taichou chastised as Rukia grinned at Renji, probably guessing what had delayed him.
 
Renji winced. “Ah, sorry, taichou.”
 
“What? I don't get an apology?” Rukia demanded impatiently, placing her hands on her hips.
 
Renji grinned. “I've known you too long for that,” he said, and was even more surprised when Kuchiki-taichou suddenly thrust a bundle of cloth in his direction. It was the same color and design as Rukia's, and the look in his captain's eyes demanded that Renji ask no questions and just be grateful for the unexpected gift.
 
“Thanks, taichou,” Renji said.
 
“You have nothing to thank me for, Abarai-fukutaichou,” Kuchiki-taichou said gruffly.
 
Renji had learned not to take such cold words personally. That was just Kuchiki-taichou's way.
 
Renji watched as Kuchiki-taichou turned towards Rukia, briefly laying his hand on her shoulder and squeezing. Honestly, that was the most affection Renji had ever seen his captain give his sister. Things really had changed. Even if Aizen's betrayal had sucked in so many ways, it had also managed to bring about the healing of some things broken.
 
“I will be expecting your return,” Kuchiki-taichou said, dropping his hand and turning to walk away, that damn scarf a flutter of fabric behind him.
 
Admittedly, the look on Renji's face had to have been a gawk. Because he watched Kuchiki-taichou leave with utter disbelief etched into his expression. And the look on Rukia's face was priceless – beaming with pride and love both, her shoulders emboldened with strength.
 
Watching them, Renji felt something start to shift in himself, though he couldn't explain it. And for the first time, he began to believe supporting Rukia in her choice to be adopted into the Kuchiki was not a serious mistake.
 
He no longer had to look at the relationship between himself and Rukia as something damaged. Where once it had been strained, barely visited, only a memory that sought to fade in the back of Renji's mind... now it was returning to life. Like a flower in spring after the first rainfall, sprouting new leaves, and growing strong this time around. It was bittersweet in some ways, however, because where Renji had once believed he loved Rukia and would never love another, he looked at her now and saw only his best friend.
 
She was dear to him, a precious presence in his life. But she wasn't the one. She wasn't the one person who mattered most to him. She no longer owned his heart. It was strange how things such as that could change without Renji realizing it was in the process of being altered. Without even noticing.
 
“Come on, Renji, let's go,” Rukia said, startling Renji from his revelations. A light smile touched her lips. “Who knows what kind of trouble that idiot will get into without us.”
 
How funny that it should be the same thing Renji had just told Izuru not but twenty minutes earlier. Renji chuckled. “Yeah, he's hopeless without us.”
 
- - - - -
 
Renji cursed under his breath. He was absolutely lost. Of course, he would have had to know where he was in the first place to actually consider himself lost. Or even where he was going. Wandering around aimlessly in Las Noches wasn't accomplishing anything, and all the while, he felt the constraints of time closing around him.
 
Scowling, Renji broke into a light jog, bothered by the stark atmosphere of the palace. Everything was white. Why was everything white? And it was completely silent, lacking in all evidence of life. Which made sense considering its location, but still, it was eerie. The lack of noise disturbed Renji. As did the walls, which practically vibrated with negative reiatsu.
 
Growling, Renji skidded to a stop, finding himself in the middle of a four-way intersection. Which way was he supposed to go? They all looked the same!
 
His hands curled into fists at his side as he considered, his senses of little help here. Reiatsu flooded the walls and floors around him, pulsing through the air. The feel of Hollow drowned out all else.
 
“Ya look a little lost, Renji-kun. Need some directions?”
 
The voice slithered through the air, sliding into Renji's ears with all kinds of familiarity. For a minute there, he was taken back to several weeks prior. To a body rising in the sky, surrounded by a golden halo. To a smirk and words of betrayal. To terrible pain ripping through his body as he failed to save Rukia.
 
And then even further still. To the feel of Renji's knees on a wooden floor. To the warm heat pressed against his back and a tongue mouthing his throat. Teeth grazing and purred words of seduction. His hair pulled and faint imprints of fingers lingering on his skin.
 
Renji whirled, heart stuttering at the sight of Ichimaru Gin lounging behind him, appearing out of thin air. The traitor leaned against the wall, arms folded into the voluminous sleeves of his clothes – all white, a complete contrast to the black of the Shinigami. That ever-present smile was the only thing completely familiar about him, and try as he might, Renji couldn't spot Shinsou. That didn't mean he could be any less wary.
 
“Ichimaru!”
 
“Were ya expectin' someone else?” Ichimaru said in that half-mocking tone that Renji had come to despise during the duration of their agreement.
 
Renji's hand fell to Zabimaru's hilt, though he didn't draw his zanpakutou. He didn't have to stretch his senses to know that Ichimaru was a lot stronger than him. Besides, he had the feeling somehow that Ichimaru wasn't here to attack him. That he was here for something else.
 
He watched Ichimaru warily, finding words difficult, mostly because he wasn't sure what to say at this point. That they were now obvious enemies was a moot point, what with the past that lay between them. The past and the ghost of Izuru's presence.
 
Ichimaru cocked his head to the side. “So tell me, Renji-kun, are ya doin' like I asked? Are ya watchin' over Izuru fer me?”
 
“I didn't need you to tell me to do that,” Renji growled, his back straight, and stiffening with tension. Emotions crested inside of him; it felt weird to see Ichimaru again, unsettling.  Weirder than it should have. Weirder than them just being former allies. “I'm not givin' him back now that you've abandoned him.”
 
Amusement stretched Ichimaru's grin out further, and one eyebrow arched. “Things 'ave changed in my absence, have they?” Ichimaru straightened, moving away from the wall with that fluid strength of his Renji's body remembered far too well.
 
Renji tensed, but for the most part, his former lover's movements remained unthreatening. “Well, don' worry. He's not mine to take.”
 
“He never was,” Renji growled, feeling as if the air was thick around them, like trying to breathe through water. And it had nothing to do with the difference in their reiatsu.
 
Ichimaru chuckled, the sound slithering through the hall. “So feisty, Renji-kun. That's why yer such a good choice fer him.”
 
“Just so ya know, he's fine without ya,” Renji said, one sandal sliding backwards as though to retreat, though he didn't actually step. He felt jealous for reasons he couldn't fully explain. Not even to himself. “He doesn't need ya anymore.”
 
And obviously, he was feeling a mite possessive as well.
 
“Is that so?” Ichimaru drew nearer, his footsteps silent against the white floor. And Renji, for his part, couldn't seem to move.
 
He didn't know why. He just stood there as Ichimaru got closer. And the feel of the former captain's reiatsu crawled over Renji, prickling at his skin. It was a tide of power that paralyzed him from head to toe. But it wasn't the reason Renji couldn't move, at least not the whole reason.
 
“I told ya, didn't I?” Ichimaru continued. “That he's stronger than ya think.”
 
Refusing to be cowed by Ichimaru, Renji squared his shoulders. He didn't want or need to be thrust into the past, where he let Ichimaru do as he pleased for Izuru's sake. Things were different now; Renji was different now. And Ichimaru didn't intimidate him quite the same anymore.
 
“Ya love 'im?”
 
The question, sudden and quite personal, threw off the tide of indignation that Renji had been building. “I...” He blinked. “What the hell? That's my business, not yours!”
 
Ichimaru chuckled, and when he lifted a hand, Renji didn't avoid the fingers that gripped his chin. Cold fingers that echoed the chill that permeated all of Hueco Mundo and Las Noches by proxy.
 
“That's all the answer I need, Renji-kun,” Ichimaru practically purred, and Renji was treated to the sight of Ichimaru's irises as he opened his eyes by a fraction. “It seems I really did leave Izuru-kun in good hands. I knew it right from th' start.”
 
His fingers stroked the side of Renji's face, and strangely, Renji didn't shudder. Not as he would have before. An odd feeling of – pity, was it? – rose strongly inside of him as he watched Ichimaru watch him. The smile on the traitor's face seemed less mocking and more... thoughtful? Regretful? As though he'd lost something he couldn't get back. It was a soft reflection of the last expression Ichimaru had given Renji when last they spoke, weeks ago in the holding cell before Ichimaru revealed himself to be a traitor.
 
“Ya tryin' to tell me ya had some sort of plan?” Renji asked, one hand gripping tightly to Zabimaru's hilt. Yet, he had no urge to attack. Why? Did he want to understand that badly? “That this is the way ya wanted things?”
 
“Now Renji-kun, I can't go givin' away all my secrets, can I?” Ichimaru tipped his head to the side, silvery strands of hair sliding over his forehead. “Ya jes keep doin' what yer doin' and everythin' will turn out jes fine.”
 
More confused than before, Renji's brow wrinkled. There was a subtle rise of reiatsu in the air, encloaking but not debilitating. It felt like a battle. “What the hell are ya--”
 
Blackness swept through his vision, and Renji barely remembered falling, much less hitting the ground. He last felt Ichimaru's reiatsu sweeping over him, more power than Renji thought possible for a single man to contain.
 
When Renji woke, an undetermined time later, it was to Dondochakka leaning over him worriedly. Either Ichimaru had knocked him out with a pretty potent kidoh, or the force of his reiatsu was just that powerful. Either way, it was damn embarrassing.
 
“You're awake!” the Hollow declared with a fit of glee, clapping his hands together loudly. “I was pretty worried there for a minute, doncha know?”
 
Renji groaned and sat up, one hand cradling his forehead where it felt he'd just spent the entire night binge-drinking. His skull pulsed and throbbed, mouth parched like the desert. He wondered how long he had been unconscious. Surely not too long since Dondochakka had caught up with him somehow.
 
Ichimaru hadn't attacked him. Hadn't injured him at all. Had he just stopped by to ask Renji about Izuru without the possibility of battle interfering? Was that really the purpose behind the visit?
 
Dondochakka reached down, hauling Renji to his feet without being asked. “We got to hurry!” he urged. “Nel-sama might be in danger, doncha know!”
 
“Yeah, yeah,” Renji muttered, shaking his head to clear out the cobwebs from his unwanted nap. He still felt a little wobbly, but he assumed that would pass with time. He had things to do. He couldn't waste minutes sitting here recovering.
 
Besides, it was no use trying to understand Ichimaru anyway. The traitor did what he wanted to, always had. Renji had better things to concentrate on right now, bigger worries.
 
He had no effort to spare for Ichimaru, not anymore.
 
* * *

a/n: Two more chapters, my lovelies, and all will be explained, I assure you. I do hope that you enjoyed!