Prey

Chapter 7

Hey everyone another chapter for you all! Hope you guys like where this is going because I'm just getting started! So I made a huge mistake back in my past chapters Renji's older brother is supposed to Kaien NOT Shuuhei! So I went back and re-edited the past chapters, so if you were confused hopefully this makes up for it. For those of you new readers please ignore this warning seeing how I fixed it already. I also took off chapter 5 because it was an Author's Note and I found it highly annoying so this really is Chapter 7! I promise I am sane... somewhat. Updates will probably become less frequent because I'm trying to move, my laptop broke deleting everything because stupid me forgot to make sure to save everything on my flash drive, so I have to go to the library and I'm also in the middle of helping my mom find a new place to live. Oh and the icing on this fucked up cake of mine I have the flu, so I am on a coughdrop, and hot tea diet, hooray!

So in return for you guys being patient with me I will write longer chapters but I will have less frequent updates until I get a new laptop which is going to be a while because of my very limited and extremely ti~ny budget. I am extremely sorry and I hope you guys will continue to be patient with me. :) Yay! But I do foresee probably 15 to 20 chapters, possibly more, for this story... so YAY ME! Thank you to everyone who has favorited, reviewed and following this story you guys are awesome!

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Bleach but if Kubo ever offers I will definitely let you guys know. And I don't make any money off of this, seriously. I'm horribly and definitely broke so don't sue me.

SpiceyIceey OUT!

Chapter 7

The morning came very quickly, too quickly for Renji's taste. He groaned as he tried to move, only to pull himself into a ball as pain spread through his lower back, hips and even down his legs. He was going to fucking kill Kenpachi... as soon as he could move again.

He reached out and felt the side where Kenpachi was sleeping and his eyes flew open as he saw it was empty and sat up. He searched the room for the man but he didn't see him anywhere.

Kenpachi looked in the room as Renji sat up, looking for him. He watched as he looked over to the doorway, the closet which was open and then when he looked under the bed, Kenpachi finally gave up his game of I spy.

"What am I supposed to be? The boogeyman?" He barked, Renji jumped and faced him with a bright red face, stammering for an excuse. He marched over and sat on the bed, pulling the smaller man to his lap and threading his fingers through his hair. He smirked when Renji leaned into his touch and almost purred.

Renji won't admit that when he woke up, it felt like when he was with Byakuya all over again. He was a bit saddened by it but he honestly thought they had a good connection? Well they had to have one otherwise he wouldn't have said anything. But maybe it didn't matter about the person? Bah who knows? He ran his fingers along Kenpachi's corded neck, rubbing the knotted muscle. He felt his hands get tangled in silky black hair, he looked up.

"Your hair is down." Kenpachi grunted and shrugged his shoulders. Renji played with the strands while Kenpachi rolled his eyes. "I like this, your hair down like this, it doesn't make you look like a sea urchin." Kenpachi gave a dry look at the horrible joke.

"Is that supposed to be funny?" Renji laughed at the put out expression that crossed his face. Kenpachi grunted and stood up causing Renji to clutch to his shoulders. Kenpachi didn't hold on to Renji just watched as he slipped from his grasp, laughing as Renji's ass met the unforgiving floor. Renji scowled as he looked up, muttering about sea urchins and mean streaks.

Kenpachi walked over to the door, and reached out. Renji was brought out of his little rampage when he smelled food wafting in. Kenpachi put the tray on the bed and suddenly Renji became ravenous. There was steamed rice, miso soup, grilled salmon, tamagoyaki, some tsukemono and a small plate with mayonnaise and tuna onigiri.

"Eat up, after your done you're gonna go into city, for a few things, I'll join you later." Kenpachi left, as Renji sat on the bed, inhaling the food. He was a purebred foodie. His favorite type of food was American food, but a traditional Japanese breakfast was not something he ate all the time. After he had cleaned the entire tray, he walked over to his duffelbag and took out a navy blue fitted shirt, a pair of dark jeans that Ichigo and Shinji insisted made his ass look perfect, and a pair of boxers.

He dressed as fast as he could and walked to the study where he saw Kenpachi disappeared into. He was utterly dumbfounded as he saw the man. He was talking on the phone and he still had his hair down, the simple black eye patch changed for one that was a bit more elaborate, with thicker straps that wrapped around his cheek and ear to the back of his head and had a gray outline. He was wearing dark blue jeans that hugged his strong thighs, a tight brown long sleeve shirt that showcased his massive forearms and impressive abs and black steel toed boots. He looked, human. He still had that air of 'don't fuck with unless you're a masochist' but it was a bit subdued.

He liked it. Of course he didn't know whether to look at the bulge of his thighs or the bulge that was very prominent. He blushed when Kenpachi caught him looking. Kenpachi barked into the phone and hung up. Stalking up to Renji, he cruised the lithe figure in front of him. He walked around in a circle, making Renji feel a little uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"What am I a piece of meat?" Renji yelled exasperated. Kenpachi just leered at him more, but grabbed his arms and kissed him right on the lips, leaving Renji breathless. Renji pouted as Kenpachi walked over to his desk.

Speaking of the study Renji was to busy being pissy last night to actually take in the view, and what a sight it was. Kenpachi's desk was a huge dark wood piece, with papers in orderly stacks, pens, pencils and paperclips were in a circular container and behind the desk was a massive brown leather office chair. Renji just knew that it would feel like butter, he wondered if it still smelled like leather or if it would smell like Kenpachi.

The walls were painted an off white color, and the carpet a navy blue. The window that Renji stargazed through last night stretched from the floor to the ceiling the only one in the room. Light brown bookshelves covered a wall, the titles ranging from the Japanese, English, French and some German. He had authors such as Emily Dickinson, Edgar Allen Poe, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Kenzaburo Oe and Ryu Murakami. Renji was definitely surprised at the wide variety of books Kenpachi read. The only reason he knew them was because of school and 'his' favorite author was from England.

"Ya know just because I'm Yakuza doesn't mean I don't like to read." Kenpachi grumbled from behind Renji. Renji laughed at the picture of Kenpachi with reading glasses, sitting down and reading a book. Kenpachi smacked him upside the head, causing Renji to glare and scowl at him. "It's not that, I just never thought you were the type of person to read."

Kenpachi cackled. "I don't just kill people and toss them in the Tokyo Bay ya know. There's a lot of fucking paper work involved. Not to mention I have to make sure my shit is in order before I can order anyone else around, but that's mostly Yumichika's job. Don't worry you haven't met him yet, you will today though." Kenpachi handed Renji his two phones before walking out of the study and into the hallway. Now Renji actually took the time to look at the mansion's interior.

It was peaceful, if that was a word he didn't think about associating with the Don he didn't know what was. It was ironic really, here housed Japan's most notorious and dangerous criminals of the Underworld. The beautiful architecture, the elegant chandeliers and trims, arching ceilings, expensive tile and the sensual coloring of the mansion contained horrible dark secrets that people had died for. Renji followed Kenpachi down another hallway admiring the expensive paintings and other various pieces of art while Kenpachi was instantly attacked by pink and green blurs.

"Kenny!"

"Kenny!"

Renji watched as Kenpachi picked up the two small girls. He thought he, Grimmjow and Ichigo had horrible hair colors but these two girls definitely beat them all. They were both about the same size, one had pink hair, and even darker pink eyes and was currently trying to sit on Kenpachi's head. The other small girl had sea foam green hair and big grey eyes, she had a scar that stretched from one side of her face to the other beneath her eyes and above her nose, she was currently slobbering on Kenpachi's outstretched hand.

Renji busted out laughing at the annoyed look that Kenpachi was giving the two children. At first he was afraid of what Kenpachi would do but after seeing the two girls use him as a walking jungle gym as they walked through the hallway quelled his fears and gave him a good laugh.

"Oi! Brats what are you two doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Unohana?" Kenpachi growled managing to put both of the tiny girls onto his shoulders.

"Ken-chan Braid lady was trying to make us eat green string." The pink haired girl whined, she stuck her tongue out and made gagging noises. "Yea, Kenny tell Braid lady no! What if the stuff catches on my throat penis?" The green haired girl piped up.

Kenpachi stopped and looked at the green haired girl. "Where the hell did you learn that word?" Kenpachi growled shooting a glare at the two guards from the night before both of them shifting uneasily.

"That's what Pachinko said the ball in our throat was Kenny." Kenpachi muttered something along the lines of "I'll kill 'em." The girls suddenly turned towards Renji and he backed up as if encountering a wild animal. The girls looked at each other and then Kenpachi. "Kenny who's that?"

Kenpachi smirked glad that the attention was off of him, spinach and uvulas. "Oh that's Renji, you're gonna see him a lot around here, so don't scare him off. Renji this pink haired menace is Yachiru, my daughter and drools-a-lot here is Neliel." Yachiru and Nel hopped off their shoulders, amazing Renji because of the agility of the two and was then glomped by the girls.

"Renny!"

"Ren-chan, what do you think of green string?" Yachiru whispered in his ear, as if it were a big secret. Neliel nodded enthusiastically, her slobber covered hand, entangling in his hair.

If Renji was honest with himself, he loved kids. They were so innocent and pure and didn't have a care in the world. He envied them of their freedom. He looked over at Kenpachi who was trying to convince the two to go back to the "Braid lady" as they called her but the two were just not having it.

"Well I like green string, you want to hear a secret?" Both girls nodded their heads enthusiastically, while Renji chuckled. "Well I heard that if you eat it until you grow up that you'll be able to use magic, just like the magicians do." Both of the girls shook their head.

"Nu-uh." They chimed simultaneously. Renji smiled and put his hand behind Yachiru's ear, and brought a quarter out, he then reached over to Nel and pulled a brightly colored tissue out of her ear, and he pulled and pulled until the last of the long scarf was out and on the floor.

"Told ya." Renji chuckled at the dreamy, far-away expressions on their face. They looked at each other and nodded, jumped off of him, grabbed their 'gifts' and ran down the hallway to where a woman with a huge braid around her neck, smiling warmly was waiting for them.

"How the hell did ya get the brats to listen?" Kenpachi wasn't pissed, no he wasn't, he was deeply upset about how Renji could say a few sugar coated words and perform some cheap parlor trick and the two menaces did what he said.

Renji shrugged, "I told them they could use magic if they ate it until they grew up, worked like a charm when I was a kid, plus I was learning magic tricks since I was five." Kenpachi shook his head and they walked down the hallway, down the stairs to the front door. Shawlong was there, a slight upturn to one of the corners of his mouth as he saw his Buncho with his hair down and smiling for the first time in forever.

"Zaraki-sama, you look well in civilian clothes, I thought you born in a suit." Shawlong tutted dryly, causing Kenpachi to laugh while running his fingers through his hair.

"Na just with a mean uppercut but, I think I like this new look." Renji followed Kenpachi out of the house and into the SUV that was parked in the front. It was a beautiful morning, the birds were flying over head, the sky was a beautiful blue, no clouds in sight, there was a light breeze blowing that ruffled Renji's hair, it was perfect.

As they slipped inside, Renji noticed a very beautiful male on sitting on the opposite side of the car. Who wasted no time in turning a very haughty look at Kenpachi.

"Good morning Zaraki-sama, I had the Taillevent Rubuchon on the phone earlier after we spoke, they have booked you a reservation for two at nine on Christmas Eve. I also took the liberties of rescheduling all of your appointments that you canceled today, for some hideously unknown reason and rescheduled them all by phone after your conference call with Takashiro-sama tomorrow. You will have to approve of the prints for next months catalog today. You've put it off long enough. I also have the 'Old Man's brother on the phone, who is quite adamant in speaking to you. So you will take this call or I will put you in a cell with Yachiru and Neliel after giving them a year's worth of candy. Now. Take. The. Phone." The beautiful man, had this smirk on his face that made him look like evil incarnate, his perfectly manicured nails thrusted the phone to a grumbling Kenpachi's ear.

The car started moving while Kenpachi was on the phone. He settled against the window, talking to the person on the phone in a heated discussion, it was obvious that he was holding his tongue though. After what felt like forever the car suddenly stopped, and Kenpachi was let out. He turned to Renji grabbing his chin and kissed him harshly. "See ya later doll face." Then he was gone and the car was moving again.

Renji could feel his face heating up in embarrassment. He heard a quiet snort come from across the car. The man from earlier had a hand over his mouth, and his black chin length hair was swaying as it was hit by the air conditioner. The male was beautiful. He had creamy pale skin, violet colored eyes and a face that was absolutely breathtaking. He had yellow and red feathers adorning his eye lashes and eyebrow giving him an almost feminine appearance.

"I see what Ikkaku meant by Kenpachi taking considerable lengths for you. Shawlong take us to Yoruichi's then Ulquiorra's, after that we will have lunch after that we will head to Szayel's, hopefully we will be finished just as Zaraki-sama finishes for the day." He ordered.

He then turned to me, "Hello I am Yumichika, and you may call me Yumi if you like. I am in charge of giving you a new wardrobe and judging by those clothes, I have my work cut out for me because we certainly can't have you wearing that. We'll start with a couple of suits, casual wear, some new shoes and accessories, then after lunch we will go to a salon and get your hair cut." Yumichika prattled on until Renji's voice cut into the air.

"No. No one touches my hair, I'll get it trimmed but no more than an inch or two." Renji glared at Yumichika, not breaking eye contact until the smaller, effeminate blew a gush of air out through his pouting lips.

"Fine but you will get a trim, as for the rest of the day. You can kick, scream, pout, cry and do every childish antic there is on this planet and it won't change my mind. You will listen to what I say, because Zaraki-sama won't be joining us until later this evening and if you don't, I will use the remainder of the day making you regret the day you were born." Yumichika clicked his tongue. Renji nodded at the smaller male.

They rode in silence and Renji could hear the sounds of them entering the city. The windows were tinted but he could tell they were in a different car than last night even if it looked the same. He wondered what exactly Kenpachi was doing. Then his mind wandered to the previous night.

Not that he hadn't enjoyed it, he just wished he hadn't blabbed just because he was feeling insecure in the outlandishly lavish mansion that kept his dirty secret prisoner. His mind was in itself a mess. Rage, turmoil, depression, relief and frustration all mixed together into a toxic tonic that gave Renji one hell of a mindfuck. His brain was currently attacking his conscious, chastising his hormones while his heart felt lighter - the result of having voiced the pain and hurt he had been keeping locked inside of him for so long.

He didn't know exactly where he stood with Kenpachi, things felt so fucked up when he was around him. Not in a way he liked either. But the way Kenpachi held him last night, the way he comforted him kept telling his higher reasoning to take a back seat and enjoy it for a while. As Shinji told him all the time 'Take time and smell the roses, people are still going to die, the world is still going to turn and the sun will rise from the East but when you inhale that first breath of fresh air, you will have a split second of peace and solace in yourself and your abilities. Then reality will come, and kick your ass all over again the same way it will tomorrow.'

Yumichika studied Renji. The male was beautiful he had to admit. The jagged tattoos covering his forehead and lower neck from what he could see were of a caliber he had never seen before. His red hair was beautiful, he didn't want to cut it, but he had to at least try. His face was almost feminine, not as beautiful as his no, but still pretty. He had full pink lips, a straight nose, an angular chin, high cheekbones, and beautiful mahogany colored eyes framed by thick maroon eyelashes. He was a bit on the skinny side, but had a gorgeous lithe figure. Ikkaku was right when he said, Zaraki called him pretty, he was just glad that he wasn't like those floozies that tried to hang off his arm.

Renji could feel himself being scrutinized by Yumichika, making him wonder if he had a wonky eyelash, or if he forgot to wipe the food off of his face. "Um so what is Kenpachi doing right now?" He fiddled with his hands as he saw those violet eyes narrow.

"I believe it is not your concern what Zaraki-sama does in his personal time or in his work hours." Renji tried not to flinch but didn't quite succeed. Yumichika's gaze softened just a smidge as he saw the wary look cross the vermillion haired man's face. "I am not allowed to discuss what he is doing but if you must know, he is merely taking care of something that came up this morning, that's all."

Renji nodded. He was relieved that Kenpachi wasn't off torturing someone, or making advances on some poor soul, but one thing was coming up in his mind. "Yumichika, where is Yachiru's mother?"

Yumichika looked startled by the question. Sure he had thought he was going to ask anything but that wasn't one of the topics. He took a deep breath, but gave in the nonetheless. "Yachiru isn't Zaraki-sama's blood daughter, but his adopted daughter. When the previous Don fell ill he had one final wish, that Zaraki-sama take over as the new head of the family, and that his great niece from his sister's side be adopted into the family. But when they began to search they realized she had disappeared. That was when Kenpachi was only 21 at the time, I wasn't even out of high school yet, that was eleven years ago."

Yumichika let Renji digest the information before starting again. "Well surprise when seven years later, a girl with the exact same name is killed in a hospital bombing in South America, her only relative was her daughter a one year old by the name of Yachiru. Kenpachi went to bring her back, and when he heard of what happened he adopted her, and ever since then she's lived with him. Yachiru and Nel are cousins, Nel was actually in the explosion which is why she has the scar across her face. Both of her parents were killed but she was sent to live with her uncles, who just moved to Japan earlier that year." Renji honestly didn't know why he was happy to hear that Kenpachi wasn't Yachiru's blood father, although he was saddened by the story of the two girls, he knew what it was like losing both of your parents and having everything change in a matter of hours. Hopefully he could bond with them more, and with that he smiled.

Yumichika watched as Renji contemplated everything he told him. The look of relief, sadness and then determination all crossed his face and Yumichika could see why Zaraki-sama said that he wanted Renji to get out today. He really did need to be pampered.

0*0

Shawlong dropped Renji and Yumichika off in front of a 2 storey glass building with massive white columns leading up the stairs and to black glossy doors with a huge embellished golden 'Y' in the middle. Yumichika grabbed his arm and hauled him in the fancy, high end store and marched up to the counter where a girl at the desk, waved him through to an elevator.

Renji watched as Yumichika pushed the 2nd floor button and the glass elevator shot up. The second floor was coated in black carpet, which led to glossy purple doors, with golden cat claw marks as door handles. Yumichika walked and threw open the doors with gusto and Renji followed, warily after the dark haired man.

The room they were in was a giant dressing room, a large hexagon mirror sat on top of an elevated cream colored carpeted stage. There were about three black couches in front, with a silver clothes rack and a small coffee table. One of the side doors open and in walked in a woman who gave even Rangiku a run for her money.

She was of average height, with flawless mocha colored skin, on top of a killer figure, swaddled in a black and white ensemble of loose pants and a tight sleeveless shirt. Her long purple hair framed her cat like face, showing off her big golden eyes and mischievous smile.

"Yumi! Oh it's so glad to see you again! I've missed you, you know. No one here likes to play dress up." The dark skinned woman's low sultry voice filled the room. Yumichika gave 'Y' a bright smile at the pout on her beautiful face.

"Well Yoruichi I have a present for you then. This is Renji, um... Zaraki-sama's acquaintance. As you can see he is in dire need of new wardrobe and you are the best of the best, so please. Feel free to use whatever you may need. But he needs at least three suits, casual wear and some dress clothes."

Yoruichi walked up to Renji, her eyes calculating, measuring, analyzing all at once. Renji felt a bit scrutinized under the hawk-like gaze. The woman didn't stop until he had turned, twirled, spun, walked and 'glided' in Yumichika's words, in front of her.

"He is definitely a looker, Yumi. I have the perfect clothes from him. I just got the newest Armani suits fresh off the runway in Paris. The colors would go marvelously with his beautiful tan skin and vibrant hair. Oh it has been my dream to dress up someone like you!" Yoruichi pranced around the room, while yelling orders into her cellphone.

Yumichika walked over to the couch where Renji was resting. "She isn't so bad after a while she just has a lot of energy for a woman of her status. Renji honestly had never even heard of the woman but her name did sound familiar.

"Um, Yumi?"

"Hm."

"Who is she?"

Yumichika stared blankly at the man in front of him. Surely he was joking. "You are joking yes, because not knowing who that woman is or this place will NOT make you beautiful at all."

Renji shook his head no, and Yumichika sighed. "Where have you lived for the past ten years, under a rock?" Yumichika rubbed his hand across his face, pinching the bridge of nose. "That woman is Yoruichi Shihoin, the goddess of all fashion. She is the one of the biggest and most sought after stylist in the world. It takes years to get a private session with her. Flash Step fashion is one of the world's top Fashion magazines, it even beat out Elle and Glamour for two years in a row and you're telling me you don't know who she is?" Yumichika huffed, it was one thing not to believe he was meeting 'Y' but another thing entirely to not even know who she was.

Renji didn't even want to know why Yumichika or Kenpachi were acquainted with the perverted woman who had pinched his ass three times. He really didn't, he also didn't understand what was wrong with his clothes and why Kenpachi ordered Yumichika to take him out today. But it would be nice if he could figure it out.

Yoruichi came back about three minutes after Yumichika's tirade of fashion and glamour. Following her was four assistants carrying, pulling and stacking various boxes, fabrics and mobile clothes rack. Yumichika sat off to the side as he watched Yoruichi stripped Renji down to his underwear, with his face as red as his hair.

Renji was mortified, the demon woman stripped him, and began measuring, taping, poking, prodding everywhere. He couldn't slouch, he couldn't move and he was only allowed to breathe when they took the tape away. He thought he was going to pass out twice because of the lack of air but unfortunately he stayed conscious.

Yoruichi tried not to laugh at the look of absolute loathing and suffering as she worked on the young man. He had a beautiful physique, his measurements were so perfect that she didn't even need to tailor the clothes. He was perfect! He also had the cutest butt! It was firm but had the right amount of flesh to make it drool worthy. She grinned evilly at the back of her new charge.

After Renji had tried on the mound of clothes that were now folded in the corner, he was forced into one of the outfits by both Yoruichi and Yumichika. He hoped that out of the mountain of clothes they picked the most comfortable although he doubted it, they both looked like sadists who were born to torture the rest of humanity with their madness.

In the end they chose a pair of tight white pants that hugged his body like a second skin, a black silk button down, which Yoruichi forced him to unbutton at least a fourth of the way, a black belt with the letter 'K' which Yoruichi laughed at for about a good ten minutes, and black pointed boots. Renji had to admit he would have never worn anything like this on his own but damn did he look good.

Yumichika handed her Kenpachi's credit card and ordered to have everything delivered to Renji's apartment, later on in the week. Yumichika then dragged them to the car and ordered Shawlong to drive to Ulquiorra's.

Yoruichi watched as Yumichika forced Renji to the door, although he looked like he didn't have a problem with leaving. She saw the bite mark on the boy's neck and it definitely sparked her inner kitty. Kenpachi usually didn't take boyfriends or lovers, he probably didn't even have fuck buddies but something tugged at her heart when she thought about the two. She would have to call her best friend, Kisuke who knew everything about everybody before they knew it themselves.

She walked back to her desk and listened to the messages, many were from other clients who needed outfits for this and that, some were business offers but one was from one of her favorite people to tease, Byakuya Kuchiki. Her Bya was so easy to rile up and it was all the more fun for her when he was angry. Oh well guess her day wasn't so dull know that pineapple and Yumi were gone. Now what to do?

0*0

While Renji was playing with the belt buckle, Yumichika's phone began to ring. "Hello Yumichika speaking... I see... no that shouldn't be a problem. Expect us within the hour, and yes bring out the big guns." Yumichika sighed and set his phone to the side.

"Alright Renji it seems Ulquiorra is still at his appointment with Szayel so we are just going to meet them both there. Is there anywhere you would like to stop? Maybe for a bite to eat?"

Renji grinned, "Yea can we stop by Tanaka's Ramen Shop? It's the best ramen in the world." Yumichika raised an eyebrow and stared at Renji, pinning him with a most disgusted look. "Um, never mind, whatever is good for you is good for me." He laughed uneasily.

Yumichika nodded, pleased with this answer. "They have a menu at the salon, but you will have to eat whatever Ulquiorra says, you must. It's a shame that you put that filth in your body, but it's a miracle you have such wonderful skin."

"So what exactly are these two guys we are meeting?" Renji asked. Yumichika sighed, the poor boy knew nothing!

"Szayel is a world renowned hairdresser, he's had agents, celebrities, the richest people in the world to come to him for their hair. He owns Fornicate Salon, they just opened a whole new chain in Paris, Beijing, London and New York. He is the best. Ulquiorra Schiffer owns Murcielago cosmetics, the man is an ivory beauty. He's Szayel very close friend, they often share clients dividing up the work among each other. He's going to give you a make over, because frankly with your line of work, beautiful skin is wasted but it would be a shame to see it ruined."

Renji nodded, he hated shopping with a burning passion. Ichigo and Shinji went into every store, tried everything on and probably only got a scarf out of the entire escapade. He was good with a trim, and some Nikes but Ichigo and Shinji seemed to share the finer tastes in life. They were gonna kill him when they saw his new wardrobe.

Oh god. It was going to be harder to keep things secret from them. They were his best friends, they did everything together. The weekend was coming up and it was their monthly movie night. Were they could relax, eat, laugh and drink cosmos to their heart's desires while watching horrible romantic comedies, and Sex in the City for Ichigo and Shinji and a favorite of Renji's The Notebook. And yes he drank cosmos because beer was straight up gross, he couldn't stand the smell of it or sake after an unfortunate week on the coast where the three of them thought they were invincible and were hospitalized from alcohol poisoning, nope... never again. And sue him because the Notebook was one of the best movies of all times, at least it wasn't the Titanic.

Yumichika snapped his fingers in Renji's face, snapping him from his reverie. "Renji I've been calling your name for the last two minutes, it's so rude to ignore people and not beautiful at all. We're here."

Renji couldn't help the nagging question in his mind. "Yumi, why are we doing this?" He owed Kenpachi money but he wanted to buy him a new wardrobe?

"One you two are from different worlds, so you need to blend in to his lifestyle, this is also an order. When Zaraki-sama has a function or a meeting depending on what it is, you will accompany him and you will need to look the part. So that is why we are doing this." Yumichika lead him to the doors of a very ritzy salon, the smell of flat irons, perfume and hairspray almost choked him.

"We are from two different worlds."

Well it was time he remembered his place.

0*0

His first words of meeting Szayel and Ulquiorra were, one was completely stark raving mad and the other was an extremely expressionless mime.

Walking into the salon he was immediately surrounded two people. The first was a man that could give Shinji a run for his money of gay man of the year, with his bubblegum pink hair, bright yellow eyes and what seemed to be Lady Gaga inspired outfit that looked... odd. The white dress? -came up to his chin but flowed down to the top of his thighs, and underneath were extremely white tights and black boots. Szayel looked at him as if he just got a Christmas present and he couldn't wait to break it.

Ulquiorra on the other hand was an extremely pale man with huge green eyes, black lipstick on his upper lip and waist length black hair. He was wearing a black button up that was literally undone to his navel, tight leather pants and mid calf length boots. He was looking at Renji like he was speck of dirt on his brand new shoes.

"Oh Yumi you have brought me a gem! He's gorgeous! Look at that hair! Oh, you are my wet dream, dear. Come sit in my chair." Szayel waved him over to the black hairdressing chair at the far end of the salon, in a corner that had been raised half a dozen steps above the glossy white main floor and sectioned off with a low black wall.

Renji tossed a glowering look at Yumi, silently begging him to not force him to do this, but Yumi only smiled evilly even raising his hand to wave.

Szayel practically pranced over to his newest client, his golden eyes brewing with possibilities while Ulquiorra stood a bit further back looking on silently. It was actually extremely unnerving how he didn't blink, or move hell did the man even breathe?

"Oh yes! He is perfect, here we go!" Szayel's maniacal laughter rang out through the salon followed by a very manly distressed sound from Renji and a slow chuckle from Yumichika.

0*0

To say Renji was exhausted was a severe understatement. If this what women went through on a monthly basis they all deserved fucking gold medals.

He had his eyebrows plucked, his eyelashes combed, Yumi even got the evil duo to put mascara on, clear nail polish on both his hands and feet after Szayel's extremely round assistants Lumina and Verona scrubbed his feet, which made him laugh hysterically and splash water everywhere. Yumi was not pleased. His hair had been washed, moisturized and trimmed making the crimson strands feel like silk against his fingers.

Ulquiorra even took him to the back of the salon into a private salon and waxed him... everywhere. Shinji and Ichigo said it was painless, like a walk in the park, fucking liars.

His crotch still burned, making sitting in the back of the SUV extremely difficult. Yumi just sat smirking while filing his fingernails, leaning back against the plush leather seats. Renji was currently ignoring his fairer company.

Just as Renji relaxed, he heard his phone ringing. Looking at his blackberry, he saw he had over 20 missed calls and 8 new messages. Answering the incoming call he heard Shinji screaming into the microphone.

"Renji! Where the hell are you! I've been calling you for the past hour!" Shinji's voice screeched out through the phone.

"Hey chill, I've been busy. What's wro-?"

Shinji cut him off, "YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE!"

Renji's eyes widened as he hung up the phone. He met Shawlong's eyes through the rearview mirror, his gaze steady and unwavering. "Shawlong I don't give a rat's ass if this isn't on the fucking itinerary, take me to my house right fucking now or I will open this door and jump out."

Shawlong blinked then sighed. "Do hang on then Master Renji, Master Yumichika." The car swerved to the left cutting of the cars in the lanes next to them receiving honks, yelled explicits and many middle finger salutes as Shawlong took the most direct route back to Karakura Town.

Yumichika looking bewildered spoke up, his quiet voice doing nothing to hide the venom behind his words. "What in Kami's name is wrong with you?! Who were yo-?"

Renji sent a glare in his direction, one that surprisingly shut the effeminate man up without difficulty. "Look I don't care what you tell Kenpachi or what you threaten me with, I am going back to Karakura Town, now you WILL come with me or so help me I will throw you out of this car my damn self."

Shawlong glanced in the rearview mirror as he saw Yumichika's puzzled face at Renji's threat. The clicking of the seatbelt made him smirk as he barreled down the highway to Karakura Town.

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*Le GASP* What's going to happen next! You will just have to wait until next chapter! I know I'm evil. I hoped you guys liked this chapter I had to rewrite it since I lost everything but I hope it was up to your standards. I hoped I kept everyone in character, I love Szayel and Yumi :) This was kind of a filler but there is a-lot going on, remember these people we meet they are very important. Please leave me a review, they really do help me it can really be about anything, if you more sex, more cuddles, more Yakuza themed junk, throw them at me people I'm begging you *crawls on ground looking for reviews* You guys are the best readers ever! I'm going to be doing things a bit differently in the next chapter but I think you will really like it. *whispers "We are finally getting to the plot* Yay! Pauses at the chorus of "FINALLY" from the readers. *scratches head sheepishly* that's all I can say right now. Ja ne! See ya next time.