Reasons

CHAPTER 8

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I couldn’t speak; I couldn’t breathe. How could this be happening to us? The only thing that seemed real at this moment was the increasing pressure on my hand from Ichigo’s ever-tightening grip. I turned my head, meeting my lover’s tear-filled, tormented gaze.

“I regret that it has come to this, but in light of the defection of three taichos, I cannot allow any discord within Seireitei. We are facing a war with Hueco Mundo; now is the time I need all shinigami focused on defeating Aizen and his Espada. We do not have the luxury of fighting and bickering among ourselves.” Those ancient eyes touched each one of us briefly.

The Commander continued, a hint of sadness in his voice, his words like finely-tempered steel; cold, sharp, and unyielding. “Kurosaki Ichigo. You will be escorted from Seireitei to the real world. The gates will then be sealed against your reiatsu, so do not entertain the idea of sneaking back into Seireitei to see Kuchiki.”

Those frozen, unwavering eyes moved to me. “Kuchiki Taicho. As with Kurosaki, the gates will be sealed against your reiatsu, so any ideas you have of visiting the real world are fruitless. I need you here, preparing for the upcoming battles.”

I faced him proudly, refusing to give Rukia or Renji the satisfaction of seeing me break. “How long?”

His expression didn’t change, yet I perceived subtle approval of my composure. “Fifteen minutes. After that, my troops will escort him. You may accompany them, but do not be so foolish as to attempt to leave with him.”

Ichigo spoke up. “Byakuya won’t leave; I won’t allow him to. He is needed here; Seireitei will need his strength, his courage, his skill in defeating Aizen.”

Yamamoto focused his attention on the other two occupants. “Abarai, Kuchiki. I trust that since the person who seems to be at the center of this hostility will no longer reside here, you will manage to control your spite and your temper. You will both return to your appropriate squads in the positions you already occupy. Both of you will obey your commanding officers without belligerence, insubordination, or rudeness. Any rumor of less than stellar obedience, and I will devise a suitable punishment for you. Do you understand?”

Twin responses. “Hai, Commander,” sounded loudly in the too-quiet room. A killing rage coursed through my veins; why couldn’t they have shown the same restraint without my koibito being banished?

Yamamoto stood and walked around his large desk. “Come with me,” he motioned to my sister and my fukutaicho. “They deserve a few minutes of privacy.” He led them out of his office. “Fifteen minutes, Kuchiki,” he warned. “My men will be waiting.”

The sound of the door shutting was like a death knell. It signified the end of my happiness. I was aware that after Ichigo was taken away, I would never again know the meaning of any positive emotion. Not friendship, not caring, not concern…nothing. My life would become an emotionless void. Sending my koi away was no different than physically ripping my heart out of my chest.

I closed my eyes and pulled him close to me. Against my will, hot tears formed and spilled down my cheeks to be absorbed by the orange silkiness of his untamable hair. Neither of us spoke, desperately praying for more time, but knowing that each second brought us closer to being permanently separated. No words could express the emotions flowing between us; silently, we pledged our eternal love for each other.

All too soon, the doors opened. It was time. A deep pride formed within me as Ichigo stood straight; calmly facing the six shinigami which were serving as his escort. I placed my hand in his, needing to feel him, to touch him, for as long as possible. These memories were all that I would have to sustain me in the seemingly endless years which loomed before me.

At the gate, I wanted to use Senbonzakura to stop this, but I knew that would be a useless and futile effort. Yamamoto would be incensed and most likely order Ichigo and myself to be executed. That was not what I wanted. I wanted to know that my koibito was safe and alive, even if we couldn’t be together.

One final embrace. “I love you, Ichigo,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “Forever.”

His brown eyes shimmered, flashing blue momentarily. “I love you, Byakuya…for all eternity.” One gentle kiss, one last caress of his fingers against my face, and then he was gone.

The moment he disappeared from my sight, I turned and shunpoed back to the estate; back to our…no…my room—my empty, lonely room. Not wishing to be disturbed, I remained silent in the darkness. I lit no candle; I had no need of their flickering flames. My vision of the future was dark and cold, much like my current living quarters.

Looking at the futon, fresh tears formed; they rolled unheeded and unchecked down my face. Collapsing onto the silken sheets, I pulled his pillow to me and muffled my sobs. Exhausting my tears, I rubbed my red swollen eyes, grimacing at the dried salty tracks left behind.

My head throbbed unmercifully; I rose and stealthily exited, making my way toward my private heated pool. The same pool where I confessed my feelings to him. The pain in my head increased, but it still paled in comparison to the agony in my chest, my heart.

For the first time in my memory, the steaming liquid did nothing to ease my soul, my mind, my heart. All I can think about is Ichigo and I wonder if he is feeling what I am? Does he feel as lost as I do? Probably more so, since he sacrificed his human life to live as a shinigami. Where did he go? Did he return to his family’s home or did he, perhaps, go to Urahara Kisuke’s shop?

Ichigo. I whispered his name, the memory of his touch seared into my very soul. Never would I forget him; the sound of his voice, the touch of his hand, the smoothness of his skin. The arousing sounds he released when we made love.

Leaving the no-longer-peaceful surroundings, I made my way back to my room. Dressing in a clean shihakusho and donning my captain’s haori, I slipped silently down the empty streets to the Division 6 building. Alone, I waited for the interminable night to end, waiting for the first crack in the ebony blackness.

With the dawn, came the inevitable sounds of the shinigami hurrying to their respective squads. I ensured that my door was locked; I had no intention of associating with my subordinates; it was tasking enough to imagine the mandatory taicho meeting.

Several hours later, I emerged, ignoring the whispers and sly glances that were directed at me. “Where is Abarai Fukutaicho?” I inquired brusquely.

“Taicho, he has already left for the Vice-Captain’s meeting.”

I nodded curtly, my back stiff, my inborn noble pride rising to the surface. “I will return after the meeting. I expect to see significant progress in the squad’s training afterwards.”

Entering the meeting room was much more difficult than I had envisioned. How many of my fellow taichos are aware that my lover had been exiled? Jyuushiro, undoubtedly, and most likely, Shunsui. After those two, I couldn’t be sure. But one thing was certain—after this meeting, all shinigami would share in that knowledge.

Silently, I took my place and waited for the meeting to commence. I dared to glance sideways at Kyouraku standing beside me. “Jyuu-chan told me what happened. I am sorry, Byakuya. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling. In your shoes, I honestly believe I would lay down and die without him.” His gaze traveled across and down to his life partner. “He grounds me and fills my life with happiness and dreams. Without him, I would have nothing.”

I nodded, understanding and agreeing with each word. Against my wishes, my thoughts turned towards the orange-haired love of my life. A familiar tightness clutched at my chest, I gasped and struggled to breathe normally.

I felt Yamamoto’s eyes on me, assessing and analyzing. Gathering my scattered thoughts, I forced my personal hell away, concentrating on the discussion about Aizen and his Espada.

It was afterwards when Yamamoto announced that Ichigo had returned to the real world due to the internal strife created by his presence. The general consensus was one of shock and disbelief—everyone wanted to know the details of his banishment.

“So, what kind of punishment did Abarai and Kuchiki Rukia get for starting the problem?” Zaraki Taicho demanded to know. “Ichigo is a worthy opponent; I was looking forward to sparring with him. It don’t seem fair for them to go uninjured for their part in this!”

I agreed with the fearsome warrior, and looked towards our Commander for his answer. “I will decree no formal punishment for them,” he stated. “My main focus is the upcoming war; that should be your priority as well. We don’t have the luxury of petty grudges and personal vendettas. Kuchiki and Abarai have been chastised and forewarned that any future transgressions will be dealt with swiftly and harshly.”

The meeting adjourned; Jyuushiro approached me, concern and sympathy radiating from his reiatsu. “Byakuya, I am so sorry. I have already discussed this with Rukia, expressing my disappointment in her behavior. She refuses to tell me why she was so angry with you and Ichigo being a couple.” He paused, studying my face. “Have you tried to talk with her?”

“No. And I have no intention of doing so. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning was. She and Abarai have perpetuated an act that resulted with my soulmate being exiled. I will never forgive them for that.” I stopped, inhaling deeply to quell the rage boiling beneath the surface. “I will have to speak to her one final time; after that, she is dead as far as I am concerned.”

“What about your fukutaicho? How are you going to handle dealing with him on a daily basis?” Ukitake was deeply concerned; it was etched across his gentle features.

“I will deal with Abarai on a professional basis. He is a proven warrior and I can depend on him to train the squad. That is the extent of our relationship. Provided that he performs his duties expediently and professionally, I will allow him to remain. If he fails, then I will have him removed.” I held my cold stoic mask firmly in place; the Kuchiki pride and arrogance stiffening my spine and bolstering my resolve.

Exiting the building together, I accompanied my former taicho to the 13th Division and waited while he summoned Rukia to his office.

“Ukitake Taicho. What can I…” her words trailed off as she spied me standing beside her commanding officer. He eyes widened, darting between us.

I spoke. “Kuchiki Rukia, your recent actions are reprehensible and beneath contempt. In accordance to our Commander’s orders, I cannot punish you. However, I do not have to allow you to reside within my house. As of now, you are exiled from the Kuchiki estate. Your belongings will be boxed and delivered here.” I turned to leave, pausing to add one further restriction. “Also, you are forbidden to visit the Division 6 building. Nor may you send messages to any of my squad members, including Abarai, during working hours.” I focused my patented icy stare on her. “Do you understand?”

She was pale and trembling, her large eyes swimming with tears. I was unmoved. Her feelings mattered not. “Hai, nii-sama.”

“No. Do not ever refer to me as your brother again. That relationship ended the moment you and Abarai willfully started the rumors and accusations which resulted in Ichigo being exiled.” Nodding to Jyuushiro, I took my leave, walking slowly back to my own squad headquarters.

The stares and whispers were almost more than my pride could handle. I didn’t want anyone’s pity. Thankfully, none of the other shinigami were willing to risk my wrath by approaching me. Returning to my office, I summoned Abarai.

“Fukutaicho,” I stated coldly, the former sense of camaraderie absent. “I expect absolute obedience to any orders I issue. I will not tolerate any foolishness, is that understood? There is to be no gossiping or rumors. If I hear of one, just one, then I will have you removed from duty. And I promise you, no other squad will take you.”

He stood stiffly. “Is that all, Taicho?”

A cold smile pasted itself to my face. “Not quite. Your partner, Rukia, is forbidden to step foot into this building or have any contact with anyone in my squad during working hours. I forbid you to contact her while you are working.” I paused, watching the anger flickering in his eyes. “One more thing. Rukia no longer resides at the Kuchiki estate, so do not show up looking for her. I do not know, nor do I care, where she will be staying.”

His reiatsu flared. “What? How could you do that to your own sister?”

That was too much! How dare he question me? “Sister? I have none. She broke that bond with her lies and innuendoes. If I could, I would have the Kuchiki name stripped from her. But the name will do her little good without the support from me and the rest of the clan.”

He was enraged, but still had enough control to not declare an attack on me. “Am I dismissed, Taicho?”

“Hai, fukutaicho. Return to your duties; I await your report on additional training. I expect the squad to be battle ready for the upcoming war with Aizen.”

In high dudgeon, the tattooed warrior stormed out, slamming the door in a fit of anger. I sighed. This was going to be much more difficult than I had envisioned. Could I truly work closely with someone who had taken away what I held most precious? I wasn’t sure anymore. I believed I was capable of separating my personal and professional lives, but how could I do that when they have become so horribly intermixed?

Exiting the oppressive atmosphere in the building, I flash-stepped to the estate, surprising the staff by my unprecedented midday appearance. Ignoring their hesitant questions, I entered Rukia’s room, gauging the number of boxes necessary to contain her personal effects and how many of my servants it would take to pack everything and deliver the boxes to the 13th Division.

Settling on two women to pack up everything in the room and four young men to physically transport the boxes, I gave detailed instructions assuring myself that these servants are loyal to me and will not be led astray by Rukia’s tears and threats.

Walking into the large living room, I enjoyed the wary glances directed at me by my family and clan members. They aren’t sure how to react to my being home in the middle of the day. “I just wanted everyone to be aware that Kuchiki Rukia no longer resides here at the estate. She has been forbidden to come here; if anyone sees her on the grounds or in the house, she is to be removed, forcibly, if necessary.” I bent my patented frozen glare on the people gathered before me. “Anyone who assists her will be added to my enemy list and will be immediately searching for new lodging. Does anyone have a problem with this?” I paused, waiting for a response, not missing the slight tremor of fear that permeated the very air. “Good.” Having achieved my goal, I silently left, returning to analyze the battle readiness of my subordinates. If necessary, I could work out my frustrations by testing their skills.

Several weeks passed; long days and endless nights. My longing for Ichigo only increased as time went by. I ached to see him, to hold him, to kiss him, to tell him that I love him. I constantly worried and wondered about him. Was he safe? Where was he living? Does he miss me as much as I miss him?

I didn’t sleep well and I had no appetite. As a result, I grew thinner and pale. Dark circles formed beneath my dull eyes, my hair was limp and lifeless. I no longer cared about my personal appearance. Truly, I cared about nothing. I continued to fulfill my duties as Taicho, but there was no joy in my life. I wasn’t alive—I merely existed.

Jyuushiro and Shunsui were extremely worried. Almost daily, they dropped in on me at work. I am aware of their concern, but they cannot help me. No one can. Without Ichigo, I simply do not care. After so many years alone, I had found someone to love, someone I anticipated spending my life with. Now that dream was gone. If he had died battling Hollows, I could have accepted the loneliness. But he was alive, forcibly separated from me because of two people’s spiteful lies.

It was almost three months after Ichigo had been exiled when I received an unexpected visitor. Hisagi Fukutaicho. He arrived late one evening at the Kuchiki estate.

The proficiently talented shinigami was nervous. “I’m sorry to have bothered you at home, Taicho, but I overheard something that I think you will find interesting.” He glanced around, as if searching for something. “Is it safe to talk here?”

My eyes sharpened, studying and analyzing the man before me. I didn’t know him very well; but I had heard only positive comments regarding his character. “Come,” I ordered, leading him outside, walking quietly across the grounds to the bridge that crosses the stream. “No one will overhear us here.” My curiosity was aroused; what does he want to discuss with me?

“Kuchiki Taicho. What I’m going to tell you was told to me strictest confidence; however, I believe you have a right to know. Renji and I are friends—we have been since his third year in the Academy. He, Kira, and Momo helped me battle a powerful Hollow. The same one that gave me these scars,” indicating the three vertical lines which bisected his eye and extended down his face..

“Tonight, we met at his place; Renji said he needed to talk to someone. After sharing several cups of sake, he started talking about you and your relationship with Ichigo.” He paused, his dark eyes assessing me. “He told me why they started the lies and rumors about Ichigo.”

That caught my immediate attention. “What was his excuse?” What possible motive justified destroying the future that Ichigo and I had planned?

“You know that Ichigo was Rukia’s closest friend; she confided everything to him, she trusted him implicitly. He risked his life to save her—he defeated you when you were intent on executing her. She always counted on him being there for her. And then you came along and revealed your feelings for him; feelings that he returned.”

He paused, embarrassment tinged his cheeks. “During this time, Renji told Rukia about his feelings.”

I interrupted. “I’m not interested in Abarai’s feelings for Rukia. That has nothing to do with me or with Ichigo.”

“You didn’t let me finish, Taicho,” he retorted shortly. “It wasn’t Rukia. It was Ichigo. Renji fell in love with him, too. That’s why Rukia is so pissed. She had planned on Renji and Ichigo getting together. The three of them were very close, and nothing would really change, except for sleeping arrangements. But your confessions ended her hopes and plans.”

“She came up with the idea of spreading rumors, convinced that you would break off your relationship because of the scandal. She figured the Kuchiki pride would push you into distancing yourself from Ichigo. He would be hurt, and Renji would step in and pick up the pieces.”

I spoke. “But I didn’t end it—instead, I held on tighter. And now he’s gone.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “And Renji feels terrible. He regrets going along with this idea; he never intended for Ichigo to be exiled. He was so jealous of your relationship that he wasn’t thinking clearly.” He regarded me solemnly. “An emotion and a reaction which I can empathize with.”

His unspoken declaration roused my curiosity. “How long have you been in love with Renji?”

His eyes flashed, his lips turning up slightly. “Since he defied orders and stayed behind to fight with me.”

My eyes bore into his. “Hisagi, would you be willing to tell the Commander what you have just told me? Perhaps he would relent and allow Ichigo to return.”

He considered me soberly. “Yes, Kuchiki Taicho. I hate to betray Renji like this, but I couldn’t remain quiet, knowing the truth.” He glanced at me, his full bottom lip caught between his teeth.

I thawed slightly. “Thank you, Shuuhei. And perhaps it is time for you to take the chance and confess your feelings to Renji. He may surprise you.”

“I might do that. After all, it worked for you.” He smiled; his face lighting up.

He was so like Renji; boisterous, free-spirited, dangerous—those scars and tattoos were very alluring. They drew attention, but did not detract from his sexiness—they enhanced it. Shuuhei is a very attractive man; I can’t imagine that Renji would be oblivious to him and his exotic appeal.

“Can you meet me at Division One at dawn? The Commander always arrives as the sun is rising. Perhaps he will have time to listen before the Taicho meeting.” I was anxious; I wanted to have my lover back where he belongs—with me. Hisagi could encourage Yamamoto to pardon Ichigo and allow him to return to Seireitei. For the first time in weeks, a spark of hope flared deep within my soul.

“Hai, Taicho.” He replied warmly, bowing his head slightly.

I bowed in return. “Arigato, Shuuhei.” I watched as he walked away, already anticipating the meeting early the next morning.

Too excited to return to the emptiness of my room, I found myself at the secluded glade. Swiftly divesting myself of the shinigami garments, I slipped into the heated water, sighing as the warm liquid flowed over and around my exhausted body. Memories of Ichigo, memories of loving him here, surrounded me; for the first time in weeks, I could remember without pain. For the first time since he disappeared through the gateway, I anticipated the coming of dawn.

Hisagi was waiting when I arrived just before daybreak. “Thank you for doing this. I know it wasn’t an easy decision.”

He contradicted me. “Actually, it was. I respect Ichigo and I never believed he deserved to be exiled. I have the knowledge to fix this—how could I not try?”

Any comment I was going to make was halted by the approaching reiatsu. Yamamoto. I was nervous; I knew he hated to be disturbed; he rarely met with any shinigami without an appointment. I prayed that my commitment and loyalty to the Gotei 13 would be sufficient to persuade him to allow Shuuhei and I a precious few minutes of his time.

“Good morning, Commander,” I greeted the man who held my future in his hands. The decisions he made this morning would impact the rest of my life.

He frowned, his brow wrinkling, apparently attempting to discern the reason for Hisagi and I to be waiting for him. “Kuchiki Taicho. What brings you and Hisagi Fukutaicho together this early in the day? Shouldn’t you each be at your respective Divisions preparing for today’s training?”

I swallowed nervously, afraid of alienating the only man capable of restoring my life. “Actually Commander, we were hoping to speak with you before the daily meeting.” I stood straight, not flinching from that penetrating gaze. “Hisagi has some information regarding the actions of Abarai and Kuchiki Rukia. It seems that there was a hidden agenda regarding Kurosaki Ichigo.”

His gaze grew more intense, more piercing. He sighed heavily. “Very well. I will listen to what each of you has to say. But,” he warned, “listening does not mean that I will negate the exile and allow Kurosaki to return.”

We followed him into his private office, standing nervously before his ancient desk. We waited patiently, quietly, as he prepared tea and settled down in his large chair.

”Hisagi, tell me what you know regarding the discord created by Abarai and Kuchiki concerning Kurosaki.” The ancient one settled back in his chair, sipping the steaming tea as he listened intently to Shuuhei’s tale.

When the younger shinigami finished speaking, Yamamoto closed his eyes, weighing the words, the reasons, for the rumors and outright lies perpetrated against my koibito. “It seems that I was too hasty in my decision to exile Kurosaki Fukutaicho.”

My spirit soared with that one spoken word. Fukutaicho. That meant one thing—Yamamoto was reversing his previous order; Ichigo would once again be allowed in Seireitei as a Fukutaicho. I exchanged glances with Shuuhei. “Arigato. Without you, none of this would be possible. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.”

He nodded. “We will talk about that later, Taicho.”

The Commander wasn’t finished. “What punishment do you deem fitting for Abarai and Kuchiki Rukia? I cannot allow them to go unpunished.”

I interceded. “Commander, Abarai wasn’t thinking clearly; jealousy makes people react irrationally. He punished himself by creating the situation which led to the exile of the person he imagines himself to be in love with. As for Kuchiki Rukia…I have exiled her from the Kuchiki family and estate.”

“So, you believe I should not mete out any punishment? That doesn’t bode well for future transgressions. If I let this matter slide, other shinigami may attempt to cause havoc within Seireitei. Should I allow that to occur?”

“No. I think each situation should be evaluated and handled appropriately. Any extenuating circumstances must always be considered in order to pass the proper judgment. Otherwise, innocent people are made to suffer unnecessarily.”

He crossed his arms and studied me for several long moments. “Your assessment is correct, Kuchiki. I apologize for the suffering I unintentionally inflicted on you by exiling Ichigo.” A fleeting smile touched his mouth. “I will be sending a recovery team to the real world to bring him back.”

He anticipated my offer to go. “No, Kuchiki Taicho. I need all my Captains here. Do not fret. Kurosaki Fukutaicho will be back in Seireitei very soon.”

“Arigato, Commander. My gratitude is immeasurable; I am forever in your debt.” I bowed deeply, motioning to Shuuhei to follow me out of the building.

“Please don’t say anything to Renji. Let me be the one to tell him.” His dark eyes were somber, his tone serious.

How could I refuse? “As you wish. But you need to do this immediately, before the meeting or before Yamamoto sends for him.” I studied the slightly lightening sky. “You can probably still catch him at home if you hurry.”

I watched him as he hurried away, silently praying that Renji won’t carelessly reject Hisagi. Surely the hot-tempered red-haired man wouldn’t be foolish enough to throw away an opportunity to explore a relationship with someone as strong, honest, loyal, and attractive as Hisagi Shuuhei.

Rukia troubles me. I adopted her, raised her, trained her, and gave her all the benefits of being a Kuchiki, even though my family fought me every step of the way. And this is how she repays me? By spreading lies and destroying the future I had planned with Ichigo? How can I possibly forgive her for that? Yet, I know that Ichigo will; they have had a connection from the moment they met.

That is what makes her part in this so malicious. How could she intentionally inflict such pain to someone she cares about? I shook my head in frustration.

“Kuchiki Taicho!”

I whirled around at the sound of my name being called. “Yes?”

Two young shinigami nervously approached me. “The Commander sent us to find you. He just received a transmission from the retrieval team he sent to the real world.”

I was amazed at how quickly Yamamoto had ordered his people to bring Ichigo back. “Well? Are they are on their way home?” Anticipation washed through me. My hands trembled as I waited anxiously for his arrival.

Quick glances were exchanged before one of them dared to respond. “Taicho, Kurosaki Ichigo has disappeared. The shinigami have been unable to locate him or find a trace of his reiatsu.”


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Yes, I know-- another evil cliffie—I just can’t help it! Still, at least Yamamoto is willing to allow Ichigo to return, but they have to find him first. And what about Renji and Shuuhei? Will the tattooed sexy men get together?

Anyway, please review! And special thanks to everyone who has so graciously reviewed the previous chapters! And for everyone who hasn’t—I hope you are enjoying this story too!

The next chapter will (I hope) be finished by the weekend!