Desperation

“What the fuck do you think we want?!”

Ichigo looked shocked when Renji moved suddenly, knocking the blue haired man back against the wall hard enough to make his head impact with a solid thud. He stood, frozen, for a few more moments before pushing away from the wall and grabbing Renji before he could hurt the stranger any more. “Come on Renji, we don’t even know if this is the right guy.” He said, tugging Renji backwards hard before his fist could impact Grimmjow’s tattooed jaw. He knew it would not be a good idea to beat the guy up before they got him to talk or he wouldn’t talk and they would never find Ishida.

“Didn’t you read his fucking journal?!” Renji yelled, suddenly turning on Ichigo and pushing him back. “Ohhh, yeah, that’s right, you couldn’t because you wouldn’t believe it!” He spun around towards Grimmjow again, grabbing him before he could walk away and pushing him back against the wall. “Bright blue hair…pale skin, wacky skeletal jaw on the side of his face…this IS the guy.” He said, almost spitting on Grimmjow before deciding to grab his jaw roughly, turning his head to show the tattoo. “This is the guy that fucking drugged him then raped him!” He yanked hard before pulling away, causing Grimmjow’s neck to snap painfully. “We want Ishida and you know it!”

Grimmjow winced, reaching up touch his already abused neck as he stood there. He hadn’t expected the boys the find Ishida so fast…well, to find him so fast and he definitely hadn’t expected to be recognized because the boy described him so well in that damned journal he wrote. “Well, I don’t believe it could be called rape since he asked for it.” He murmured, grinning ferally. He didn’t even wince when he was smacked across the face, having expected it. He rubbed his jaw, the infuriating grin still there as he watched the clearly pissed off teens standing across from him. “But you’re going to have to tell me which Ishida you’re looking for before I can help you at all.”

Ichigo actually let go of Renji at those words, looking fairly shocked at Grimmjow’s words. “You have both of them?” He asked, his eyes wide from the revelation. He jerked when he was shaken from behind, Chad’s way of forcing him back to reality before he even tried speaking again. “So you admit you have him? What the fuck are you doing to him? He’s not going to take drugs anymore, he promised and now you’re fucking him up again?!” He was clearly angry now, his own hands in fists as he advanced on the blue haired man. The quickly controlled look of utter sadness on Grimmjow’s face made Ichigo stop and tilt his head a bit as he tried to understand it. “Come on…just tell us where he is.” He said, his voice a lot calmer as he stayed where he was, only half way noticing when Chad pulled Renji into his arms.

Grimmjow looked away, his arms crossed over his chest as he debated what to say. He didn’t ever want to admit it to Ryuuken but…he liked Uryuu…he didn’t want the kid to die and he knew he would if he went much longer without medical attention of some kind. He swallowed before blanking his face and looking back at the orange haired teen that looked more depressed now then angry. “Ishida Uryuu is…in the care of his father, Ishida Ryuuken…” He wanted the teen to be saved but he also knew that he couldn’t betray Ryuuken. He knew first hand just what the elder Ishida’s anger was like…just how bad his ‘toy’ was injured when he was upset…he was just glad he wasn’t the toy right now.

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Grimmjow…

Bright blue hair…

Matching eyes…

The strange, skeletal jaw on the side of his face…

He might be gorgeous…but he’s the worst mistake I ever made…

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“There has to be something here.” Ichigo murmured, looking through the obsessively neat desk in Ishida’s bedroom. Ever since that night at the club, he had been searching for Ishida just as maniacally as Renji was. He knew something was wrong…Ishida hated his father so why would he willingly decide to let his father take care of him? It just didn’t make sense, Ishida had been perfectly happy at his house…why would he disappear one night and decide to stay with his dad without even giving him a phone call? It just wasn’t right.

“What’s this?” Ichigo said softly, pulling out another journal that looked very much like the one they had found in Ishida’s school bag. He fell back on the back and flipped open the journal to random page, swallowing nervously as he started to read. The last time he had read one of Ishida’s journals; his life had totally changed…what was going to happen this time?

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“His dad was abusing him.”

Renji and Chad both jumped when the journal was dropped on the couch between them, the sudden opening of the door an Ichigo’s swift movements hadn’t surprised them but the sudden outburst had. “Why do you say that?” Chad asked, picking up the journal and flipping it open lazily.

“Just read some of that journal, almost every other damned page talks about what that bastard was doing to him! It’s no surprise he turned to drugs!” Ichigo said, his arms flailing a bit as he looked between the brunette and red head. His heart was beating like crazy and his breath was panting. He was so upset, he didn’t know what to do…but he knew they had to find Ishida and NOW.

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My father…can I really call him that anymore?

My father…he’s the one that drove me to this…

It’s his fault I started doing drugs…his abuse…

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It was actually fairly easy to find Ishida after reading the new journal. Once they had gotten through all the descriptions of his abuse and what had driven him to drugs, they found a small, almost unreadable, note in the corner.

If I go missing, I know where he would keep me…the basement of the club, in a room with only one window and one entrance…my own personal hell…

Once they got into the club again, they went straight for the hallway they had met Grimmjow in earlier. The blue haired man was nowhere to be found but there was traces of new paint on the walls…that looked conspicuously like arrows and who were they not to follow them? They found the room at the end of a dark hall, the only room with a single entrance…and a padlock. It was Chad that decided to take the easy way and just knock down the door…something neither Ichigo or Renji had ever knew the silent giant was capable of.

Ichigo almost flew into the room, skidding to the ground and falling hard on his knees. He pulled Ishida’s nonresponsive body into his arms, a whine coming from his throat as he noticed all the blood…too much blood and how…cold Ishida was. “Come on Ishida…we have you please…Ishida…” The tears were flowing again as he held the other teen to his body, trying to warm him from his own body heat. He was too cold…he needed to be warmed up…he couldn’t go through this…not again…please…not again “We’re here…Uryuu…we’re here…”

_______________________________

They were too late.

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“This can’t be real…” The words were whispered, choked out between sobbing tears.

“Ichigo…I’m so sorry…you tried your be-“

“Shut up! If it had been my best, he would still be alive!” Ichigo yelled through his tears, his hand pointing towards the new tombstone with the name Ishida Uryuu inscribed on it in gothic letters. “This is real! He’s dead Chad…he’s dead and it’s our fault!” Ichigo felt to his knee’s in front of the stone again at that, his entire body bowed as he cried even harder. “This can’t be real…this can’t be real…not this time…it can’t be real…”

“I’m sorry Ichigo…”

It is real.

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This is the story of how I died…

Well, not really, this is the story of how everything I am died…even if I am still a living, breathing human. No one has noticed yet, everyone still sees me as the smart ass know it all but no one see’s it…the way his death affected me…They have no idea how wrong they are. They never see how much I hide. There’s the alcohol…the clubs, the sex…

The drugs…

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Ichigo’s eyes were red rimmed as he looked up at the blue haired man currently over him…this was his escape now…his world. He hadn’t been able to take it…when Ishida had…he had… “Please…make it go away…” It did every time…it always made the memory go away. Ichigo knew he was stuck in a loop…stuck in the endless circle that would never stop…no matter what he did. He was stuck in the endless loop of desperation…and he would die the same way his best friend did…from his own self destruction.

“What do you want?”

The voice was gentle…too gentle and Ichigo knew he wouldn’t do it…he wouldn’t give him what he needed. “I want the dose.” He said, reaching up for the needle in the others hand.

“I won’t kill you.”

Ichigo felt tears welling up in his eyes at that before he retreated again, letting his head fall to the side, his eyes going blank…dead again. “Then I’ll do it myself.”

The fatal dose.

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My name is Kurosaki, Ichigo…

This will be the last entry in this journal.

I will see him again…soon.

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AN: Look, another chapter!

*Smiles* Well, I just needed to get this out, I hope you guys like it!

Lookie!! Ishida!

OK, this is and ALT end, that means, this is not the actual end to this chapter, the actual end has been posted *smiles* I really want to know what you think of both of them.

They are only different once you get below the line.

*giggles* well, I hope you guys like it, remember, favs and comments are loved!!