Shinigami Women's Secret Society

A/N:  Ok I know I took like FOREVER with this chapter, but if it makes it any better it’s long as hell. 

Anywho, a BIG thanks to my beta’s Tomas the Betrayer, the comedic genius, and Mishiko Shinsei, just an all around nut case like myself.  They make me look good.

Chapter 8 – Pimping 101

"Well?" Kukaku demanded impatiently.

Their Vice President paused just long enough to heighten the agony before divulging her pick. "It's Shunsui."

The rest of the women looked on in amusement and, she rather liked to think, envy.  At least Nanao wasn't having a seizure at the prospect. Yoruichi couldn't believe her luck. She'd always been curious about the womanizing Eighth Squad captain. Score!

Rangiku came to the front as Yoruichi took her seat, grin still plastered on her face. The President raised a hand, bringing all chatter to a halt. "Before we move on to tonight's lesson I believe Lisa and Nanao have a video for our viewing pleasure."

She smiled at the seething Visored as Nanao rose from her seat to turn the video over to Nemu. Within moments the lights were cut and sounds of clashing steel filled the room.

"We've already seen this," Kukaku complained. "Skip it."

"Yeah. Get to the good part," Nel agreed.

Several other members rowdily urged Nemu to skip the fight they'd all been present for and cheered when she finally complied. Nanao gave Lisa an apologetic look as the video started. The Visored was relieved to find that her accomplice hadn't started recording until after the cologne fiasco. Unfortunately she'd begun before Lisa had returned with the cloth for Ikkaku. So naturally Kukaku needed a full explanation of what had occurred. Quickly and reluctantly, she explained about the 'poison' and the sickening way it tasted.

Lisa glared around the room, daring anyone to say something. To her chagrin, Nanao was the one who laughed first. She frowned as her former subordinate's dainty giggle transformed into a roar of mirth.

"So that's what that was all about?" Nanao pulled her glasses from her face and wiped the tears that were beginning to stream down. "I'm really sorry, but you can't tell me that you don't think it's even a little funny."

Lisa continued to pout as everyone mocked her misfortune. She did not relish Kukaku and Yoruichi seeing this video. They would never let her live it down. "Just push play so we can get this over with," she grumbled.

"Testy, aren't we?" Yoruichi teased as they resumed the tape.

Time passed in a blur as Lisa was forced to relive what was quite possibly the worst night of her life, and very quickly decided that seeing it on video was even more horrific than the actual experience had been. To her surprise, as things went from bad to worse, the faces of her friends became more and more sympathetic. By the end of the video Captain Unohana had a small tear in her eye.

The mood was somber as Nemu turned off the projector and Rangiku flicked the lights back on. The laughter and teasing Lisa had expected never came. Yoruichi shuffled over to the Visored with a solemn expression. Grabbing the younger woman's hands, she pulled her from her seat and into a soothing embrace.

"You poor thing. I am sooo sorry."

Lisa couldn't have been more surprised if Yoruichi had told her she was really a man. She watched in disbelief as the rest of the women stood and gathered around her and the golden-eyed captain.

"Group hug," Orihime shouted cheerily.

And then they were all glomping her. Some of the ladies were practically in tears, and the rest expressed either words of encouragement or offers to dispose of Madarame outright with no one being the wiser. While the incident was traumatic Lisa didn't think it warranted all this. Apparently having horrible sex was a fate worse than death.

"If it would help lessen the pain, dear," Unohana began sympathetically, "I could arrange for him to be accidentally castrated at his next physical checkup."

"Uhhh…" Lisa regarded her warily.

"It's no trouble, really!" the ancient healer continued, contriving to wear a saintly smile while discussing something absolutely reprehensible. "Nowhere near as hard as trying to explain away an unscheduled lobotomy. People look at you funny for weeks afterwards. Why, even Captain Kurotsuchi…!"

"Ok, enough with this disgusting show of emotion," Kukaku complained, breaking up the group's embrace.

Lisa was extremely relieved not to have to hear the rest of that story. All but Yoruichi made their way back to their seats. With a hand on each of the bespectacled woman's shoulders, she looked tenderly into the Visored's eyes. "We'll get through this. Together." She pulled Lisa in for another embrace, rubbing her back in a very motherly way. "You can help me with my mission." Releasing the confused woman, Yoruichi then backed away. "You know, I think we can all use a little pick-me-up after what we've just been through."

Lisa rolled her eyes at that. All they've been through? She was the one with the humiliating sex tape. Though it was kind of nice how much they seemed to care.

"I was planning to save this for Kaku and Ran's parties, but I think now is as good a time as any." Yoruichi disappeared up the ladder and into her bedroom, returning with a large box. "Hey Kaku, there's one more up in my room."

The one-armed woman cocked her head. "So?"

"So go get it, ass," Yoruichi huffed.

Kukaku unenthusiastically went to retrieve the other box as Yoruichi gently set hers down on the floor.

"What's this?" Rangiku trotted up beside her curiously.

Yoruichi grinned as Kukaku descended from above and everyone gathered around. She gingerly opened the box and pulled out one of the bottles inside with a wide grin.

"This is the new man in my life." Yoruichi lovingly kissed the label, earning her more than a few raised eyebrows.

"Come again?" replied a puzzled Kukaku.

Their hostess leapt to her feet. "Ladies, meet Jack." She was met with more blank stares and decided to go into greater detail. "It's American whiskey. The box Kukaku has is the original blend, Jack Daniels, and this brand is Gentleman Jack."

They all regarded her purchase with skepticism. Feeling somewhat miffed at their unenthusiastic response she snapped, "Just get some cups." Rangiku obeyed as Kukaku followed behind her filling their glasses.

"Why can't we have that one?" Nel asked, pointing to the bottle in her captain's hand.

"Pah!" Yoruichi scoffed. "You just don't pass a gentleman around like a gigolo. This is strictly for special occasions. I was planning to use it for Ran's party, but we can drink the regular stuff anytime."

Rangiku eyed the drink with uncertainty before bringing it to her nose. "GAH!" she squeaked. "My nose!"

"Don't sniff it, you idiot. Here," Yoruichi grabbed the coke from the table, "Mix it with this."

"I don't need to mix my drink like some kind of pussy," Kukaku announced before taking a big gulp from her cup. Her eyes quickly became three times their normal size as she let out a chest-rattling cough. "SHIT!" she croaked between hacks.

Nel, not wanting to miss an opportunity to abuse the bandaged beauty, stepped forward and whacked her hard on the back. Kukaku turned and glared at the Arrancar, who gave her an innocent smile in return. "I was just trying to help."

"It's kinda strong. I probably should have mentioned that," Yoruichi grinned.

A still panting Kukaku looked up at her friend with a devilish smirk. "I'm gonna steal your man. I think I'm in love."

Yoruichi cackled. "I knew you'd like him! If you treat me good, I'll share him with you."

"I'll treat you the same way I always treat you… like the hooker you are." Kukaku winked at her purple-haired friend as she guzzled the rest of the drink, already craving the pleasant burn it had left in her chest.

Rangiku made her way to the front, cup in hand. "Everyone sit down so we can get to the lesson, but please continue to enjoy your drinks… or enjoy Jack, I guess I should say. Nemu, set it up," she commanded.

There was a moment of darkness before the projector screen illuminated the room.

"Pimping 101?" Kukaku read aloud. A 'you've-got-to-be-shitting-me' expression was plastered on her face.

"It's a very important skill to have. If you shut up for a minute you might learn something." Ignoring Kukaku's obvious disbelief, Matsumoto began the class.

Week 7: Yoruichi Shihoin and Shunsui Kyoraku

Mission: Pimping 101 – Yoruichi's Father

Day 1

Kukaku grinned like a Cheshire Cat as she sipped her new favorite drink, Jack on the rocks.

After Rangiku had finished the lesson, she'd pulled the fireworks expert to the side while the rest of the ladies got better acquainted with Mr. Daniels. The strawberry-blonde had a problem; no suitable mission could be concluded for this particular pairing. No one had suspected that the sex goddess would draw Shunsui, and it was pretty safe to assume there wasn't much the man was unwilling to do. She needed something that would challenge the Vice President of the SWSS and Kukaku was more than happy to assist.

"Ok, Vice President Shihoin," Rangiku paused and smiled wickedly at Kukaku. "Your mission, should you choose to accept it… and you better… is to get Captain Kyoraku to do everything listed here." She handed her friend a small piece of paper before backing away cautiously.

Yoruichi grinned like an idiot when she saw the list. 'This will be a piece of cake,' she thought, until Rangiku continued. "But, under no condition are you allowed to have sex."

Her jaw hit the floor. "WHAT?" She jumped from her seat, steam almost visibly coming from her ears. "How the hell am I supposed to do that?!"

"Calm down," Rangiku huffed. "You're scaring Nel. And what do you mean 'how are you supposed to do it'? Use your womanly charms."

"You're a bitch. I know this was your idea," Yoruichi spat at her vulgarly dressed friend.

The usual party of four plus Lisa sat leisurely on Yoruichi's super-sized bed. Their hostess was obviously on a mission to destroy her liver in a single night. Nel lay barely conscious, her head in Kukaku's lap, completely unaware that her cleavage was being used as the Shiba leader's cup holder. The green-haired Arrancar let out a drunken giggle.

"Captain Kitty is maaad," she slurred as she reached up attempting to touch her pillow's nose.

"Don't blame me," Kukaku snapped, slapping Nel's hand away. "Blame Ran!"

"Whaaaa?" Rangiku screeched with wide eyes.

The raven-haired woman ignored her and redirected her attention to Nel. "And you, be still before you spill my drink."

Yoruichi glared at Rangiku who flinched slightly. "Don't be like that," the blonde whined, suddenly taking an interest in the cup being held securely in Nel's bosom. Why hadn't she ever thought of that? Brilliant! "You didn't think I'd make it easy for you, did you?" she asked absently as she carefully wedged her cup between her breasts.

The werecat snorted. "Yeah…but NO sex? That's a little extreme, don't you think?"

Each woman looked to the other before Lisa finally spoke up. "Well, you won't get any sympathy from me. I wish that had been my mission." She then engaged in her latest determined attempt to erase certain memories from her head. "On the other hand, while I've never actually had the pleasure, I've heard stories and seen things that would make your hair fall out. And not just on your head. Being Shunsui's lieutenant had its perks." She paused for a moment. "You know what they say about men with female Zanpakuto," she added as an afterthought.

Yoruichi groaned. "You're not helping, Lisa."

"What do they say?" Nel asked, suddenly interested.

"Well, it was Kukaku's idea," Rangiku piped up, finally securing the cup. She looked up gleefully just as a knock came at the window. Outside Sui-Feng regarded them all with a look of equal parts curiosity and condemnation. Nel bolted upright, spilling Kukaku's drink all over herself.

"What do they sayyyyy?" the former Espada whined.

"Goddammit, Nel," Kukaku yelled at the sight of her wasted liquor.

"She scared me," Nel complained, pointing to the tiny Second Squad captain standing outside the window. "Anyway, why don't you use your own? They're bigger than mine." She folded her arms across her bountiful bust, upset that no one would answer her question.

"No way in hell," Kukaku laughed.

Ignoring the bickering women, Sui-Feng addressed Yoruichi. "All the invitations have been delivered, just like you asked." She smiled the smile she only reserved for her beloved Lady Shihoin.

"Thanks. Want a drink?" the half-drunk noble asked, glancing back at Nel and Kukaku who were seconds away from stripping in order to decide whose boobs were bigger.

Without even considering the offer the tiny captain quickly declined. "No thank you, my Lady, I have other matters that require my attention." She didn't want to be there when they whipped those puppies out.

Yoruichi turned a very dark look on her. "Get in here," she commanded in a voice that left no room for argument.

Sui-Feng was through the window and on the bed with a cup in hand before you could say 'stalker'.

"Hey, Sui-Feng," Kukaku called. "Whose are bigger?"

"Wha…what?" she stammered, face heating up. Before she was forced to answer the ninja captain was saved by a still slightly irritated Yoruichi.

"Nel's are bigger, now shut up about it." Ignoring Neliel's groan of displeasure, she then turned to her former student. "And you… drink."

Sui-Feng was no drinker, but her tolerance had grown considerably since her ill-fated date with Ulquiorra. She never drank at all except for the Society's weekly meetings, but that was enough. Bringing the cup to her lips she downed the shot in a couple of gulps. A frown wrinkled her brow as it went down, recognizing it as the brand Yoruichi had forced upon the group the night before.

"Hey, look," Rangiku slurred. She then bowed her head and proceeded to try and drink the contents of her cup without removing it from her cleavage. All but Yoruichi and Sui-Feng watched in amazement as their comrade lapped her beverage up like a dog. It was an incredible sight. "Awesome, right?" Rangiku giggled. "Sui-Feng, you should try it. It's so much better than holding it in your hands."

The rest of the women exchanged amused glances before every eye in the room fell on the small woman's practically nonexistent chest. Only then did Rangiku realize her gaffe.

"Uh, or you can not try it. Holding stuff in your hands is cool, too. Lisa does it."

The Visored's eyes narrowed. Now two very dangerous brunettes were regarding Matsumoto with dire intent. Rangiku's attempt to salvage the conversation had failed miserably. Yoruichi looked to her student with a knowing smirk. It didn't take much to make her angry and Ran deserved to get her ass kicked after slapping that shitty mission on her.

Sui-Feng glanced at her former captain, then back to the busty lieutenant who'd just insulted her. Rangiku, sensing the danger she was in, made another attempt to calm the assassin.

"How about another drink?" She quickly refilled everyone's cup, a nervous grin plastered on her face. "Umm, to the lovely Yoruichi…because she's the best at everything." Rangiku lifted her cup in the air and watched as the scowl on Sui-Feng's face disappeared, being replaced by the dopiest grin any of them had ever seen.

'I got her.' The blonde smiled genuinely and Yoruichi couldn't help but do the same. Rangiku was good and her student was hopeless.

"To Lady Yoruichi. The best at everything," Sui-Feng practically squealed. The ladies toasted and drank with Sui-Feng totally unaware she'd been duped.

Two hours and countless drinks later, the women were pleasantly buzzed, all except Sui-Feng who was completely plastered.

"I need to get laid," Kukaku groaned, earning her a glare from Yoruichi.

"Why don't you go see Ayasegawa? I'm sure he wouldn't mind giving you a late night lesson," the were-cat commented sarcastically.

Before Kukaku could reply a very tipsy Nel interrupted. "I still can't believe you did that," she giggled.

"I can't believe it was good," Rangiku intoned.

"Well, believe it." Kukaku said matter-of-factly. "Don't knock it till you try it. It was fucking good, and while I have no doubt that he would indulge me, I need something else," she added, ignoring the skeptical looks of her drinking buddies.

"Would that 'something else' have spiky hair and an eye-patch?" Rangiku giggled.

Shiba shrugged. "It could be he's a scrawny blonde bitch with a tongue ring." She grinned.

"Shinji!?" the women yelled in unison.

"Don't judge me."

"I'm not judging. I'm just surprised, is all. Didn't think he'd be your type… he seems to be rather popular," Yoruichi smirked.

"After Yumichika, I have no type," Kukaku stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, you can't talk, Ms. 'I-want-to-fuck- a-dying-man-into-his-grave'," Rangiku interrupted.

"Shut up! He's not dying," Yoruichi snapped in annoyance.

"Ok, we're officially lost," Kukaku gestured to herself and her green-haired counterpart. "Who's dying?"

"What does she mean?" Sui-Feng asked with sad eyes.

"No one's dying," Yoruichi spoke placidly in an attempt to avert further disasters. "When we were getting Lisa ready for her spar with Ikkaku, everyone said who they wanted to pick and I said Jushiro. What's wrong with that?"

"CAPTAIN UKITAKE?!" Sui-Feng sputtered, immediately gulping down another drink.

"What's the big fucking deal?" the cat goddess threw her hands up in exasperation. "He's hot. I bet he's not even that sick. He could probably kick all of our asses at once if he wanted to."

Kukaku's head shook in disbelief as she turned to Rangiku. "And who did you say?"

"Kisuke," Matsumoto slurred dreamily. "I wonder if he'll keep his hat on. I'd want him to.  It's sexy."

"Green's my favorite color," Nel offered to the uninterested group. "Oh, you know who I want?"

"Who cares? You got Byakuya," said a very drunk Sui-Feng, surprising everyone. "Who'd you want?" The inebriated assassin faced Lisa. "Because I know it wasn't Ikkaku."

"Starrk," Lisa deadpanned, knowing she would never have such luck.

"I want Renji… Ooo, or that really sad-looking one." Nel wagged her eyebrows. She was met with blank stares. "You know. He always looks like he wants to cry."

"Ulquiorra?" Sui-Feng offered.

"Nooo," Nel whined. "The blonde!"

Everyone was glancing bemusedly at each other before Rangiku finally gasped. "Kira? Are you conscious?"

"Barely," Shiba teased.

"What? I bet I could make him smile," Nel giggled.

"I don't doubt it," Kukaku commented before directing her attention to Sui-Feng. "Speaking of Ulquiorra, you hit that yet?"

Her only reply was a light mist of Jack and coke spewed all over her face.

"Ahh!" The one armed-woman wiped her face with the back of her hand. "You are so dead," she growled.

"I know that!" the drunk yelled. She then reached over, taking Yoruichi's drink from her hand and sipping it. "You'll have to catch me first," she smirked before disappearing in a flash of perfected shunpo. The women watched in stunned amusement as Sui-Feng slammed into the window that she'd obviously forgotten was closed and fell in a heap on the floor. They all rushed to the edge of the bed and stared down at the unconscious woman. "Is she d-dead?" Nel whimpered.

"Nah, she's just a lightweight," Kukaku grinned. "She's got spunk though. A little clingy, but I can see why you keep her around," she spoke upon turning to Sui-Feng's idol.

Yoruichi smirked. "Fuck you!"

"Maybe later," the bandaged woman replied with a wink.

"You promise?"

They all laughed as they moved from the side of the bed, deciding to leave the passed-out Captain where she was.

Day 2

1. Get him to wash your hair.

2. Get him to cook for you.

3. Get him to buy you something expensive.

4. Get him to help you with your paperwork.

Yoruichi scanned the list she'd been given for the thousandth time, making a mental note to sneak into Kukaku's house and take a shit on her bed… her and Rangiku’s both. They really fucked her good. Especially with the paperwork requirement. Getting Shunsui to do his own paperwork was damn near impossible. She'd have to save that one for last.

A smart man wouldn't readily do any of these things for a woman who didn't mean at least something to them. Now someone like Ichigo, or even Renji, could easily be suckered with a little flirting, but Kyoraku was an experienced man who would not be easily tricked. Sure, she and the Eighth Squad captain were good friends but…

The buxom beauty sighed, shoving the paper into her pocked as she entered the captain’s assembly hall. 'Another pointless meeting,' she thought as she quickly scanned the room. It seemed everyone was there but Kisuke. 'Typical.'

Yamamoto took a seat at the head of the table and motioned for everyone to do the same. Just then Kisuke dashed in with an apologetic grin on his face. Yoruichi rolled her eyes as she plopped down beside a very grim Byakuya. He regarded her coldly before focusing his attention on their Commander-in-Chief.

"This seat taken?" a smooth baritone voice asked from behind her.

She whirled around and was met with a friendly smile. Shunsui pulled the chair out and settled in beside her. 'Damn Ran and Kaku,' she seethed silently.

The Head Captain began the first order of business and Yoruichi tried her best to pay attention. These days their meetings were almost always pointless. Hollows were scarce and there was nothing to report, but Yamamoto would rather die than not follow protocol. Yoruichi's eyes had just begun to glaze over when she felt Shunsui drape his arm over the back of her chair. She glanced back at him with a bored expression and he shot her a wink as he pulled a small saké jug out of his haori.

Yoruichi gawked. Only Shunsui would dare bring alcohol to a meeting. Inconspicuously, she peeked back towards the Head Captain. Either he was unaware of his student's treachery or he simply didn't care. There was no way to be sure. Yoruichi could barely tell if his eyes were open most of the time. Turning back to the gallant louse she hungrily eyed his bottle. She knew it was the good stuff because that's all he ever drank.

Just then a balled up piece of paper landed between the two of them. Yoruichi's head shot up as Shunsui quickly snatched up the paper. Kisuke was glaring at them from across the table.

"Captain Urahara, are you a child of three, or a Captain of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads?" Yamamoto's gravelly voice startled the three misbehaving captains.

Urahara's head shot around. "Uhh, both I suppose," he answered with a sheepish smile. The old man sighed in annoyance, but said nothing. The smile dropped from the scientist's face. "Please don't burn me to ash. I have plans later."

Yoruichi had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing as Byakuya stared at Kisuke in disgust. The Captain-Commander grunted and resumed the meeting, sparing her best friend’s life.

The rustling of the paper as Shunsui unfolded it was as loud as gunshots in the respectfully silent assembly hall. It read 'Share or Die' in big letters. Shunsui smirked, then looked to his friend and shrugged. Getting the bottle to him across the table without drawing Yamamoto's attention would be impossible. Yoruichi grabbed the small jug from Kyoraku's hand and, with a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching, took a rather sizable gulp.

"Whoa, save some for me," the flamboyant man at her side whispered.

"Sorry," she mouthed.

Within minutes the two of them had drained the contents of the bottle, ignoring the dirty looks they received from Kisuke. It wasn't enough to get Yoruichi drunk, but unfortunately enough to make her annoyingly horny. Across the table, her best friend recognized the look in her slightly glazed-over eyes and smirked. He knew that look well, and it only meant one of two things. Either she'd be coming to see him later or some poor sap was in for one hell of a night. There was no telling how long the meeting would last and Yoruichi was anything but patient when she was in one of her moods.

It was hard for most people to understand his and Yoruichi's relationship (or lack thereof). He supposed if they were normal people they'd have gotten married long ago… maybe even had some kids.  But they weren't normal… especially him. There was no doubt they loved each other. In fact there wasn't anyone he loved more. He simply accepted the fact that she was who she was and he suspected it was the same for her. Smiling to himself he watched as his best friend began to fidget, no longer able to sit still. Forgetting all about the saké, Urahara sat back in his chair and prepared to enjoy the show.

Yoruichi was coming to realize that a captain’s conclave was the very last place a person should ever drink. She studied all the faces of her colleagues as they pretended to pay attention to whatever was being said. Her eyes rolled in irritation, and that's when she saw it, Kisuke's knowing smirk across the table. It made her want to smack it right off his smartass face.

"Something wrong?"

Shunsui's warm breath caressed Yoruichi's ear, making her shiver involuntarily. She snapped her head around in irritation as he raised a questioning brow. Glaring at him, she crossed her legs in an attempt to control the throbbing between her thighs. He really was ridiculously good-looking. Not that she'd never noticed it before, but alcohol always heightened her senses. At least as far as men were concerned.

"You look like you could use a little more." Kyoraku reached inside of his robe to produce a brand-new bottle, shaking it temptingly in her face.

'What a cruel, mean, heartless asshole,' Yoruichi thought before snatching the small jug and discreetly chugging half of it. It was stronger that the first brew. She made a mental note to find out his supplier as she slid the flask back into Kyoraku's hand under the table. After a silent chuckle he finished it off.

"Is it hot in here?" she whispered, fanning herself with her haori and sighing loudly. Now horny and tipsy, Yoruichi had a problem on her hands. It really was no big deal that she couldn't have sex with Shunsui because there were any number of men she was sure could be persuaded to take care of her. The problem was, the fact that she'd been all but forbidden from having sex with him made her want it that much more. Then he had the nerve to sit beside her and get her drunk. It was true that no one forced her to drink, but that was beside the point. It was done and now she wanted him.

Yoruichi pictured herself jumping from her seat and straddling him before smashing their lips together in a heated kiss. She wondered what his mouth would taste like. Most likely like the expensive sake they'd just devoured. Then it came time to wonder how big he was. If his overall size was any indication… her mouth watered at the thought and she bit her lip to keep from groaning in sexual frustration.

Then she had an idea. Ranguku said she couldn't have sex, but that didn't mean she couldn't do other fun stuff. With a mischievous smile on her face she slowly slid her hand over to rest on his thigh. He didn't even bother to glance in her direction. That only encouraged her. Realizing she wasn't close enough to do what she wanted without it being embarrassingly obvious what she was doing, she looked around cautiously before trying to silently scoot her chair closer to Kyoraku's.

The slow scraping of the wooden legs across the floor was so damn loud that Yamamoto actually paused and every head in the room turned to her. Yoruichi froze…so much for being discreet. With an awkward smile she raised her hand in apology. After a small shake of his head and some disapproving looks from a couple of her peers, their leader continued.

With her plan now foiled, she slouched down in her seat trying not to pout. Suddenly she felt herself moving. Yoruichi looked around frantically at this unexpected occurrence as she tried not to panic. It was then that she noticed she was slowly getting farther away from Byakuya. Shunsui had hooked his foot around the leg of her chair and with the arm that was draped over the back of her seat he had somehow lifted her off the ground and was silently moving her closer to him. Once he set her down gently, he glanced at her and winked. Their chairs were touching now.

Yoruichi grinned like a whore in a store full of dicks. She impatiently pulled at the tie of his pants giving her easy access. Eagerly she reached inside his hakama, taking note of the boxer briefs, and gently stroked his limp member. Almost immediately it began to stiffen and poke through the convenient hole in the underwear. Thankfully, Shunsui occupied the last seat at the table. Otherwise everyone would've gotten an eyeful of his drool-worthy cock that, to Yoruichi's surprise and pleasure, was now beginning to peek over the edge of the table. He casually slid down in his seat, hiding his more than impressive size from the room. Then, with a self-assured look, spread his legs slightly as if to say, 'Knock yourself out'.

Just then a ball of paper landed in front of Shunsui. He glanced up to make sure no one was watching, except for Kisuke of course, and picked up the projectile.

'I want to be like you when I grow up'.

Shunsui smirked and let out a rumbling chuckle before glancing up at the younger man who was grinning like the perv he was. With an unapologetic shrug Shunsui focused his attention back on Captain Hitsugaya, who’d started speaking just after Yoruichi’s hand had slipped into Shunsui’s hakama;  not that anybody cared what the shorter Captain was reporting on.

Yoruichi was mesmerized. The only thing that could have made this moment better was privacy. Not that the she cared about such things. She actually enjoyed people watching, but she didn't think the Head Captain would appreciate two of his officers having horizontal refreshments during his meeting. She gripped Shunsui's now rock-hard member in her small hand and began skillfully working it under the table, stealing a glance whenever she could. With her thumb she massaged the leaking head before bringing the now glistening digit to her lips. Although Shunsui had appeared largely indifferent until then, he watched as she slowly slipped the finger into her mouth to taste him. The vixen closed her eyes savoring the unique flavor and had to fight the urge to lean over and take him into her mouth. She kept her face forward as she reached back down and continued to work at a steady pace.

The Eighth Squad captain shifted in his seat, making himself a little more comfortable. His arm still dangled leisurely from Yoruichi's chair. He couldn't remember ever enjoying a meeting this much. He wasn't sure what had gotten into the purple-haired vixen, but if this kept up he was sure it would be him. It couldn't have been that little bit of saké, because while she couldn't drink as much as him, he'd partied with her enough to know that she could definitely hold her liquor. He sighed contentedly, wishing they were anywhere but where they were… preferably somewhere with more wine.

Upon hearing her victim's sigh Yoruichi's head snapped around. Her eyes narrowed at the look of complete boredom on his face. Unknown to Shunsui, what had started out as just an innocent under-the-table hand job was now a battle to prove sexual supremacy. At that moment Yoruichi decided she would make him scream like a little girl, meeting be damned.

Releasing his manhood, she brought her hand to her face and spit in it, earning her a shocked look from Kisuke who was apparently the only person in the room besides Shunsui who knew what was going on. She glanced toward the front of the room and met Byakuya's more-than-disgusted expression. No doubt he expected her to begin rubbing the saliva on her face since that's how 'demon cats' bathed.

Rolling her eyes, Yoruichi focused on the task at hand. Once again staring straight ahead to at least give the appearance that she was listening, she reached back into Shunsui's lap, slathered the makeshift lubricant onto him and began working his length like the pro she was. Dipping her hand into his briefs she massaged his testicles before sliding it back up the shaft. His size really was amazing. Although she hadn't seen Kenpachi in person, the video was enough. She had an eye for those kinds of things. There was no denying that Zaraki was huge, but Shunsui seemed to be about the same… possibly bigger.

Yoruichi pulled out every one-handed trick she knew, but Shunsui barely batted an eye. If anything, he seemed more relaxed. Ignoring the slight burn in her arm she continued, determined to get some kind of reaction out of the seemingly unaffected man. She was so engrossed in the molestation of her colleague that she didn't realize the meeting was finally wrapping up. Shunsui, on the other hand, did. Stealing a glance at the sultry woman he couldn't help but smirk a little. The way her face was all scrunched up with concentration was adorable. She was trying so hard. 'I really should reward her effort,' he thought to himself.

Slowly moving his arm from the back of her chair, he brought it around to rest on her leg before expertly sliding his hand inside the leggings she refused to stop wearing after being made a Captain again. Yoruichi faltered for a moment, head snapping around to look at him. Her annoyance was obvious. Shunsui also noted the hint of confusion in her eyes. His cock was still being held hostage in her tiny hand, though that was of little consequence.

The muscles in her arm twitched from overexertion, but she ignored it. Instead Yoruichi focused on trying to understand what was happening. Before a coherent thought could form she was being penetrated by two of Shunsui's thick fingers. She took a sharp intake of breath and her eyes widened. Across the table Kisuke snickered. It wasn't every day he got to see his friend bested.

Yoruichi released her hold on Shunsui's cock, suddenly losing all interest in the perfect appendage, and grabbed a handful of his pants. He pushed his long digits deep into her before curling them and slowly dragging them out and across her g-spot. Her eyes fluttered closed as a quiet moan escaped her lips. She was faintly aware of the Head Captain's voice.

"I will expect a full report from each captain at our meeting next month. We must not become lax…"

Yoruichi's nails dug into Shunsui's leg as he pushed into her again, this time pressing his thumb against her nub as he slowly pulled them out. She let out a squeak before snapping her mouth shut, her eyes popping open. Kyoraku pulled his sakkat down attempting to hide his smirk when he saw Byakuya glance back suspiciously.

"Byakuya," Kisuke whispered. "Pay attention!"

Completely ignoring the idiotic man, he held Shunsui's gaze. The older shinigami nodded casually at him as Yoruichi shuddered in her seat. She moaned again, her back arching up off the chair. Byakuya's eyes widened slightly as he suddenly realized what was going on not a foot away from him. He glanced to Shunsui, then to Kisuke and back again, face expressionless before the corner of his mouth curled up in a small smile and he turned back around.

Shunsui repeated his little trick once again just as Yamamoto adjourned the meeting, bringing Yoruichi to a screaming climax. He casually slipped his hand out of her pants, grabbing the small stack of papers that were neatly set in front of him. Every head spun towards Yoruichi just in time to see her slither out of her seat and disappear under the table with an idiotic smile on her face.

"What was that…? Like a minute? That's gotta be a record," Urahara whispered in awe.

Not giving Yoruichi a second look, Kyoraku quickly tied his pants before rising from his seat, bowing politely to his colleagues and excusing himself.

Day 3

Not wanting to risk being questioned about the incident at the captains meeting, Yoruichi wandered the Seireitei in her cat form. Kisuke had stayed behind to help her and make up an excuse for her inappropriate outburst. Only later did she found out that he hadn't done it out of the goodness of his heart, but only out of his desire to be the first to question her about the incident.

If Yoruichi was honest, she wasn't even entirely sure about what had happened. After kicking Kisuke out of her house she'd wracked her brain, going over the events in her head. Something had gone seriously wrong… or seriously right. It was all too confusing and, if truth be told, a little depressing. She was questioning everything she thought she knew. He hadn't been affected…even a little... by things that would reduce a normal man to a babbling fool.

Perhaps that was where she'd gone wrong. Shunsui was not a normal man. She'd known that already, but had clearly underestimated the man's sexual prowess. Fighting back a yawn, the black cat gazed out across the roofs of the Seireitei. Between trying to fight back the completely alien feeling of insecurity and the memory of what Shunsui had been able to accomplish in mere seconds with three fingers, she hadn't gotten any sleep.

Beneath her she heard her lieutenant and Rangiku chatting about the blonde's upcoming birthday party and her plans to hook up with Kisuke.

“Think he’ll be able to handle me?” the blonde giggled.

Yoruichi rolled her eyes. Rangiku would have to learn the hard way, just as she had, exactly what it meant to be ‘handled’ by Kisuke Urahara. With a sigh of frustration, she hopped from roof to roof, trying to get as far away from her friends as possible. When she thought she'd put enough distance between her and anyone who had heard or could possibly ever hear what had happened the day before, she stopped.

Beyond tired, she stretched her little paws out in front of her as she fought back another yawn. Backing across the roof, golden eyes darted around to see just how far out of her way she'd come in her attempt to escape; she jumped slightly when her leg bumped into something.

"Oi, pussycat." The sleepy voice came from behind her.

Yoruichi froze. She'd know that voice anywhere. That silky smooth, baritone... 'Fuck me.', she shuddered inwardly.

This couldn't be happening. Were the gods out to get her? Had she done something horrible in her past and karma was coming to bite her in the ass? She turned slowly to face her tormentor, ignoring the flutter in her stomach. Kyoraku Shunsui lazily reached out, laying a heavy hand on her small head and began scratching behind her ear.

No longer in control of her body, she leaned into his ministrations, a throaty purr vibrating her small frame. Gods, he was good with his hands. Her eyes now closed, she climbed up onto his chest, following wherever the hand led.

"That feel good, pussycat?"

She purred louder in response, even as she silently called herself every name in the book. Scratching behind a cat's ear was cruel, inhumane and practically orgasmic. She wondered if he knew it was her. Of course he did. Although she had made a point to mask her reiatsu, and he was half-asleep, it’s not like there were a lot of cats wandering around the Seireitei.

With legs now fully extended and her stomach on his chest, the disguised woman couldn't help but wish she weren't disguised, meeting incident be damned. Remembering how his perfect appendage had extended over the table sent a shiver up her spine. She wanted to see it… just one more time.

The sudden lack of pleasure pulled her from her daydream. Shunsui's breathing had evened out and his hand now rested at his side. Looking up at his peaceful, half-seen face it was hard to believe he was such a cocky asshole. Okay, maybe not an asshole, but definitely cocky. So was she, until yesterday.

Yoruichi yawned again, her paws reaching out to almost graze his chin. Resting her small head on his chest she told herself to get up… that this was a bad idea, but sleep ultimately won out. Her golden eyes fluttered closed within minutes and her breathing fell in rhythm with his.

-o0o-

"Pussycat," Yoruichi heard in the distance, or maybe it was a whisper. She ignored it.

Again. "Pussycat." She stirred slightly, not quite ready to leave her state of blissful unconsciousness.

Shunsui chuckled low. Propping himself up on his elbows so the cat wouldn't fall off, he looked down at the feline. Its glossy black fur shone in the sunlight. It had been quite some time since he'd seen a cat… inside the Seireitei at least. Outside the walls was another story.

As gently as he could manage he scooped the cat up in his large hand, placing it to the side, and slowly got to his feet. He reached to the sky in a bone-popping stretch before smiling down at the sleeping feline and leaping gracefully off the roof.

Hours later Yoruichi's eyes finally fluttered open. It took a moment for her to remember exactly where she was and how she'd gotten there, but once she did, she jumped to her feet, eyes darting around. Kyoraku was nowhere in sight. Relieved and a little disappointed, she started across the roofs towards the Shihoin estate.

Day 4

The plans for Rangiku's party had been finalized. It was to be the event of the year, much like every year before. Initially the festivities were to be held in the assembly room of the Tenth Division, but Captain Hitsugaya had stubbornly refused to allow it. He could be such a party pooper sometimes. After hours of brainstorming Rangiku came up with the brilliant idea of asking Kyoraku to have it at his more than sizable home. The genial captain always welcomed a party and had the space to accommodate the ridiculous amount of people invited. Of course all of this had been decided before he was chosen as Yoruichi's target.

With the birthday blast less than a week away, everything needed to be ready within the next three days. Initially this event was for Rangiku and Kukaku since their birthdays were so close together, but once she saw the guest list and found out it was a formal event Kukaku backed out fast.

"I don't want all those losers at my party," she'd complained.

So, to appease her friend, Yoruichi offered her home for Kukaku's blowout, which would be held the night before Rangiku's. The blonde had been indignant about not having her party there, but no way in hell was Yoruichi going to wake up after a long night of drunken stupidity to face cleaning up and decorating again.

Unfortunately, as the official party planner, the task of going over to the Kyoraku home fell upon her. She'd thought of asking Nel to do it, but then berated herself for being a pussy and decided to go herself. Since when was a Shihoin ever intimidated by a man? She shouldn't be embarrassed, she should be proud. There probably wasn't another soul that could say they'd gotten off during one of the captain’s meetings. It simply proved that she was just as kick-ass as everyone thought.

Now standing outside of the massive house, Yoruichi waited for someone to answer the door. Rangiku was supposed to have told Shunsui she was coming, but judging by how long she'd been standing outside, someone had obviously forgotten. She waited a few more minutes before deciding to walk around to the back; almost sure she'd find him asleep under a Sakura tree.

The limber noblewoman slowly entered the garden, looking around impatiently. Where the hell was he? She moved towards the house, not caring that she was trespassing on another noble's property. Stepping up onto the veranda, she took one last look behind her before walking inside. It had been years since she'd been to the Kyoraku manor. Much seemed to have changed.

"Are you looking for someone, Miss?"

Yoruichi whirled around fast, startled by the little old woman now standing before her. The shrunken dame smiled brightly up at the young woman, who seemed to be at a loss for words.

"Uh, I was looking for Captain Kyoraku," she finally answered, remembering herself. "I was supposed to meet him here, but it looks like he's forgotten."

The old woman smiled. "Oh, I don't think so. He never forgets a date with a pretty girl."

Yoruichi didn't know why, but she blushed. Damn it. What was she, an adolescent schoolgirl? 'I think I'm going to be sick,' she thought.

"I was sure he was out in the garden. You must have walked right past him." The wrinkled housemaid snickered again before shuffling past Yoruichi. She watched until her small frame disappeared behind a row of bushes. The smile that was plastered on her face dropped. Alone again, the golden-eyed beauty decided to look around. That was the reason she was there after all. Kyoraku didn't need to be there for her to decide how and where she wanted to set up the party.

As she slowly made her way around it became apparent that space would not be a problem. The house had plenty of it, and unlike the Kuchiki mansion, or hers for that matter, it wasn't filled with pointless things that nobles tended to keep in order to show status. It would do very nicely for the party.

The violet-haired plotter had just picked out the perfect room for the fiesta when she heard voices coming her way. She turned just as the elderly servant returned with Shunsui in tow.

"I found him, Miss. He was in the garden napping, just as I thought."

Shunsui laughed, looking down affectionately at her. "What would I do without you, my love?" He leaned over and kissed the maid on the cheek, and Yoruichi couldn't help but laugh as the woman's cheeks turned beet red.

"I'll bring you and the lady some tea," she dithered with her toothless mouth smiling wide.

"Tea?" Kyoraku almost whined.

"Yes," the woman sent him a sharp look. "We don't want the lady to think we're uncivilized."

He leaned over and mumbled loud enough for his guest to hear. "I think it's a little too late for that."

She laughed and hit him playfully before finally leaving the two alone. Rather than let the silence become awkward Shunsui spoke up. "So how's the planning going?"

"It's going," Yoruichi replied. He didn't seem uncomfortable at all. But then again, he had no reason to be. He was amazing and had a huge cock. She, on the other hand, was an idiot who basically came in her pants after just being touched by him. She closed her eyes and tried to shake those thoughts from her head. The image of his perfect member would be forever etched in her mind. Inside her black leggings, she began to throb.

'I wonder if he'd just let me see it? I just want to see it… just one more time.' She seriously considered asking, but opted against it as that would simply make her mission even harder than it was already proving to be.

Shunsui smiled genuinely after her curt response. "Well, I'll leave you to it then. I've got to admit, I'm a little eager for the party. It's been years since I've hosted anything here." When Yoruichi didn't respond he simply tipped his hat and left her alone to finish up what she was doing. It was obvious she wasn't in a talking mood.

Within an hour Yoruichi was finished. She'd come back in a couple days with the girls to actually decorate. The thought of just sneaking out the front door held a humiliating degree of appeal, but again, she reminded herself that she was NOT a pussy.

The determined shape-changer made her way back to the garden. There was Shunsui, standing in the middle of his estate, saké jug dangling from one finger. He seemed to be mesmerized by something off in the distance. Or maybe he was just momentarily weighed down by his huge meat stick and paused to take a break. Yoruichi had no way of knowing, but seeing him there, completely oblivious to her presence, brought on a strange urge. An urge she hadn't felt in a very long while.

A light breeze blew through the yard, teasing the man's russet ponytail across his back. The corner of her lips curled up into a roguish smirk and her fingertips began to tingle. In a flash she was beside him, reaching out to snatch the pins and tie that always bound his long locks. Her smirk spread into an all-out grin as she made her getaway at a speed that only the Goddess of Flash was capable of. With her destination in sight, the top of the stone wall that partially enclosed the gardens, she mused about how fun this was going to be.

Suddenly something caught her arm. The smile dropped from her face and her eyes widened in disbelief as she was yanked to a halt. Impossible. Yoruichi snapped her head around to see Shunsui's hand firmly holding her wrist. His lazy smile infuriated her almost immediately. What a smug asshole!

"Luck must be on my side today." His smile widened. "Imagine someone like me being able to catch the likes of you, Goddess of Flash."

Initially, Yoruichi felt rage at being mocked… pure unadulterated rage. But almost immediately the feeling of complete embarrassment took over. Once again he had proved his superiority. She wasn't buying the innocent act he was trying to sell. His grip tightened around her wrist until she was forced to drop the hairpin right into his waiting palm, jug dangling from his pinky. She felt like a child who'd been caught in the cookie jar. It was then that Yoruichi realized they were still in the middle of the yard. That Shunsui hadn't chased her. His feet were still firmly planted in the exact same spot they'd been in when she'd had the ridiculous idea to steal his hair tie. 'He didn't even move.'

Shunsui loosened his grip. She was gone before he had fully released her.

-o0o-

Later that night Yoruichi and her usual group, plus two, prepared the decorations for the upcoming festivities. Sui-Feng, although angry about being left on the floor last time, showed up after having received an invite from Kukaku of all people. She suspected the woman was hoping to get another laugh at her expense, but came anyway just to be around Lady Yoruichi. Lisa, on the other hand, was there because Yoruichi said she needed to be, as her accomplice and all. The Visored didn't see what making decorations had to do with this mission, but she honestly didn't mind too much.

The six women sat in Yoruichi's room in a comfortable silence, each with a drink nearby. She hadn't told anyone about what had happened earlier, still too ashamed and disgusted.

“I made an appointment for us to take a pole dancing class,” Rangiku commented casually.

‘You did what?” Kukaku’s head snapped around.

“Yay!” Nel screeched.

“You heard me.  Everyone is going, so get the word out to the rest of the group.  If anyone’s missing I’ll kill them.”

“Well, I’m not going, so you might as well take me out now,” the one-armed woman huffed.

“Me either,” Sui-Feng agreed. 

“Yes you will.”  Yoruichi cut her eyes at Sui-Feng who flinched slightly. 

“On second thought, it might be fun,” said the second division captain, experiencing a sudden change of heart.

“Come on,” Rangiku whined.  “Don’t be a killjoy.  It’ll be fun!  You can give Kenpachi a lap dance.”

That seemed to get the woman’s attention.  She narrowed her eyes at the blonde before finally rolling them.  “Whatever.”

Rangiku giggled.  “I thought that would get your attention.”

“This party is getting more and more interesting,” Lisa commented.

Silence followed until a wicked grin spread across Kukaku’s face.  "So, how goes the mission?"

Yoruichi hid her eyes. "It's going." There was no need to pretend with them. They'd know she was lying.

Her snarky associate let out a braying laugh. "I'll say it's going! Kisuke told me Shunsui made you cum in your pants at the meeting."

Yoruichi gave Kukaku exactly the reaction she'd been hoping for, leaping upon her with murderous intent. Of course the others hadn't heard anything about it, so before Yoruichi could kick the shit out of her big-mouthed friend, she was attacked by Rangiku and Nel.

"He did what?" the blonde screeched. "You're not supposed to have sex. Why would you keep something like this from us? Did you get in trouble? Don't just sit there… spill!"

"Kisuke is so dead," Yoruichi muttered through clenched teeth. She was now pinned to her bed by two sets of enormous boobs with so many questions being thrown at her it was impossible to hear them all.

"Give her some space." Kukaku finally intervened, pulling the two off the suffocating woman.

They reluctantly backed away, allowing Yoruichi to sit up. She looked around at the expectant faces of her friends and knew that she had no choice but to explain. The hangdog Vice President told them all about the saké Shunsui had snuck in, how she'd thought it would be fun to make the lady's man of Soul Society squeal during a captains meeting, and lastly, how it had backfired. The ladies sat in stunned silence long after Yoruichi finished. Well, all except Lisa, who didn't seem surprised in the least.

"A minute?" Rangiku couldn't believe such a thing was even possible.

Yoruichi nodded. "Probably more like thirty seconds." She stopped to take a sip of her drink. "I couldn't believe it either."

"He's always been good with his hands," Lisa commented.

Yoruichi snorted. "That's an understatement."

The Visored shrugged. Countless minutes followed where no one spoke. Yoruichi was too busy thinking up a way to get back at Shunsui for what he'd done to her, and the others were trying to figure out how such an unfathomable thing could possibly happen.

"So when you say big, are we talking, like, big or… BIG?" Rangiku asked seriously, breaking the silence.

"BIG," Yoruichi answered.

"Aww," Rangiku whined. "Shunsui is so mean. All these years of drinking together and he never once thought he should tell me something so important?"

"Why would he bring that up in casual conversation?" Kukaku rolled her eyes. "So Rangiku, how was your day? That's good… I did a little paperwork, had a meeting, oh, by the way, I have a MONSTER cock. How's Toshiro?" Kukaku mocked. The blonde just glared at her.

"So that's what that was all about," Sui-Feng mumbled, remembering the commotion at the end of the meeting and how Kisuke had quickly swept Yoruichi out of the assembly hall, not allowing her to follow.

Nel gasped suddenly before turning to her captain. "So what happened this morning? Didn't you go to his house?"

Youichi winced. It was barely noticeable but naturally Kukaku jumped all over it. "Okay, what happened? I saw that little… whatever it was."

Steeling herself for their reaction, Yoruichi begrudgingly told them how Shunsui had effortlessly caught her after she'd attempted to take his hairpin. Sui-Feng passed out on the spot, and Kukaku immediately poured the rest of them a shot of Jack. More silence followed.

"So when you say BIG… you mean like safe-word big—"

"Ran, give it up," Yoruichi snapped, cutting her friend off.

Matsumoto's face scrunched up. "I can't! I wanna see it!"

"Yea, well you can't. It's mine."

"It is not," Rangiku protested.

"Well… it should be." Yoruichi knew she was being completely ridiculous, but she just couldn't help herself.

"What's a safe-word?" Nel questioned.

"A kind of code word you use to say ’no’ or ‘stop’," Lisa quickly explained before turning to the recently dethroned Goddess of Flash. "I can't believe I didn't get any of this on tape. I'm following you around for the remainder of the week." The rest of the women nodded in agreement.

Nel still didn't understand. "So why can't you just say 'no' or 'stop'?"

"You just can't. You can say ‘saké’ or ‘strawberries’ instead. Isn't that more fun?" Rangiku asked.

Nel nodded. From that moment on the drinks disappeared at a much faster pace than normal. Everyone was trying to digest the stories they'd been told. A couple hours later, after Sui-Feng had recovered and everyone was well past tipsy, the women were sprawled leisurely all over Yoruichi's room. The decorations weren't done, but they'd accomplished all they were going to do that night. An absent-eyed Yoruichi quietly hummed a vaguely familiar tune as she'd done unknowingly for the last half-hour or so.

"I'm hungry," Nel whined.

Kukaku smirked. "And in other news, the world is round."

The Arrancar rolled her eyes in annoyance just as Rangiku quietly began to sing.

"You're too big to fit in here. Too big to fit in here. Too big to fit in here."

"Why the hell were you singing that?" Yoruichi questioned.

Kukaku then turned to her golden-eyed friend in surprise. "What do you mean? You've been humming it half the night."

"Have not!"

"You're too big to fit in here." Nel had now joined in, smacking her hand on the bed to keep the beat. Kukaku rolled her eyes, wondering why she hung around a group of such idiots. The singing women had jumped up and were now galloping across the floor, and before she could yell at them to shut the hell up and sit their little asses down, Yoruichi jumped in her face. "What a lovely ride."

Nel chimed in. "The penis was a thrill." Then Rangiku. "Your penis is a Cadillac."

"A giant Coupe Deville," Lisa finished with a cackle right as Yoruichi snatched off her glasses.

Kukaku and Sui-Feng exchanged blank stares as they sat back with mild amusement and watched the floor show.

"You're too big to fit in here." Nel had bent over and was letting Yoruichi slap her ass as they chanted again. "Too big to fit in here. Too big to fit in..." The jiggly Arrancar then abruptly let out a screech. "STRAWBERRIES! STRAWBERRIES!"

Yoruichi paused, still laughing at their stupidity. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Nel couldn't speak. She just stared in horror at the entrance to Yoruichi's bedroom. When she followed her subordinate's gaze, what she saw there made the smile drop from her face. "Kill me now," Yoruichi deadpanned. At that, Rangiku and Lisa finally paused and turned to see what all the commotion was about.

Lisa's eyes widened. "Oh, hell."

"My Lady, you have a visitor," the servant spoke quietly, clearly embarrassed for the mistress of the house. "I told him you had guests, but he insisted. Said it was very important." Behind her stood none other than a very cool-looking Shunsui. The maid backed away slowly, shooting a nervous smile at the big man who just winked at her. Her cheeks turned a bright red, and with a quick bow she was gone.

"Now," Kyoraku spoke to the room full of women. "Who's too big to fit in where?"

Kukaku and Sui-Feng looked at each other, then to Shunsui, then back again before bursting out in hysterical laughter. A now completely horrified Yoruichi stomped towards her new guest, forcefully took him by the arm, and dragged him away. The others filed from the room behind them, Lisa grabbing the camera on the way out.

Before she could voice her displeasure Shunsui started in. "I didn't mean to interrupt your little party. I just wanted to drop this off," he said with a barely-there smirk.

"Oh, you didn't interrupt anything."

Her brows furrowed in confusion. That's not what she was supposed to say. 'Such a smartass,' she thought. Yoruichi didn't know why, but she felt like a complete idiot. Of course he'd caught them singing a very questionable song, but had it been anybody else she wouldn't have given a shit. Was it because they were technically singing about him? No, that wasn't the reason either. Not wanting to think about it anymore, she decided to just let him have it for popping over unexpected.

Around the corner Kukaku tried to get Nel and Rangiku to stop giggling so that they could hear. "Shut up, don't ya'll know how to eavesdrop?"

"So what did you want to drop off?" Yoruichi cringed at her overly sweet tone.

Shunsui held out his hand, revealing a little white box. Yoruichi's eyes went wide and her heart jumped up to her throat. Slowly she reached out and took his offering. Behind her she heard Nel's muffled squeal, but ignored it.

"It's nothing special." Shunsui spoke low, almost seductive… or was that the way he always sounded?  "Since you seemed to like my hairpin so much, I got you one of your own."

She opened the box, and there was the pin just like he'd said. Before she could stop herself Yoruichi said, "I can't accept this, it's too much." She wanted to punch herself in the mouth. That would teach it to betray her.

Shunsui just waved off the refusal and took the pin from the box. "Turn around," he said quietly. Yoruichi froze.

"Oh yeah! Bend over," Rangiku whispered. Her fellow spies snickered.

"Why?" the lady of the house asked suspiciously.

Shunsui held up the pin. "So I can put it on." A friendly smile was on his face but his tone said, 'Haven't you ever received a gift before, you stupid woman?'  It irritated her, but she found herself looking up into those warm grey eyes and blushing like an idiot.

Kukaku smacked herself, dragging her palm down her face. What the hell was Yoruichi doing? "Just take the damn hairpin and get him outta here," she whispered. "Cross one off the list." It was almost painful to see the great Yoruichi being reduced to a puddle of girly mush. "I hope you're getting this," she said to Lisa, who just shook her head in disbelief while continuing to film everything.

Yoruichi turned around fast to hide her blatant display of girly and caught Kukaku's judgmental stare. That was enough to bring her back to her senses… at least momentarily.

"Wait," she blurted before spinning back around. Taking in Shunsui's slightly affronted expression, she made up a quick excuse for her outburst. "I'd like to wash my hair before putting a thing of such beauty in it." Her tone was overly polite and she knew she was laying it on a little thick, but desperate times... He didn't respond, so she continued. "I've been putting it off. It's such a tiresome task," she complained, bringing her waist-length ponytail over her shoulder.

"I agree with you there," he sighed. "I wish I had someone to wash mine."

"All you have to do is ask." She snapped her mouth shut, but it was too late. She'd officially crossed over into the realm that was only familiar to people like Orihime and Momo.

Shunsui seemed to think it over a moment before his head nodded in approval. "Meet me at my place tomorrow afternoon." He placed the hairpiece back in her hand and closed her fingers around it. "Bring that with you." As he turned to leave, the curious look he gave the box of Gentleman Jack left on the table did not go unnoticed.

"Take one," she offered out of nowhere. "It's American whiskey."

He moseyed over to the box and pulled out a bottle. With a grunt, he carefully replaced it back inside. "Bring that with you too." And then he left.

"Come back! I wanna see your—"

Sui-Feng slapped a hand over Rangiku's mouth before she could finish. Shunsui never looked back.

Once he was gone Kukaku and the others emerged from their hiding spot behind the wall. The one-armed woman stared at her friend in disgust. "I thought that was only for special occasions," she said sarcastically.

"Go to hell," responded the were-cat.

The Shiba shook her head with a weary sigh. "You're pathetic."

Day 5

Yoruichi stood outside of Shunsui's door, Gentleman Jack in hand, hairpin in her pocket. He hadn't mentioned a specific time so she'd just come after finishing her duties. Lisa was supposed to meet her there. After last night Kukaku and the others hadn't shut up about how she was the one being pimped. 'Wasn't he supposed to be washing your hair?' Rangiku had asked sarcastically, after which Yoruichi had kicked them all out.

The same servant woman from the day before answered the door, greeting her with a warm smile. "He's asleep," she snickered. "But feel free to wake him. He sleeps too much."

Yoruichi nodded as the woman led her out to the garden, which was obviously Shunsui's favorite place to nap.

"Two gorgeous women in my house? How lucky am I?" The man himself was walking towards them across the lush lawn. And just like that Yoruichi's underwear became a moist towelette. She whirled around at the sound of his voice. The maid smiled brightly and left for the kitchen to produce more tea.

At a sign from Shunsui, Yoruichi followed him into the manor proper. They soon found themselves in a pleasantly furnished chamber. When it looked like he was going to start speaking again she held out the bottle of whiskey without saying a word. He took it with a cordial smile then moved across the room to place it on the bar.

"If you don't mind, I'd like some of that now," the princess of Shihoin spoke with rigid self-control. She needed something to calm both her nerves and her raging hormones.

Shunsui nodded. "I'll join you then."

Yoruichi made her way over to the bar as her host pulled two glasses from the cabinet and filled them. "I've never had this, but it's supposed to be good. I think you'll like it." She wished she had some coke to mix it with, but for some reason Shunsui didn't seem like he drank much soda, so she was forced to take it straight. She watched with mild amusement at he studied the mysterious brown liquid before raising the glass to his nose. "Good smell."

Yoruichi raised an eyebrow. 'Good smell, my ass.'

He shot a wink at her before emptying the contents of the glass in one gulp. "Good taste." He poured himself another as Yoruichi started in on her own. Shunsui finished his second the same way he had the first before placing his cup gently on the bar. The smaller captain felt his eyes on her and she tensed, guzzling the remaining liquid before asking for another.

Shunsui obliged her. Hastily she finished off the drink and backed away, not relishing the closeness of his alluring presence. The sexual tension was palpable, for her at least.

Yoruichi swallowed the lump forming in her throat. "You want to get started?" she asked, sounding mildly irritated.

Reaching up to stroke his beard, the smile dropped from his face. "You seem tense."

"It's been a busy week," she lied. "I'm just tired."

"Hm," he grunted, then gently took her by the arm and led her down the hall. Just before they left the room she saw a flash out in the garden. 'Lisa,' she thought absently. She didn't bother putting up a fight or even asking where he was taking her, too preoccupied with the moisture building between her thighs.

It wasn't until he was laying her down on the biggest bed she'd ever seen in her life that she realized there had been some major fuck-up-ery on her part. Yoruichi jumped back to her feet in a panic. She couldn't fail her mission. She was the Vice President of the SWSS, for pity's sake!

"You sure you're ok?" Shunsui seemed more confused than concerned. He moved away from her and grabbed a small footstool along with a bucket filled with scented oils. Yoruichi looked on in confusion and perhaps even a little disappointment. Clearly he was not about to ravish her without mercy. How rude! He was supposed to be trying to, and she was supposed to be pretending she didn't want it to happen.

"Relax." Shunsui motioned for her to sit back down before he took a seat on the stool, dropping his flowered kimono and haori on the floor behind him. She plopped down, resisting the urge to fold her arms across her chest and pout. He removed her shoes and leg warmers and started with the right foot, proceeded to give her the best massage she… no, anyone anywhere had ever received.

Leaning back on the massive bed Yoruichi let out a loud sigh and closed her eyes. She turned, cracking one eye open; there was Lisa outside the window. Yoruichi could see her wide smile behind the camera and rolled her eyes before closing them again.

"Mmm," she moaned before she could stop herself. It just felt too good. Lisa was right; he had hands a surgeon would envy. Working slowly and skillfully, Kyoraku moved from her feet up to her calves. Then he stopped and the vixen on his bed whined at the sudden absence of soothing goodness. Her eyes popped open just as he stood.

"Get undressed," he said calmly. He retrieved his pink kimono from the floor and tossed it on the bed. "Cover up with this." Then he left.

Yoruichi stared after him. "What the hell?" she said to herself, glancing over to the window. Lisa seemed just as confused as she was. The Visored shrugged, and then disappeared. It soon became clear why. Shunsui had returned; saké jug in one hand and oil in the other. He frowned at her.

"You're still dressed. How do you expect me to give you a quality massage with your clothes on?"

Yoruichi quickly wiped the idiotic expression she was wearing off her face, stood and disrobed. She'd never been modest, as she was sure Shunsui was aware. It was her situation that made this whole thing difficult. Restraining herself as far as sex was concerned had never been her strong suit. If not for the damn mission, she'd have fucked him days ago… end of story. But alas, that was not an option.

Her masseuse stood by calmly, enjoying the view. She really was gorgeous. Inside his hakama his not-so-small soldier twitched. Memories of their adventure earlier that week flooded his mind. It had been odd, but not at all unwelcome.

"Okay," she announced. "I'm ready."

Shunsui turned about to find Yoruchi lying face down on his bed nude. He approached the naked beauty, his eyes resting on her ass. The day had just taken a turn for the heavenly. Taking a sip of the saké, he got to work.

-o0o-

Yoruichi's eyes fluttered open. Had she drifted off? A feeling of absolute languor suffused her entire body.  Wait, what? She looked around at her unfamiliar surroundings, the fog slowly clearing from her mind.  She stood, and stumbled blindly to the bathroom to empty her strained bladder.  Feeling around for the toilet she turned and plopped down quickly.  She knew something was awry when she fell a little too far.  Perhaps she should have opened her eyes to actually see what she was doing.  Either she’d missed the toilet all together or…splash.  

Yoruichi’s eye twitched dangerously as she sat with her ass almost completely submerged in the freezing cold water.  ‘Shunsui.’  How dare he leave the toilet seat up in the bedroom of his own home.  She dislodged herself with a scowl, relieved herself, then pat her damp rear dry.

Upon reentering the room, she saw the pink kimono, remembering that it had been draped over her naked frame.  "Damn it! I missed the massage," she scolded herself, the bathroom incident completely forgotten.  It must have been good to put her to sleep so quickly. She barely remembered any of it. How long had she been asleep? Noticing it was now dark she immediately thought of Lisa.

"Shit." The lady dashed to the window, her feline eyes seeing perfectly through the darkness. The camera was there, but Lisa was nowhere in sight. Oh, well.

Throwing on Shunsui's kimono, not bothering to close it, she left the room to pad blindly down the hall, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. 'I hope he's got some food in here.'

"You finally decided to get up?"

Yoruichi looked up as she entered the dining room to find Shunsui lounging on a couch. She snorted indelicately. "It was your fault for putting me to sleep.  By the way, my ass is clammy and it’s your fault. "

To her surprise, he then gave an embarrassed cough. Only then did something else impinge upon her awareness.

Shunsui had guests. How nice.

"Oops." Yoruichi slowly covered her exposed breasts with the kimono, flashing a sheepish grin. Before her Jushiro Ukitake sat wide-eyed. Starrk looked as bored as always, although there was no mistaking that he'd been taken aback. They both greeted her as if nothing was wrong. Lisa peeked out from behind Starrk with a wicked smirk.

Yoruichi grinned. "Lisa! Just the person I wanted to see."

"I bet," she replied.

The scantily-clad captain made her way to the table, but before she could take a seat next to Lisa she was pulled into Kyoraku's lap. The suddenness of his action left her unable to do anything but submit with ill grace. Why was he doing this to her?

Lisa tried to stifle her laugh. Seeing Yoruichi suffer like this was oddly gratifying. The other woman had a problem of an entirely different nature: namely, she had to try her hardest not to just turn around and fuck Shunsui's brains out… give his guests a real show. His arm hooked casually around her waist while the other held his cup. It wasn't as if he was holding her there, but for some reason she couldn't make herself get up. It was such a good fucking seat!

The five of them sat talking, drinking and laughing for hours. Yoruichi was finally able to forget about how she would be leaving his house that night without even getting a taste of that perfect cock.

"Well, I think I should get going," Lisa announced abruptly, pushing away from the table. She gave Yoruichi a pointed look. "I've got this thing I'm supposed to do."

"Right, that thing. I almost forgot." The shape-shifter left her place on Shunsui's lap, letting his hand fall to the side.

"What thing?" their host asked.

Lisa shrugged. "Just a thing."

"I've got a thing," Starrk offered, making Shunsui chuckle.

Lisa smirked. "You'll have to show me that sometime."

Jushiro choked, sending saké streaming down his chin. "I think maybe I'll take my leave as well."

Starrk shrugged as he got to his feet, figuring he might as well leave if everyone else was.

"See you later, boss-lady," Lisa called over her shoulder as she left with the two men, taking Yoruichi's self-control with her.  They were alone again.

She needed to get out of there, and the sooner the better. Yoruichi turned to the tall drink of water standing behind her, stood on her tiptoes and snatched the hat off his head, tossing it to the floor. She needed to do what she'd come to do, so she could go take her frustration out on Kisuke. Why the hell had she volunteered to do this?

"Hey, careful with that," Shunsui frowned, looking down at his abused hat.

Yoruichi couldn't help but laugh. "The hat's stupid. Now let's go wash your hair so I can get outta here."

Shunsui retrieved his favorite headgear, placing it gently on the table before leading her down the hall to his bedroom and into the private bathroom. Shampoos and conditioners sat on the side of the tub.

"Get in," he told her as he pulled off his shihakushô.

Wait-what? "W-Why?" she stuttered.

"Where else would I do it? I can't wash your hair outside the shower." He spoke calmly although he was genuinely confused.

"I thought I was washing your hair," she said with a raised brow.

"You will. Now get in."

She panicked. "Why do we have to do it in here? Can't we just go in the kitchen?" She wondered if Lisa was recording this.

The handsome captain sighed in exasperation. "Your hair is too long to wash in the sink, just like mine is."

"Well, do we really need to get completely naked just to wash our hair?" She was almost yelling now.

Shunsui was baffled. Was this the same woman who'd practically done a nosedive into his pants at the captains meeting? The Yoruichi that was as comfortable being nude as she was using shunpo? What happened between then and now?

"So you want to get in the shower with your clothes on," he asked to make sure he understood.

"Yes. I mean no, I don't. Can't I just lean over the side?"

Shunsui paused a moment before finally answering. "You can do whatever you like."

"Don't talk to me like I'm a kid," she huffed. This was not going the way she'd planned.

The half-naked man paused. This might have been the first time in all his years of knowing Yoruichi that he'd ever seen her pout. It was cute, but he dared not laugh at her. She'd been so sensitive lately. "What's the matter, pussycat?"

The little bit of control Yoruichi had been trying to hold on to flew out the window as soon as she heard that name. The same one he'd called her the day she'd taken a nap with him in her cat form. It couldn't be coincidence. He'd known it was her all along. She couldn't take it anymore. She was mad and horny, a dangerous combination. "I can't have sex with you," she blurted out truthfully.

"Of course you can." Shunsui wasn't sure how they'd gone from washing hair to sex, but whatever.

"No. I can't."

He shrugged. "Okay. Now get in."

It wasn't until that moment in the bathroom with Shunsui that Yoruichi realized how much she relied on sex. It kept her sane, and right now she was slowly spiraling out of control. Was that all she was? A sex-crazed maniac? 'Yes.'

She shook the thought from her head and calmly glanced up at Shunsui's topless frame, noting how she wanted to climb him like a tree. Two days were left in the week and then she could do anything she wanted to him, most likely without any objection. Just two days. She could do this. She was Yoruichi Shihoin, the baddest bitch in Soul Society… well maybe the co-baddest because Kukaku was pretty bad-ass. She wasn't going to fail in her mission because she couldn't control herself. The list was halfway done. Her hair was as good as washed and she'd already gotten the expensive gift. There was no doubt in her mind that she was good enough to get the other two things on the list, especially after today.

'Okay, calm down,' she told herself. It was time to stop acting like a bitch in heat, as Kisuke would say. Yoruichi opened the kimono and let it fall to the floor.

'I will not rape Shunsui. I will not rape Shunsui.'  This was her mantra as she watched the brawny captain turn on the water and drop his hakama. Her eyes went immediately to his completely limp cock that was still bigger than most men when they were hard. If his parents were still alive she'd have liked to shake their hands… congratulate them on a job well done.

He reached up, removed the hairpins and tie from his hair, placed them on the sink and stepped into the shower. 

‘Definitely safe word big,’ she noted to herself.

"I can do this," she whispered in assurance, stepping in after him. If Shunsui was sexy with clothes on, without them he was godlike. The water cascaded over him, plastering his long locks to his body. Yoruichi couldn't remember the last time she'd wanted somebody this bad. It was exciting…and annoying as hell since she couldn't do jack shit about it.

She stayed towards the back of the tub, not trusting herself to get too close, until Shunsui finally yanked her under the stream of water. He moved back to sit on the tub's edge and filled his hand with shampoo. "Let your hair down."

Yoruichi snatched the scrunchie from her hair and tossed it onto the pile of clothes. Then she stood in front of him with her back turned, allowing him to get to work. He was so tall that even seated he could reach the top of her head. Surprisingly she was able to stay relatively composed as Shunsui's magic hands massaged her scalp. It had been a long time since anyone besides herself had washed her hair and she was enjoying every minute of it. Her knees actually buckled a couple times, but he caught her and continued without a word each time. She just kept her eyes closed and enjoyed the experience. But like all really kickass things it had to come to an end.

"Okay, you're done," Shunsui announced, pushing the chocolate beauty back under the water.

Yoruichi rinsed her hair and face then opened her eyes. Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. Shunsui was on his knees directly in front of her. He must have seen the surprise on her face because he explained himself immediately. "You won't be able to reach if I stand." Then he closed his eyes and waited.

Yoruichi's body shook with want…like an addict going through withdrawal. 'I can't do this,' she told herself. Seeing the captain on his knees before her was too much. Time seemed to slow down. The rapid beating of her heart and her heavy breathing was deafening. She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again as she slowly brought one hand up to rest on his head and leaned over to retrieve the shampoo. Taking deep breaths and repeating her mantra got her successfully through the first wash. His hair was so soft she had to stop herself from pulling it.

Everything had been going smoothly until they had to switch places so he could rinse. Yoruichi attempted to step around him so that he could just move forward under the water, but she slipped. She fucking slipped.

He caught her, his two massive hands almost completely encircling her tiny waist. His intense eyes popped open and bored into her. That was her undoing. 'Fuck it,' she thought right before she closed the small distance between their faces and kissed him hard.

He took it all in stride, not the slightest bit surprised. Dainty fingers tangled in his wet locks as he gripped her ass and got to his feet, lifting her off the ground with ease. Her legs automatically wrapped around his waist and she moaned into his mouth when she felt his manhood slowly creeping up her stomach.

Yoruichi kissed him hungrily, savoring the alcohol flavor on his tongue. Shunsui let her have control without a fight. Not a single part of his mouth was left unexplored. They finally separated; their need to breathe winning out. He turned to rinse the remaining suds from his hair before stepping out of the shower, not bothering to turn the water off. Just a few steps and Yoruichi was being laid down on his gigantic bed, hair and body dripping wet. He tried to pull away, but her hand snaked around his neck, pulling him back. She needed more. If she was throwing away her mission, she needed this to be the best experience of her life.

The breeze from the open window across the room chilled her damp body, making her shiver involuntary. Shunsui, finally able to break away from their lip lock, swept her up and spun around to sit on the bed, Yoruichi in his lap. She wasted no time capturing his lips again. The steady rubbing of the damp, loosely curled hair on his chest against her already pebbled nipples was maddening. Yoruichi couldn't take it anymore. Reaching down between them to grab his stiff member, she broke their kiss and refocused her attention to placing tiny bites on his neck. Enjoying the attention, he let his head fall back giving her full access.

Steam from the shower made a beeline through the bedroom and out the window, creating the illusion that they were in a dream. He grabbed a handful of her violet hair, which out of her usual ponytail hung well past her rear, and wrapped it around his hand, gently tugging her head back. Her lust-filled golden eyes seemed to glow in the dim light coming from the bathroom. Shunsui dipped his head, taking one of her chocolate nipples into his mouth. She let out a gasp and her body trembled in his hands. This was torture. While Yoruichi always enjoyed foreplay, she just wasn't in the mood for it. She was in the mood to get fucked through the mattress by that huge cock.

Raising her hips up as far as she could, she moved him to her entrance and lowered herself, freezing when she felt him hit her cervix. He wasn't even all the way in yet. She tried again, lifting up slightly and lowering herself back down. Getting the same outcome, she looked up, unable to hide her truly shocked expression. Shunsui looked at her with what almost seemed like pity. He lifted her off of him, letting out a barely audible groan as he slid out of her.

"You're not ready yet, pussycat."

A mixture of rage and arousal washed over her. His silky smooth voice all but telling her she couldn't handle him. Unforgivable. He stood and turned around so she was now on her back, her legs still wrapped loosely around his waist.

"Stop frowning," he said as he playfully poked her nose with his finger.

She attempted to swat his hand away. He easily caught it and pinned it above her head then did the same with the other just in case she got any ideas. Yoruichi struggled for a moment, knowing she wouldn't be able to get away. She just wanted to be difficult; her ego was wounded.

"What's the rush, my dear?" He placed a lingering kiss on her already swollen lips. She didn't kiss back. He leaned forward again, this time kissing both of her nipples. "Things you love doing should be savored. Patience always achieves more than force." 

Kyoraku let go of her hands. She didn't move. He pushed two of his fingers into her dripping wet entrance, eliciting an actual purr from the sometime feline. Within a minute she was releasing all over his hand with a scream. He really was too good at that. She watched with hazy vision as he brought his hand to his mouth and sucked her juices from his fingers. He then backed off and stood right at the foot of the bed. Yoruichi propped herself up on her elbows, curious as to why he still wasn't fucking her.

"Come on, pussycat." He grabbed the base of his cock and jerked himself slowly. The sight was almost enough to make Yoruichi cum again. From his long wavy hair that was now in a mane to his perfectly sculpted body, the man was perfection.

Mesmerized by the bead of pre-cum forming on the head, she crawled towards him and took as much of him in her mouth as she could. Suddenly the room was filled with sounds of slurping and sucking. Shunsui had to admit, she was good.

"Slower," he commanded. She followed his instruction, reaching a hand up to massage his balls. "Slower," he said again.

Yoruichi paused and glared up at him. The last thing she needed was to be told what to do. She didn't look very intimidating with her mouth full of dick and Shunsui had to fight back a chuckle. Leave it to Yoruichi to make sex into some kind of war. He softly palmed the back of her head and slowly forced her head down. He felt himself hit the back of her throat. She immediately relaxed her throat muscles and Shunsui couldn't help but smile. That was the sign of a pro.

He pushed in a little further, but wasn't able to push past her tonsils. "Relax," he told her. He had no doubt that she knew exactly what she was doing and he wasn't trying to insult her, but there was a difference between being able to deep throat…and being able to deep throat him. That was exactly the reason he was giving her instruction. If he didn't think she could handle it she wouldn't even be there. He would have nipped this whole thing in the bud that first day at the meeting. He'd been around a long time and had a lot of women, and though he often joked with his lieutenant Nanao, he didn't have time to waste on inexperienced girls.

He felt her throat muscles relax even more as she pushed forward, forcing his cock down her throat, making Shunsui suck in a breath. She gagged a little, but that was to be expected. Shunsui smirked and finally closed his eyes. She was definitely a keeper. No one had ever been able to successfully deep throat him in his life. He finally understood the hype.

The first time was the hardest, but every time after that he went down a little easier. She was never able to take all of him and it pissed her off that she couldn’t do any of her patented tricks, but he didn’t seem too concerned about it. He just stood silently looking not exactly bored, but not like he was enjoying himself either. She glanced up occasionally in an attempt to gauge how she was doing, but he was giving her nothing. As far as she was concerned he should have been losing his mind. With each moment that passed she became more frustrated and worked harder to get the desired reaction from him. Finally, Yoruichi settled into a slow but steady rhythm only to have Shunsui stop her.

He reached down, cupping his hand under her chin and brought her face up to his. His cock slid out of her mouth with a pop. Annoyance flickered in her golden eyes, but he ignored it, licking the saliva from her lips before placing a chaste kiss on her nose.

"Lie down."

Yoruichi could barely contain her excitement. She lay back on the bed, not wanting to waste another minute. Finally, they were getting to the good part. She watched with half-lidded eyes as he leaned forward and took one of her dainty toes into his mouth. It was unexpected and sexy as hell. Yoruichi sucked in a breath as her back bowed off the bed.

"Shit," she moaned.

He didn't stay there long. After giving the other foot a little attention he began strategically licking and kissing his way up her lithe body, only stopping once he reached the warmth between her legs. He kissed her glistening lips as if saying hello, his mustache ticking her a little, before he slowly dipped his tongue inside of her. She came immediately. 'Two,' he counted in his head. From that moment on Shunsui couldn't hear anything but Yoruichi. Not the steady beating of the shower water on the porcelain of the tub, not the relaxing tune he was humming, barely his own thoughts. Each time she moaned out his name it became harder to maintain his cool façade.

She begged him to fuck her… pleaded for it. All the while, her hands stayed firmly planted on the back of his head, seemingly trying to push his whole face inside of her. He needed to end this now. He wanted to be inside of her. With a quick dart of his tongue and strong suck on her clit she came hard with a scream, tearing the blankets off the bed. She nearly suffocated him to death as she squeezed his head between her thighs.

'That's three.'

Yoruichi faded in and out of consciousness as Shunsui got to his feet and wiped his practically dripping face with his discarded kimono.

"You're so mean," she mumbled. He eyed the barely coherent beauty. Her eyes were closed and her cinnamon skin glistened with sweat. "You…you're mean and…and you don't share your huge penis with the less fortunate," she stammered.

Shunsui couldn't help but be amused. It was like she was drunk. He cocked an eyebrow. He thought he was being rather considerate, but if she wanted to see just how mean he could be he'd be more than happy to show her.

She started to speak again, spouting more mindless nonsense. "I bet Jushiro's nice," she slurred. "He'd probably give me some—OH, SHIT! Daddy!"

His monstrous member was inside her before she even knew what was happening. Yoruichi screamed at the sudden intrusion, and then snapped her mouth shut.

Shunsui paused a moment, so did Yoruichi. 'What the fuck did I just say?'

A blatant smirk spread across his face. "You talk too much, pussycat," Shunsui whispered seductively in her ear. Her only reply was a soft whimper. "Isn't this what you wanted?" he asked her. "To be fucked." He pulled out slowly, only to ram back into her harder than he had the first time. She screamed out and dug her nails into his bare back, completely forgetting about her slip-up.

Yoruichi's clouded mind cleared instantly. He was big… too big. It was the most amazing pain she'd ever felt. She shifted her hips trying to get a better angle. Nothing worked.  She thought briefly about yelling strawberries, but decided against it.  He probably thought she was crazy enough as it was. 

"Don't run." His warm breath caressed her neck, sending a shiver through her body. There was an unfamiliar look in his eyes that made her heart pound with excitement. She liked this Shunsui.

He drew back, bringing Yoruichi's legs up straight in front of him before pressing them down until her knees rested comfortably on her face. Her flexibility was definitely appreciated. He pushed into her again, but only about halfway. He wasn't trying to kill her after all, just teach her. The torturously slow pace Shunsui kept made Yoruichi want to blow her brains out. He'd bring her right to the edge and then back off.

"Please," she begged.

He slowly pushed in again. "Please what?"

Shunsui watched as Yoruichi gritted her teeth and plastered that stubborn look on her face. He slammed into her hard, knocking that expression clean off.

"Let me cum!" she blurted.

Without saying a word he flipped her over onto her stomach. He spread her legs and bent them in, resting her feet on his stomach. Then he snatched her arms back, pulling her chest up off the bed, holding her wrists together with one hand. The position was odd and surprisingly one Yoruichi had never been in before. She soon found out it was one of the few positions she'd be able to take all of him in.

Twelve positions and three orgasms later Yoruichi could barely see straight. She was so weak she couldn't even roll over with her own strength. She just lay in one of the many wet spots she'd made on the bed with her eyes closed, panting heavily. He was a freak of nature. He hadn't even come once… not once. She hadn't been this exhausted since Kisuke had wanted to try a toy he'd made on her that was filled with his reiatsu. She was pulled from her thoughts by Shunsui's fingers slipping between her cheeks.

"Shunsui, no. Please." She knew she was bitching out, but she just couldn't take any more. She managed to turn and look over her shoulder at an honestly shocked-looking Shunsui. Maybe he thought he'd heard her wrong. "I can't take any more," she repeated a little louder.

He paused for a moment, but then continued prodding at her second entrance.

"AHHHHHHHHH," she screamed at the top of her lungs, reaching an all-time low. She hoped to god that Lisa had not stayed to record this. Of course the situation didn't warrant such a reaction, but since she couldn't move, that was her only defense.

Shunsui slapped her hard on the ass, barely holding in a laugh. "Shut up."

"Please don't split me in half," she pleaded, still a little breathless.

Shunsui nodded, eliciting a sigh of relief from the Flash Goddess. He got to his feet. "You want a drink?"

He took her grunt as a yes and left the room, returning moments later with the Gentleman Jack she'd brought for him in one hand and a glass of water for her in the other. As soon as he laid eyes on her he knew she was asleep. Smiling as he sat the drinks down, he went to finally cut the shower off. Upon reentering the room, he covered Yoruichi up with his kimono and gingerly picked her up, cradling her in his arms like a newborn. They could sleep in one of the other rooms since his bed was probably soaked through. Kyoraku paused when he got to the door and turned slightly.

"Feel free to join us next time, Lisa," he called out of the open window, then turned and exited the room.

A/N: Is my fangirl showing? ANYWAY, Moral of the story? You can't pimp a pimp. I have to say, I absolutely love this pairing now. By the way, the song the girls were singing is actually a song from the movie The Sweetest Thing, it's called The penis song if you want to look it up.